Don was smiling as he walked out of the interrogation room. They had nailed their killer, Frank Kraft and that alone made his day worthwhile. It would not bring Maureen Durban and her husband back and neither would it soothe the pain of the young soldier’s mother, but at least they could find relief in the fact that the killer had been found.
“Don”
Sheldon’s voice made him stop, there was something akin to dread in the usually cultivated voice and he tensed slightly before he turned around and looked at the ME.
“What’s wrong?”
Sheldon smiled a bit, but immediately turned serious, before he could explain though Mac and Danny stepped out of the room and stood next to Don. Don looked questioningly at Sheldon and finally Sheldon sighed.
“It’s Nick.”
Don tensed and felt dread forming in his body, a glance towards Danny showed him the same tension in his friend’s frame, but it was Mac’s eyes that threw him. Mac looked at Sheldon with eyes that were suddenly burning with anger.
“What happened?”
Even Don flinched at the ice cold voice Mac used when he pressed Sheldon for details and he felt bad for Shel who obviously only was the messenger. Looking at Danny, he glanced at Mac and then calmly waited for Shel to gather his courage. It killed him to wait and not being able to run through the hallway towards his lover.
“I don’t know, but I saw Stella practically dragging Ziva down the corridor and when I went into the break room, I saw Nick and...”
Sheldon trailed off and turned towards Don. His dark eyes bore into the Don’s blue ones and Don felt slow terror in his belly at the fear and pain he saw in Sheldon’s eyes.
“Don, I have never seen him like this. He was sitting on the floor, shaking and when I touched him, he looked at me with such a horror in his eyes.”
It was hard to keep himself steady, to not run immediately towards the break room and his lover, but Don could see that Sheldon was not yet done with his tale.
“It was as if he were somewhere else, as if he were trapped in a nightmare.”
Trapped in a nightmare.
Don’s mind flashed back to the scene he had worked with Nick shortly after he had come to New York. They had found a dead body in a underground tunnel and Nick had been weirdly reluctant to go into the dark tunnel, Don had teased him, but when the light had gone out and Nick had panicked his teasing had changed into panic.
Now, all those months later the moments when he had held Nick, when he had tried to bring him back were still edged in his memory.
“Let me out,
get me out”
Don was shaking with fear as he struggled to keep Nick still and make sure that the CSI wasn’t hurting himself or disturbing the evidence. Somehow he knew that Nick would never forgive himself if he contaminated the scene with this panic attack. The tears and the fear, no terror in the dark eyes tore at his heart, but it were the desperate pleas to ‘get me out’ that broke it.
“Nick, everything is ok.”
And still Nick fought against him, until he suddenly deflated and all fight went out of him. For just a second Don was relieved until he saw Nick’s face and froze. There still was utter terror in every cell, but where there had been fight and spirit before they had been replaced by a complete defeat and hopelessness. Without thinking he pressed Nick against his body, caressing his back and repeated again and again.
“It’s alright Nick, you are safe, I am here.”
He had dreamed of this, had dreamed of having Nick in his arms, and of caressing him, but this was a cruel perversion of all his fantasies. The man he held now was not the strong, thoughtful and intelligent man he fallen in love with. No, Nick was a quivering mess and the sheer terror in his eyes made Don want to hold him close and never let him go. All pretence of not liking Nick or just wanting him was gone. Instead all he concentrated on was to soothe the other man, tear him back to reality and out of the nightmare that held him captive.
He had realized that he loved Nick that day and in the same night, he and Nick had made their first tentative step into their relationship. A shiver ran through Don, Nick had been doing so well, no nightmares, no screams at night, he had even conquered his fear of insects with the help of letters and books from his former boss.
What had Ziva done?
Anger rose in him, but he quenched it quickly knowing that Ziva could wait, Nick on the other hand couldn’t. A hand on his shoulder tore him from his thoughts and he met Danny’s concerned eyes.
“Go to him, he needs you now.”
He didn’t think about anything, not about the fact that Sheldon had come to him of all people or that anyone would consider it weird if he comforted Nick and almost ran through the hallway towards the room Hawkes had pointed him.
