*Chapter 10 – Debriefing*

 

Tony woke slowly, heat registered first in his still sleep fogged mind, then came the feeling of being restrained and for a second he almost panicked.

 

“Shhh, it’s me”

 

Gibbs voice next to his ear was soothing and gentle. It was a novel experience, but he didn’t question it, just soaked in the feeling of being safe and snuggled closer into the hard body of his lover. Strong arms came around him, caressed his back and once more he heard the soft voice.

 

“Sleep on love, it’s still early.”

 

Tony had learned to trust that voice instinctively and he did it now like he always had in the office. Smiling in his sleep, he burrowed closer and drifted off once again.

 

---

 

Gibbs watched Tony while he was asleep in his arms. He couldn’t help the feeling of protectiveness that swamped him as he looked into Tony’s face. Tony was younger than him and yet there were lines in his face, that didn’t belong there, lines that should have never been there. The fine lines around his eyes spoke of experiences that no one should ever have to make, least of all the beautiful man he loved so much. Tony had been through too much lately, and with a sigh, Gibbs pulled him closer towards him.

 

“I won’t lose you.”

 

It was a silent promise, and almost as if he had heard it, Tony reached for him in his sleep. Gibbs took the hand and pulled him close, watching as the eyelids began to flutter a bit. For a second time seemed suspended, and then Tony tensed and a look of panic crossed over his face.

 

“It’s ok. It’s just me.”

 

He didn’t know what had made Tony tense, but it obviously had been the right thing to say. Tony relaxed again, his entire body going lax and pliant and as if in response to it, Jethro could feel Tony move closer.

 

“Sleep on love, it’s still early.”

 

He half expected a smart assed comment about why he wasn’t sleeping, but instead a content smile passed over Tony’s features and only seconds later, the deep breaths told him that his lover was indeed back to sleep.

 

“I won’t lose him.”

 

Once more he whispered the silent promise, but this time it was meant as a challenge and as he stared at the ceiling he silently challenged the powers to be. He would not lose Tony.

 

You took my family from me, but you won’t take him.

 

He couldn’t compare what he had had with Sharon and Kelly to what he felt for Tony. It was too different, he was too different. But he knew one thing although he would never admit it to anyone.

 

Loosing Tony was not an option, living without him not a possibility.

 

Sighing at his dark thoughts, he pushed them away and focused on happier things. Things like last night for example. He shivered with remembered and reawakened lust. Gibbs had been with guys before, but all his encounters had been brief, had been about release and nothing else.

 

Last night though; another shiver ran through him at the memory. Tony had never denied that he liked sex, that he loved making love not because of the release but because of the act itself. Gibbs groaned as he remembered how Tony’s hands and lips had moved over his body; how his lover had mapped him out like a crime scene. He remembered the gentle teasing, the love in the hazel eyes every time they had met his. Tony had made him laugh and moan.

 

Looking at Tony again, Gibbs decided he wanted to make Tony moan, wanted to hear that desperate sound again when his lover lost control. Smiling lightly he shifted so that Tony was no longer pressed against his body and started to explore the pliant body under his hands. Soft skin and muscles stretched over the chest which was only lightly covered with hair. Gibbs remembered Tony’s reaction to having his nipples played and gently began to manipulate the tiny knobs until they were hard and visibly aching to be touched.

 

He moved his hands lower while his lips began to kiss their way down towards his destination. A sharp bite into the left nipple drew a moan from Tony and as he reached down, he could feel that he was already completely aroused.

 

“Jethro...”

 

Hearing his name in that breathy and hoarse voice made him shiver, but as he looked up, he saw that Tony was still asleep.

 

Nothing had prepared him for the rush of power and possessiveness as he understood that Tony was dreaming of him.

 

“Yes, it’s me Tony, it will always be me.”

 

Another moan fell from Tony’s lips and as Gibbs touched Tony’s hips he let his legs fall open granting Gibbs complete access to his body. Staring at the incredible, hot and yet vulnerable picture that Tony gave, Jethro swallowed hard. Legs opened wide, chest glistening with sweat, cock hard and face drawn in pleasure, Tony was the epitome of passion and Gibbs had to force himself to calm down and grab the lube to prepare his partner instead of just sinking into the wonderful body.

 

Two slick fingers probed the entrance and he was shocked as another moan was drawn from his lover and his fingers were taken into the dark hot cavern.

 

“Please...”

 

Once more Gibbs looked up and shivered as he saw the expression of need in Tony’s face. He could just plunge into him, fill him completely and Tony would probably not wake up. It was tempting, but he needed Tony with him, needed his lover to know who brought him over the edge and so he gently caressed Tony’s face with one hand, while the other was still buried deep inside him.

 

“Tony”

 

The eyelids once more began to flutter, but this time Tony didn’t tense up. He opened his eyes and Gibbs reveled in the love he saw there. It took Tony thirty seconds to realize that three of Gibbs’ fingers were buried deep inside his body. Jethro saw the exact moment when the fact registered and brushed his fingers over Tony’s pleasure point. Tony gasped and spread his legs further.

 

“Take me”

 

Jethro shivered at the command and plea, but he couldn’t hold back any longer and before Tony could even blink, he had replaced his fingers with his cock and was inside him.

 

---

 

Tony felt Gibbs’ fingers inside him as he woke and there was something so deliciously perverted about waking up with your lover’s fingers in your ass that Tony moaned. It made him feel owned and for some reason that turned him on even further. This was something he had never done before, he had never given his male partners so much trust, but it was no question how deeply he trusted Gibbs.

 

“Take me”

 

Gibbs’ eyes flashed at the plea and Tony could barely suppress a whimper when the fingers left his body. The empty feeling was short lived and soon enough he was filled again only this time it was larger, hotter and like yesterday night he felt claimed, owned and marked.

 

“Please”

 

Gibbs smiled and leaned down to kiss him and somehow that small movement brought him even deeper into Tony. Tony moaned. His head was spinning, unable to make the transition from sleeping to lucent with the amount of stimulation he got. And like he had last night, Tony surrendered control and gave his body over to Gibbs.

 

“Come for me.”

 

The light command made him shiver and then he felt rough, gun calloused fingers on his cock and he screamed as everything just exploded around him.

 

---

 

Danny grinned as he watched Tony shift in his seat. Their closing meeting would be short but it seemed that even those 15 minutes of sitting down were hard for Tony.

 

“Someone’s sore.”

 

Nick’s comment was whispered and Danny smirked at his friend. Then looking around his eyes fell on Don who leaned against the wall in a casual pose. There were plenty of chairs, but Don had declined  seat and kept his position. Danny smirked as he glanced between Nick and Don.

 

“Looks like he isn’t the only one.”

 

Nick blushed a bit and quickly covered it by studying the files Mac had given him. Danny grinned once more; he was relieved that Nick had recovered from the break down so well. His eyes swept the room and landed on Ziva. She had come in last and it had been obvious that McGee had been told to keep her away from Don. She was pale, but her eyes were hard and mocking as they met his. Sighing silently Danny wondered if she would ever understand.

 

“Ok, let’s start and make this quick.”

 

Mac spoke in curt sentences, quickly summarizing the case and Kraft’s confession ending with the explanation that the DA would ask for the maximum sentence for their killer. His body language had been relaxed and open so far, but Danny could see him tense before he relaxed again.

 

“The corporation with your lab was excellent, Agent Gibbs, please give my regards to Ms. Scioutto and let her know that I really appreciated her help...”

 

A quick grin crossed over Mac’s face before he continued.

 

“... and let her know that that about half of our lab techs are interested in her phone number.”

 

McGee looked angry at the comment, but Tony laughed.

 

“You got competition Probie, you better make your move.”

 

Danny met Tony’s eyes then and for a second he was stunned to see them sparkling with live and joy. Tony was happy, he realized, and it made him feel elated especially as he remembered his formerly dull and broken eyes. Mac coughed once and immediately Danny’s attention was back on his lover.

 

“As to the corporation with yourself, Agents DiNozzo and McGee, I would like to express my thanks to all of you. It really has been a pleasure to work with you and I am sure that we would not have found the responsible as fast without your help.”

 

Danny watched Gibbs and admired him for not showing any emotions. He was sure that while the praise of Tony must have made him happy, the entire meeting must feel humiliating for someone who was used to be in charge.

 

“Officer Davids, as for your corporation, I would like to say a couple of things.”

