Disclaimer: The concept and the people in the story are fictional and the property of several production companies. I only borrow them and return them unharmed and unmarked. No money is made of the story and no infringement is meant.

This story contains spoilers for: Frame Up (NCIS), Run Silent, Run Deep and All Access

 

*Chapter 6 – Reconnecting for a night*

 

+Washington DC+

 

They hadn’t gotten a second alone together since Tony had been released and he ached for a moment with Jethro. He needed just a second to feel his lover’s arms around him, to hear him say that everything was over, that it was alright again, that they were safe. But the aftermath was endless and when Fornell left for good, Tony felt drained. He sank into his chair and stared at his gun and his badge. It had been the first thing that Gibbs had done after they had walked back into the NCIS office, and Tony knew the significance of his lover handing him both his gun and his badge back. It had been the tangible proof of Jethro’s trust in him.

 

He also knew that it was more. The two items represented who he was. They made him an NCIS agent; they made him one of Gibbs’ people.

 

“Agent DiNozzo, what are you doing here?”

 

Hearing the director’s sharp voice wasn’t his favorite thing in a good day and he certainly hadn’t had a good day today, and so he barely looked up. He didn’t trust her as far as he could toss her, but he knew that as long as she saw him as a dumbass playboy, he was safe. “I’m finishing my report.”

 

Her eyes were cold as she fixated on him and pointed towards the elevator.

 

“You are suspended until further notice. Your involvement with the killer will be the matter of an internal investigation, and until the investigation is finished I do not want to see you in this building.”

 

Her words were like a slap in his face, but before Tony could even think of anything to say, Gibbs interrupted their conversation. “There will be no investigation. Tony had nothing to do with Chip. Stop your witch hunt, Jen.”

 

Jethro wasn’t even trying to be polite, and Tony almost held his breath when the director turned towards his lover, but Jethro simply fixed her with a cold glare and continued. “Call it off, Jen, or I’ll call them and tell them to make sure they check how it was possible for Chip to get a job here...”

 

It was a clear threat and Tony tensed as the implications of what Jethro had said settled in his brain. He hadn’t thought that far ahead yet, but now that he did he shivered. His eyes met Jethro’s, and he saw the steel hardened determination. “Go home, DiNozzo; you’ve had a lousy day. Take tomorrow off and relax. I’ll see you on Monday in the office.”

 

They all had had a lousy day, Tony thought. But he didn’t say it; instead, he shut down his computer and presented a sloppy salute to Jethro. The look he got from the director made him almost smile, but the fire in Jethro’s eyes made him shiver. The blue eyes were burning and the longing and possessiveness in them floored him. “Thanks, Boss, I'll see you.”

 

He left and got into his car to drive home, but as soon as he sat inside he saw the carpet on the floor, and the reality of what had happened today crashed onto him. Tony clutched the wheel like a lifeline as his body started to tremble. He didn’t cry, but the desperate shivering didn’t stop and Tony didn’t dare start the car. He was in no condition to drive and with an effort he got himself under control enough to get out. His hands were trembling as he reached for his phone and called a cab.

 

Tony held on to the frail control on the short ride home. He even managed to chat amicably with the driver, but the mask fell as soon as he had closed the door behind his back. The trembling and shivering started again and this time he didn’t hold the tears back. He leaned against the wall until his legs couldn't hold him up anymore, but as he started to slide down along the wall, he was stopped by two strong arms. Tony tensed and froze, but the soft kiss to his temple made him sigh and relax.

 

“Shhh... I’ve got you. I’m here.”

 

Jethro’s voice penetrated the trembling and Tony relaxed slowly. He tried to smile, but it didn’t work and he shook his head in defeat. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what that was.”

 

Somehow he expected to see contempt at his breakdown in Jethro’s eyes, but to his surprise he saw nothing but love, and once more he realized how deeply Jethro felt for him. He smiled again tentatively and reached out to caress Jethro’s face. “You got me out, just like you promised.”

 

The shudder that ran through Jethro was unexpected, but before Tony could dwell on it, his lover leaned down and captured his lips with his. Tony moaned at the possessiveness in Jethro’s kiss and the memory of the last day faded as his body woke and he hardened. “Make love to me.”

 

Jethro’s eyes met his as he smiled and nodded. “I will make you forget.”

 

---

 

Gibbs was still angry from his confrontation with Sheppard, but all his anger vanished as he opened Tony’s door and heard the desperate sobbing. Seeing Tony trembling, seeing his strength give in made him freeze, but as he realized that his lover was about to fall down, he moved over quickly and slid his arms around Tony. Tony tensed, but Gibbs didn’t even think about releasing him; instead, he kept Tony pressed against his body and softly kissed Tony’s temple. “Shhh... I’ve got you. I’m here.”

 

The loving words made Tony relax and Gibbs felt how he relaxed in turn when Tony looked up and met his eyes. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what that was.”

 

The confusion and shame in Tony’s eyes made his heart break once more. Did Tony really think that he was going to mock him for his beak down? The realization that Tony did indeed think that hit Gibbs hard, but even harder was the understanding that only a few months ago, Gibbs would have mocked him. He wanted to apologize, wanted to tell Tony that he would never laugh at him, but before he could say anything, Tony’s hands caressed his face and Gibbs shivered at the tender caress.

 

“You got me out, just like you promised.”

 

The whispered words woke the memories and the fears that had plagued him during Tony’s short stay at the holding cell. It provoked an instant reaction and he pressed Tony against his body. The feeling of his lover in his arms calmed his fears, and as he captured Tony’s lips, he had to reign in his possessiveness.

 

“Make love to me.”

 

Gibbs felt Tony tremble in his arms and as their eyes met. He saw the love, but also the fear in the hazel eyes, and he understood that Tony needed to forget. “I will make you forget.”

 

Tony smiled and Gibbs watched as the clouds of fear and sadness disappeared from his face. They moved towards the bedroom, stopping more than once to kiss and touch, and as they finally reached their destination, they were both breathing hard. Clothes were shed and Gibbs’ breath stopped as Tony lay back on the bed and spread his legs. His lover looked so wanton and yet so vulnerable, and Gibbs felt an almost desperate need to claim him as his.

 

“Make me yours.”

 

It was as if Tony had read his mind; the plea mirrored Gibbs’ wish, and he sighed deeply as he lowered himself onto the bed. Tony was beautiful with his strong, lean body stretched out on the white sheets, hazel eyes beckoning Gibbs to make his move. He smiled as he ran his hands over Tony’s soft skin, and Tony moaned as Gibbs tweaked his nipples. Gibbs was almost painfully aroused himself, not only from Tony’s touches or the way he looked, but even more from the knowledge that Tony really was his.

 

“Take me, please, don’t make me wait.”

 

The soft words were accompanied by Tony’s hands traveling down his spine, and Gibbs moaned as the strong fingers caressed his back. He shifted a bit in order to get the lube and a condom, but Tony had already thought ahead and Gibbs grinned as he felt the lube being spread onto his fingers. Tony once more spread his legs and bared himself in the most vulnerable way. Gibbs shivered at the erotic sigh and carefully prepared his lover. Tony’s body opened for him and as always Gibbs felt both humbled and aroused at the feeling of those strong muscles yielding to his touch. Tony cried out and bucked his hips, and his eyes were glassy as he grabbed Gibbs’ hand. “Enough, I want to feel you.”

 

Withdrawing from Tony to pull a condom over his cock produced a whimper, and once again he felt a hand stop him. Looking up, he met Tony’s eyes and saw the love in them. “You, Jethro; no rubber, no condom, just you, Jethro.”

 

Gibbs’ heart stopped at the promise behind the words and he nodded slowly. “Just me.”

 

Sliding into Tony was wonderful; it was heat and tightness and it made him cry out with bliss and love. He could read every emotion in Tony’s face and the primal desire to possess took over as he shoved in hard and simultaneously leaned down to suck at his lover’s collarbone.

 

“Jethro, oh God...” He heard Tony’s scream as he touched the hard cock and started to jerk it in time with his thrusts. There was such a deep longing in him, such a need to have Tony as his forever that he screamed and fought when he felt his body start to tingle and shudder. Tony cried his name again and as Gibbs felt Tony’s body clench around him, he was lost. He thrust in once or twice more, before he too started to shake uncontrollably and with a moan he spilled his essence into Tony’s body.

 

“Oh God...” Tony’s eyes were dark as Gibbs opened his own eyes again and his hands traced small circles on Gibbs’ back. “I can feel you in me.”

 

The words woke Gibbs from his post-orgasmic haze and he lifted his head as he watched his lover’s sated face. They were still connected and the sated expression told Gibbs all he needed to know. Tony was his.

 

---

 

*New York*

 

By the time Mac had finished his paperwork and was on his way home, his body was tight with anticipation and arousal. He had instructed Danny to get home and prepare himself for a session, but he hadn’t told his lover what to use. Now he wondered how his partner would look when he walked into their bedroom. Mac himself already knew what he wanted from Danny today and he smiled as he felt himself harden further.

 

They had started to play with bondage and D/S a couple of months ago at Danny’s insistence. His lover had seen the desire to possess and dominate in Mac, and instead of being disgusted with him, he had urged Mac to let it out and trust Danny. Mac had been afraid at first, scared that he would hurt Danny, that he would wake memories of Danny’s past, but when he had given into Danny’s wish, he had found out that Danny’s need to submit to him was as deep as his own need to claim.

 

Mac opened the bedroom door and gasped. Danny was kneeling next to the bed, naked; his hands were clasped behind his back and his eyes were hidden by a blindfold. Mac closed the door soundlessly and walked over to the bed so that he could look at Danny. His lover had bound his own cock with a silver cockring and Mac saw how the thick column of flesh was already leaking at the tip. He shivered as he noticed the tense lines in Danny’s body and understood the tension as he saw that his lover had inserted a large purple dildo into his body. Mac smiled silently; Danny had indeed prepared himself, but he had obviously not expected Mac to stay as long in the office as Mac had ended up staying.

 

Mac saw how the dildo started to vibrate slowly and watched silently as Danny’s body jerked helplessly under the sensual assault. Some part of him wanted to watch for a bit longer, but another more eager part yearned to caress the tense body and he moved silently as he undressed. A low moan brought his attention back to Danny and once again he admired his lover before he walked closer and gently moved his hands from his shoulders over his arms to his backside. Danny’s reaction was immediate as he exhaled deeply and shuddered.

 

“Mac.” It wasn’t a question, nor was it a plea. It was just a statement, almost as if Danny was acknowledging Mac’s ownership over him.

 

“You look beautiful, Danny.” Mac kneeled down beneath his lover and started to move his hands over Danny’s body, caressing the soft muscles and at the same time he made sure that he didn’t touch Danny’s hot spots. He watched how Danny calmed under the soothing touches and waited until his lover relaxed completely before he pulled the dildo from Danny’s body and replaced it with three fingers. Danny cried out at the sudden penetration and Mac watched how even more liquid seeped from his lover’s bound cock. “I want you to get onto the bed on your hand and feet, but make sure that you don’t remove my fingers.”

 

Danny shivered, but he moved according to Mac’s words, and Mac felt both pride and desire as Danny settled onto the bed without dislodging his fingers. He got onto the bed himself and quickly cuffed Danny so that he could move his hands to the headboard, but not to his own cock. With one hand still buried deep inside Danny, he moved Danny’s legs apart with the other and leaned down to lick at the quivering ring of muscles. Danny whimpered and Mac smiled at the near desperate sound. He took another swipe with his tongue, before he removed his fingers.

 

“Do you want me?”

 

He felt Danny go still on the bed and saw the shudder that ran through him at the question. “Please, Mac, please...”

 

Mac hadn’t expected the heat that ran through him at the pleading words and he leaned down and bit hard onto the tender skin on Danny’s neck. “You’re mine.”

 

Danny shivered and moaned and Mac kissed the abused skin. He took Danny with one hard thrust and reveled in the scream that was torn from his partner. Buried deep inside Danny, he waited for a moment before he kissed Danny’s back again. “I’ll take care of you.”

 

Once more he kissed his lover and started to move slowly. “I take care of my own.”

 

---

 

“You’re mine.”

 

Mac’s words as he slid into his body made Danny’s head spin. He had no idea how long he had waited for his lover, neither did he know how long Mac had been in the room watching him. He felt the hard flesh inside his body move so deeply in his core that he wanted to cry at how right it felt.

 

“Yours.” His answer was instinctive and he gave Mac everything. Danny felt how he fell apart under the skillful thrusts, the long hard pushes at his sweetest point. The emotions were almost too much, the pleasure already bordering on pain as Mac’s hand closed around his bound cock and caressed it. Danny gritted his teeth, but as Mac’s teeth once more nipped at his shoulder blade, his control shattered. “Please, Mac… please, let me..”

 

Mac’s cry of completion made him trail off with a whimper that was both satisfied and pained. The heat that flooded his body from where they were connected almost brought him to the brink, but when Mac moved and uncuffed him, Danny grew alarmed.

 

“Shh... it’s alright, turn around.”

 

Trusting Mac and following his order was an instinctive reaction, and Danny heard the sharp intake of breath when he held his hand up as soon as he was lying on his back. Mac cuffed him again and caressed his face. “Close your eyes.”

 

Danny felt the blindfold being removed and waited a couple of seconds before he blinkingly opened his eyes. Mac’s eyes were warm and loving as he leaned down and kissed one of Danny’s nipples. It was like an electric shock when Mac’s hand gripped Danny’s cock hard. He cried out, but the cry died down to a whimper when the ring was removed. Danny tensed as Mac continued to stroke him while he watched Danny closely. Every nerve in Danny’s body screamed for completion, but he didn’t dare to come unless Mac told him so. Danny whimpered as the slow torturing strokes continued, and he cried out as he suddenly felt another toy penetrate his loosened hole. It was cold and he yelped, but as he understood he shook his head and grinned despite the desperate pleasure that ripped through him. “Mac?”

 

His lover smiled at him as he removed the dildo and shoved it back in within seconds. Danny felt Mac’s breath at his ear as he whispered. “It was your idea, Danny, remember? It was you who said that we should have one toy in the fridge, to scare Don...”

 

Danny whimpered as his prostate was again stroked and slowly he felt himself losing the control over his body. He tried, trembled and fought when Mac’s hand caressed his face gently.

 

“You’re such a wonderful lover. Come for me, Danny.”

 

As soon as Mac had spoken his words, Danny gave in and his body was jerking in his bonds. He was shivering and crying out as the pent up emotions and the long awaited pleasure flooded his body. He felt Mac’s arms around him, felt a soft warm tongue lapping at his come and then everything went dark.

 

As he opened his eyes again, he was under the cover, clean and in Mac’s arms. Mac was watching him with loving eyes and Danny smiled. “Thank you.”

 

He snuggled closer to Mac who chuckled a bit. ”I thought you don’t snuggle.”

 

Normally Danny would have argued, but he was too satisfied, too tired to care and so he just shrugged. “Only with you.”

 

Mac kissed his head. “I love you.”

 

---

 

Nick was sleeping and the soft noises of his breathing rang though the dark room. Don pulled the slender body closer and took a deep breath. He wanted to breathe Nick in, wanted to be as close to his lover as possible, and with that thought, he pushed himself up on one elbow and looked at Nick.

 

His lover’s face was bare of emotions and he looked younger and much more vulnerable than during the day. Don’s heart stopped for a second as he remembered their love making only hours ago. It had been tender and yet so passionate. Nick had mapped Don’s body with his hands and lips had focused completely on his lover and Don had only been able to take what ever Nick gave. Nick always gave everything when they made love. Don had never before had a lover who was this concentrated on his needs and desires. It had changed the way Don made love and Don smiled as his eyes trailed over Nick’s sleeping body. It was impossible not to reciprocate, not to give as much as Nick did.

 

To hear Nick cry out his name in passion had long ago become Don’s favorite sound, and he sought it whenever they were together. They didn’t play games. Danny had told him about the scenes he and Mac had done, but Don couldn’t imagine wanting that from Nick or Nick wanting it from him.

 

It wasn’t that they weren’t possessive; both of their bodies showed plenty of marks that declared the other’s ownership. Don loved seeing the love bites on his body, loved knowing that Nick sported matching bruises, but he didn’t have the desire to dominate Nick.

 

His lover... They were together for almost a year now. Don’s hand caressed Nick’s face gently and a wry smile crossed his face as he thought back to their first meeting.

