Better to be a Bloke (Part 1)
| 1. Phone conversations last 30 seconds. 2. You know useful stuff about tanks and aeroplanes. 3. Queues for the loo are 80% shorter. 4. You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go. 5. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 6. You never have to clean the toilet. 7 Wedding plans take care of themselves. 8. Chocolate is just another snack. 9. Flowers (or duct tape) fix everything. 10. You never have to worry about anyone else's feelings. 11. Same work - more pay. 12. If you don't call your friend when you say you will, he won't tell everyone that you've changed. 13. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 14. You can drive a car. 15. Even in a crowded car park. 16. You don't need a second opinion to know if your bum looks big in what you're wearing. 17. You can buy the first thing you see without having to come back three hours later. 18. Match of the Day. 19. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21. Old friends don't give you shit if you've lost or gained weight. 22. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind. 23. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. 24. Your bum and your chest are never factors in job interviews 25. All your orgasms are real. 26. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. 27. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 28. People expect you to masturbate. 29. You can go the toilet without a support group. 30. Your last name stays put. |
31. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. 32. When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. 33. You can kill your own food. 34. The garage is yours, all yours. 35. Baywatch. 36. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. 37. You can't get pregnant. 38. You can fart with impunity. 39. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. 40. Sex means never having to worry about your reputation. 41. You can get to places on time. 42. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 43. Timetables and fax machines don't confuse you. 44. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny. 45. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. 46. You don't have to shave below your neck. 47. People aren't talking about you all the time. 48. If you're 34 and single, nobody gives a toss. 49. You can write your name in the snow. 50. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub. 51. Everything on your face stays its original colour. 52. You can get through a day off work without daytime television. 53. The offside rule is not a mystery to you. 54. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. 55. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours (and 100% of your sleeping hours) 56. You can wear a white shirt in the rain. 57. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough for most of your life. 58. You can boast about the number of people you've slept with. 59. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. 60. Foreplay is optional. |