What he saw made his heart break, Nick was bent over a microscope and to the entire world he looked as if he were diligently studying some evidence. Don however saw the tension in his lover’s shoulders; saw the tremors that seemed to run through his body. Sighing inaudibly, he walked into the lab and called out to his partner.
“Nick”
Nick flinched at the words and Don felt himself tense even more as he looked into his lover’s eyes for the first time. They were dark with remembered pain, haunted in a way he had only seen them once before and immediately he knew that it wasn’t the memory of the burial that had made Nick panic, but the memory of a much older, much deeper wound and once more he had to bury his rage.
How could Ziva use something like this against Nick?
Another thought hit him hard and he felt himself sway.
How had Ziva found out?
“Sheldon told you.”
Nick’s voice was flat and for a second Don closed his eyes, and then opening them again he nodded and looked straight at his lover. He could easily see how Nick withdrew behind invisible walls and without thinking he reached out and touched Nick’s face.
“Please, love, don’t shut me out.”
Once more Nick flinched and this time the movement felt like a tangible slap to Don, he removed his hand, but could not mask the hurt that flashed in his eyes and immediately Nick reached out and grasped his hand.
“Sorry, but, not here”
Glancing around, Don noticed the openness of the lab and nodding slowly; he moved his head and walked towards one of the meeting rooms. He entered it and shut the blinds while he waited for Nick to close the door. When he heard the click of the lock, he turned around and simply opened his arms. Something akin to a sob escaped his lover and then Nick was in his arms, his body shaking with sobs so desperate that Don wanted to go out and kill Ziva for putting his lover through this.
“She knew.”
It was a mere whisper, but Nick’s entire body seemed to scream his pain and confusion and Don sighed.
“It’s not in a file. I only told Catherine and Grissom and you. How... how could she know?”
It was a question Don had asked himself already, but he too had not come to a conclusion apart from one that he didn’t like at all. He didn’t want to disturb Nick though and so he simply made a mental note to talk to Tony and concentrated on holding his lover close and safe in his arms.
“I’m taking you home.”
Nick tensed at his whispered words and stubbornly shook his head.
“I leave, she wins.”
It made him smile to see the Nick he knew and loved behind the broken man he held in his arms, on the other hand he knew that what Nick needed now was going home and rest. He wanted to make sure that his lover forgot all about Ziva’s attack and thinking of Ziva made him think of Stella and suddenly he smiled.
“Stella caught her harassing you. Would you call that winning?”
Nick’s eyes met his and to his joy and surprise he saw a smile play in the dark pools before Nick shook his head and raised his head to quickly brush his lips against Don’s.
“No, I guess I don’t.”
---
Danny had never seen Mac like this, had never seen such a cold, controlled rage in his lover and as much as it frightened him, he had to admit that it turned him on. Mac was in full protective Marine mode and it was a sight to behold.
Tentatively, and certainly not sure if it was a good idea, he followed his boss as Mac strode down the hallway only to stop short as he saw Gibbs and Tony come towards them. Tony’s eyes were slightly dazed and Gibbs’ hair was in a bit of disarray which was enough to both clue Danny in and make him grin.
Tony blushed but before Danny could say anything, Mac’s voice sounded through the hallway.
“Gibbs”
There was nothing of the former friendliness that Mac had displayed in that one word, instead it was pissed off Mac at his best and Danny could literally see how Tony and Gibbs tensed. For a moment there was complete silence in the hall, while Mac strode towards them and fixed Gibbs with a cold look.
“I told you not to mess with my team.”
There was an underlying threat in the words and Danny could see how Tony subtly moved so that he would be able to protect his boss and partner should Mac resort to violence. Gibbs however, although he seemed thrown by the hostility displayed by Mac, recovered fast and shaking his head he glared at Mac. They locked eyes and almost against his will, Danny took a step back only to see Tony look at him and do the same.
Soon though Tony was forgotten and Danny focused on the stand off in the middle of the lab. It was the correct name, he realized suddenly.
Gibbs and Mac both exuded power and for a long time Danny was enthralled watching them despite the situation, then though to his and Tony’s surprise, Gibbs took a step back and still glaring at Mac coldly asked.
“What is the matter?”
Mac still looked as if he was ready to blow up, but before he could say anything, Danny jumped in. He knew that Mac might end up saying too much and he didn’t want Nick or his dark secrets spilled even though he trusted Tony.