 

He had disliked Nick at first, not because of him, but because of what he represented. He had seen Nick as Aiden’s replacement and had decided that he would not like him. But when they had shaken hands it had happened: Nick’s eyes had met his and he had fallen in love.

 

Nick mumbled something in his sleep and a frown marred his peaceful face. Don leaned down, kissing his brow and soothing his partner with loving words. Nick calmed almost instantly, and as always the trust in the simple action made Don fall in love all over. Still watching Nick, he thought back to the case when Nick had broken down and the memory alone made him hold onto Nick tighter.

 

They had been in a close underground tunnel. Nick had processed the body when the light had gone out, and by the time Don had gotten his flashlight on, Nick had already been trapped in his memories. Seeing Nick like that, seeing his terror and pain had broken Don’s heart, and as he had held Nick close to his body, he had finally admitted that he loved Nick.

 

Back then he hadn’t known about the ordeal that Nick had gone through, had had no idea that his beloved had endured terrors which he couldn’t even imagine. He had gone to Nick that night and they had talked. Nick had told him about his abduction and the burial, and Don had not been able to hide how he felt.

 

Nick turned in his sleep and snuggled closer, so that his face was resting against Don’s neck. Don smiled at the air that caressed his skin every time Nick exhaled, and he moved his arm so that he could hold his partner.

 

They hadn’t made love together that night, but they had slept in each other’s arms. Don hadn’t understood back then what a precious gift a night of undisturbed sleep had been for Nick. He knew now though, and once again he pressed Nick against his body while he finally admitted to himself the real reason for staying awake.

 

He was afraid that Nick would have another nightmare.

 

Kelly Gordon’s journey to New York, Grissom’s betrayal of Nick’s trust and the revelation that a second person had been involved in the abduction... It was a mix that screamed for a nightmare and Don wanted to be prepared. He wanted Nick to know that he would always be there for him, that he would not leave him or betray him.

 

“And I’ll always be there for you.”

 

Nick’s answer made Don smile as he watched his lover walk towards Mac and the crime scene. He shook his head at their obvious sappiness and turned towards their witness when squealing tires and Nick’s scream made him jerk back again. He was reaching for his weapon and firing at the dark van within seconds, but the car never stopped and the last he saw was Nick’s terrified face as two masked men forced him to get into a glass box. Don dropped his weapon and screamed Nick’s name in anguish while he ran after the car. He knew what the men would do and he couldn’t let it happen. He had promised Nick to keep him safe.

 

“Nick... no...” His scream faded into thin air and Don realized that he too was trapped in a box, that he too was buried, and as he turned his head, he froze. Nick’s coffin was right next to his, and Don screamed with despair as Nick shivered and their eyes met.

 

Nick’s dark eyes were so full of terror, but as he saw Don, he tensed and screamed something. Don saw that seeing him had not calmed Nick, but horrified him even more. He wanted to reach out and hold Nick, but the walls between them were solid and as he put his hands at the glass, he watched as Nick put his own hands at the same place. There was no warmth, no touch, nothing but the cold glass and Don was helpless. He could only watch as Nick’s body started to convulse, as his lover fought for air and unable to do anything, he cried out in agony.

 

---

 

Don’s scream woke Nick immediately. He tensed as he felt the shudders that ran through Don and he slowly moved away from his lover in order to be able to wake him. Don’s face was a mask of terror and pain, and Nick suddenly understood that the revelations of the day were taking their toll on Don. His heart broke at the shivers that made Don’s body tremble, and he reached out to wake and calm him when Don extended his hands in a plea and cried out. “No!”

 

Desperate sobs that were Nick’s name followed the tortured scream, and Nick captured Don’s hand while he caressed Don’s face and called his name until the blue eyes opened and his lover looked at him. For a moment Nick feared that Don was still trapped in his nightmare, but the eyes cleared immediately and Don pressed Nick against his body. “Nick.” Don spoke his name like a prayer, and Nick shivered as Don repeated the one word over and over again, while his hands moved over Nick’s face almost as if he needed to make sure that Nick was real.

 

“I’m here, I’m okay, and I won’t leave you.” His soothing words calmed Don slowly until he looked up and met Nick’s eyes. Nick swallowed hard at the mix of love and fear that he saw in the blue depths and slowly he reached out and cupped Don’s face. “You were dreaming of me.”

 

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, but Don nodded nonetheless. They held each other and Nick waited for Don to speak. It was weird how their roles were reversed now, but Nick didn’t think about it. All he concentrated on was making sure that Don was okay.

 

“I was there. They had me in a box right next to you. I saw you, but I couldn’t help you. I watched as your air ran out...” Don’s voice broke, but he composed himself and Nick felt sadness and pride at Don’s strength and obvious pain. “You died in front of my eyes and I couldn’t do anything.”

 

Nick remained silent, but he took Don’s hand and held it against his own chest. He knew that Don could feel the steady beating of his heart and as his lover relaxed, Nick began to speak. “I didn’t die. I am here with you. I survived.”

 

A sudden thought made him smile and he pressed Don’s hand that lay still on his chest. “I fought hard that night, but I would fight even more now. I would never give up, because I have to return to you.”

 

He wasn’t sure if his words were helping Don or not, but as he felt the tension leave the strong body next to him, he knew that Don understood. “Kelly Gordon can’t scare me anymore.”

 

Nick felt Don go still. He held his breath when Don’s arms moved around him and moaned lightly when Don’s lips found his.

 

“I am with you, I won’t leave.” He spoke slowly and as soon as he had finished, Don’s lips captured his again. The kiss was tender, but turned more and more passionate by the moment. They both were hard and aching when they separated for some air and their lovemaking was tinged with the memory of Don’s nightmare as he clung onto Nick almost desperately, begging with his voice and his body until Nick slid into him and they were whole.

 

Nick lay awake afterwards, holding Don and watching his lover until his own body demanded rest. He fell asleep in Don’s arms and marveled at how it was possible that he was both holding Don and being held at the same time.

 

---

 

Olivia woke confused, not really understanding what had woken her, when the doorbell rang again. She frowned as she got up and cautious as she was, she grabbed her gun before she opened the door. She was prepared for a lot, but not for seeing Elliot standing at her door. He was drenched and pale, his eyes full of shadows and sadness. Her heart went out to him and she pulled him inside without a word.

 

“I’m sorry to wake you. I didn’t know where to go...”

 

Olivia steered him towards the bath where she handed him a towel and told him to get out of the wet clothes. Her mind was racing as she searched for an old pair of sweat pants and an even older t-shirt that her last boyfriend had left behind. Elliot’s appearance could only mean one thing; his wife had kicked him out. Olivia had expected something like that to happen soon, but had hoped against all hope that they would find a way back to each other. Elliot loved his family, needed them to function, and Olivia sighed as she waited for her partner to come back into the living room. He walked inside, still pale, but much calmer.

 

“She has a lover.” His words were like explosives being dropped in the middle of the room, and Olivia stared at him in shock. “She’s been accusing me of sleeping with you for months now, but instead she’s the one who has an affair.”

 

Again her heart ached for him, but still she remained silent. There was nothing she could say, but when he met her eyes she saw that he understood her silence.

 

“Can I stay here for a night?”

 

How could he even ask? She did reach out then and pressed his hand gently. “I have a free room. Be my guest for as long as you need.”

 

He sagged in relief and she was glad that she could help him at least a bit. A wry smile crossed her face as he walked towards the guest room. She would have to talk with him tomorrow, and she would have to talk with Alex.

 

She didn’t want them to scare each other in the middle of the night.

 

---

 

*Chapter 7 – Past imperfect*

 

+New York+

 

“What do you have?” Olivia’s words echoed through the hallway and as she walked closer to her destination, she could smell the scent of death and blood in the shabby hotel room. She looked around while a uniformed officer at the door briefed Elliot. Her partner’s face was grave as he listened to the officer’s description. “White female about thirty possibly younger, no ID on her. She was shot twice in the chest, there are traces of semen present.”

 

Sharing a look, Elliot and Olivia walked into the bedroom and she sighed at the rumpled sheets and the torn dress their victim wore. The coroner looked up and smiled sadly. “Two shots, one was fatal however I can’t tell you more right now...”

 

Olivia walked closer and looked at the victim’s hands. She noticed the rough skin and the carefully painted nails. No signs of a fight or a struggle, she thought, as she watched Elliot look around the small hotel room. “Raped?”

 

The coroner shrugged. “Definitely had sex shortly before her death, but I couldn’t say whether if it was rape or rough sex.”

 

The body was covered and the paramedics carried her away. Olivia’s eyes followed her as two members of the CSI team came inside. Not Taylor’s guys, she thought, and smiled inwardly at the tiny bit of relief she felt. She liked the people in Taylor’s team, but with their very active approach and their top professionalism, she always felt like a slacker when working with them. Elliot had once said it very pointedly. “Working with the Taylor boys and girls is like having a group project with your teacher.”

 

The young Asian was already taking pictures and she went over to Elliot, when the manager walked into the room. “They said you were looking for me?”

 

Olivia introduced herself and started to ask some questions, but before she could even start, the man interrupted her. “All I know is that she registered under the name of Emily Griffins. She checked in about a week ago and paid cash upfront for a month.”

 

Elliot had appeared in the door, holding what looked like a photo album in his hands. At Olivia’s nod, he stepped closer and listened to the rest of the manager’s explanation. “Said she had lost her ID and that she was getting a new one. I know I shouldn’t have let her stay, but she looked lost and was drenched from the rain, so I told her she could show me later...”

 

It probably had had more to do with the cash he’d received than the lost look of the woman, but Olivia kept her mouth shut as Elliot took over. “Did you ever see her with anyone?”

 

The receptionist frowned, then shook his head before he frowned again and shrugged. “Never with anyone, but I had Monday and yesterday off. You’d have to ask Jimmy for those days.”

 

Elliot nodded, but Olivia saw that he was uncharacteristically tense. “Does Jimmy have a last name and an address?”

 

They wrote down the address and left the flat in silence. Olivia waited until they were in the car before she turned towards Elliot. “What’s wrong?”

 

He didn’t answer; instead, he handed her the album he had found. Frowning at him, she pulled gloves out and opened the cover. Exchanging a surprised look with Elliot, she felt her partner’s tension creep into her body, too. Pager after page of the book was filled with pictures of the same person. Olivia swallowed hard; she knew the man on the photos and so did Elliot. They had worked with him on a couple of cases and Elliot played basketball with him.

 

The book was full of pictures of Nick Stokes.

 

---

 

Elliot hated cases like this, and as he walked into the office he already dreaded the call he would have to make as soon as possible. First, though, Cragen would want an update and he took the folder with the pictures of Stokes from Olivia and followed Cragen inside. “Called herself Emily Griffins. She was potentially raped and definitely shot. We have no ID on her as the hotel manager let her slip by.”

 

Cragen made some notes and nodded; Elliot coughed and put the folder onto the desk. “We found that in her room. It seems like she was stalking him.”

 

Cragen looked at him impatiently. “What else?”

 

Elliot pointed towards one of the pictures. “He’s a CSI. He works on Taylor’s team. His name is Nick Stokes.”

 

This time Cragen looked as if he had eaten something unpleasant. Elliot knew that Cragen hated cases like this as much as he did, but still his reaction was professional. “Have him come down, maybe he knows her.”

 

As they left the office, Fin was just walking over to them. “No Emily but Kelly... We got an ID on our victim. Her name is Kelly Gordon; she did some time in Nevada so her prints were on file.”

 

Olivia looked at Elliot and he sighed before he took one of the pictures from the folder and put it next to Kelly’s picture. “Before he came to New York, Nick Stokes worked with the Vegas CSI team.”

 

Munch studied the picture and looked at Elliot. His eyes were sharp and Elliot could almost see the thoughts running through them. He remained silent though until Munch nodded slowly. “He’s either a suspect or...”

 

“... a potential victim.” Olivia interrupted them and Elliot turned towards her. His blood froze at the drawings that Olivia had only now noticed. They too showed Stokes, but this time he was being tortured by a hooded person. Turning the page, Olivia revealed another painting which showed him trapped in some kind of a coffin and as the next page came up Elliot turned away. He knew and liked Stokes, and to see those sick fantasies made him feel ill.

 

“Well, whatever he is, we need to talk to him.” Cragen sounded less harsh than before and Elliot reached for the phone to call Nick.

 

---

 

“Good to see you again, Olivia. How are you?” Nick noticed the tension in the room and suddenly felt as if all eyes were on him. Frowning slightly, he walked towards Elliot and Fin and greeted them too before he was introduced to John Munch. It was all very friendly, but he felt that something was wrong and frowning once more, he followed Olivia and Elliot towards one of the meeting rooms. “What’s going on?”

 

Olivia and Elliot shared a look, and then Elliot took a picture from a folder and handed it to him. “Do you know her?”

 

Nick looked at the picture and gasped. Yes, he knew her and thanks to her father he would never forget her. For a moment his hand trembled as he fought against the memories. It had been months since he last had had a panic attack, but he could feel the warning signs and closing his eyes he fought the fear and the feeling of being trapped. A hand on his arm made him flinch and he almost jerked back when his eyes met Elliot’s.

 

“Nick, are you alright?”

 

Calming himself, he nodded and then slowly started to speak. “Her name is Kelly Gordon.”

 

Elliot nodded, but obviously wasn’t satisfied and Olivia handed him several pictures of himself. “Why would she stalk you?”

 

How had he ever thought that this nightmare could ever end? For a moment Nick stared at the photos of him and wanted to scream. He had moved across the country to get away from everything, had rebuilt his life in a foreign city and still the nightmare had caught up with him. He told himself to calm down, he had known that Kelly Gordon was in New York and it had not scared him. He had felt safe in the knowledge that he had dealt with the nightmares, but now confronted with the reality, he understood that although he had dealt with it, he had not forgotten it. He felt Olivia and Elliot look at him, and he met their eyes with a bitter smile as he began to explain.

 

“Her father believed that she was in prison because some CSIs had done sloppy work. It wasn’t true; instead it was evidence that the CSIs found which got her convicted. It didn’t matter though, because for him we were the one that had put his daughter into prison. She was abused by other prisoners while she was there and he was determined to get revenge and I happened to answer the call that night.”

 

The silence after his words was almost deafening and as Nick looked up he saw compassion in Stabler’s blue eyes and the same emotion in Olivia’s dark ones. The fact that the two cops believed him made him breathe a bit easier, but still it was hard to continue speaking. It didn’t matter that he had spoken about his ordeal to Mac, Danny or Don; those were his friends. This here was different and it was hard to talk about what had happened. “He abducted me from the scene and buried me alive. I woke up and was imprisoned in a glass coffin. He had left me a tape and my gun...”

 

A shiver went through Olivia and Nick smiled sadly. “On the tape he told me that it didn’t matter what I did, that no one was going to find me.” Nick swallowed hard as he remembered the words and with a slightly shaking voice he repeated them.

 

“Hi, CSI guy. You wondering why you're here? Because you followed the evidence. Because that's what CSIs do. So breathe quick, breathe slow, put your gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Any way you like, you're going to die here.”

 

Nick shivered and shook his head. “What I didn’t know back then was that he had a camera installed. My team could see me...”

 

Nick trailed off. Now that he had gotten over what had happened to him, it often felt as if his team had gone through an even worse nightmare. His thoughts went to Warrick and his heart wept at the memory of his best friend. “I lost a bet with a friend and because of that I went to the fake scene. He must have suffered so much...”

 

Elliot stopped him and Nick was grateful that he did because he could feel his voice breaking slowly and another shiver went through him.

 

“Did Kelly Gordon help your team find you?”

 

Nick shook his head. He didn’t know exactly what Kelly Gordon had done, but he knew that she had sent his team away. “No, she sent them back.”

 

---

 

Alex Cabot watched through the two-way mirror as Nick Stokes told Olivia and Elliot about his abduction and subsequent ordeal. He spoke calmly and only the tension in his shoulders and the hands that were balled to fists told her how hard it was for him to keep his composure. “Can you check whether he’s telling the truth?”

 

Cragen nodded, but at the same time shrugged. “Why would he invent such a story? It sounds like a motive to me, doesn’t it?”

 

Alex wasn’t so sure and without taking her eyes from the scene, she shook her head. “If the father was dead yes, but the daughter doesn’t make sense.”

