If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is that people will do anything, say anything, believe anything to rationalize not doing what they don't want to do. I am very very sick. I cannot take ten steps without getting dizzy and gasping for breath. My doctor wants to put me in the hospital and I refuse to go because I'm trying to save what money I have to buy a house for my son to live in with me until I die and then live in by himself afterwards.
I live with two able-bodied adult children. Yet I am living in absolute filth, sleeping on sheets that I puked on four days ago, wearing my absolute last clean pair of pajamas, and eating 2 day old biscuits because I have no food left in the house. I have a load of laundry moldering in the dryer, I have a month worth of trash spilling out of the bedroom trashcan onto the floor, I have several plants that are in serious danger of croaking, I have had a backache for the last week but no heating pad to relax the muscles because my daughter 'borrowed' it and now can't seem to remember to find it and return it. All of this because neither one of my kids will step up to the plate to help me do the things I really need done.
Aubrey did the dishes and mowed the front lawn. She took me to an interview this morning and to the doctor afterwards. She called in sick yesterday when it looked like I might have to go to the hospital. Then today, I had to cancel a second appt. because she was screaming and throwing a fit over her hair and over being tired as we were supposed to be walking out the door to get going. Richard brought me my phone and then went to his room, letting me know that he wasn't going to be available to help any longer. Of course, Richard need nothing from me right now. Indeed, he is avoiding finding his checkbook so he can pay me the rent for the month. Aubrey, for the third time out of the last four paychecks, is bumming money off of me to buy cigarettes and gas. You might say she has a vested interest in at least trying to pretend she gives a shit at the moment.
I told her they were both selfish and that I believed that if she had her own money right now she wouldn't have even helped me yesterday or today. She doesn't see it that way and, in fact, told me not too long ago that she thinks I have an obligation to help her. If I have an obligation to help her why does she not have any obligation toward me? I wonder how she'd feel if suddenly her cell phone didn't work and she was cut off internet access. I'm seriously thinking about it. Hell, I'm seriously thinking about cutting them both off. Period. For good.
On a happier note, I just got a call and I start work later this week. Now if I can only get my health good enough to work by Thursday or so.