 

Danny saw how Don tensed at those words and how his entire body seemed ready for an attack, he saw how Nick reached out and secretly touched his partner. They held an entire conversation by simply looking at each other until Don relaxed again. Sheldon had his hands balled into fists so strongly that the knuckles almost seemed white, while Stella was looking at Ziva with nothing but contempt. Finally though he saw how Mac’s jaw had clenched before he almost forcefully relaxed. The temperature in the room seemed to have dropped within seconds and all he hoped was that the tension in the room would disappear without an explosion.

 

“You attacked two of my team members verbally, using information that at least in one case is classified. Your corporation during the investigation was minimal, your behavior not becoming an NCIS officer. Your contribution to the successful outcome of the case is not existent. I do not want to go into any further detail, but I will file a complaint with both your supervisor and the NCIS supervisory board.”

 

Danny felt Nick tense next to him and saw he wanted to say something. Mac though looked at Nick with hard eyes and then at Ziva who had paled and glared angrily at him.

 

“I will not discuss this.”

 

Mac picked up two sealed envelopes and handed them to Gibbs.

 

“These contain copies of all our reports, lab work and findings. Should you need anything else, do not hesitate to contact me.”

 

The two men stood there for a moment and Danny was reminded of the first time he had met Gibbs. He had found the similarities between Mac and Gibbs striking then, but now he could see the differences more than what they had in common.

 

Mac was younger for the lack of a better word. He was much more aware of the world and lived in it despite being a Marine and holding onto those values. It almost seemed to him that Mac had found a way to combine the reality of living and working in a city like New York, the reality of loving a man with the values and beliefs of the Marines. Gibbs had not found such a balance, but as Danny looked at Tony, he silently added ‘not yet’.

 

He was pretty sure that with Tony, Gibbs soon would find the same way that Mac had found.

 

---

 

Mac saw a lot in the short moment Gibbs and his eyes met. Gratefulness and hurt pride, deference and revolution, relief and anger, he understood, knew that it had to be hard for Gibbs to let Mac talk to Ziva like he just had in front of the entire team. Gibbs saw her behavior as his own failure and Mac knew that he would feel the same.

 

“Thank you Detective Taylor, I think I can give all thanks back. It certainly was an experience to work with you and your team.”

 

Mac saw the teasing light in Gibbs’ eyes and smiled. It was a veiled compliment at its best, but he was sure that it was more than Gibbs had ever given another agency.

 

“Have a safe trip home.”

 

There was a general sliding of chairs and looking around, Mac saw Don walk towards Ziva. He caught the alarm in Nick’s eyes and called out Don’s name stopping him cold.

 

“Don, Nick, can you please stay for a moment?”

 

With an angry look, Don waited with his arms crossed while Nick looked at Mac gratefully. He smiled back and then turned towards Tony and Gibbs.

 

“Do you have five minutes afterwards?”

 

Gibbs nodded and left the room closing the door behind his back. Mac was grateful as Don immediately started pacing the room and demanded an explanation.

 

“Why did you stop me? Are we just going to let her walk off, just like that?”

 

Don’s face was a mask of frustration and Mac understood him only too well. Ziva had attacked Danny too and for that alone he wanted to hurt her, but he knew that he couldn’t.

 

“Hurting her would only make matters worse.”

 

Don glared at him and shook his head.

 

“So all she gets is a slap on her wrist?”

 

Nick had been silent so far, but now he stepped forward and put a hand on Don’s shoulder. It always fascinated Mac how fast Nick could calm Don down and sometimes he wondered if he reacted the same way with Danny. A wry smile crossed his face, of course he did...

 

“Let it go Don, it’s over.”

 

Nick’s eyes were dark and full of shadows and Mac shook his head. No, this was far from over for them, but nothing they did to Ziva would change that.

 

“I promise you, Ziva won’t get away with it just like this. Gibbs gave me his word.”

 

For a moment he could see that Don still fought with himself, battles with the desire to protect his partner and the understanding that he could quite possibly hurt Nick worse if he did act. Then though he nodded and stepped up, Mac shivered as Don locked his eyes with him and those blue eyes seemed to look on the bottom of his soul.

 

“He’s given you his word.”

 

Mac nodded and Don relaxed. Turning towards Nick, the two lovers shared a long look, and then Don turned around and left the office. Nick however stayed.

 

“Mac, do you really want to file a complaint against her?”

 

Mac looked at Nick and sighed.

 

“Yes”

 

Nick shook his head, but before he could say anything Mac stopped him.

 

“No Nick, she has made a mistake. She attacked you, she attacked Danny and she has not conducted herself in a professional manner. I don’t care why she did it, I don’t care who she is. She has crossed a line here and that needs to be brought to attention.”

 

Nick bit his lip and Mac saw that he too struggled to accept his decision, and then though a quick smile crossed over the handsome face.

 

“I guess I can’t save them all, can I?”

 

Mac smiled too, wondering why Nick would even want to save her, but his eyes were firm as he agreed.

 

“No, you can’t.”

 

---

 

Gibbs waited until Stokes was down in the lab, before he stepped into Mac’s office. Tony waited outside, but with an impatient wave of his hand, Gibbs called him in too.

 

“Just wanted to say good bye a bit less formally not from team to team but from friend to friend.”

 

Mac smiled and shook Tony’s hand, Gibbs saw the fond smile in Mac’s face and felt jealousy wake in him. He squashed it ruthlessly; Mac was a friend, had made him see what was right in front of him and with a smirk he took Mac’s hand and surprised him by pulling him towards his body.

 

“Thanks for setting some things straight in my head.”

 

Tony chuckled at the Freudian slip and Mac laughed lightly.

 

“Not too straight I hope”

 

Gibbs grinned and nodded. He was strangely reluctant to say goodbye and with a start he realized that Mac had indeed become a friend.

 

“We’ll stay in contact.”

 

Mac smiled.

 

“Yeah, we will.”

 

---

 

Down at the lab, Nick groaned as he stretched his back. For a second he felt dizzy as his eyes adjusted to the new difference and he grabbed the chair for help.

 

“You alright?”

 

Stella was watching him and for a moment, Nick was annoyed. Everyone treated him as if he was fragile and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He wasn’t broken, wasn’t breakable that easy, cause if he were he would have broken long ago. He knew that his annoyance had a lot to do with the inability to act and do something himself, but he still was annoyed and shivered lightly.

 

“I am fine.”

 

He had meant to say it casually, but it came out clipped and his voice had been much colder than intended. Stella looked at him and shook her head. She walked up and sat down in a chair next to him.

 

“Nick we can’t help but worry about you.”

 

He shook his head and turned his chair so that he could look at her and see her eyes.

 

“I am not a weak, poor abused boy who needs shelter and a shrink. I worked through it years ago. Stella, you, can’t you all just simply forget it happened?”

 

He felt like an idiot for asking this, but Stella smiled at him gently.

 

“Nick, no one sees you as weak, but we care for you.”

 

She trailed off, searching for words to express what she meant and Nick was surprised to see the ever eloquent woman struggling to find words.

 

“You changed so many things when you came here, not yourself thank god, but us. Since you came here we’re a team again, Mac laughs so much more and so does Danny. Danny’s eyes are free of shadows and I go home at night and sleep because I know I don’t have to worry about him or my best friend breaking down and burning out instead of talking to each other. Sheldon comes from the morgue just to take a coffee with you; Don had finally found someone who loves him.”

 

Nick felt as if she had slapped him. Not in a bad way, more in a wake up call one. He remembered something Danny had told him a while ago.

 

We were fractured and limping, barely a team and the gaps between us were growing larger every day.

 

He hadn’t really understood then, but found that he did now.

 

“So I am your mascot?”

 

Stella laughed and shook her head.

 

“No Nick, you’re our glue and that’s why we worry, that’s why we react like this when something happens, it’s because we care for you.”

 

He hated it, but at the same time had gotten used to the fact that strong emotions always resulted in tears for him. Not even bothering to hide them, he got up and hugged her close.

 

“Thanks Stella, thanks for caring”

 

She chuckled and shook her head.

 

“As if we could do anything but.”

 

With a slight slap on his arm she walked outside when Nick called her back.

 

“Stella”

 

He saw that she too had teary eyes and smiled inwardly, they were all saps weren’t they?

 

“It goes two ways, you know that don’t you? If you ever need anything...”