 

Inside the room Elliot had obviously had similar thoughts as he asked about Walter Gordon. Stokes’ answer was slow; pained in the same way as it had been when he had spoken about the camera feed and his friend’s suffering. “He’d asked for 2 million ransom money, but when Gil Grissom brought it to him, Gordon blew himself up. The money was just another lure for the team; he wanted to kill Gil. He never intended for me to be found.”

 

Olivia was the one who asked the next question and Alex could see that both Olivia and Elliot were affected by Stokes’ tale, and she had to admit that it made her shiver too. It wasn’t so much what he had endured that rattled her, it was the fact that he was obviously more shaken about the pain it had caused his team and his friends. She noticed how Huang frowned and stared intently at Nick through the window. Confused at the frown she looked at their psychologist. “Is something wrong?”

 

Huang shook his head and looked at her. “No, it’s just interesting. Mr. Stokes has obviously dealt with what happened to him, but not with the effects it had on the people around him, most likely because the others haven’t dealt with it themselves. He is a very strong person, a very independent and strong mind.”

 

Alex had never heard Huang give such high praise. Her face must have shown her surprise and the psychologist smiled lightly. “Alex, what is the normal reaction you get when you talk to a victim?”

 

Thinking about his question, she shrugged. “They want revenge, comfort, someone to tell them that everything will be fine. They want anything, just anything that will make them feel better.”

 

He nodded at her answer. “And how often do you see a victim talk about the effect his or her suffering will have on his or her environment the other people, their friends?”

 

She understood then and nodded slowly. “What you’re telling me is that Stokes is pretty much over the abduction and therefore had no reason to want Kelly Gordon dead.”

 

He nodded slowly and Alex sighed as she listened again to the interview.

 

“Did you ever meet Kelly Gordon?”

 

Nick nodded to Alex’ surprise, but she guessed that there had been some trial or something. His answer though took her aback and showed her how she really didn’t know anything about Nick Stokes.

 

“After I got released from the hospital, I went to see her in prison. I don’t really know why, it... I guess I just wanted to understand...” He rubbed his hand over his face, but his eyes were dry and serious as he continued. “It made no sense then and still doesn’t make any now, but I felt like I could help her deal with it by speaking with her. She lost her father because he was an idiot. He tried to get revenge, but by doing so he left her completely alone. I just wanted to help... She didn’t want to speak with me and it was too early for me to understand. I left and I never saw her again.”

 

Huang had been right, Alex suddenly thought as his words about Stokes flittered through her mind.

 

"He is a very strong person, a very independent and strong mind.”

 

“Did you know that she was in New York?”

 

Nick nodded and smiled even though he shook his head. “Gil Grissom called Mac after the team in Vegas got informed that she had been released and left the stated in violation of her parole. Mac told me. He actually wanted to get you guys involved, because he feared that she was after me, but I told him not to bother you.”

 

He was silent for a second and then swallowed hard. “I didn’t know until Mac told me, but Walter Gordon wasn’t planning my abduction alone. When my old team processed the tape, they found a second voice on it. It couldn’t be identified yet. If you need any information, I think Mac has the details, or call Gil Grissom or Conrad Ecklie from CSI Las Vegas...”

 

Olivia pressed Nick’s hand almost in the same way she did when she talked to an abused child. Alex understood her and she saw that Elliot probably wanted to do the same. There was something about Nick Stokes that made her want to protect him and she knew already that she would hate it, should she have to prosecute him. Elliot was tense as he asked the next question and Alex knew that he hated himself for it. “Where were you last night?”

 

Stokes tensed for a moment, but maybe it was just her imagination, because as he spoke again his voice was calm.

 

“I was at home watching TV.”

 

Olivia and Elliot shared a look.

 

“Alone?”

 

This time he did tense and for a moment, Alex saw him hesitate, but in the end he looked straight at Elliot. “Yes”

 

Alex wanted to throw up. She had believed that Nick Stokes was innocent, but now she wasn’t so sure anymore. Because he had just lied to them, he had not been alone yesterday night.

 

But who had been with him?

 

---

 

+Washington DC+

 

Tony knew that people who didn’t know him and McGee probably thought they hated each other's guts. The way they worked together was very competitive, and especially in the beginning, Tony’s insecurities when faced with McGee’s stellar background had caused them to clash more than once. And yet the longer they had worked together, the better they did, and as much as Tony hated to admit it, in the end it had been Kate’s death that had made them become what they were now: friends.

 

Friends and yet not in the way Tony had become friends with Nick and Danny, not the instant clicking; instead, the professional respect they had for each other had grown into a liking and into an understanding.

 

Tony thought about the fact that he had indeed become friends with McGee while they drove towards their suspects home and argued about what kind of music was 'cool', not that McGee had any idea about cool music, but that didn’t matter. Tony loved music and for him it didn’t matter whether it was old-school-jazz or hip hop or pop as long as it was real and the performers knew what they did. McGee on the other hand was someone who thought boy bands singing Frank Sinatra songs were cool and trendy and so it was no big surprise that they were in the middle of a heated discussion when Gibbs stopped them abruptly. “One more word about music and you can walk.”

 

Exchanging a look with McGee, Tony scowled at his boss. “Come on, we have to concentrate on something other than your driving, if we want to survive the ride.”

 

Tony grinned while he said it, his voice exaggerating the annoyance, but his attempt at making a joke fell flat as Jethro’s eyes looked at him coldly. “You’re not funny, DiNozzo, and no one is interested in your taste in music.”

 

Jethro’s voice was flat, cold and hard. Tony tensed for a second and hurt flashed through him, but he kept calm and smiled while he searched Jethro’s eyes in the mirror. What he saw in them made his smile fade and he averted his eyes. Jethro had not looked amused or loving like he normally did, instead his eyes had been cold and without emotions. Retreating into a more silent mode, Tony pondered what he’d done wrong when Jethro stopped the car in front of a nice looking house.

 

“McGee, DiNozzo, you go to the back of the house. Ziva, you’re with me.”

 

Tony and McGee were right at the back when suddenly the door burst open and their suspect came running outside. Raising his weapon, Tony called for the man to freeze only to realize that McGee stood right in the light of fire. “McGee, move!”

 

McGee jerked around and dove to the ground, but their suspect was already too far away and Tony cursed loudly. “Son of a bitch!”

 

Right then Jethro came running through the house and as the blue eyes fixed on him, Tony could almost feel Jethro’s anger. He swallowed hard and inwardly braced himself while he waited for the dressing down he was going to get. Jethro glowered at the retreating figure of their suspect and then turned towards Tony and McGee.

 

“It was my mistake, I didn’t duck in time.” McGee’s honest confession made Jethro look at him sharply and Tony groaned silently.

 

“We’ll get him, Boss; we'll get him next time.”

 

He had meant to calm Jethro down, had hoped that his words would cut through the fog of anger that seemed to hang around his lover, but all he managed was to get the glare directed at him.  “Really? So, you’re saying that you won’t screw up next time?”

 

The head slap was expected, but the biting words weren’t, and for the second time this day Tony tensed. Jethro was once again looking at him with nothing but disapproval and annoyance in his blue eyes, while his voice was cold and hard. Outwardly Tony shrugged easily, but his heart hurt from the unexpected attack. He wanted to ask what he had done wrong, wanted to know what he could do to make Jethro look at him with love again, but the words didn’t come out.

 

There was a part of Tony that wanted nothing but to run away and hide. He couldn’t though, not without annoying Jethro even more and still he was quiet and walked into their office slower than the others giving him a moment of respite.

 

“DiNozzo!” Again the sharp voice and before Tony knew what had happened, Jethro had pushed him into an empty meeting room. Tony swallowed hard as he saw the tense lines in his lover’s body and silently praying that this wasn’t the end, he forced himself to look at Jethro silently.

 

“What’s wrong with you? You’re working sloppy, you’re endangering others and now this stunt?”

 

The accusation made him stand straighter, and although he didn’t know where he found the strength for it, he met Jethro’s eyes with a cold look. “There is nothing wrong with me. You’re trying to find faults in everything I do. Yes, we made a mistake and yes, the suspect is on the loose because of it, but Gibbs, I couldn’t shoot at him with McGee standing between the suspect and me.”

 

He wanted to say more, but Jethro cut him off sharply. “Stop the excuses; your performance has slipped since Chip and I won’t accept that.”

 

Tony felt something cold grow in his heart and averting his eyes, he looked at the floor for a moment, before he looked at his lover again. “Jethro, what is going on?”

 

He hated how insecure his voice sounded, but he was scared, scared that he was about to lose the most important person in his life. Jethro looked at him and for a second, Tony saw pain and fear flare up in the blue eyes before they turned cold again as Jethro shrugged. “You tell me; it’s your work that’s bad.”

 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Tony reached out to stop Jethro from leaving the room, but instead of stopping and indulging his need for contact, Jethro moved away. It hurt more than Tony could have said and as Jethro left the meeting room, Tony was still frozen at his spot with his hand extended offering comfort and love.

 

---

 

+New York+

 

“Do they consider you a suspect?”

 

Danny saw how Nick sighed and Don cursed loudly. Mac remained silent, but Danny could feel how tense his partner was. Nick had called them after his visit at the SVU’s offices and now the four of them were sitting in Don and Nick’s living room talking about the murder of Kelly Gordon.

 

“I’m not sure. I mean, I guess they do, but there’s surely no evidence to tie me to her.”

 

Surprisingly enough, Nick was the calmest of them. He had taken the news of Kelly’s death with more ease than Danny had expected him to, but still Danny could see that something bothered his friend.

 

“She had an entire book full of pictures of me.”

 

Don’s hand immediately gripped Nick’s leg tighter and Danny smiled as he saw how Nick soothingly caressed Don’s arm. At some point in their relationship, Don had become the one needing comfort when Nick’s past was mentioned and Danny still marveled at the strength of a bond that managed to hold despite all the strains it had been under.

 

“She’s been in New York and stalked you?”

 

It was the first time that Mac spoke and listening to the clipped tone, Danny sighed. His lover was under a lot of pressure and it didn’t help that Mac always felt personally responsible for everything that happened to his anyone in the team. Last night, he had heard Mac get up in the middle of the night and it had been a long time until his partner had returned to their bed. Danny knew that something was bothering Mac, but he had decided to wait until his lover felt ready to talk about it.

 

“It’s not the New York pictures that worry me, but she also had pictures from Las Vegas.”

 

He didn’t get the implications at first, but when he understood, Danny gasped. “But you left before she was paroled...”

 

Nick met his eyes and for the first time in the entire evening, Danny saw fear in his dark eyes as Nick finished his thought. “Which means that someone else took those pictures.

 

---

 

+Washington DC+

 

Gibbs sighed as he finally shut down his computer. They had finished the case a while ago and he had sent the team home to recover. He, too, should have gone home a long time ago, but he didn’t. Gibbs knew only too well what made him stay in the office, what kept him from his home, from his lover. A shiver ran through him as he thought of Tony and he pressed his hands against his eyes. He had hurt him.

 

He had hurt the most precious person in his life.

 

And what was even worse, he had done it on purpose.

 

---

 

*Chapter 8 – Confessions*

 

+New York+

 

Olivia was frustrated. Their case had come to a dead end and the only viable suspect was the one man she was sure that was innocent.

 

“We have to talk to Nick again.”

 

Elliot sounded as reluctant as she felt, and as their eyes met, she saw that his eyes were hard. He held a report in his hand and as she looked at the pages filled with numbers she felt herself tense.

 

“She called him several times. The last call was made three hours before she was killed and it lasted thirty seconds. Plus ballistics sent us the report, the weapon was a 9mm, which is the caliber we use.”

 

Elliot’s words were like a slap in her face and she shook her head in distress. Olivia couldn’t believe that Nick would kill someone in cold blood and she saw the same disbelief in Elliot’s eyes. They were too close, she realized suddenly, too close to the only suspect they had in the case and without looking at Elliot she walked to Cragen’s office and knocked.

 

“Benson, what’s up?”

 

She walked inside and closed the door behind Elliot, but despite Cragen’s inviting gesture, she remained standing as she sighed. Cragen looked at her and she saw that he already knew what she was going to say. “You want to hand the Gordon case over to Fin and Munch?”

 

Exchanging a look with Elliot, she nodded and her partner sighed too. “We’re too close, I mean, I play ball with this guy almost every Sunday. I’ve worked cases with him and I like him. I’m just not unbiased if it comes to investigating him.”

 

Cragen shook his head, but after a second of silence he pointed towards the two chairs with emphasis. “Sit down and listen to me.”

 

Surprised at the grave voice of their Captain, Olivia sat down. She could see how tense Elliot suddenly was and wondered what had just happened. Cragen took a deep breath and looked at them intently. “It’s never easy to investigate a cop, and it won’t be easier for Fin or Much to do so. But that’s what we’re here for, that’s our job and you know that too.”

 

Olivia felt herself starting to get angry, but before she could say anything, Elliot jumped up and agitatedly started to pace Cragen’s office. “It’s our job to protect the victims, but who is the real victim in this case? Captain, it’s not Gordon, it’s Nick. Can you imagine what she would have done to him? Can you even begin to imagine what he was going through during that stunt Gordon’s father pulled off?”

 

Her partner’s violent outburst surprised her more than she cared to admit. She had known that Elliot and Nick had formed a tentative friendship after the bad start they had had, but she hadn’t known that this tentative friendship had changed into something stronger. It didn’t surprise her though, Nick had a good eye for people and she was sure that he had seen through Elliot’s tough man act and detected the loneliness he hid underneath it.

 

“No, I can’t and I won’t, and neither will you when you call him in and ask him again to give you an alibi and his gun.”

 

Olivia sighed and nodded slowly. She got up and followed Elliot out of Cragen’s office. For a long time, they both were silent, but finally Elliot looked at her.

 

“Let’s go and talk to him.”

 

---

 

+Washington DC+

 

Ducky didn’t know what had happened between Tony and Gibbs, but he was caught in the fall out as much as everyone else in the team. The tension was incredible and even Ziva seemed to have a hard time to cope with Gibbs’ biting remarks and scathing words. Ducky waited for three days hoping that the two men would find their way back to each other, but when the security guard told him that Tony had slept at his desk and not returned home for the second night in a row, he had enough. He waited until Gibbs was in the morgue and Palmer was somewhere else. Gibbs was in his usual grumpy mood and his comments towards McGee were barely tolerable. Looking at the younger agent, Ducky shook his head and glared at Gibbs.

 

“Shut up!”

 

His words were spoken calmly, but something in his eyes must have told Gibbs that he was serious and the clear warning in them was threateningly enough for Gibbs to fall silent. Ducky didn’t think that it would last though and so he pulled Gibbs towards the elevator and pushed him into the car. “We’re having a meeting, Tim, just go back to your desk.”

 

If McGee was shocked, then he hid it well and with Gibbs still in shock over Ducky’s actions Ducky seized the opportunity and pushed the button for the second floor only to stop the car in the middle just like Gibbs did all the time, when he wanted to speak with someone in private. “What the fuck do you want Ducky?”

 

Gibbs was leaning against the wall and for the first time since his and Tony’s argument, Ducky really looked at him. He looked terrible and his anger faded slowly. “What has happened Gibbs?”

 

He saw how Gibbs wanted to avoid the question, but knowing his friend as well as he did, he didn’t let him, instead he spoke again. “Tony has not gone home for two nights in a row. He’s been working and sleeping at his desk. He has barely eaten anything. Is this what you want, Jethro? Do you want to break him?”

 

Shocked eyes met his and Ducky reeled as he saw the pain and fear in Gibbs’ blue eyes.

 

“No, I didn’t... I just wanted...”

 

The sight of Gibbs struggling for words should have made Ducky laugh, and yet it made him want to cry. He suddenly understood what had gone wrong between Tony and Gibbs and he wanted to scream. Gibbs had many wounds on his soul and one of those wounds had been reopened when Tony had been arrested. Ducky wanted to slap Gibbs for his stupidity and at the same time he felt deeply for the younger man and slowly he put a comforting hand on Gibbs’ shoulder. “He’s safe, Jethro, you got him out and he’s not a pawn in someone’s game. He loves you and you’ve hurt him deeply.”

 

The sudden tension in Gibbs told Ducky that he had guessed right. Blue eyes searched his and a shiver ran through Gibbs’ body. “I see him in my dreams. I see them dragging him to the table and then...”

