Ok, for those of you that don't know, Mom died Jan 04. It was a great relief because she was suffering but, despite all the problems we'd had over the years, it broke my heart. I'm still not over it. In addition, my COPD and my IPF have become much worse, making it difficult for me to even walk around the house much less get anything else accomplished. In a way, all these thngs have been devastating but they have also given me some important insights into myself and what is really important to me. I started thinking about what I would do if this were my last year of this life. Consequently, I have decided to make a couple of important changes.
First, I have decided not to finish the Ph.D. degree. I still lack too much on the dissertation, I no longer have the stamina to teach anyway, and I want to spend whatever time remains to me doing things that make me feel happy and accomplished and satisfied. Studying Progressive Era women's education in Texas just does not do it for me anymore. I'm not sure it ever really did, and since the goal (teaching) is no longer valid, the effort seems a waste of further time and energy.
Second, to maximize the quality and quantity of whatever is left of this life I have decided to try and get myself into the best shape possible. That means eating right, doing whatever I can to strengthen my muscles (no, not aerobics--not enough air"o" to spare"o"), strengthening my spirit through meditation, magick, and energy-work.
Third, I'm going to start getting out more often and try to make new friends, especially since I'll soon become a paraiah among my History colleagues. I'm going to let all the friendships that are based on anything other than true affection and respect lapse. I just don't see the point in trying to maintain that facade of aquaintance that substitutes for real friendship in most of my relationships. Further, I'm going to try and be a better friend to those around me that I truly care about. That means most of you.
Fourth and last, I'm going to get a 'real job' at last. I'm already applying everywhere that I think I have a prayer of getting hired--and some places where I probably don't have a prayer, considering that I've spent the last seven years of my life almost solely in a fruitless pursuit of Ph.D'dom. I already have a couple of people who have volunteered to serve as reference--since none of my former professors will be willing to vouch for me once I quit the program--but if any of you would be willing to serve it would be greatly appreciated and reciprocated.
Well, that's it for now. I'll try and keep everyone updated on my progress but between wading through mom's estate (I"m the executor), trying to find a job, and implementing my new self-improvement program I may falter. If so, kick me in the butt every once in awhile to make sure I still kick back, ok?