 

She smiled again and nodded.

 

“I know Nick, I know.”

 

---

 

*Chapter 11: Home sweet home*

 

“Tony”

 

Abby ran up and hugged her friend. He laughed, but she could feel him keep her at a certain distance and with a frown she looked at him.

 

“Are you hurt?”

 

He shrugged and just mumbled something about bruises, when she remembered the broken ribs. She immediately felt bad about assaulting him like that, but his smile was happy and full of joy and she knew that he didn’t take it the wrong way.

 

“It’s good to see you Abs.”

 

She smiled at the name, his special name for her and looked at him, and then looked again. He looked good, not that Tony ever didn’t look good. He was a master in disguising what he felt and often when he might look good, he didn’t feel as good. Today though was different and there was something else, something deeper and with a frown she looked at him once more.

 

“Something wrong with my pants?”

 

She grinned then and shook her head. She would find the source of it, don’t worry.

 

“How was the Big Apple?”

 

He grinned, but then shrugged.

 

“Big”

 

She loved this, loved and hated it, but mostly she was overjoyed that the teasing, playing side of Tony was back again. She hadn’t seen much of it lately; he had closed himself off after the incident with the plague and Kate’s death. Still, she wanted an answer and reaching for her scissors, she playfully threatened him.

 

“Tell me all about it or you get a new hairstyle a la Abby.”

 

Tony looked horrified, but the expression of shock was well faked and it made her smile once more.

 

“No threatening my agents please.”

 

She had seen Gibbs come in, but Tony hadn’t and so he couldn’t mask the moment of complete joy at hearing Gibbs’ voice. It was just a moment, but Abby had been looking for it and once more she sighed, only to stare and gasp. She had seen the joy and longing in Tony’s eyes whenever Gibbs was around many times, but it had always been followed by a deep-rooted sadness and pain. Today Tony just schooled his features back to normal and got up almost casually.

 

“Thanks for intervening boss, wouldn’t want to ruin my chances with the Ladies by getting an Abby styled hair cut.”

 

Abby was watching closely now, she could almost sense the change in their relationship, but maybe it was just her wishful...wow... No, it wasn’t.

 

She had seen Gibbs slap Tony what must be hundreds of times, but never like this. This wasn’t a slap, even if it looked like one, instead, Gibbs’ fingers caressed Tony’s scalp and combed through his hair before they finally released him again.

 

Abby blinked.

 

“Back to work, DiNozzo.”

 

Tony threw her a grin and walked towards the elevator. Gibbs’ eyes followed him, before he turned towards her.

 

“Detective Taylor asked me to thank you for your outstanding work and that he will ask for a recommendation for you.”

 

She grinned and looked at Gibbs.

 

“He asked? Gibbs, don’t tell me you weren’t really working with him, were you?”

 

Gibbs shrugged.

 

“It was his investigation, not mine.”

 

He left the lab and Abby who stood there gaping at the door. For a moment, she just stood there and then went over to grab a soda.

 

What the hell had happened in New York?

 

---

 

Don grinned as he watched Nick squirm in his seat. Unbelievable as it was, but even after meeting his parents several times, his lover was still nervous when they drove over to meet them.

 

“So it’s going to be your entire family.”

 

Nick made it sound as if he were on the way to his funeral and Don shook his head smiling lightly.

 

“Just my sisters, my parents and some random aunts and uncles... It’s going to be fun.”

 

But Nick’s hand was cold as he grabbed it and Don looked at his lover concerned. This wasn’t Nick’s normal anxiety; this was something far more serious. He hesitated for a second, then indicated right and stopped the car on the side of the street.

 

“Nick, you’re shivering, what is wrong?”

 

Nick sighed and Don grew even more concerned as he watched how Nick worried his lip with his teeth, before he started to speak.

 

“Does your entire family know and approve?”

 

The question surprised him and yet it shouldn’t have. He scolded himself at his thoughtlessness, but he had indeed forgotten about Nick’s unwillingness to be out. His lover was far more cautious about other people’s reactions to being gay, than he was. Don was aware that it would make his life as a cop hard were he outed, but he trusted in his abilities and his friends to watch his back. Nick on the other hand, Don frowned remembering a talk they had had a long time ago.

 

“Texas isn’t a good place to be gay, especially not if you happen to be a cop too.’

 

Swallowing his anger at the bigots that had hurt Nick and at himself for never pressing his partner about what really had happened in Dallas, Don turned his attention back to his lover and shrugged.

 

“One of my sisters has found Jesus a while ago, and now believes that she has to safe me from my mortal sin of being gay, but apart from that, they are cool with it.”

 

He had seen the flinch that Nick tried to hide and continued as if nothing had happened.

 

“If she starts talking about it, just stay quiet, cause normally either my aunt Roberta or my dad will shut her up.”

 

Don reached out and clasped both of Nick’s hands in his.

 

“They love you Nick, they met you and loved you. They liked you even before, because they could see how happy you made me.”

 

He leaned over and brushed his lips over Nick’s.

 

“Don’t worry, this is not Dallas.”

 

Nick smiled and Don saw that he had regained some color in his cheeks and then with a shake of his head, Nick sighed.

 

“Sorry, I know they aren’t like that. It’s just; you know that I am comfortable with who I am, what I am and whom I love. I am pretty much out to all of my friends and if some call me a fag, then it’s their loss, it’s just somehow harder with family.”

 

Don understood him; it was different when family was involved. He was glad to see his father stand outside as he drove up, Don Flack Sr. turned around and with watched his son and his son’s partner get out of the car and waved at them.

 

“Donnie, Nick great to see you!”

 

And walking over, he hugged Don and then Nick. Seeing the tension flow out of Nick’s body, Don shot his father a grateful look and got a wide smile back in return.

 

---

 

“So, you’re Don’s boyfriend.”

 

Nick smiled at the question, but it felt forced to him. No one had made any snide remarks; instead they had all welcomed him into the family after some probing questions which clearly were asked in order to find out whether he was good enough for Don. Still he felt as if he were just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

“Yes I am”

 

The older lady looked at him and grinned.

 

“He’s got good taste, that boy, who would have guessed by the way he chooses his ties.”

 

She sat down next to him and patted his knee.

 

“I am Roberta, I’m his sister.”

 

She gestured towards Don Sr. and Nick could indeed see the family resemblance in the movements, the way she just caught the attention of everyone if she wanted so. His head was already swimming with names, but he was sure, that he would not forget her name. Chatting with her about his job and some other small talk, he was surprised to note that he had relaxed and was actually enjoying himself. Roberta was a funny lady to speak to and he could only shake his head at some of the insightful, yet very cynical comments she made.

 

“40 years at the congress’ staff office and you loose every belief in democracy.”

 

She shrugged and laughed again.

 

“But now that I’m older than the furniture, I can speak my mind and they don’t dare to say anything back. I tell you Nick, age does have its advantages.”

 

Nick wanted to reply when he felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Don’s voice next to his ear.

 

“She telling you national secrets?”

 

Don laughed at his aunt and pulled a chair next to Nick to sit down. His hand easily came to rest on Nick’s shoulder and soon the three were laughing and talking merrily. Nick relaxed even more and smiled when Don’s hand trailed from his shoulder to his neck, caressing him softly.

 

“You lovebirds are so cute.”

 

Roberta’s comment made him blush, but Don just grinned at him and leaned over and brushed a kiss over Nick’s cheek.

 

“That’s disgusting behavior, how can you dare tainting father’s party like this?”

 

Nick felt Don tense, tensed himself and silently braced himself for the sniping comments and the hushed agreement to the accusations. It felt eerily like the last time he had gone to a party of his own family, only that he would have never dared to bring a boyfriend. No he had just been there and that had been enough.

 

“Sarah”

 

Don’s voice was cold as he acknowledged his sister, but before either of them could say anything, Roberta spoke.

 

“Unless you have something constructive to say Sarah, something like ‘hi Nick I am Sarah, nice to meet you’, I suggest you stay silent. Nick has been invited by your parents. He is their guest.”

 

But Nick saw the glare in Sarah’s eyes and knew that she would not be deterred.

 

“What he is doing is an adnominal sin against God! How can you expect me to be silent when I see my brother on the path to hell?”

 

She threw Nick a look so full of hatred and disgust that he flinched instinctively. Don’s arm around him got tighter and his partner looked at him with love.