 

Shivers wracked the strong body and Ducky hugged him tight. Once again he cursed the events and the men who had wounded Gibbs like this, but his voice was nothing but calm as he soothed him quietly.

 

“So you pushed him away, but the dreams didn’t disappear, did they? They are your past, Jethro, but Tony is your present and your future. Don’t let them destroy what you have, don’t let your memories destroy your love and your lover...”

 

He trailed off when Gibbs tensed. Anguish and anger was in the blue eyes as Gibbs understood that once again his nightmares had almost destroyed the most important person in his life. Ducky met his gaze and smiled when Gibbs nodded silently, before he was hugged fiercely.

 

“Thanks for making me see.”

 

Ducky sighed as he pushed the button and the elevator began to move again. He hoped that Gibbs could salvage his relationship with Tony, but having seen the bleak and desperate look in Tony’s eyes, he wasn’t so sure about it.

 

“Don’t hurt him again.”

 

Gibbs shivered and Ducky realized that he had sounded more threatening than advising, but meeting Gibbs’ eyes he saw, that the other man had understood.

 

“I won’t.”

 

---

 

“DiNozzo, can we talk?”

 

Tony looked up. Gibbs’ voice had been unusually even and calm, completely different as it had been in the last three days. Tony had stopped counting how often his heart had been broken since that terrible confrontation that had left him standing alone and broken in the meeting room. Gibbs had been relentless and the fact that he had ridden Ziva and McGee just as hard had not really been a consolation.

 

“Please.”

 

The last word was spoken so quietly that no one but Tony would have heard it. He stared at his boss and tensed as he saw the desperation in the blue eyes and almost against his will, he got up and followed Gibbs towards the elevator. He felt McGee’s eyes on his back and wondered what the younger agent was thinking, but dismissed any questions and focused on Gibbs instead. His boss was silently watching him and Tony shivered as he felt the blue eyes on him with a quiet intensity.

 

“I am an asshole.”

 

Shocked at the admission, Tony looked at Gibbs and swallowed hard. He could easily read between the lines and heard the apology that Gibbs hadn’t uttered. Still he didn’t understand and tired of games and exhausted with lack of sleep, he shook his head. “Why Jethro? Why was I suddenly not good enough anymore?”

 

Before he could finish the sentence Gibbs was at his side and held him close. The heat of the familiar body was welcome and at the same time not. Tony wanted to lean against Gibbs, but he wasn’t sure if he could trust him not to push him away again. Gibbs’ voice was muffled as he spoke against Tony’s neck and the words made Tony tense. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was... stupid and scared. What happened to you, it... it woke old memories.”

 

‘Look at the evidence and don’t let your feelings blind you.’ His inner voice sounded like Ducky and Tony sighed as he looked closer at his boss and lover. Gibbs held him almost desperately and Tony tensed. He had felt that something was wrong with Gibbs ever since the incident with Chip. Something had happened with Gibbs during those few hours when Tony had been in the holding cell. Tony shivered as he recalled Gibbs’ desperate words in the elevator.

 

“No, I don’t want you to turn yourself in. I want you with me, I want you safe... But I can’t...”

 

The words had shaken him then and they still managed to send a shiver down his spine, especially when he remembered the resigned whisper his lover had given as they had stood together in the elevator.

 

“I can’t protect you in there.”

 

He had tried to avoid thinking about the implications for the simple reason that he was not ready to deal with the thought of Gibbs in a POW camp. He had watched his lover, hoped against hope that the tension would disappear again, that the memories would vanish, but they hadn’t. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

His voice was shaking lightly and once again looking at Gibbs, Tony wanted to scream at himself. It was obvious that his partner was hurting and thinking back to the last couple of days, Tony suddenly saw all the little sights and points that he had missed.

 

“I didn’t know what to say.” The quiet admission made Tony shiver with sadness and this time it was him who held Gibbs close, who tried to protect him from whatever was hurting him.

 

“So you pushed me away.” The quiet words made Gibbs pull back and Tony sighed at the sudden tension in his body. “Why didn’t you trust me?”

 

He hadn’t wanted to say the words, but now they hung in the air and it seemed to Tony as if they were burdening the thin bond between him and Gibbs almost to the point of breaking it. Gibbs shivered violently, before he turned away from Tony. “I trust you, Tony, but I...”

 

When Gibbs trailed off, Tony realized that this was the wrong place and the wrong time to talk. He looked at the tense body of his lover and carefully put a hand on his shoulder. He could feel Gibbs flinch at the touch and his heart hurt at the instinctive reaction. He wanted to hold Gibbs, hold him and never let him go, but they were at work and with a soft smile, he pulled Gibbs towards himself.

 

“Come around tonight, come to my place and let’s talk. Don’t hide from me, please?”

 

Tony wasn’t sure if he had made a mistake when Gibbs pulled out of his arms, but when his lover turned around and their eyes met, he smiled at the open love he saw there. Gibbs lifted a hand and cupped his face making Tony purr with relief. “Forgive me?”

 

He had, Tony realized with a start, he had forgiven Gibbs the moment he had seen past his own hurt and noticed the desperation in his partner. He smiled and mimicked Gibbs’ gesture by cupping Gibbs’ face with his own hand. Gibbs leaned into the caress and Tony smiled again. “I love you.”

 

Their eyes met again and Tony held Gibbs’ with his own gaze. “But we do need to talk.”

 

---

 

+New York+

 

Nick laughed at Lindsay’s groan and held his hand out to help her getting back onto the road. They were working on a car accident that looked just weird enough to be suspicious and they both were covered with mud from the soggy field in which the car had ended up on the side of the road.

 

“Hey, brown looks good on you, don’t worry.”

 

She glared at him and flicked a bit of the dirt at him. He ducked it easily and gathered his kit when he saw Elliot and Olivia walk towards him. His good mood evaporated into thin air as he saw their serious faces and looking at Lindsay, he tossed her the car keys. “Go ahead back to the lab, I have a feeling that they want to talk with me.”

 

Seeing her concerned look, he shrugged and calmed her with a smile. “Don’t worry, nothing bad, I’ll be in the lab soon.”

 

Still though her eyes were serious as she watched the two detectives come closer and then turned towards Nick. There was a certain anxiety in her blue eyes, and as she spoke Nick understood why. “Do you want me to call Mac? Or Don?”

 

The last had been said almost tentatively, and he smiled again to show that he wasn’t angry at her. “No, it’s fine, don’t worry.”

 

They would have to talk about the last comment, but with Elliot and Olivia practically within hearing distance he didn’t want to talk about his relationship with Don. Elliot was a friend, but he also was a cop and Nick didn’t want to test the detective’s loyalties when push came to shove. Lindsay seemed to have gotten the silent warning and smiled friendly at Olivia and Elliot, before telling him again that she would wait for him in the lab. Nick smiled at the barely hidden hint for the other cops and watched as she drove away. “I hope she doesn’t get lost.”

 

Olivia looked at him confused and with a shrug he grinned at her. “Lindsay’s quite new and she’s from Montana, so New York can be a bit frightening for her.”

 

Olivia smiled at that comment, but Nick saw how she turned serious immediately and he sighed lightly. “What do you need to know?”

 

Elliot had come to stand next to him and Nick suddenly felt anxious. What had they found? He wasn’t involved in Kelly Gordon’s murder, but he couldn’t afford them to dig deeper into his alibi. Elliot handed him a sheet of paper and Nick sighed as he saw that it was a request for his weapon. He removed the gun from his holster and handed it over.

 

“You’ll need my spare gun too, I guess. I have it in my locker at the lab.”

 

Elliot nodded and put the gun into a brown evidence bag.

 

“Where have you been on the night of Kelly Gordon’s murder?” Olivia’s question made him tense, before he turned around and looked at her.

 

“I told you already that I was at home.”

 

She fixed him with her eyes, and then shook her head. “We pulled her phone records. She called your home number three hours before she was killed. If you were home and talked to her, why didn’t you tell us?”

 

Confused and now openly worried, Nick shook his head.

 

“I never talked to her, but I had gotten some prank phone calls lately, so I had all my calls diverted to my mailbox. I check it regularly, but there was nothing on it just a lot of static noise.”

 

Olivia shook her head and looked at him calmly. “Nick we know you were not telling the truth, when you told us about your whereabouts that night. Hell, I’m no profiler or psychologist, but even I could see that. Why don’t you tell us the truth?”

 

His mind was reeling at the unspoken accusation and he looked at Olivia and Elliot with an open pleading in his eyes.

 

“I was at home. I didn’t lie to you on that account, but, I wasn’t alone.” He saw how they both perked up and shook his head. “I can’t tell you who it was. I am sorry.” He would never out Don like this, would never endanger his partner and as long as the detectives had no solid evidence against him, he was sure that he would get away with not telling them who had been with him during Kelly Gordon’s murder.

 

“Was it her?”

 

Shocked and slightly repulsed, he shook his head, his answer instinctive and immediate. “No.”

 

Elliot looked at him strangely and suddenly Nick feared that the detective suspected something. He wanted to ask them to believe him, but he had been an investigator for too long and even though both Elliot and Olivia knew him, they were first and foremost cops and they had to do their job.

 

“We need an alibi, Nick, you know that. Give us a name.”

 

Closing his eyes for a moment, Nick composed himself and shook his head.

 

“Sorry, I can’t give you one.”

 

---

 

Don was surprised when he saw Lindsay walking into the precinct and over towards his desk. So far he rarely had worked with her, but from what Danny and Nick told him, she was a good addition to the team and that was enough for him. Now though she looked concerned and her eyes were clouded. He frowned as she nodded towards a meeting room, but he followed her nevertheless.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

She looked at the table for a moment, before she met his eyes and sighed. “I was working a scene with Nick, when two SVU detectives showed up. They asked for his gun.”

 

It was as if she had slapped him. Don tensed as a shiver of fear ran through him and he remembered Nick’s easy dismissal of the case last night. Looking at Lindsay again, he saw how she was gauging his reaction and as he didn’t say anything she spoke again. “He didn’t tell me to come to you. He would do anything to protect you. Don, look, all I know that we’re talking about murder, and I think they think Nick did it. But if he was with you during the time of the killing, then he won’t give you up.”

 

Her insight was frightening, but at the same time, Don was glad for her clear and honest words. She was right, of course, Nick would never out Don to the police and meeting Lindsay’s eyes again, he nodded slowly.

 

“Thanks for telling me.”

 

She smiled and walked towards the door, when he called her back. “When did you know? What gave us away?”

 

He wanted to know if they were this obvious and some part of his mind wondered whether or not his colleagues knew too. She laughed easily and shrugged. “Nothing in particular actually, you’re much more discreet than Mac and Danny, but I’m used to look beneath the surface. And I guess, I’ve seen you several time in social settings and you’re easier around each other then.”

 

She hesitated for a moment, and then walked over to him. Don saw that she was still smiling as she grasped his shoulder in a surprisingly strong grip. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

 

Don hadn’t actually thought that far, but as she said it, he still felt relieved and smiled at her. “Thanks and if you ever need me to set up a date someone on the force, let me know.”

 

Her eyes shot daggers at him and he grinned when she muttered something that sounded like ‘moron’ before she left. His grin faltered as he looked at the closed door and the reality of what she had told him crashed onto him.

 

Nick was a suspect in a murder case and he was Nick’s alibi. In many ways the entire scenario was his worst nightmare, but at the same time he also felt completely calm. Don had long ago decided that one day not too far along in the future he would have to come out or would be outed by someone. It seemed as if the day had arrived. Swallowing hard, he reached for the phone on the table and dialed the number of his captain. He needed to talk and to confess.

 

---

 

“Stabler, I need to talk to you.”

 

Elliot was surprised to see Don Flack sitting at his desk as he returned from lunch. The tall dark haired detective was not a common sight in the SVU offices, but Elliot had an idea why he was here. He looked at Olivia and saw her follow them to one of the empty interrogation rooms. Flack looked up when she walked inside and joined them and Elliot wondered if the other detective would protest her presence. He didn’t, instead he smiled at her and waited before she too had sat down.

 

“Nick Stokes didn’t kill Kelly Gordon.”

 

Flack came right to the point and his voice was as strong and determined as it had always been, still Elliot saw the small tremors that ran through his body and made his hand tremble lightly as he straightened his tie. Olivia was silent and so it was up to him to question Flack.

 

“Why do you know?”

 

For a second there was silence, then Flack swallowed and looking up met Elliot’s eyes straight on. “I was with him that night.”

 

Confused now, Elliot shook his head and looked at Olivia. He could see that she was tense, almost as if she had understood something he didn’t and frowning lightly, he turned his concentration back to Flack. “Nick told us that he was with someone, but he refused to tell us who. If it was you, why would he do that?”

 

Flack still looked at him and a quick smile played over his face, before he turned serious again and averted his eyes. Something kept nagging at Elliot’s mind and he gasped as he understood what Flack hadn’t told him.

 

“Because you really were with him that night, weren’t you?”

 

Olivia tensed once again and as their eyes met, Elliot saw wariness in them. It angered him to see her wary of him. He had kept her secret, and had never ever made a comment about her relationship with Alex, so why would she be wary of his reaction to Flack’s confession?

 

Because it’s one thing to accept a relationship between to women, but a completely different pair of shoes if it comes to two men that are colleagues of you, the mental voice in his mind sounded annoyingly like Olivia herself and he almost glared at her, when Flack spoke again.

 

“We’re together. Our flats have connecting doors; he was at home all night.”

 

Flack’s voice was calm, composed and yet, Elliot saw that he was tense too, visibly bracing himself for the fall out of his admission and again Elliot felt angry at the immediate assumption that he would reject Flack now. Deciding to surprise both his partner and the cop opposite him, he smiled and shook his head. “I should have known from the way the two of you played together. No way, you’d be able to beat me and Fin so easily without some specific connection between you.”

 

Surprised Flack looked at him and grinned relieved. He turned serious immediately though and sighed. “Look, I’ll testify if I need to, but if you have another way to prove he’s innocent, I’d prefer to keep our talk secret. I don’t fancy finding myself without back up in the middle of a hot situation.”

 

It was a reasonable request and Elliot nodded. Olivia spoke then for the first time and her voice was soothing and friendly. “We’ll make sure that it remains private, don’t worry.”

 

Flack nodded, then sighed again and pulled a large file from his briefcase. “Nick’s file from Las Vegas, I’m not sure how much he told you, but the lab in Vegas is sure that Gordon wasn’t planning all of this on his own. Maybe Kelly and her father’s old associate paired up...”

 

Taking the large file, Elliot saw that a CD was included in the stack and taking it out, he looked at it confused. Flack paled and reached for it. “That doesn’t belong in there, I’m sorry.”

 

He was tempted to not give it back, but seeing the pain in Flack’s eyes he decided against it and handed it over. Curious though, he couldn’t help asking what it was. Pain flashed through the blue eyes once more as Flack answered almost silently. “The video feed from Nick’s box, it was part of the file that CSI Vegas sent over. You don’t need to see it to understand the case and it’s not a nice sight. Nick didn’t know that there was a feed and it shows him...”

 

Flack’s voice trembled slightly, before he gathered himself again and looked at the disc once more. “He was dying and recorded messages to those he left behind...”

 

He didn’t say anything else and it wasn’t necessary. Elliot knew already that he would never want to see someone he considered a friend in such a situation. Looking at Flack again, he suddenly frowned as he understood something else. “He doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”

 

A tiny smile played around Flack’s lips and the same smile lit up his eyes, before he shook his head. “No and if you’re not going to say anything, he never will.”

 

Olivia looked at him and Elliot saw the plea in her eyes. He wanted to tell Flack that they understood better than he could imagine, but it wasn’t his place to tell him about Olivia and Alex. So he just nodded slowly. “Unless we need your formal statement, you were never here.”

 

Relief made the tension in the tall body evaporate and Flack smiled openly before he got up and looked at Elliot again. “You and Fin up for a game on Sunday?”

 

It was a normal question and yet Elliot heard the unspoken test behind it. Flack trusted him not to tell anyone, but now he was checking whether Elliot really didn’t have a problem with him and Nick. Smiling openly, Elliot shrugged. “Sure why not?”

