From a bloke who's had enough
If
you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
Learn
to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.
If
you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
Don’t
cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their
hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
Birthdays,
Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
gift, yet again!
If
you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t
want to hear.
Sometimes,
we’re not thinking about you. Live with it. Don’t ask us what we’re
thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such Topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation, pro wrestling or monster trucks.
Sunday
sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping
is not a sport, and no, we’re never going to think of it that way.
When
we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really
You
have enough clothes.
You
have too many shoes.
Ask
for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t work.
Strong hints don’t work. Really obvious hints don’t work. Just say it!
No,
we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the
calendar.
Peeing
standing up is more difficult than point-blank range. We’re bound to miss
sometimes.
Most
guys own three pairs of shoes what makes you think we’d be any good at helping
you choose which pair, out of thirty, would look best with your dress?
\"Yes\"
and \“No\” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come
to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A
headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Foreign films are
best left to foreigners.
Check
your oil.
It
is neither in your best interest, nor ours, to take the quiz together. No, it
doesn’t matter Which quiz.
Anything
we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null
and void after 7 days.
If
something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad
or angry, we meant the other one.
Let
us ogle. We’re going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
You
can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
Whenever
possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
All
men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
If
it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer
is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If
we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s
wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.
What the hell is a doily