 

“Don’t listen to her, believe me I’d much rather be in hell than in her kind of heaven.”

 

It had meant to be a joke, but it only made her angrier and ignoring her was not easy.

 

“You seduced him, you are the reason my brother succumbed to those sins.”

 

Don looked at her coldly but before he could say anything, his father walked over until he stood next to Nick and Don. Nick tensed and flinched when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, looking up he met Don’s mother’s eyes and saw the reassurance in the dark orbs. It calmed him enough to look at Don Sr.. The older man stood straight next to his son and the blue eyes were blazing with fire.

 

“Don’t you dare speaking of sins and sinners in this house.”

 

His voice was even, cold almost calm and somehow that shocked Nick almost more than his words. Don Sr. was the mirror image of Don when he was so angry that he was afraid of punching something.

 

“Don’t speak of sinners when you speak about your brother and his partner. Sins? You have no idea what kind of sins mankind can commit, but let me tell you one thing Sarah, loving someone is not a sin, not in my eyes nor in the eyes of the God I believe in, the God your mother believes in, the God we taught you to believe in.”

 

The other guests had fallen silent as Don Sr. had started to speak and Nick saw many nods at the last words.

 

“If you cannot behave the way we taught you, if it is asked too much of you to be open-minded about other people’s lives and beliefs, you should leave now.”

 

Don Sr.’s voice wavered at the last words, but his eyes met those of his daughter coldly. For a long time there was nothing but silence, and then Sarah turned around and left the garden without saying a word. Nick shook and looked at Don horrified.

 

“This is not right, she shouldn’t be the one forced to leave, this is not my home, and it is hers.”

 

Don took his hand, started to explain, but his father beat him to it.

 

“No Nick, it is not her home anymore, she herself rejects everything we taught her while she was growing up.”

 

There was a sad smile on the weathered face, but Nick also saw acceptance underneath the sadness.

 

“When Sarah told us that she had found a new life with God, we accepted her decision. We raised our kids to be independent, to find their own destiny and to think about their actions and the consequences. So we would have been hypocrites had we not accepted our daughter’s decision.”

 

Nick couldn’t help compare his own father to Don Sr., they both were similar men, both strong minded, but rocks for their families, but where Don Sr. had his principles based on the constitution and the right of choice and freedom, his father’s principles were from the Old Testament. And once more, he wondered if it was only what every one called the North-South divide or if it was something else too.

 

“When Don came out to us, I am not going to lie to you, I had a hard time accepting it.”

 

Don Sr. looked at his son and Nick saw the look of love and understanding that passed between them.

 

“I feared for Don, but I saw that it was who he was and I realized that it didn’t change that I was incredibly proud of him, that it didn’t change the fact that I love him.”

 

Don’s arm around him tightened and Nick could feel that the open declaration meant a lot to his lover.

 

“Sarah couldn’t accept it. She has forgotten everything we taught her. We taught our kids to be critical and to question black and white solutions, but she now denies the existence of grey. The woman you just saw leave was once my daughter Sarah, but I do not recognize her anymore.”

 

Nick’s heart broke at the sadness in the older man’s words, but before he could answer, Flack Sr. looked up and smiled.

 

“But I got another son now, someone who makes my Donnie happy and helps keeping my city safe. I think that makes me a lucky man.”

 

He clasped Nick’s shoulder, got up and walked away. Nick was still speechless, but Roberta chuckled.

 

“Big old softie”

 

She grinned at them, but her eyes were serious.

 

“Sarah knew what was going to happen; she knew her father would not let her get away with it.”

 

Nick nodded, but a question kept nagging him and later that day, when they drove back, he voiced it.

 

“Do you think, my father talks the same way about me?”

 

---

 

“So how is the New York team?”

 

Tony grinned at Abby’s question, knowing that she was dying to get some gossip.

 

“Well their ME once was a veritable medical prodigy.”

 

Ducky’s comment made them turn around and smile him as joined them in the break room for lunch.

 

“Was he?”

 

He was surprised, but then he hadn’t really talked to Sheldon Hawkes. Ducky nodded.

 

“Yeah, I remember reading some articles from him, one of the youngest ever to finish medical school, get papers published, but then he was not able to cope with the pressure of deciding over life and death. So he chose the ME profession, I find it fascinating really how the human mind works, this man is too afraid of killing someone and then becomes an ME...”

 

Abby rolled her eyes, but she did it with an amused glance and a fond smile.

 

“So who else is on the team?”

 

Tony smiled as he remembered the team and thought of the four men he had become friends with.

 

“Mac Taylor is the boss, he’s a Marine too, apparently higher ranked than Gibbs, whatever that means, and then there are Danny Messer, Stella Bonasera, Nick Stokes and Don Flack from the police forces as their usual link to the uniforms.”

 

The door opened and McGee came in, Tony smiled at him and continued.

 

“Messer’s a cool guy; kind of got a punk attitude, but boy he’s smart. Think of a cross between Abby and Probie with some gang mentality thrown in. Stella on the other hand, well she’s a class of her own, think Kate but with a Mediterranean temper, Abby’s open-mindedness and Gibbs’ protective instincts.”

 

He saw Ducky chuckle and Abby shudder, and he nodded. Yeah, Stella was a scary lady, but a wonderful friend.

 

“Right, not someone I want to cross.”

 

Abby looked around then and frowned suddenly.

 

“Where’s the boss man?”

 

Tony sighed; he didn’t want to think about where Jethro was right now or what he was doing.

 

“He’s got a meeting with Ziva.”

 

Abby wanted to ask more, but Ducky beat her to it.

 

“Why does the name Stokes sound familiar?”

 

Tony shrugged, he guessed why, but he didn’t want to talk about Nick’s ordeal and so he remained silent.

 

“He was abducted at a crime scene in Las Vegas about a year ago. Almost died when the perp buried him alive...”

 

Tony stared at McGee, but didn’t say anything, instead watched as Ducky processed the information and saw Abby pale.

 

“If I ever meet him, remind me not to tell him that I sleep in a coffin.”

 

He grinned at that and shook his head.

 

“Don’t think that would freak him out or at least not more than normally.”

 

She punched him lightly, and he grinned while his eyes checked the watch. Gibbs was already gone for 40 minutes, how long could it take?

 

“I remember reading about him. Did you know that in ancient Rome, it was the traditional punishment for the vestal virgins when they broke their oath of chastity? They were buried in an underground chamber for 28 days and given nothing but a piece of bread and a candle. Stories say that before the cages were closed, they were advised not to eat the bread because it would only lengthen their suffering and to light the candle as this would shorten it.”

 

Tony shivered at Ducky’s rambling and looked at him.

 

“Do me a favor, Ducky? If you ever meet Nick, don’t tell him this story ok?”

 

Ducky looked confused then shocked.

 

“Of course not, that poor boy”

 

They went back to work a few minutes later and Tony’s anxious gaze to the watch told him that almost an hour had passed.

 

Where was Gibbs?

 

---

 

“Why are we here?”

 

Gibbs saw that Ziva was both confused and annoyed. Her eyes swept over the empty gym as if to find a trap. He shook his head as he remembered Mac’s parting words.

 

“You have to deal with her before she turns that aggression against you. She has already hurt Tony once, don’t let her do it again.”

 

He knew Mac was right, Ziva only knew one side, her own. It was what she had been taught; it was what she did to survive. What had it been that Mac had said?

 

“She only understands the law of the jungle.”

 

Mac’s words echoed through him, he had placed her correctly and had laughed at Gibbs surprised face.

 

“I was in Beirut. Believe me I know the Mossad and you know them too, there are no teams in that world only alliances of convenience.”

 

Gibbs looked at Ziva now and could see how she started to fidget lightly under his hard gaze.

 

“I told you I would tolerate three mistakes. You made two now, one more and I cut you lose.”

 

She paled but lifted her head in defiance.

 

“Two, oh I see, Messer and Stokes. What’s wrong with you that those pretty boys get under your skin this much?”

 

Gibbs smiled and noted with satisfaction that she paled even more.

 

“Attacking two detectives of the NYPD was mistake two Ziva, mistake one was endangering a fellow agent.”

 

He had to keep a tight rope around his anger and emotions in this, because he wanted to scream at her for putting Tony’s life at risk.

 

“Tony was severely hurt and beaten and you knew it. Still you played it down, pretended it was nothing. What if he had gone onto another undercover mission? What if he had had internal bleeding?”