 

Why not indeed? It was a good question, but the blinding smile he got from Flack told him that the other man knew only too well how most of their colleagues would have reacted to Flack’s statement. Elliot smiled as his eyes followed Flack leaving the office. He turned towards Olivia and looked at her frowning. “How long did you know?”

 

“When I saw him sitting here, I had a feeling, when he told us that Nick isn’t the killer, I knew.” She grinned first and then laughed at his surprise. “I’m a lesbian and not a clairvoyant, Elliot, and your gaydar really isn’t worth shit. You better work on that...”

 

---

 

+Washington DC+

 

We do need to talk.

 

Tony’s promise was still ringing through his ears. Gibbs was smart enough to realize that although the words had been gentle and although Tony had forgiven him for his treatment, the short sentence was also an ultimatum. He couldn’t carry on like this and Tony knew it. His lover gave him a second chance and Gibbs knew only too well that second chances were few and far in between.

 

He hated to talk, he wasn’t good at it. But he loved Tony and for him, he would try.

 

He stopped in a bakery on his way to Tony’s flat and bought chocolate cake knowing only too well how much Tony liked it. He wanted to show Tony how sorry he was and the only way he could think about was by bringing him home his preferred cake. There was something about owning a key to his lover’s apartment, that made Gibbs smile every time he used it. Tony was, despite his reputation, a very private man and the mere fact that he had given Gibbs a key proved the depth of his love. Gibbs stood in front of the door when he suddenly flashed back to the night right after Tony had been framed.

 

“You Jethro; no rubber, no condom, just you, Jethro.” Gibbs’ heart had stopped at the promise behind the words and he had nodded slowly. “Just me.”

 

That night had been one of the rawest and yet realest experiences he had ever shared with another person. He had felt open and vulnerable and yet at the same time he had known without a doubt that Tony was his. The power Tony gave him, had at both scared and humbled him, but the longer he had thought about it, the more his fear had pushed away his love and in the end he had pushed Tony aside.

 

He could have lost him. It was that last thought that made him walk into the apartment with purpose. He searched for Tony and found him standing in the kitchen where he was stirring something that smelled really nice. Gibbs smiled a bit; it had been quite a surprise for him when he had found out that Tony could cook. Then though his throat tightened at the hurt he had caused his lover and without conscious thought, he walked over and held his partner close.

 

“Hi you.” He hadn’t realized how much he had missed the strength of Tony’s body, how much he had come to lean onto his lover. Tony turned around and smiled gently.

 

“Hey, are you hungry?”

 

His stomach grumbled at the question and Tony grinned before he turned back to stirring the soup. He took it from the stove and set it on the table and the entire thing was so normal, so homey, that Gibbs’ heart ached even more. He had hurt Tony and yet his lover was here, cooking for him, sharing his warmth and his love. Their eyes met and Tony smiled again.

 

“You said that we need to talk.” Gibbs hated how harsh his voice sounded, but Tony didn’t even flinch. Instead he shook his head and continued eating in silence. Gibbs sighed. He wanted to get this done and over, wanted to get back to where they had been before, but Tony’s hand on his made him look up and he tensed at the fear he saw in Tony’s hazel eyes. The emotion was like a kick in his gut and he swallowed hard at Tony’s sighed. “Whatever you’re going to tell me, it won’t change that I love you, but it won’t be nice either. So let’s eat and then talk ok?” He heard the plea that Tony didn’t voice, heard the plea for a moment of respite before the talk and he nodded slowly. “After dinner.”

 

Tony nodded again and they ate in silence. Gibbs was tense, but the warm food, the rich taste of the soup, the fresh bread and the love in Tony’s eyes every time their gazes met, made him relax and calm down far more than he had ever expected. In hindsight he understood Tony’s thinking, understood that he was much better prepared to talk now than he had before or during dinner. Finally they cleared the table and Tony got two wine glasses out and brought a bottle of red wine to the table. Gibbs followed his lover and nodded towards the wine.

 

“I thought you wanted to talk?”

 

Tony grinned and shrugged at the same time. “We will, but some discussions are easier in the company of some good red wine.” He sat down and held his hand out to Gibbs.

 

“What happened to you?” Tony’s hand was still in his and he saw the genuine concern and love in the hazel eyes and wanted to remember this moment. For a moment he reached out and caressed Tony’s face before he swallowed hard and started to speak slowly.

 

“We were out on a mission, I can’t tell you what we were doing or even where, but it was a long time ago. We were two teams, my own and another one. I had been given the overall lead...” He trailed off as the years disappeared and he was once again in that god forsaken jungle in South America and heard himself argue with his CO. “My team was trained, but the other guys they were so young, so incredibly young and so green. I told my CO, that I wanted them to stay behind, but he didn’t listen.”

 

Tony’s hands slipped out of his and he felt the cold like a slap when they returned warm and confident and pulled him towards Tony’s body. Gibbs went willingly and as he let himself be held, he continued to speak slowly. “It was supposed to be a simple reconnaissance mission, but the weather changed and suddenly we were trapped on the wrong side of the river.” He could feel Tony’s soothing caresses and yet he remembered so clearly how damp and heavy the air had been, all his memories were so clear, so vivid and he shivered. “The bastards knew it and played with us. By the time they openly attacked us, we were exhausted, had not slept for three days and had run out of food and water. They captured us, took us to their camp and took turns in interrogating us.”

 

Again he fell silent, but Tony simply carried on with the petting as if he was a large cat. His lover’s body was relaxed and calm, but there was a tension in the arms holding him. Tony knew that Gibbs had not told him everything yet. “They tried to break us, but none of us did. They tortured us, deprived us of food and sleep and in all the sessions there was this one guy. He never questioned, never tortured, he just watched us. One night I was brought in for another session and he was there. He looked at me and told me that I was a man who would never betray his country, a man who couldn’t be broken by pain. And he smiled and ordered the guards to bring one of my men into the cell...”

 

Tony gasped and Gibbs heard the whispered curse. He felt Tony’s arms tighten around him and he knew that his lover had already figured out what had happened. Still he had to tell him, had to say the words and damn himself. He had to lay it all out in the open and let Tony decide if he still trusted him. Fear not unlike the one he’d felt back in that cell made him tense, but Tony’s arms were holding him and he found his voice again. “They brought Ralph; he was the youngest of the group. The guy made him strip... and then he ordered his men to...” His voice failed him again, the memory of the screams and the pain in Ralph’s eyes made him tremble and he felt the answering tremble go through his lover. “They made me watch everything, made sure that he was facing me all the time...”

 

“He didn’t blame you.” Tony’s voice was hoarse and raw, but at the same time it was full of confidence and strength. Gibbs tensed and tried to withdraw from the warm arms, but Tony didn’t let him, instead he held on even tighter. “Jethro, he might have been young and almost a boy, but he had made your team, he was Special Ops. He was a man and he knew that it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t the one who tortured him...”

 

He couldn’t take it anymore and breaking free, Gibbs crossed the room and stared out of the window. “If it hadn’t been for me, he wouldn’t have been raped. If I weren’t so possessive, so protective of my men, he wouldn’t have died...” It was dark outside, but all he saw was Ralph, the plea in his eyes, the despair when he’d realized that Gibbs couldn’t help him and the moment when the eyes had broken. A hand on his shoulder made him jerk back and he turned around to see Tony look at him. He answered the look with one of his own as he sighed. “I led them into this mission and I can live with the outcome. But I couldn’t live with the knowledge that I let something like this happen to you. I wouldn’t survive it my love would be the reason for you to get hurt.”

 

Tony didn’t respond, instead, he walked closer and cupped Gibbs’ face with his hand. Hazel eyes locked with blue ones and Gibbs shivered at the intensity in them. When had he become the weak one in their relationship and why didn’t it bother him more? He had no time to ponder the question when Tony moved even closer and placed a tender and chaste kiss on his lips. “You won’t, because if this were to happen today, you wouldn’t take Ralph with you, you would ignore your CO and trust your gut.”

 

The truth of Tony’s words made him tense and as their eyes met again, Tony smiled slowly before he put his hand on Gibbs’ heart. “Trust me and trust us, but most of all trust yourself.”

 

No one had ever told him that and under normal circumstances, Gibbs would have scoffed at Tony’s words and some part of him rebelled at them, but at the same time he felt as if an old wound was mended. He looked at Tony and felt like an idiot as he saw love and the devotion in his eyes. How had he ever thought that he could push Tony away, how had he ever believed one moment that he could go on without having him in his live?

 

“I love you.” He spoke slowly and saw how Tony’s eyes lit up. “I’m a bastard and an idiot. I know I hurt you and I’m glad you gave me another chance. I’m...” He bit his lips and then sighed. “I’m sorry.”

 

Tony looked steadily at him for a long time and then he nodded before he averted his eyes. “When you told me those things in the meeting room, it hurt, Jethro, and when you walked away without even looking at me, I... I just wanted to curl up and cry. You’ve got a lot of power over me...”Tony trailed off and met his eyes again. “... power to hurt me deeply if not fatally. If something like this happens again, talk to me, promise?”

 

The words were like another kick in his gut and Gibbs swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, before he pulled Tony towards him once again. “I promise.”

 

---

 

*New York*

 

Nick sighed as he stared out into the darkness. Don was still working on a case with Mac and the apartment was almost eerily silent. Normally he had no problems with the quietness, instead he reveled in it, but today it made him edgy and a shiver went through him. His eyes fell on the phone in his hands. He had picked it up a while ago and still he wasn’t able to make the call. He was afraid.

 

“Idiot.” His mumbled curse seemed to echo loud in the empty flat and he shook his head as he once again dialed Gil’s number. Gil..., Grissom... his former boss and the one person he had trusted above all. Gil who had saved his life more than once, Gil who had gotten him out of the box that should have become his coffin. He had trusted him.

 

And Gil had lied to him.

 

They needed to talk. He knew that Gil would never call him, that the older man would never mention the rift between them and so it was up to Nick to make the first step. He knew that and yet he didn’t want to call.

 

It would make the betrayal so real.

 

Another shiver ran through him as his eyes fell on a piece of paper. It had a name and a number on it and Nick knew that it was another call he needed to make. But unlike the call to Gil it was a call he wanted to make. He reached for his phone again, dialed and his heart rate sped up as he sat down and waited for the person to pick up the phone.

 

---

 

*Washington DC*

 

Ziva didn’t recognize the number on the display and for a moment, she wondered if she should pick up. Her curiosity got the better of her, or if she was honest it was not only her curiosity and but also her boredom.

 

“Who’s this?” Her question was met with a chuckle on the other end of the line and for a second she tensed. She knew the voice and swallowed heavily as she spoke the name. “Nick?” He was the last person she’d expected to hear from and as he didn’t answer, she tried again. “You’re Nick aren’t you?”

 

“Yes, I am.” His answer was tentative as if he knew that she didn’t want to speak with him, but then before she could say anything he continued to speak. “How are you?”

 

There was a genuine concern behind the question and Ziva felt herself starting to tremble. She remembered what she had done to Nick, remembered her attack and his reaction and it didn’t match with the call and the question and her first reaction was to attack again. “Why do you care?”

 

She heard him sigh and she wondered whether he would hang up on her. He didn’t instead he answered and with few words managed to shake her world. “Because you were hurt like I was, because I have someone to talk to and you don’t, because I want to help.”

 

Ziva collapsed into her chair at his last words and shivered. Her past always hovered at the edge of her consciousness, her fear of being obsolete and discarded was always a part of her and she feared what she would discover about herself, should she accept Nick’s offer.

 

“You don’t have to say anything, Ziva, I just wanted to let you know that I am there if you need to talk.” His voice was calm and yet she heard the slight tremble in it right before he hung up. She stared at her phone without seeing it as her mind took her back to the nights when she had been forced to be daddy’s good girl, the things she had done as an agent and she shivered again before she straightened and reached for the phone and dialed.

 

Nick answered so fast that she guessed he had waited for her call, but the surprise in his voice when he recognized her was honest. Her father had molded her into the perfect agent, but over the last year she had come to realize that although she might have become a model agent, she hated the person she had turned into.

 

Once again Ziva wondered whether or not it was the right decision, but remembering her attack on Nick, she steeled herself “Can we talk?”

 

---

 

 

*Chapter 9 – Loose ends tied*

 

*New York*

 

Olivia sighed as she walked into the SVU office. It had been another long day. The investigation into Kelly Gordon’s death was going nowhere. It wasn’t even that they were hitting dead ends; it was more that they had nothing. No one apart from Nick Stokes and the CSI team seemed to have known her. They had talked to the other manager of the hotel and he had confirmed that Kelly Gordon had had a visitor, but his description of the man was so generic that it fit half of New York’s male population.

 

It was frustrating and annoying, but it also meant that the only person they had as a potential suspect was Nick and that scared her more than she would ever admit. It wasn’t because she thought that Don had lied to her and Elliot; it was because she knew that he hadn’t.

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll keep them safe.” Elliot’s words were softly spoken and she smiled wanly at her partner. He had gotten very good at reading her mood and she knew that he could read the tension in her body. Looking at him, she wanted to respond and tell him that they couldn’t keep Nick and Don safe if they were outed, when Munch and Fin walked towards them. Munch held a large file in his hands and his eyes were serious as he looked at them.

 

“We’ve got something.” His voice was grave and Olivia tensed as she saw the grim look on Fin’s face. The two men walked ahead towards Cragen’s office and exchanging a worried look, Elliot and Olivia followed. Inside the Captain’s office, Munch tossed the file onto the table and started to speak. “We tried to talk to Jimmy Slater, but didn’t find him in his apartment. We talked to the landlady who told us that he hasn’t been home for five days and the hotel manager told us that he quit the day after Kelly Gordon’s murder.”

 

Fin took over from his partner and Olivia felt herself relax slowly as she realized that they finally had a second suspect. “We ran his name through the database and came up empty for New York, then we ran it across the US and got a hit.” Munch continued the tale and his eyes were hard as he pointed to the file. “Jimmy Slater got convicted for breaking in and stealing in three cases in the state of Nevada. He spent two years in prison, got out January 2005.”

 

“It all goes back to Vegas, doesn’t it?” Elliot’s comment made Munch smile without humor before he nodded and once again pointed to the file. “I called an old friend of mine with the PD in Vegas, and he faxed me Slater’s file. Now I give you three guesses on who was the lead CSI in his case...”

 

“Nick Stokes.” Elliot’s voice was hard and Olivia felt all blood leave her face as she connected the dots and remembered what Nick had told her and Elliot when they had questioned him about Kelly Gordon. “I didn’t know until Mac told me, but Walter Gordon wasn’t planning my abduction alone. When my old team processed the tape, they found a second voice on it. It couldn’t be identified yet.”

 

Elliot had obviously made the same connections as he looked at Cragen. “Stokes told us that his old team found evidence that Gordon hadn’t planned his abduction alone, that there had been a second person plotting with him. He told us that this second person was never found. What if it is Slater; what if he wanted revenge on Stokes for getting him convicted?”

 

Cragen nodded slowly, but then he shook his head. “I can see where you coming from, but where does Kelly Gordon fit in? And why was she killed?”

 

His questions were valid ones and Olivia sighed. She didn’t have an answer, but Elliot spoke again. “Maybe she didn’t agree with his plans or maybe her plans didn’t match his... Maybe he was just angry that she drew attention to them when she left Nevada...”

 

For a long time there was silence in the room, before Cragen sighed and reached for the phone. “I have to call Taylor and let him know. Stokes might need police protection as long as Slater is still out there.” He looked at Olivia and Elliot, then his eyes moved onto Fin and Munch. “You guys, find this Slater. I want him off the street and get a copy of that voice recording from Vegas.”

 

---

 

“The fire started in the kitchen, so we need to find the source there.”

 

Mac’s voice was calm, confident, and Don smiled as he saw Lindsay frown. Although new, she certainly had what Danny called the "two essential b’s": brains and balls. She had no qualms about speaking up against Mac or Stella and her insight into crime scenes was good and proved that often instinct was just as important as experience. She proved him right as she shook her head. “Mac, the kitchen can’t be the origin.”

 

Her quiet words made Mac turn around and look at her almost surprised. He clearly hadn’t expected to get an opposition from the youngest member of their team. Still, he smiled as he looked questioningly, and without words challenged her to prove her point. She smiled again and pointed towards the light bulb. “You see how the glass has been deformed? If the fire had started in the kitchen, then it would never have reached the heat to create such a formation of the glass.”

