If You Don't Understand Women
Keywords
and their meanings:
"Fine":
This
is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about
but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will
cause you to have one of those arguments.
"Five
minutes": This
is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is
going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"Nothing":
This
means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument
that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
"Go
Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This
is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
"Go
Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This
means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't
care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
"Loud
Sigh" : This
is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood
by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that
moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with
you over "Nothing".
"Soft
Sighs": Again,
not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to
not move or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh":
This
word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get
that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last
night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to
the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is
done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you
for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies
that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you
will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable
that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's
Okay": This
is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future
when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.
"Please
Do": This
is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up
with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have
done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't
get a "That's Okay".
"Thanks":
A
woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome.
"Thanks
a lot": This
is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a
lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt
her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will
only tell you "Nothing".
I
hope this clears up any misunderstandings...