 

Gibbs saw that she wanted to dismiss the incident, but he stopped her with a look.

 

“Don’t you dare telling me that the life of one of my agents is not worth bothering about. That, Ziva, that would be strike three.”

 

She shook now, but he didn’t feel remorse, instead he stepped up close to her and looked her in the eyes.

 

“Don’t misunderstand me Ziva, if I say I cut you lose, I mean it. There will be no protection from NCIS and no more lies from me.”

 

He didn’t have to say anything else, he knew she understood. When he turned and walked out, she called him.

 

“What are you going to do now?”

 

He looked at her coldly.

 

“I am going to make sure that Jenny dear doesn’t misplace those complaints.”

 

He didn’t look back as he left the gym and the NCIS building. He needed to make a call and he couldn’t do that inside the office. Jen Sheppard was likely going to dispute the complaints and he needed to make sure that they were filed.

 

But there was another reason why he needed to call someone. Since he had lost Sharon and Kelly, he had never again cared about playing by the rules; they couldn’t hurt him because he had nothing left to lose. Now the game had changed again and he needed to make sure, that no matter what Jen Sheppard plans were, someone higher up had their backs. He would not lose Tony to office politics.

 

“Tom? Nice to hear you, listen I need your help.”

 

---

 

“Catherine? It’s Nick”

 

For a moment she thought she was dreaming, and then joy raced through her. She had missed Nick, had missed his smiles, his up beat and kind personality. They all had. It was more than a year since he had left and still she felt like something was missing every time she walked into the lab. There had been six new CSIs and none of them had stayed longer than two months. The last one had told her clearly:

 

I can’t become another person. I can’t become Nick Stokes.

 

It was unfair, she knew and yet she couldn’t help it. Maybe if Nick had stayed in contact with them, but he had never called or written. She knew that Grissom talked to him on a regular base, knew that Greg and he exchanged emails every once in a while, but for the rest of the team Nick Stokes had vanished.

 

“Cat, you there?”

 

Anxious and with a smile she answered.

 

“I am! God, Nicky it’s wonderful to hear from you. How are you? How is NY?”

 

She wanted to ask him about the boyfriend that Greg had been talking about, but she didn’t know if it was something she wasn’t supposed to know and so she stayed quiet.

 

“I am fine and so is NY. Cat, I need to know something.”

 

His voice was different, she noted. Colder, harder, more businesslike and frowning she asked again.

 

“Are you sure you are fine? Cause you don’t sound like it, don’t sound like the Nick I know.”

 

He laughed and something cold formed in her stomach. Nick was not alright, no something was wrong, terribly wrong.

 

“When I told you about my experiences as a kid, the Dylan Buckley case, you remember? Did you ever write any of it down or talk to someone about it?”

 

The question shocked her and for a second she almost got angry, then her answer was spontaneous.

 

“How can you think that? I never told anyone, this was your secret!”

 

He interrupted her and this time his voice was warmer and much more like the old Nick.

 

“I didn’t think you had, but someone knew about it and you are the only person next to Don that I told in my entire life.”

 

Don, that had to be the name of the boyfriend, but before she could ask anything Nick spoke again.

 

“Cat, can you do me a favor? After the abduction I had several sessions with Dr. Kane, can you try and get his notes? Maybe he wrote something down, maybe I let something slip then.”

 

It was a possibility, but she knew that Kane would never give her his file on Nick.

 

“I’ll send him a signed request to release my file and hand it to you, but I fax you a copy first and I want you to be there when he puts it in a folder.”

 

She agreed and they chatted for a bit longer about Vegas and Lindsey, when she put the phone down, she stared at it for a long time. He had changed she mused, had grown up, wasn’t so trusting anymore. Was it an after effect of his abduction? It had surprised her to hear him use the word so easily, to hear him mention the night so calmly. It was something neither she nor anyone else in the lab could, they all were still skirting around that night. Something Grissom had said lately came to her mind.

 

Nick is no longer here, he has moved on in order to live, and maybe it is time we do the same.

 

It had sounded harsh at the moment, but maybe he had been right. The Nick she had spoken to just minutes ago had talked about NY and had called the city his home. He had been more distant, but also more mature than she had ever experienced him in Vegas.

 

“Sorry Catherine, but there is a fax for you.”

 

She looked up and smiled at their newest CSI. Eric was more promising than all his predecessors, but then she and Warrick had already known him from their case in Miami a couple of years ago. It always helped a new start if some people were familiar and he certainly was good in his job.

 

“Thanks”

 

He smiled tentatively, but couldn’t quite hide the sadness in the dark eyes. She saw sadness and a pain that was deeply rooted and had been there already when he had started with the team. Sometimes she was tempted to ask, but then she had never interfered with other team members lives and she would not start now. There was however something she had to start again and that was the tradition of breakfast.

 

“Eric, we should get the team together for lunch what do you think? I’ll call Grissom and Warrick; can you grab Greg and Sara?”

 

For a moment he looked surprised then he smiled and nodded. Her eyes followed him as he left her office, Grissom had been right, she realized with a start. It was time to move on and with another start she realized something else.

 

Moving on, didn’t mean that she had to leave Nick behind.

 

---

 

*Chapter 12 Home sweet home*

 

The call came fifteen minutes before lunch and Gibbs growled lightly. Talking curtly, he shook his head after finishing the call, growled once more and then called his team.

 

“McGee, Ziva get down and get the car, Tony can you call Ducky and give him the coordinates? We’ve got a case.”

 

Tony snagged the sheet from his fingers and called Ducky with the details while he simultaneously strapped on his gun, tie and jacket. Gibbs admired the fluent, graceful movements for a moment then caught himself doing it and shook his head. Since they had become lovers, those moments of absence had increased instead of lessened. He often found himself looking at Tony, remembering how he had looked early in the morning, just waking up, eyes still clouded with sleep. Weird, how he found those moments so much more intimate, so much more precious than any of the same moments with is ex-wives.

 

“Ah... boss?”

 

Tony’s voice brought him back to reality and he glared as he saw the grin on his face. Tony seemed to know exactly where his mind just had drifted off to.

 

“Let’s go DiNozzo”

 

He strode out of the room and noticed how Tony automatically fell in step with him. The warmth that spread through him now, had nothing to do with desire and everything with love. He hid it until they were in the elevator. Safe from prying eyes, he looked up and at Tony.

 

“You always have my six, don’t you?”

 

Surprised at the comment Tony frowned and Gibbs saw the confusion in the hazel eyes.

 

“You know that I do, boss.”

 

Gibbs smiled and walked closer towards him. Gently he cupped Tony’s face with his hand and smiled.

 

“I do Tony, but I’m still grateful for it.”

 

He could see the tiny shiver that ran through Tony at his answer and cursed their case. He didn’t want to drive to some airbase where a dead man had been found; he wanted to stop the elevator and kiss Tony, hold his lover close and never let him go. He couldn’t though and as they arrived at the garage, they both looked as if nothing had happened.

 

“Ziva, McGee you take that car, Tony you’re with me.”

 

McGee and Tony exchanged looks and Gibbs knew that although neither man appreciated their respective drivers, the looks were still all for show. The drive was silent until Tony started to speak and from the way Tony fidgeted in the car, Gibbs could tell that the next few words were important to Tony.

 

“What are you doing on the weekend?”

 

Surprised he looked at Tony for a moment, but turned his concentration back to the road immediately. Weekend? So far he and Tony had spent only a few nights together and of course never twice in a row. He hated it, but he knew about the importance of secrecy as Tom’s words came back to him.

 

I can suppress rumors and accusations, but I can’t manipulate pictures.

 

He had been silent for too long, and he realized it as soon as Tony seemed to withdraw.

 

“I mean, it’s not that I don’t have plans, just you know, just wanted to give you a heads up...”

 

Tony was babbling and as they stopped at the next red light Gibbs took a deep breath, held Tony by the neck and made him look at him. He saw the shiver that ran through his lover and silently wondered if Tony had any idea how naturally submissive and instinctive he reacted to Gibbs. Locking his eyes with Tony’s Gibbs spoke slowly and intently.

 

“You don’t have plans for the weekend, and if you have any then cancel them. Because you will be with me and it won’t be here.”