 

Don nodded as he looked at the evidence that Lindsay had found, but he kept silent and watched as Mac’s eyes followed Lindsay’s explanations, and he finally nodded too. His smile was approving as he started to push away the debris and Lindsay visibly relaxed. Don nodded at her as she looked at him and gave her the thumbs up sign. She had done well and had adapted to the big city much easier than most of them had thought possible. He wanted to make a comment when his phone rang and he stepped outside to take the call.

 

“Don? It’s Stabler here. Listen, we need to talk.” Stabler’s voice was serious and Don felt his heart stop for a moment. Right now there was only one reason for the SVU detective to call him and that was Kelly Gordon’s case. He swallowed hard against the lump of fear, and was glad that he managed to keep his voice calm as he asked for details. Stabler, however, didn’t seem too eager to go into details on the phone. “Can we meet at Bryant Park?”

 

“Sure, when?” Again he managed to keep the trembling out of his voice, but as he saw Mac’s concerned look, he knew that the same couldn’t be said for his hand. His friend didn’t ask though and once again Don marveled at the way Mac managed to separate business and personal. Stabler told him the time, and as he put the phone back into his coat, Mac was already standing next to him.

 

“I need to talk with Stabler. Can you do without me for 30 minutes?” Mac nodded at his question, but before he could say anything, his phone rang, too, and he frowned.

 

Don watched as Mac answered and felt the knot in his stomach tighten as he heard the name of the person that had called Mac. “Captain Cragen, how can I help you?”

 

Don felt the tremor that ran through him and it made him almost run to Bryant Park. He was out of breath by the time he arrived at the green oasis in the middle of Manhattan, but he didn’t notice as Stabler walked up next to him and led them to one of the few empty benches.

 

“We have a new lead.” Stabler didn’t bother with formalities and Don felt the fear in his heart lessen. He had been sure that Stabler had called to tell him that Nick was about to be arrested. Looking at the other detective, he noticed the tense lines in Stabler’s face and frowned. “So if Nick’s off the hook, why are you so tense?”

 

Instead of answering, Stabler handed him a large file. Don flipped through it and froze as he came to the drawings they had found in Kelly Gordon’s hotel room. The images were too terrible to look and shaking his head in denial, he stared at Stabler, asking for an explanation without saying anything.

 

“We found those in Gordon’s room. First we thought that she was the one who drew them, but now we think that her killer did. We also think that he was her father’s accomplice.”

 

Don felt cold hatred grow in his heart as he realized that the man who had killed Kelly Gordon and stalked Nick was still out there. He knew that his voice portrayed some of that hatred as he fixed Stabler hard. “Who is it?”

 

Stabler shook his head and looked at Don with an understanding smile. “If I tell you, you’ll take Taylor and Messer and hunt him down. And believe me, it would be a shame if I had to arrest the best CSI guys that New York has had in over a decade because they decided that a bit of self justice was in order.”

 

Don managed to smile ruefully, but at the same time he didn’t break his hard stare. “Promise me that you’ll find the bastard and that you’ll make him pay.”

 

He spoke slowly and saw how Stabler’s eyes widened in alarm for a moment. Don was very much aware that he had a reputation of being an easygoing guy. He knew that some of his colleagues thought him to be not intense enough when it came to interrogating a suspect. In truth he was probably more intense than most cops, but he also knew that he couldn’t let that side of himself out, especially not if he was working with Mac.

 

Stabler stared at him for another minute before he nodded and got up. His arm rested lightly on Don’s as their eyes met again. “Cragen called Taylor, saying that he wants Nick to get police protection. I would suggest you volunteer for that job; after all you know him and you work with him a lot.”

 

There was a hint of a smile in Stabler’s eyes and Don couldn’t help but respond to the gentle teasing in the other man’s words. He had been wary about Stabler’s reaction and was glad that their relationship had not suffered with him disclosing his real relationship with Nick. “I’ll talk to my Captain.”

 

Stabler turned around at Don’s words and once again fixed him with an intense stare. “No matter what Don, don’t let Nick out of your sight until we’ve got this guy. And I’m not saying this as your friend, I’m saying this as an SVU detective, because if he really drew these pictures, then Nick is in danger.”

 

Any amusement or relief that had cursed through Don’s blood right before vanished at Stabler’s serious expression and words. He swallowed hard as fear made him tense again and nodded. “I’ll watch over him.” He spoke the words like a vow and that was exactly how he felt about them. He would keep Nick safe at all costs.

 

---

 

*Washington DC*

 

“I need a couple of days off.” Ziva saw how Gibbs frowned at her words, but instead of the scathing comment she had expected, he looked at her closely. For a moment she felt as if she were under the microscope before he nodded curtly. “Take your cell phone with you; if something comes up, we’ll call.”

 

She was faintly surprised that he didn’t ask anything else, but as she sat down at her desk, she felt Tony’s eyes on her. Their relationship had improved since the incident with Chip and although she wouldn’t call him a friend, she now knew that he was someone she could trust. Maybe that was the reason why she answered honestly as he asked her where she was going to go. “New York.”

 

For a second the room was eerily silent, and then Tony swallowed hard. Ziva saw how he exchanged a look with Gibbs and saw the look of shock in McGee’s face. Tony swallowed once again and fixed her with a hard look. “Just make sure you don’t run into Mac Taylor.”

 

Mac Taylor... Ziva shivered as she remembered the look of contempt that she had seen in the New Yorker’s eyes after she had attacked Nick. Her eyes met Gibbs’ and she saw the threat in the blue orbs. Right after New York, he had taken her to the gym and talked to her. Ziva felt another shiver go through her body as she remembered the talk.

 

“Don’t misunderstand me, Ziva; if I say I cut you lose, I mean it. There will be no protection from NCIS and no more lies from me.”

 

Gibbs’ look told her that he too remembered the threat, and sighing, she suddenly realized that she couldn’t start new without saying goodbye to the past. For a moment her training and the ingrained distrust kicked in, but she shoved it aside together with her fear and pride as she looked up and met Gibbs’ eyes straight on before moving to Tony’s as she addressed them both. “Can we talk for a moment?”

 

Again Tony and Gibbs exchanged a look before both men got up and in synch walked towards the elevator. Ziva followed them and as soon as the elevator stopped at Gibbs request, she felt two sets of eyes rest on her.

 

“I wanted to apologize. I tried to break your team up and I endangered Tony with my doing so. It wasn’t all my idea, but that doesn’t matter; I agreed to be part of the plan and for that I am sorry.”

 

Tony’s eyes had narrowed and she felt like an insect under the microscope as he studied her. “Why the change of heart?”

 

She heard no distrust in his voice only curiosity and once again she marveled at the difference of this team to her old world before she answered. “Because I’ve realized that I’m turning into my father and that is the least that I want.”

 

Her words had slipped out before she could censor them and she tensed as she waited for the fall out. There was none, instead Tony laughed almost delighted and crossed the small space to hug her. “Well, I can completely understand that feeling.” She remembered some of Tony’s stories about his father and felt a surprising kinship with the other man. He released her and met her eyes with a smile.

 

“Welcome to the team.” Gibbs hadn’t said anything during the conversation, but as his eyes met hers, Ziva noticed the warmth in them and she knew that she was forgiven. He hadn’t forgotten, but he had forgiven her. He pressed the button and as they reached the normal floor they all exited with a smile.

 

Tony and Gibbs were once again walking ahead and with a start Ziva noticed the harmony of their movements, the way they looked complete together. She shook her head at her stupidity. She had thought that she could replace Tony, and by replacing him ensuring her place in this team. She had thought that she could become for Gibbs what Tony was for him. She had been a fool, she knew now, because she had finally understood that without Tony there was no Gibbs.

 

She grabbed her bag and left the office to catch the flight to New York. A shiver of dread ran through her at the thought of the next few days. It would be hard to talk about what had happened, but at least she wouldn’t be alone.

 

---

 

*New York*

 

Nick felt Don’s eyes on him as Mac briefed him about the SVU’s findings. He knew that his lover wanted to know if he was alright and although it surprised him, Nick actually felt ok. The unknown threat wasn’t unknown anymore, the mysterious second man had a name and a face and a history... a history...

 

“Oh god...” Shivers suddenly wracked his body as understanding hit him. Don was instantly at his side and grateful he leaned into his lover. For a moment he concentrated on the feeling of safety he always got when he was in Don’s arms before he looked up and met Mac’s eyes.

 

“I wasn’t a random target, was I? Gordon didn’t care who he put in that box, but Slater wanted me.” A shiver ran through his body and again he felt Don’s arms tighten around him. He knew that his thoughts were irrational, knew that there was no way he wasn’t a random target and still he felt a completely different chill at the thought that there was even the slightest chance he had been the real target. He could feel the tension in his lover’s muscles when a soft and yet strong voice from the side suddenly spoke. “He won’t get you.”

 

Nick tensed as he realized that Mac’s office had become crowded. Stella and Sheldon stood next to Mac and Danny, looking at him with concern and care while Lindsay, who had spoken, stood in the door and simply smiled. The entire team was looking at him, and for a moment he wanted to move out of Don’s arms, but with a quick tightening of his hug, his lover made sure that he stayed put. Slowly Nick looked from Mac’s blue eyes to Sheldon and Stella and finally over to Lindsay and Danny. He saw nothing but concern, nothing but friendliness and friendship in the faces of his colleagues. A shiver once again wracked his body and he swallowed hard.

 

“He has to go through us to get to you.” Lindsay spoke again and this time her eyes were hard and there was something in the blue depths that made him shiver. Stella’s look was just as fierce and Nick suddenly smiled.

 

“Thanks guys, really, thanks.” He wanted to say more, but he didn’t find the right words. Struggling to say something, he was saved by the proverbial bell when Mac’s phone rang. He sighed in relief and smiled when Don leaned in and nuzzled his neck before he moved his lips to Nick’s ear.

 

“Are you alright with them knowing?” Nick heard the apprehension in Don’s voice, but was surprised to notice that Don was worried about his reaction and not the potential repercussions it could have on them. Slipping out of his partner’s arms, he turned and nodded as their eyes met. Don relaxed and Nick wanted to kiss him, but decided to keep himself in check. The office had glass walls after all.

 

“Nick...” There was something in Mac’s voice that made Nick look up sharply and with a frown he noticed that Mac’s hand trembled as he put his cell phone down. “That was Cragen. Slater has just turned himself in. He wants to speak with you.”

 

---

 

Alex narrowed her eyes as she looked at Elliot. “He just walked in here and told you that he wanted to confess to the murder of Kelly Gordon?”

 

Elliot’s face showed the same surprise and confusion that she felt, but he still nodded and the looked through the window at the thin, pale man who sat quietly in his chair. Something just nagged at the back of his head that this was wrong, that he had make a mistake when he had called Taylor to send Nick over. And yet whenever he wanted to call Nick and tell him to stay back, he reminded himself of the fact that his friend was a trained investigator and that Elliot would do more harm if he tried to shield him too excessively.

 

The silence between him and Alex stretched and suddenly he realized that she was waiting for an answer and he smiled a bit ruefully. “Sorry, I kind of spaced out.” She smiled and shook her head, but before she could say anything, Elliot continued immediately. “He walked into the office, put the weapon on Fin’s desk and told us he’d shot Kelly Gordon. Then he said that he wanted to speak with Nick and hasn’t said a word since.”

 

Silently he wished for Huang to come and tell him about the guy, but the psychologist was at an FBI conference and was probably listening to some discussion about the twisted minds he had to deal with every day. Elliot shivered; he didn’t envy Huang, although he guessed that the FBI factor didn’t stress the other man as much as it would stress Elliot.

 

“I think I made a mistake when I called Nick.” Alex looked at him surprised and Elliot was equally surprised that he had voiced his thoughts.

 

For a moment her eyes warmed and she put a comforting hand on his arm. “You did the right thing; he has to face Slater, and at least here he’s safe.”

 

She had wanted to comfort him, but somehow it didn’t work.

 

---

 

Don watched through the two-way mirror as Nick sat down in front of Jim Slater. He saw the tension in his lover’s shoulders and wished that he could be with him, wished that he could ease some of Nick’s burden. He couldn’t though, and once again, Don cursed the fact that he was once again forced to watch as Nick’s world fell apart, that he was once again useless, that once again all he could do was pick up the pieces and hold onto Nick afterwards.

 

“You’re good for him.” Olivia’s words were gentle and still Don tensed before he realized that they were alone. He relaxed then and smiled, but his eyes didn’t move away from Nick and he swallowed hard as his partner began to speak on the other side of the glass.

 

“You wanted to see me.” Nick’s voice was devoid of any emotions and Don had to restrain himself before he got into the room and dragged Nick out. He didn’t want his partner in this room, didn’t want him in proximity of the other man, and to be unable to help made him want to howl with frustration.

 

“I didn’t know.” Jim Slater’s voice was trembling and Don looked up, surprised. He saw how Olivia stepped closer to the window and felt her tension as she stood next to him. Slater had not once looked at Stabler or Cabot; his eyes were completely focused on Nick as he continued. “I didn’t know that she wanted to hurt you. I would have never agreed for her to stay with me; you have to believe me.”

 

Nick tilted his head to the side and looked at Slater as if he were an interesting piece of evidence. For a moment there was silence in the room and then Nick spoke again calmly. “Why don’t you tell us everything from the beginning? Were you an accomplice of Walter Gordon?”

 

Slater tensed and shook his head frantically. “No! I promise you, I had no idea.”

 

Stabler growled and forced Slater to look at him. “Stop the bullshit and look at me. Did or did you not help Walter Gordon abduct Nick Stokes?”

 

Don held his breath as Slater turned towards Stabler and straightened up. The criminal’s entire posture changed as he took a deep breath.

 

“I wasn’t involved. I knew Walter and I knew that he had a grudge against the CSI unit, but I had no idea that he was planning anything like this. I left Vegas in April 2005, you can check with my parole officer and I never heard of Gordon until Kelly called me out of the blue and told me that she wanted to start new in New York. I told her that she could crash at the hotel I worked for and she came.” Slater shrugged and once again turned towards Nick.

 

“Look man, I have no reason to hate you; you saved my ass, man.” Don saw how Nick tensed and shook his head; was Slater messing with Nick? Before he could say anything to Olivia, Slater spoke again. “You worked my case, do you remember?”

 

Nick smiled faintly and shook his head. “Sorry, Mr. Slater, I know what you were convicted off, but I don’t remember the details.”

 

“I had broken into a house and found a dead body. When the cops arrived they called you and all you found were my prints. I told you back then that I had nothing to do with the murder and you believed in me.” Slater’s voice was intent as he continued. “Your boss told you to leave it and that you should concentrate on the evidence; he told you in front of me that he was sure I was lying and yet you looked deeper, you believed in my innocence. You saved my life.”

 

Don felt Olivia’s eyes on him and he smiled faintly as their eyes met. She wanted to say something, but before she could get a word out, Slater spoke again. “When Kelly suddenly spoke of making you pay, I was horrified. I hadn’t even known you were in New York. I... I couldn’t let her harm you.”

 

The sincerity in Slater’s voice took Don aback and he shivered a bit as he understood that nothing was as it had seemed. He should be glad about it, but he couldn’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop and a glance at Nick told him that his partner felt the same way. Nick was still very, very tense, and the way he fixated on Slater spoke volumes of the emotions that had to be racing through Nick. Finally Nick took a deep breath and shook his head. “Why did you kill her?”

 

His question made both Don and Slater tense, before the latter shrugged. “She told me what she wanted to do to you and when I told her that I wouldn’t let her do it, she laughed.”

 

Don felt Olivia’s hand on his shoulder and realized that he had moved towards the door without consciously planning to. He had seen how Nick had shivered once at the thought of being at the mercy of Kelly Gordon, and it had been enough to send his protective instincts into overdrive. He smiled ruefully at Olivia’s look and turned back to the window.

 

“I told her I would call the cops. She ripped her dress and said that if I called the cops, she’d tell them I’d raped her. I lost it and shot her.”

 

Slater stared at Nick with eyes that were seeking forgiveness, and Don felt sick as he thought of what had to be going through his lover’s mind.

 

“I couldn’t let her hurt you.” Slater reached out to touch Nick’s hand, but Nick withdrew so fast that he almost fell off the chair. His voice trembled as he got up and looked at Slater. “Don’t seek forgiveness from me. I proved that you were not a killer back in Vegas, but now you are and there is nothing I can and will do for you.”