 

Color rose in Tony’s face and Gibbs watched with a silent thrill how Tony shivered again. His lover’s reactions fed something inside him, something he kept buried and carefully repressed. He knew that he was possessive, close to bordering on obsession when it came to a lover, knew that he had a dominant streak, but he had never let that out in a sexual way, never until now.

 

“Where will we be then?”

 

Gibbs smiled at the curiosity and trust in Tony’s voice. It had been a spur of the moment idea to go somewhere with his partner, but the longer he thought about it, the better it sounded.

 

“Colorado”

 

Tony wanted to ask more, but Gibbs prevented any questions when he stopped the car in front of a non-descript house. Not waiting for his lover, he got out and showed his ID to the man standing at the door.

 

“NCIS, this is our case, I presume?”

 

---

 

“Nick, Danny you got a homicide in Tribeca, Stella there’s a robbery with a shooting in Brooklyn. So that’s it, let’s move.”

 

Looking at each other, Nick saw the question in Danny’s eyes, but it was Stella who asked it.

 

“What are you on Mac?”

 

Mac shrugged.

 

“Preparing for the annual budget meeting tomorrow, finishing paperwork at least until something else comes in.”

 

Nick grinned but kept his mouth shut until they were outside.

 

“That must be the first time that Mac hopes for a crime to happen.”

 

Danny chuckled and fell into step with Nick; they went to the car in silence, and had just started to drive when Nick suddenly remembered something.

 

“Tony says hi and asked how you’re doing. I think he’ll probably call you later this week.”

 

He could see that Danny was getting worried and grinned at his friend.

 

“Nothing wrong, don’t worry. Tony just needs some advice on how to deal with a slightly overprotective, very possessive older Marine lover. So I told him that he should ask you, I mean Don’s intense, but no where near Mac’s level.”

 

Danny blushed at those words and Nick looked at his friend from the corner of his eyes while he mainly concentrated on the street. Danny sighed and Nick suddenly wondered if he had hit a nerve and unknowingly opened a wound.

 

“Hey, you and Mac are alright, aren’t you?”

 

The reaction was immediate; and Nick couldn’t help to be relieved at the surprise and light amusement in Danny’s eyes. He wanted his friends to be happy and Danny and Mac certainly were a lot happier together than apart.

 

“Yeah, we are, don’t worry. He’s just, he’s. We’re here; I’ll explain it at lunch ok?”

 

Nick nodded and got out of the car, grabbed his kit and showed his badge to the uniformed officer at the door.

 

“Seventh floor”

 

Thanking the cop, he waited next to Danny for the elevator and after a short ride walked into the apartment. A couple of uniforms were standing around while a man and a woman in civilian clothes were looking at various things. Nick groaned lightly as he watched both man and woman pick up random things, putting them back again.

 

“Well at least they are wearing gloves.”

 

Danny grinned at the comment and Nick had a sudden flashback to Vegas and how he’d always grinned when Grissom had given some poor officer a lesson about crime scenes and proper behavior. The memory made him smile and yet feel slightly gloomy, sometimes he missed working with Grissom, missed being able to learn from his friend and soak up his knowledge.

 

“Gentlemen, would you all please leave this flat so that we can start processing?”

 

The uniformed officers looked at him and Nick smiled friendly, but without giving in an inch as his eyes followed each man as they walked out. Finally he and Danny were alone with the two detectives. Walking up to them, he smiled and introduced himself and Danny.

 

“Detectives Messer and Stokes from the crime lab, what do we have?”

 

The man stepped forward and Nick saw the muscled body underneath the shirt and suit, noted the short cut hair, the alert blue eyes and he smiled. Another Mac-clone, they seemed to be rampant in law enforcement.

 

“I’m Detective Stabler and this is my partner Detective Benson, we’re from SVU. We’ve got a dead man and a dead woman, shot during a potential rape.”

 

Nick nodded and walked over to the bedroom. Blinking once he looked at the woman, who was tied to the bed, gagged with a band of cloth and had a blind fold over her eyes. On top of her was a man who had had sex with her when he had been shot.

 

“Husband returned home, saw his wife getting raped and shot the rapist.”

 

Nick looked Detective Benson and then back at the corpses.

 

“Thought he was saving his wife, but instead the bullet went through the bastard and killed her too.”

 

Stabler was speaking now and his voice was full of disgust as he mentioned the rapist and Nick silently raised an eyebrow. He didn’t comment on it thought, just continued to look at the tableau. He trusted Stabler and Benson’s assessment, but what they told him didn’t fit what he saw.

 

“You got the weapon, I assume.”

 

Detective Benson nodded and Nick looked at Danny.

 

“Can you take pictures?”

 

Danny started snapping away, while Nick slowly approached the bed.

 

“Does the husband know whether his wife was into bondage?”

 

Danny looked up and Nick could see how Stabler glared at him. He obviously wanted to say something but was stopped by Detective Benson.

 

“No, why?”

 

Snapping on his gloves, Nick nodded at Sheldon with a smile and pointed towards the body.

 

“You’re done?”

 

Sheldon stepped back and waved at the paramedics, but Nick shook his head.

 

“Can you give me a minute?”

 

Sheldon shrugged.

 

“Take as many as you want, neither of them will ever be late for a meeting.”

 

Sheldon’s soft melancholic voice made Nick smile softly too, but then he leaned down and looked at the cuffs tying the woman to the bed.

 

“These cuffs are high quality leather, see that?”

 

He waved at Stabler and Benson and showed them the closing and opening mechanism.

 

“They are designed in a way that she could have gotten out, had she wanted.”

 

Benson frowned and Nick could see that she was making the connection.

 

“What if she was drugged?”

 

He nodded and smiled at Sheldon.

 

“Tox screen will show that, but until then there’s another thing, look at the clothes.”

 

He pointed towards the carefully folded pants and undershirt lying on a chair, and then to the shirt hanging neatly on a coat hanger.

 

“How many rapists have you seen in your career that took the time to undress completely, fold their clothes and hang up their shirts?”

 

Stabler frowned, but it was Danny who played the devil’s advocate role as he always did when they worked together and Nick formulated a theory. It was one reason they were so good together the fact that they challenged each other.

 

“If he had her drugged and tied up, might have heightened his arousal.”

 

His friend had a point, but still the setting was too clean and shrugging silently Nick began to untie the woman and carefully labeled every piece of evidence before he put it away. Once they had untied the woman, the paramedics brought the corpses away and Sheldon looked at Nick.

 

“I’ll call you when I’m done ok?”

 

Nick nodded absently while he dusted the side table for prints; he was engrossed in his job, focused on finding even the smallest bit of evidence. Danny watched his friend for a moment, then left the room and started to process the bathroom.

 

---

 

Olivia watched as the two CSIs slowly but surely took over the investigation. She had seen how Elliot had tensed as the ME told Stokes and not them that he would call and something Fin had said about Taylor’s team flittered through her head.

 

They are the best in NY, if not the country, but they expect you to support them and not the other way round.

 

It seemed to be true and still she couldn’t begrudge Stokes. He had called them on their prejudices without saying anything. Elliot still stared at Stokes and Olivia shook her head. She loved her partner, but sometimes he was too damn stubborn for his own good.

 

“Nick, take a look at this.”

 

She followed Messer’s call and saw him show Stokes some receipts.

 

“Seems she liked to live dangerously and her husband didn’t know.”

 

Stokes frowned at the comment, but nodded after he had looked at the receipts which he handed to Olivia as she walked in. Looking at the papers, she nodded thoughtfully.

 

“Receipts for the ‘Bondage Cellar’, down in Soho, we’ll check it out. Can you give us a call if something comes up?”

 

Stokes looked up and for a quick moment their eyes met. She could see nothing but professional curtsey in the dark eyes, but as they moved over to Elliot, she saw how fond amusement lit them up for a second.

 

“Sure will, sure will.”

 

She left them doing their job and waited for Elliot to follow her.

 

“Arrogant prick”

 

Surprised at her partner’s outburst, she threw him a look. Normally he wasn’t so easily rattled and it shocked her to see this animosity against someone he didn’t know at all.

 

“What’s wrong? He was just doing his job.”

 

Elliot sighed and she could see him deflate with exhaustion.

 

“We should have seen it Olivia, why did we just believe the husband? I mean for goodness sake, Stokes walks into that room, looks around for not even a minute and tells us something we should have seen. We are SVU and still haven’t seen it.”