 

Don’s heart ached at the pain he heard in his lover’s voice, but at the same time he was proud of Nick when the other man looked at Stabler. “Book him, okay?”

 

Nick left the room and Don was next to him in an instant. He wanted to hold Nick when he saw the pain in the dark eyes, but just as he reached out DA Cabot appeared in the room. She looked at Nick and smiled sadly.

 

“I’m sorry that you had to go through all that.” Her voice was friendly and Nick smiled a bit as he took the offered hand.

 

“Not your fault.” Their eyes met and Don felt something pass between the blond attorney and his lover. There was an understanding that he didn’t get and it made him antsy, but then Nick turned towards him and Don forgot all about Cabot. Nick’s eyes were guarded but he could still see the pain in them and with a nod to the two women in the room, he gently took Nick’s arm and steered him out of the tiny room, walked through the SVU office without noticing or greeting anyone and just kept walking until they were inside the car. Only there, behind the tinted windows, in the safety of the darkness did Nick break down and Don held him as he trembled with aftershock. “I’m here.”

 

Nick calmed at the soft words and took a deep breath before he nodded. “I know you were always there; no matter how many times I’ve broken down, you were there. I love you, Don; love you for being there, for being you.” Nick’s hand reached out and caressed Don’s face. Don felt the words that Nick had spoken warming him to his core, making him melt and fall in love once again.

 

“Mac gave us the rest of the day off. What do you say that we get out of New York?”

 

Nick looked up at the suggestion and shook his head. “It sounds good, but right now, I need to be in your arms in our home.”

 

Our home... Don’s heart was beating fast as he drove towards their apartment, their home. He felt as if he were bursting with love and taking one hand from the steering wheel he grabbed Nick’s hand and held it tight. “Let’s go home.”

 

---

 

Danny hated the fact that he couldn’t do anything to help Nick and Don, and he pressed his lips together in annoyance as he watched them leave the office to head over to SVU. He knew that he had his hands balled into fists, but he didn’t notice how his nails pressed into his skin until Mac gently pried them apart. “Stop it, you’ll hurt yourself.”

 

His lover’s voice was gentle and tender and as he turned around Danny saw the concern in Mac’s blue eyes. Danny smiled and wanted to reach out and smooth the lines of exhaustion he saw in Mac’s face. He held back though, because although no one on the team had an issue with Don and Nick, he wasn’t so sure if they would feel the same about him and Mac. So he just squeezed the hand that held his and tried to convey his love through the simple gesture.

 

“Are you ok, Mac?” Danny still held Mac’s hand and so he could feel how his lover tensed at the question, before he removed his hand from Danny’s and turned away. The rejection hurt Danny like a slap in his face, but he swallowed the pain and walked around the table so that he could face Mac again. His lover’s face was shuttered and his eyes were hard, but that alone was enough to alert Danny. Since they had become lovers, Mac had opened up to him and Danny had learned to read Mac. Now Mac was hiding from him and although it hurt Danny, the concern he felt was stronger and he grabbed Mac’s hands gently.

 

“Mac, please talk to me. I know you aren’t sleeping anymore. You have nightmares again and I just don’t think that this is about Nick. Please, love, tell me what is going on.” He saw how Mac’s eyes hardened for a moment, before his lover sighed and sat down slowly. Mac was still holding onto his hand and Danny leaned against the desk casually knowing that their entwined hands were hidden from someone walking by and looking inside.

 

“Sonny is out.”

 

Three words that made Danny freeze. He stared at Mac and saw the mixture of anger and fear in the blue eyes and suddenly he knew that Mac was afraid for him. He understood why, and the thought of Sonny being back out on the streets did indeed make his blood run cold, but at the same time he knew that he was stronger now, that he had friends who believed in him and with that thought, he pressed Mac’s hand tightly. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

 

Mac tensed completely at those words and Danny smiled. He knew that he had surprised Mac with his comment, but as Mac looked at him, he held his gaze until Mac nodded slowly. “I have your back and you have mine. We’re in this together, Danny, together.”

 

Danny wanted to lean in and kiss Mac, but he didn’t dare and so he just pressed his lover’s hand again. “Got to get back to the lab.” Mac smiled at him and Danny noted with relief that the tension in the strong body had lessened. He turned towards the door when Mac spoke again.

 

“Danny? Thanks!”

 

He smiled all the way down to the lab and it was only Lindsay’s look that made him aware of the silly smile that still graced his face. He sobered up quickly and nodded at her, but although she glared at him, her eyes were kind and Danny nodded mentally.

 

He had friends here, not only Nick and Don, but Stella and Lindsay and Sheldon, too. These people would not just roll over because Sonny was after him; they would stick with him and fight. He wasn’t alone anymore.

 

And he had Mac, Mac who knew the truth of his involvement with Sonny and who still loved him.

 

Danny wasn’t the weak kid without friends anymore and if Sonny tried to mess with his life, he would get a nasty surprise.

 

---

 

Sonny had had someone watching Danny for over a month. The guys had reported to him about Danny’s movements and his activities, but Sonny still believed in the old saying that trust was good, but control was better. He trusted those he had sent to spy at Danny, but he wanted to know for sure what was going on between his slut and the CSI lieutenant before he made his move.

 

Seeing the two men walk out of the office building he felt rage curl through him at the way they stood too close and he wanted to kill Taylor on the spot for touching his property. But Sonny hadn’t become who he was without brains and as he watched the men drive away, he smiled cruelly. As satisfying as it would be to kill Taylor in front of Danny, he wanted more.

 

The man had not only stolen Danny from him, but he had humiliated him in front of his gang and Sonny would make sure that he got his revenge. Oh, he would kill Taylor for sure, but first he wanted the man to suffer.

 

Sonny grabbed his phone and called a friend. It was time to set his plan in motion.

 

---

 

 

*Chapter 10 – And the world keeps turning*

 

*Washington DC*

 

Tony paced the living room while he listened to Don on the other end of the line. He had to move, had to do something to get the agitation out of his system. Don had told him again and again that Nick was fine, that they were just glad it was finally over, but still he wanted to punch something. Nick had been there for him when he had been accused of murder; hell, Nick had sent him Gil Grissom and what had Tony done when Nick had needed him?

 

He hadn’t even known. Growling lightly, he told Don in no uncertain terms that in the future he and Gibbs were to be informed about things like that, but instead of getting angry, Don only laughed. “You spend too much time with Gibbs; you already growl like him.”

 

The comment made him smile fondly, almost proudly, but the warm feeling disappeared as Don continued to speak. “We got your girlfriend arriving soon.”

 

Girlfriend? What the heck was Don talking about? Tony frowned when he heard a chuckle through the line and Don explained easily. “Ziva is coming to visit us. Nick called her...”

 

For a second, Tony was speechless. He remembered what had happened in New York and he couldn’t believe that after all that Ziva had done, Nick would not only call her, but actually invite her to visit him and Don. He imagined Don’s reaction when he had found out and grinned. “Must have been great make up sex.”

 

Don laughed at that, but didn’t disagree and Tony shook his head. “Well, if she’s a pain, you have my permission to kick her butt.”

 

It didn’t come out as vicious as he would have said it only days ago, and with frown he realized that he actually felt not contempt towards Ziva anymore. Her apology and her admission that she had issues with her family had helped him to forgive her, and it felt right because she was a teammate and he implicitly trusted her because Gibbs had selected her for this team.

 

“So when are you and Nick going to come down for a weekend?” Tony had invited them a couple of times, but with their jobs being as they were, they hadn’t been able to make it a deal.

 

Don groaned and laughed. “Nick wants us to go to Vegas for a visit. I get to meet the family...”

 

The mentioning of Vegas made Tony think of Gil Grissom and he smiled fondly. The older man had left a lasting impression on him, not only because he had found the evidence that proved Tony’s innocence, but also because he had stood up to Gibbs in a way few others ever had.

 

“Maybe we should join you and make it a road trip.” He had meant it as a joke, but as soon as he had said it, it sounded like a great idea and Don’s answer was immediate.

 

“Why not? Ask Danny and Mac and have a gay weekend in Sin City...”

 

Tony laughed at the comment and they chatted for a while about anything and nothing before Don told him that he had to leave. They promised each other another call soon, and when Tony put the phone down, he stood at the window and looked outside for a moment. The news that Don had just given him was still dancing through his mind, and with a shiver he walked towards the basement. He needed to be around Jethro right now.

 

As soon as he entered the room, he felt at peace and taking a deep breath, Tony sat down on the stairs and watched his lover sand the boat. He loved the calm between them, loved the easiness that had settled after the ups and downs they had had in the last couple of weeks. They had the weekend off, no calls, nothing. It was rare to have this kind of freedom and Tony was already wondering what to do. Neither he nor Jethro had actually talked about it and only weeks ago that would have scared him. He would have second guessed himself on whether or not Jethro wanted to spend time with him. Those thoughts were in the past now and maybe that was the one positive outcome of all the mess they had gone through with Chip.

 

Their relationship had changed since Jethro had broken down in Tony’s arms and had told him about his fear and his nightmares. Tony knew that his lover had been afraid of the aftermath, that Jethro had feared Tony would not respect him anymore. It was still beyond Tony’s understanding how Jethro could even think that, but it proved that not only Tony but Jethro too had his scars and fears. Tony shook his head sadly and yet lovingly while his eyes rested on his lover’s strong hands. A shiver ran through him as he watched how Jethro touched the wood, how he handled it strongly and yet almost tenderly.

 

“Are you going to help or are you just going to sit here and watch?” Jethro’s words were gruff, but as he looked up, his eyes were soft and warm. Tony smiled and stretched before he walked down and leaned against the boat. “You really think me helping you is a good idea?”

 

Jethro grinned at the comment and slowly backed Tony towards the wall. Tony swallowed as he saw the love and lust in the blue eyes and a moan escaped him as Jethro’s lips ghosted over his. He reached out to draw his lover towards him, but Jethro captured his hands and pressed them above Tony’s head against the wall. Tony’s breath caught then and he strained with his body against Jethro. “Please...”

 

Jethro’s eyes flared up at the soft word that had escaped Tony and he smiled before he leaned down to nibble at Tony’s lips. “You are so beautiful.”

 

Tony swallowed against the rush of desire that had him it its grip making him tremble and shiver under the soft touches. Damn it, he had never reacted to a lover in the way he reacted to Jethro’s touches, and one look in the blue eyes told him that Jethro knew and reveled in the knowledge. Again his lover leaned down and this time the strong hands opened his shirt, and Tony sighed as he finally felt Jethro’s hands on his naked skin.

 

“I need you.” The whisper made Jethro smile and he leaned down to capture one of Tony’s nipples. Tony whimpered at the tender assault to his senses and he shivered when his lover withdrew. “Please Jethro, I need you.”

 

Jethro smiled and once again captured Tony’s lips. Tony moaned again, but at the same time he twisted them so that he was the one covering Jethro and for a second Jethro just gaped at him. Tony smiled even as shivers raced through his body. It was incredibly arousing to see Jethro surrender to him, to feel him accept that Tony was in charge even if it was only for a second, and with another smile, Tony ran his hand over Jethro’s chest opening the buttons and exposing Jethro’s body to his eyes. “Love you.”

 

Jethro shivered as Tony’s lips followed the hairy trail downwards and he couldn’t suppress a moan when Tony nibbled at his hipbone. Tony looked up and saw that Jethro had his eyes closed and was moaning in pleasure. He loved this, loved to see Jethro giving himself over to the emotions and with a graceful move, Tony slid onto his knees.

 

“I want you.” The words were whispered while he opened Jethro’s pants and slowly lowered them until Jethro was naked in front of him. Their eyes met and Tony smiled once again before he swallowed Jethro’s cock. He heard the moan that was wrenched from his lover, but he didn’t look up as his senses were overwhelmed by the scent and taste of his partner. Quickly he freed his own cock and started stroking it in times with Jehtro’s thrusts and the feeling was so good that he moaned hard before he started to hum against the hard flesh between his lips. Jethro thrust once, twice before he cried out. Tony trembled as his mouth was flooded with the proof of Jethro’s release and he swallowed eagerly even as he felt his partner’s release trigger his own.

 

For a moment the world had blackened out, but when he looked up again he felt Jethro’s eyes on him. “Love you.”

 

Tony smiled at the warmth in the blue eyes and then grinned. “Hey, if you ever need help with the boat again, let me know.”

 

---

 

*New York*

 

She stood on the stage and recited the poem, and as she looked down into the audience, she saw that he was here. Her heart stopped, but her father smiled and waved at her, and for a second she was the happiest girl on earth. He rarely was proud of her and the fact that she had made him smile was making her want to sing of joy; instead she composed herself and solemnly finished the poem, but when she looked at her father again, he was gone.

 

Ziva woke with a racing heart and pressed her eyes together against the tears that threatened to fall. She had no idea where those dreams suddenly came from, and with an annoyed sigh she turned around trying to find a more comfortable position in her bed. The sight of the night sky took her aback for a moment and she realized that she had forgotten where she was. She wasn’t in her own flat, she was in New York and the room she slept in, was Nick and Don’s guest room. She had arrived this evening and had been honestly surprised to find not only Nick but Don welcoming her. Now she lay in the comfortable bed and couldn’t sleep. Quietly she got up and walked towards the living room. Nick had told her to feel at home, and she did so as she now sat down and waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room.

 

She had no idea how long she was sitting there when suddenly someone sat down next to her. Ziva couldn’t help tensing but when the person next to her didn’t speak or move, she relaxed slowly and turned around. Don’s face was hidden in the shadows and all she could see of him was a dark, lean frame when he suddenly spoke. “You alright?”

 

Ziva smiled sadly and shrugged. “I guess I am. I’m not sure.”

 

Don didn’t answer, just sat next to her silently. Ziva wondered what he was doing out here when he could have been in bed sleeping next to Nick. She was about to ask when Don suddenly spoke again. “I know that you’re not here to hurt Nick because you didn’t consciously choose him; you just attacked the weakest in our group. But I warn you, if you do anything to hurt him, you’ll answer to me.”

 

The fierce protectiveness that resonated through Don’s words made Ziva smile wanly. She had never had someone who would stand up for her like that. Sighing silently, she turned away and looked out of the window. “Nick was the first person to care about what happened to me as a kid. When he called and asked if I wanted to talk, I... I wanted to refuse, but I couldn’t. I have lived with the pain for too long.”

 

Why was she telling Don this? What was it about these men that they broke through her defenses so easily? She shivered when Don’s hand squeezed her shoulder. “I can’t even begin to understand, Ziva, just as I can’t understand what Nick went through.”

 

She tried to see what he was thinking but still his face was hidden in the dark. He was quiet and so she picked up the conversation. “Why are you awake?”

 

Don rubbed a hand over his face and she recognized the gesture as one of exhaustion and weariness even before his words confirmed it. “I never knew that by loving someone as deep as I love Nick, I would inherit his nightmares. I know that I should have never read the report of his abduction, but I did and now when I am stressed I dream of it, dream of him being there and me being unable to do anything.”

 

A shiver ran through his body and this time it was Ziva who put a hand on Don’s shoulder, trying to give him some comfort. “He’s alive and with you. And although you weren’t there when it happened, you were the one who made him step out of the box completely.”

 

Don tensed at the last words and shook his head. “It was him, nothing of that was me.”

 

Ziva smiled and shook her head. It was perverse, but seeing Don battling with emotions made her feel better, made her feel less like a freak and gently she tried to make him see what she meant. “Nick came to New York to live, to forget what happened, and you were the reason why he found the strength to move on.”

 

Don went completely still under her hands and then slowly turned around and looked at her. For the first time since the surreal conversation had started she could see his face and she was blown away by the pain and love she saw in the blue eyes. “Thank you...”

 

He fell silent for a moment and then covered her hand with his before he spoke again. “I told you that I hurt you if you hurt him, I’m sorry for that. And if you ever need a friend, you got two right in this apartment.”

 

The simple words made her throat hurt and she nodded jerkily. Don nodded too, and once more squeezed her shoulder before he got up and walked towards his and Nick’s bedroom. She waited for another five minutes and then returned to her room. Her head was spinning from the talk she had had with Don. His offer to be her friend had surprised her, and with a shiver she realized that she felt safer here in this room than she had ever felt in her family’s home.

 

---

Danny woke slowly and instinctively reached out for Mac. The space next to him was empty and cold, and he sighed as he got up. He had woken up like this the last couple of nights, ever since Mac’s revelation about Sonny being out, and sighing into the darkness, he got up and walked into the living room. “Love, don’t you want to tell me what you fear?”

 

Mac tensed and he didn’t turn around; instead, he shook his head before he leaned his forehead against the window. “I just can’t sleep.”

 

He spoke slowly, quietly and Danny sighed as he noticed the tension in Mac’s shoulders, the tight reign his lover had over his control right now. He walked closer to Mac and carefully slid his arms around Mac’s body. He held his lover in a loose hug, knowing that he couldn’t force Mac to accept his comfort and help. Danny could count on one hand the nights and moments when Mac had surrendered control to him. Mac was a leader, a protector and it was against his instincts to show weakness, and yet, he was human too. Danny hated seeing his lover like he saw him now, tired and exhausted and yet not able to relax, not able to relinquish his control.

 

“I’m here Mac, I’ve got you.” Danny whispered softly while he pulled Mac towards his body, and with a sigh that sounded more like a sob, Mac finally gave up and leaned against Danny. The complete surrender Danny felt in the body that leaned heavily against his own made him fall in love with Mac all over again. Gently he pulled Mac even closer and kissed the strong muscles in his neck. “I’ve got you.”

 

Mac didn’t resist as Danny led him back to the bedroom. He had prepared the room before and now it was still dark but the light of one single candle painted shadows and figures on the wall. The flame was swaying in the breeze as they walked into the room, and it painted shadows on the walls, in the same moment obscuring and enlightening the stone carved sculptures.

 

“Lie down, Mac, lie down and concentrate on my hands.” Mac shivered slightly as he removed his top and lay down on the bed. Danny saw how much trust it took his lover to surrender his control and body to him, and the fact that Mac trusted him this much made him swallow hard.

 

“I will never hurt you.” A quick smile appeared on Mac’s face, but just as it had appeared it vanished, and Mac closed his eyes, concentrating on Danny’s voice and touch.

 

Music floated through the room and the soft tunes of Mozart’s Requiem seemed to dance with the candlelight. It was an atmosphere of peace and harmony that dominated the room, and Mac shivered for a moment before he accepted the offer of peace and love, and almost visibly, his body relaxed. Danny got on the bed slowly while he warmed the massage oil in his hands and gently watched his lover for a moment before he warned Mac softly, “I’m going to touch you now, Mac, but I won’t hurt you.”

 

With closed eyes Danny let his hands trail over Mac’s back, let the body speak to him and felt the tension in the muscles. He knew that Mac had gone way too long again and applying some more pressure, he worked at the knots. Mac groaned, but he didn’t tense up and Danny lightened the touch for a moment. “You ok?”

 

Mac nodded, but Danny felt that he had barely scratched at the surface of Mac’s tension, and murmuring gentle, loving words, he leaned down and followed his hands with his lips kissing a gentle trail over the tense muscles. This time it was a moan that escaped Mac, and Danny calmed him gently when a shudder ran through Mac’s body and a desperate sigh followed.

 

“Mac?” Keeping his voice gentle, Danny nevertheless didn’t stop his caresses, knowing that right now the only way to get through Mac’s defenses was love and tenderness. “I’m here. I love you; I’ve got you.”

 

Another sigh shook Mac and it turned into a sob when Danny kissed Mac’s shoulder blade. “I can’t lose you.”

 

Danny’s heart stopped for a second at the desperate words, but he kept his kisses light and tender. Mac had tensed, but as if those words had opened a floodgate, the words suddenly seemed to pour out. “I can’t lose you, Danny. I love you too much. I couldn’t bear another loss. Please, promise me that you'll stay.”

 

Feeling the pain behind the words echoed in his own heart, Danny rolled Mac towards his side and held him close. “You can’t lose me. I'm here, Mac, and I will not leave.”

 

Although neither of them mentioned it, Sonny’s name was hanging in the middle of the room, and closing his eyes, Danny braced himself mentally before he spoke again. “Sonny doesn’t have any power over me anymore. He can’t hurt me anymore.”

 

Mac had tensed when Danny mentioned Sonny, but Danny didn’t let his lover dwell on the hated name; instead, he gently continued to speak. “Do you remember what you told me on our first night? You told me that I was a fighter; you told me that in the end I won. You have to believe in me now, love, believe in me and in us.”

 

Danny spoke gently but at the same time very intently and Mac turned in his arms. Their eyes met, and for a second Danny was mesmerized by the love and fear he could see in Mac’s gaze. Once again he reached out and this time caressed Mac’s face. “I love you.”

 

Mac smiled slowly and just as slowly, Danny could feel him relax completely in his arms. Any tension from before vanished and Mac practically melted in his arms. Leaning down to capture Mac’s lips in a gentle kiss, Danny smiled. “You’re safe in my arms.”

 

And as if that last statement had been all that Mac needed, he smiled sleepily and only seconds later, Danny felt the deep relaxation and heard the slow breaths that indicated that his lover was indeed asleep.

 

---

 

Mac woke slowly and immediately felt the effect of having slept deeply. His body was relaxed and the almost permanent headache was gone. He took a deep breath and instinctively pulled Danny closer to him. The care and tenderness that his lover had shown him last night had taken his breath away, and now it made him almost hurt with love.

 

He leaned up on one elbow and watched Danny sleep with his face turned towards him, breathing even and calm. Mac’s heart stopped for a second when he noticed his dog tags resting just above Danny’s heart. He had given them to his lover in the very beginning of their relationship, and he still remembered what he had told Danny that day in his office. “Whenever you believe that you’re not good enough for me, I want you to look at them and remember that I would have been proud to have you in my squad, that I am proud to have you on my team and that I am eternally grateful to be in your heart.”

 

Danny had worn the tags every day since then and whenever he saw his tags on Danny’s skin, Mac felt the impact like a punch in the gut. None of his feelings had changed since that day; instead, they had grown and now he couldn’t imagine a life without Danny in it. He sighed as he noticed the time on the clock next to the bed, before he leaned down and gently kissed Danny awake.

 

“How are you?”

 

The concern in Danny’s eyes and voice made Mac’s heart tighten again and he captured the questioning lips in a fierce kiss. Danny was panting by the time Mac let him go and Mac smiled lightly. “I'm fine again, and thanks to you I slept all night.”

 

Danny smiled widely, and pulled Mac closer. “What about a little reward for me?”

 

Mac chuckled and leaned closer, moving so that he covered Danny’s body with his own and immediately felt his cock harden when it came in contact with Danny’s erection. He shuddered and pulled at Danny’s shorts while he got his own pants off at the same time and then they were pressed together from head to toe, and the feeling of Danny’s naked body next to his was enough to make Mac gasp with desire.

 

“I need you.” The words were out before he could censor them and Danny tensed for a second, before he turned them so that he was on top.

 

“You sure?”

 

Mac smiled at Danny’s question, knowing that he rarely ever gave up control and that Danny could probably count on one hand the times where Mac had let him take him. The fact that it always came together with those nights when he broke down was not lost on Mac, and with a shiver he reached for the lube on the table next to the bed. “Please, Danny.”

 

He didn’t have to say anything else; Danny knew. He was the only lover Mac had ever had who had been able to feel when Mac needed to be strong and dominant and when he needed to release all fear and tension, when he needed to give up his control and lean on someone.

 

One finger teased his entrance and instinctively he spread his legs wider, eager for the touch. Danny moaned at the sight and Mac echoed the sentiment, as he was prepared carefully and gently, until nothing existed but the feelings that Danny had created for him.

 

“Take me, please, Danny, I need you.”

 

Danny didn’t make him wait; instead, Mac felt the slow slide of his partner’s cock into his body and a deep sense of wholeness engulfed him. Looking up, he met Danny’s eyes, and keeping them locked, they started moving slowly at first and then faster and faster until Mac’s world exploded in fireworks of colors and stars.

 

“Can’t we play hooky?” Danny grinned down at him and Mac smiled gently.

 

Mac would have loved nothing more than to spend the day with Danny in bed, but his sense of duty was way too strong and with a wry grin he got out of bed. “Join me in the shower?”

 

---

 

Nick looked covertly at Ziva. She had been with them for five days now, but still they hadn’t talked about any of her issues and he wasn’t sure if he should bring the topic up or not. He knew that in the end it was up to her whether she could trust him enough to open up or not, and he also knew that he would never have had the courage to speak to a complete stranger.

 

A depreciating smile crossed his face as he thought of how Catherine had almost had to pry his secret out of him and how he had fought before he had told Don. Or no, he shook his head, he hadn’t actually told Don; Don had figured it out himself. His lover had never said much, but after what Danny had revealed about Sonny’s abuse, Don had simply looked at Nick and squeezed Nick’s shoulder.

 

“My father was never really around when I was little.” Ziva’s voice sounded distant and when Nick looked up, he saw that her face was a blank mask. He didn’t answer; he just waited for her to continue speaking. “He was always focused on Ari; he never cared much for a girl.”

 

She hesitated for a second and then sighed. “One day when I was five, he came home with some friends and he told me to be a good little girl...”

 

Nick was right beside her when her voice broke and he gently guided her to sit down. Ziva was tense and Nick made sure not to crowd her when he sat down on the couch next to her. Her hands trembled when she ran them over her face.

 

 

“I had no idea what he meant, and when the first of them took me to my bedroom... I didn’t know, Nick, I just wanted to please my daddy.”

 

Again a shiver wracked her body and Nick slowly put a hand on her shoulder. She tensed for a second, but then relaxed and smiled at him. Nick saw that it was a shaky smile and he once more squeezed her shoulder. “You couldn’t know, Ziva; you were a kid, just a kid. He and those men are the one who are at fault. You know that it wasn’t your fault.”

 

He saw that she struggled to believe him and he understood her only too well. He had been there too, had wondered in sleepless nights what he had done to draw the babysitter’s attention towards him. It never got easier, but Nick guessed that for Ziva it was even harder. “It wasn’t only once, was it?”

 

Ziva shook her head and her answer was but a whisper. “Whenever it was over, he would tell me how proud he was and how I was helping him so much more than Ari was.”

 

Nick hoped that he would never meet Ziva’s father. He knew only too well that he would likely do something he’d regret later. How could a man use his own daughter in that way? Nick had been in law enforcement for many years and he had seen the worst, and still it shocked him every time he came across child abuse.

 

“Ziva, it wasn’t your mistake. It wasn’t your fault.” He kept repeating the words over and over again until she looked up and met his eyes.

 

“Why are you helping me?”

 

He noticed her attempt to change the topic and knowing only too well that she wasn’t ready to tell him more, he shrugged and answered seriously and calmly. “I was there, Ziva. I was abused, but it was a stranger and it happened once. I can’t imagine what I would have done had it been a member of my family, had it continued over years...”

 

Nick trailed off and looked down. He wanted to help Ziva, but he had no idea how. Feeling bad, he wanted to apologize, then her hand on his made him look up. She was smiling through tears and for the first time since he had met her almost six months ago, he saw that her smile was reaching her eyes.

 

“You’re a good man, Nick, don’t ever doubt that.” She got up and walked towards the window. “I’ll go for a walk; I need to clear my head.”

 

Their eyes met and Nick nodded slowly, and although he knew that she was well versed in combat, he couldn’t help warning her. “Watch yourself out there, okay?”

 

She smiled and nodded.

 

“I will, don’t worry.”

 

---

 

Danny smiled as he walked towards Mac’s apartment. He had pretty much moved in a while ago, although he still kept his own place. He got his mail delivered there, had it as an official address, but he had rarely been there in the last couple of weeks. Mac’s place was bigger and more like a home than Danny’s, and of course Mac had the wonderful new bed that he and Danny had purchased only a couple of weeks ago.

 

It had been Mac’s way of telling Danny that although they couldn’t live officially together, he wanted his lover with him. Danny understood both feelings completely. He knew that the way Nick and Don lived together was ideal, but he also knew that sooner or later someone would find out about them being an item. He dreaded the moment when Don was outed, but at the same time believed that his friend had enough friends in the force that he could come out of it unscathed.

 

It would be completely different, if Danny were outed.

 

Danny had no illusions about the backing he had with the normal police force; for many of the cops, he was a Messer and therefore nothing more than scum. In a way, he knew that even the fact that he was in a gay relationship would probably not be able to make his image worse; it was already that bad, but it wasn’t him he was scared about.

 

It was Mac.

 

Mac who had the stellar reputation, the complete and unwavering support of almost every single police officer. Mac whose determination and professionalism had won over even the most critical officers. Danny shuddered as he thought of the reaction of the Corps. Maybe he was painting it too black, maybe there would be some support… Danny shook his head at the morbid thoughts and walked faster. So far only a selected few knew about his and Mac’s relationship, and they all were people he trusted with his life. They were going to be fine, they were fine already.

 

A grin crossed his face as he walked towards the building, already wondering how he should surprise Mac tonight. They hadn’t played for a while and Danny shivered in anticipation as he decided to wait for his lover in a very suggestive and very submissive position.

 

“Messer.”

 

Danny was jerked out of his musings at the harsh voice. He wanted to run towards the building as he recognized it, but seeing that he was surrounded, he turned towards the speaker and looked at him coldly. “Sonny. I heard they let you out; how much did your old man pay?”

 

Sonny sneered at him and slowly walked closer. Danny’s heart clenched in fear, but he stood his ground and outwardly calm looked at the other man. “What do you want?”

 

He was proud that his voice never wavered. When he had been sixteen, Sonny had been the one who held all the power; now at 32, Danny felt that he could stand his ground against the other man.

 

Sonny, however, just looked at him and sneered again. “I want you, Messer. I want you back where you belong and that’s under me, screaming and crying out when I take you again and make you mine.”

 

A long time ago, the words would have made Danny tremble with fear; now they only fuelled his anger, and with blazing eyes he challenged Sonny heatedly. “And you don’t think that you can take me on on your own, so you had to bring, what, six friends? You’re a coward, Sonny, nothing but a weak coward.”

 

Danny saw the hatred in Sonny’s eyes, and for a second he had to force himself not to flinch. Sonny, though, had himself under control immediately and quietly looked at him with coldness. “You will be mine tonight; I will fuck you on the doorstep of your lover’s home, and when he comes home he will find you. What do you think will he feel when he sees you bleeding and used? Will he still love you? I think he will recognize you as the whore you are and throw you out and then you’ll come back to me...”

 

The words made him tremble with fear, but not because he believed Sonny. He knew that Mac would never throw him out, would never stop loving him, but Danny also knew that Mac would never forgive himself for not being there.

 

“I couldn’t save Claire; I wasn’t there when she needed me. I won’t make the same mistake with you.” Mac’s words flittered through his mind and he felt despair grow in him, but with the despair grew his anger and his will to fight until he was almost vibrating with coiled tension. He knew that he had no chance to fight them, but he had to try, not for himself, not for his ego, but for Mac. He had to try and prevent them from hurting Mac.

 

“I was never with you, you bastard; you forced me, you raped me. And hell will freeze over before I would ever be with you.” Danny saw how Sonny’s eyes darkened with rage and he prepared himself for the blow when Sonny laughed cruelly.

 

“I’ll look forward to having you in bed. You’ll be even more fun to break now...” He stepped back and waved his hand and despite the situation he was in, Danny couldn’t help laughing bitterly. Of course Sonny wasn’t going to attack him, of course he wouldn’t dirty his hands.

 

And then all thoughts left as he concentrated on fighting back, ducked the first blow to his head only to gasp when another thug hit him right in the stomach. Pain spread out quickly, but Danny had been training with Mac for almost a year now and even longer with Flack and he had learned how to fight.

 

Sonny and his thugs were visibly surprised by the resistance they encountered and from the corner of his eyes, Danny saw how Sonny walked closer and his fear grew when he noticed the baseball bat that Sonny held in his hands.

 

“I killed a boy with this bat, you know? And it was your lover who thought he’d gotten me behind bars for it; how do you think will he feel if he realizes that the very same bat was used to beat you into a pulp?”

 

Danny shivered and struggled against the hands that held him, fought them when they pinned him down and screamed for help when he sensed Sonny walk up next to him. Hatred and lust was mixed in Sonny’s eyes and Danny tensed when he saw how the other man raised the bat.

 

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