 

It wasn’t Stokes; she understood and put a comforting hand on Elliot’s shoulder.

 

“Maybe we didn’t see it because we’re SVU, because we have seen too many scenes just like that and know how easily something can go wrong. And you know, it’s why we work with CSIs and other specialists, so that they see what we do not.”

 

But Elliot shook his head.

 

“Cragen was right when he told me that I am letting my emotions blind me.”

 

She was deeply worried by now, but they had arrived at their destination and Elliot got out immediately. Her eyes followed him as she walked into the store after him. Something was wrong with her partner, but she didn’t know what.

 

“Hi Detective Stabler and Benson, do you remember if you have seen this woman in here?”

 

---

 

“I am seriously getting too old for this.”

 

Tony groaned as he tried to stand up and his body protested painfully. Every bone hurt from the chase, the fall and the fight with their suspect. He groaned once more and shot McGee a pleading look.

 

“Can you get me some coffee please?”

 

McGee just shook his head and threw a paper ball at him.

 

“Stop whining please, I’ll even get you a coffee.”

 

He grinned at the comment, but as he got up his back protested and he grabbed the table for support as dizziness swept through him. Sitting down again he couldn’t help a tiny gasp of real pain.

 

“DiNozzo”

 

Gibbs’ voice made him look up and he saw his boss looking at him impatiently.

 

“Do your job or go home and take the rest of the day as sick leave, but don’t hang around here doing nothing ok?”

 

From the corner of his eyes, Tony saw Ziva grin at the reprimand and only two weeks ago the very same words would have hurt him deeply. Now though he saw the concern in Gibbs’ blue eyes, the fear heavily veiled but still there and most of all he saw love.

 

Had those emotions always been there?

 

The question made him swallow hard and a shiver went through him. Had Gibbs always looked at him with concern and love and had he just been too blind to see it?

 

“Ok that’s it, you’re going home.”

 

Gibbs was standing in front of him and Tony blinked. When had he walked over to his desk?

 

“It’s ok boss, I’m fine, just sore.”

 

But Gibbs just kept looking at him until he bowed his head and confessed.

 

“Ok, I’m a little dizzy, but that’s going to pass soon.”

 

“Did Ducky check you out?”

 

Tony grimaced knowing that Gibbs would call Ducky if he said yes. He also knew that lying to his boss and lover was not a good idea and giving in he shook his head.

 

“No, look it really isn’t anything; it was just a tumble.”

 

Gibbs’ eyes darkened and he hauled Tony out of his chair and dragged him to the elevator.

 

“Boss.”

 

But even inside the elevator, Gibbs didn’t release him, instead pressed the stop button and pulled Tony tight against him. Reveling in the closeness, the heat and the feeling of safety, Tony moaned lightly.

 

“You have no idea what I felt, when I saw you fall down those stairs, and then later he was banging your head against the steps and we were still to far away to do anything. What in hell possessed you to jump after him like that?”

 

The shivers that accompanied Gibbs’ words told Tony more than any word ever could about what had gone through his lover right at that moment.

 

“I wasn’t thinking much boss; I just didn’t want him to get away.”

 

Gibbs pushed him away slightly and forced him to meet his eyes.

 

“Don’t play with your life like this Tony. Our job is dangerous enough as it is, I don’t need you to be careless with your health. I can’t lose you Tony, you got that?”

 

For a moment they both froze as the truth of Gibbs’ confession sank in. Can’t, not won’t, so far Gibbs’ statement always had been that he wouldn’t lose Tony, but those words had been a lie. It wasn’t a matter of won’t, it was a matter of can’t. Tony stared at his lover and saw how Gibbs’ face closed off and he reacted instantly.

 

“No, you can’t lose me, because I’ll be with you. You can’t make me leave, got that?”

 

Gibbs’ face was a mask and Tony wanted to scream as Gibbs pressed the stop button again.

 

“Ok, so get yourself checked out by Ducky and then go home. I’ll be with you in a couple of hours.”

 

The elevator moved again and Tony remained silent until they reached Ducky’s morgue. Gibbs didn’t come in just squeezed his hand and turned around. Tony entered and let himself get prodded by Ducky while explained what had happened.

 

“So he was running down the stairs and I thought that if I tackled him, I’d get him. I just hadn’t expected him to fight so hard and we ended up tumbling down the stairs while trading blows...”

 

Ducky shook his head, but declined to comment something Tony was grateful about. Carefully probing a rather large bump on Tony’s head, he shook his own head.

 

“How did you get that?”

 

Tony growled lightly.

 

“He got the upper hand and slammed my head against the stairs a couple of times.”

 

Jethro had screamed at the other man then, told him to freeze or being shot. And when Tony had looked up, he had seen his lover standing over them, his gun pointed at their suspect’s head, his eyes full of anger, promising death to anyone who hurt Tony.

 

“You have a hard head Anthony, but I agree with Jethro, you should go home and take things slow for today. Did you get a head ache or feel dizzy?”

 

Tony nodded and while he dressed, Ducky called Jethro.

 

“Jethro, I am sending Tony home.”

 

He fell silent and shook his head.

 

“No nothing serious, just a light concussion which means that he shouldn’t be alone. Abby? Ok, I’ll ask her and tonight? You’re around ok, great.”

 

Ducky smiled and Tony groaned.

 

“Abby’s going to baby-sit me? Ducky you know that I will get no rest then.”

 

But Ducky was already on the phone with the lab tech and soon enough Abby was driving them home.

 

“Don’t worry Tony, I’ll let you sleep.”

 

She grinned as he lay down on the bed and he saw how she counted the seconds before she delivered the punch line.

 

“After all Gibbs will probably want to check personally that you are alright.”

 

He tensed but a soft hand on his shoulder made him relax again.

 

“It’s ok Tony; your secret is safe with me. I think it’s sexy, would love to watch!”

 

He laughed then, because of course she was Abby. Soon enough though, Ducky’s drugs made him sleepy and he drifted off with the feeling of a hand in his hair and gentle words in his ears.

 

“You two deserve to be happy.”

 

---

 

Stella smiled as she watched Mac bent over some figures, his hair was disordered as if he had been running his fingers through it a lot and he wore an expression of frustration on his face.

 

“Something wrong?”

 

He looked up and waved her in before pointing at the reports in disgust.

 

“Budget?”

 

She knew he hated the administrative side of his job and that he felt as if it took too much time, time he’d rather spend looking for evidence. Still looking at his face right now, she guessed that today was worse than normal.

 

“You know if I had wanted to become an accountant, I would have become one.”

 

Another smile ran over her face, before she turned serious again.

 

“Do you need a hand?”

 

He looked up and a smile played around his eyes.

 

“I thought you would never ask.”

 

---

 

“Ok spill it.”

 

Danny groaned, he had really hoped that Nick would have forgotten about his comment regarding Mac. He should have known better though, his friend was worried and wanted to know what was wrong. And if he was honest, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Nick, it just was, Danny blushed and immediately saw Nick grin.

 

“You remember what you said about Mac being really intense? Well I think he is actually toning it down around us, especially around me.”

 

Nick frowned and shook his head.

 

“What do you mean, especially around you?”

 

A shiver ran through Danny as he recalled the night when Mac had pinned him to the wall and held him captive and although he blushed he told Nick about the events of that night.

 

“I could see it then, he wants me, I mean I knew that before, but there was more. He really, really wants me, wants to claim me, wants me to surrender to him.”

 

Nick too had blushed by now and rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. Danny chuckled knowingly as it suddenly occurred to him, that Nick probably wondered how work with Mac in the future and not think about the image Danny had just painted of their boss. He recovered quickly though and there was a teasing light in his eyes as he shook his head.

 

“So basically you’re telling me that you want to get kinky with Mac.”

 

Danny blushed but still stood his ground and nodded; he too grinned but turned serious again soon.

 

“More than that Nick, I mean when he held me there I wanted to go on my knees for him. It just felt right and that’s when I realized that I want to give myself over to him, want him to hurt me, to own me and I know he wants it too.”

 

His head was probably red enough to warrant for a fire alarm, but Nick’s face wasn’t any paler and in many ways it felt good to talk to his friend and find out how Nick thought about those fantasies that somehow scared and turned Danny on at the same time.

 

“He’s not doing anything though, I mean he loves me and the sex we have is great, but sometimes I can almost feel that he’s holding some part of him locked inside.”

 

There was a contemplative look on Nick’s face, and then he shrugged.

 

“Don’t you think Mac’s reaction is kind of normal? He knows about Sonny and he’s probably terrified of scaring you or even worse of hurting you the way Sonny did.”

 

Nick’s answer mirrored Mac’s so much that Danny wanted to scream in frustration. Didn’t they see that this was different? He shook his head and forced himself to calm down and keep his voice quiet.

 

“But it’s Mac and that’s why it will be different. I trust him like I never trusted anyone in my life. Do you really think that I would ask for this if I were afraid? I love Mac and I...”

 

A hand on his arm stopped his tirade and he met Nick’s smiling eyes.

 

“You don’t have to persuade me, it’s Mac and I think he needs to hear what you’ve just told me.”

 

Danny knew that Nick was right, but it was a lot easier to explain everything to Nick who despite being intense in his own way was never as intense as Mac was. Even more though, he wouldn’t lose Nick because of his fantasies and he was terrified of losing Mac. Looking down at his plate, he played with his food and ate some of it without much appetite when Nick’s phone rang.

 

“He did, ok, yeah sure we will. Where? Ok we’re on our way.”

 

Danny looked questioningly and Nick explained the call.

 

“Benson and Stabler, they were at the bondage shop and the clerk recognized our victim, said she’d come here several times with the guy who was shot too. He also saw another guy lurking around while they were here; they are currently preparing the surveillance tapes.”

 

This time Danny drove and the entire time he felt Nick look at him until his friend suddenly grinned.

 

“Maybe talking really is overrated. Maybe you should just show Mac what you want from him...”

 

He was still blushing as they entered the shop. A short look at the items displayed made him blush even more, but at the same time he could see the point of Nick’s comment and with a spontaneous decision, he stepped back and nodded at Nick who had just identified himself. For a moment his friend frowned, then made the thumbs up sign and disappeared into another room with one of the clerks.

 

“Hey I’m Carl, can I help you?”

 

The man asking him was about forty, tall and well built. Danny blushed a bit, but was determined to go through with this.

 

“I want to surprise my boyfriend. He’s mentioned some of this, so I think he would like something.”

 

Boyfriend, how weird was that? Calling Mac his boyfriend? And yet it also made feel warm and fuzzy and he almost missed the guy’s next question.

 

“So you two never played before?”

 

He shrugged and looking anywhere but at Carl he hazarded a guess.

 

“He has, I haven’t.”

 

Carl looked at him critically and then narrowed his eyes.

 

“He’s the top?”

 

The thought of Mac being the one submitting made him smile for a second, then though he remembered all those nights when Mac couldn’t sleep and willingly surrendered control to Danny and let himself be comforted by the younger man. Mac did submit to him, he realized, it was just a different way of submitting, a different setting. Noticing the look Carl gave him, he nodded.

 

“Yeah, he is.”

 

Carl’s eyes narrowed even further as he frowned.

 

“Then he should be here and not you.”

 

Shaking his head annoyed, Danny wanted to say something, as Carl calmly stopped him.

 

“It’s how it works, boy. Toys, collars, all those things are the Dom’s responsibility. He chooses them and he keeps them in good condition. It’s not a Sub’s decision which collar or plug to wear. All a Sub has to do is to follow his master’s orders.”

 

The words made Danny shiver as they woke images of him tied to the bed and Mac selecting yet another item to torture and please him. Fixing Carl with eyes, he gave in and explained a bit more of his situation.

 

“Once I get it through to him, that I want that, he can do all that, but first of all I need him to understand that I am serious about this.”

 

Carl looked thoughtful now, then walked over and grabbed some items from the selection.

 

“Cuffs, a cockring and a plug”

 

He took the leather cuffs from their box and put them around Danny’s wrists.

 

“Are they ok?”

 

Danny shivered at the feeling, but they felt good and as he nodded Carl smiled.

 

“Prepare yourself, put the ring on you, use the plug to open yourself, hand your lover the cuffs and tell him that you are prepared and waiting for him in bed.”

 

Danny could feel himself blush once more, but at the same time his body tensed and hardened at the thought of Mac’s reaction to such an announcement.

 

“And if he doesn’t react, you might have to call an ambulance or an undertaker.”

 

There was a smile in Carl’s eyes and Danny was glad that he didn’t make any lewd comments. Neither did Nick, but his friend grinned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Not a word”

 

And Nick kept silent, but somehow his grin spoke volumes anyway.

 

---

 

Tony woke slowly, then shivered as he felt Jethro next to him and opened his eyes to meet his lover’s.

 

“Hey”

 

A hand caressed his face lovingly and Jethro smiled.

 

“You still feeling dizzy?”

 

Sitting up, Tony waited for the dizziness to set in, but it didn’t come back, even as he carefully shook his head. His muscles protested though and he groaned.

 

“Not dizzy, but sore.”

 

Gently, Jethro urged him to lie down onto his stomach and then Tony felt the strong hands start to knead his back. His lover took his time, interrupting the gentle massage with soft kisses to his neck and back.

 

“You scared me today.”

 

He was almost too tired to answer, but he could feel the tension in Jethro’s body and remembered the concern and fear he’d seen in the blue eyes.

 

“Won’t leave you.”

 

Once more a kiss was pressed to his neck, this time though it was followed by a sharp bite, Tony yelped but immediately started purring again when Jethro soothed the bite with his tongue.

 

“Damn right Tony, you won’t leave me, cause I won’t let you go.”

 

It should have scared him, but Jethro’s hands were so tender, his lips so loving that he didn’t even think twice, instead he just smiled and mumbled.

 

“Good”

 

---

 

Danny was up to something. Mac was sure of that. All afternoon his lover had been especially bouncy, almost hyper, adding a sheer constant blush and it was enough to make him suspicious.

 

On the other hand, maybe he was overcompensating. Maybe he was disturbed by the evidence he and Nick were processing. Mac stood in front of the lab table and looked at the leather cuffs, the ball gag and the whip Nick and Danny had found at their victim’s home. The items seemed to mock him, seemed to laugh at him. Every time he had watched Danny touch them his body had tightened while his mind had flashed back to another case where bondage had been involved.

 

Danny had almost broken down back then; he had seen the whips and clamps and had paled. Mac had found him retching over a toilet and had held his shivering lover while Danny had talked about the abuse he’d endured at Sonny’s hands. A shiver ran through Mac at the memory and he turned away from the evidence with a pained expression. Just seeing Danny handle such items had made him tense with longing.

 

How could he feel like this, after he had witnessed what seeing the real thing did to his lover, after he had dried Danny’s tears? How sick did it make him to still get turned on by the thought of Danny at his mercy? How perverted was he that he still dreamed of tying his lover up and make him lose control?

 

The questions hurt him, shook his belief in who he was and he walked back to the office, closing the door behind himself grateful about the silence. Sitting down, Danny’s words suddenly resonated through his mind.

 

“I can handle being your lover. I can take what you give me.”

 

Danny had looked at him full of confidence and trust, but Mac’s heart squeezed painfully and his mind projected other pictures in front of his eyes. They were pictures of a much younger Danny, a young man tied to a bed, tears in his eyes and streaming over his face. Mac had never told Danny about the photos, he had told his lover about the threats from Sonny and his lawyer, but he had never mentioned that he had been given terrible proof of his abuse.

 

“Mac? Are you ok?”

 

Nick’s voice brought him back to reality and he saw him standing in the door looking concerned.

 

“I’m fine, just tired. How’s the case going?”

 

How’s Danny doing? But he didn’t ask knowing that Danny hated being patronized, still though he could see that Nick heard the silent question underneath the asked one.

 

“Going well, it certainly wasn’t rape but consensual although rough play... Now we have to find out if the husband thought it was a rape or if he knew what it was. My guess is on the latter though.”

 

Mac nodded and Nick hesitated for a moment, finally walked into his office and closed the door.

 

“Do you and the SVU have some history? Stabler almost bit my head off when I dared to question his assessment.”

 

Thinking back to the few times, he had worked with Benson and Stabler, Mac didn’t come up with something that would warrant a lasting grudge. Nick shrugged and smiled easily.

 

“Olivia is a sweetheart though, so it works out well.”

 

Mac saw him walk towards the door and for a moment, he wanted to ask him about Danny when Nick turned around once more.

 

“Danny’s alright Mac. And he knows that he can trust you.”

 

---