“Ziva attacked Nick.”
His blunt words had the impact of a bomb exploding with the sickening silence right before the mayhem broke out. Tony tensed completely before he turned around and hit the wall with his fist.
“Damn bitch!”
Gibbs on the other hand had gone completely still and Danny understood suddenly how some people would cave immediately when those cold intense eyes were focused on them. He was used to it though, thanks to Mac and so he stood calmly until Gibbs barked out.
“Explain ‘attacked’.”
No, he couldn’t... or more accurately wouldn’t. It was not his story to tell and almost helplessly he looked at Mac, but then steeled himself and looked back at Gibbs.
“I can’t.”
Gibbs’ glare got worse, but Danny simply shook his head.
“All I can tell you is, that she must have confronted him with something from his past that made him freak out. I have an idea what, but it is not my story to tell.”
From the corner of his eyes, he saw Tony pale and knew that he understood. Gibbs still stared hard at Danny, but Tony calmly put a hand on his shoulder making his boss turn towards him.
“Leave it Gibbs, it’s ok.”
Danny could see him hesitate for a moment, and then though he continued.
“I think I know.”
Gibbs tensed at the silent comment and Danny could almost see how jealousy was tying Gibbs’ stomach in knots. He had to admire his self control though as Gibbs just nodded curtly and turned towards Mac.
“What do you want me to do?”
Mac had not relaxed during the entire conversation and if Danny hadn’t been so sure of Mac’s love and so confident about their relationship, the protectiveness he displayed in connection with Nick might have made him jealous. As it was, he found it endearing and hot.
“I want her officially reprimanded and I want her source. But most of all, I want to talk to her.”
It was not a suggestion, but an order and Danny could see how Gibbs wasn’t sure for a moment what to say.
“I promise you can talk to her, but it will be in my presence. And I will make sure that she gets reprimanded, I can’t promise about her source though.”
Danny saw how Mac tensed even more and how a dark light appeared in his partner’s blue eyes.
“Not within your jurisdiction?”
Gibbs looked away at Mac’s question and Danny understood that this was as much an answer as he could give.
---
Stella had to reign herself in else she would do or say something she would only regret later. But the image of Nick trembling and terrified would not leave her and so she gave into her rage and walked into an empty meeting room.
“How can I help you?”
Ziva’s voice was cold and composed as she looked at Stella and sat down in one of the chairs. It made her rage boil even harder, but once more she calmed herself down remembering something Mac had told her long ago.
You make mistakes if you act in rage. But if you can turn that rage into cold minded focus, then you’re deadly.
It was correct and from what she had observed about Ziva, it would be that cold minded focus that she would need in dealing with her.
“Care to tell me what happened in the break room?”
Instead of sitting down opposite Ziva, Stella sat sideways onto the table which gave her the advantage of being able to look down at Ziva who looked at her and shrugged.
“Just a bit of a misunderstanding.”
The casual dismissal of the attack made her want to shoot Ziva, but instead she smiled just as coldly as she leaned towards her.
“I see Officer David.”
Fixing her with her coldest look, Stella could see that she had Ziva’s full attention, but also that she had not made an impression on her. Not yet.
“Now I want to make sure that there are no misunderstandings about what I am going to tell you next, so listen carefully.”
Her voice was low, intent and yet she was surprised how easy it was to keep her composure to not let the hatred fade through and the calm had the desired effect on Ziva as she could see some signs of uncertainty in her body language.
“Threaten one of my team again, and not even your team will find you.”
She once again said it calmly using the same casualness that Ziva had displayed as she discounted Nick’s break down as a misunderstanding. She saw how Ziva’s eyes got larger, before they narrowed.
“Are you trying to threaten me, Detective Bonasera?”
She smiled at the haughtily tone that Ziva used and shook her head.
“No, Officer David, I am not trying to threaten you, I am threatening you.”
She kept her eyes fixed on Ziva and forced herself to keep smiling.
“I will do anything to protect those that are mine, those that are my friends and my team.”
She had seen it before in Ziva’s eyes, this moment of shock and pain and she saw it again. There was something deeply hidden in the dark eyes and without any hesitation she used the emotion she saw.
“You hurt Nick, and you hurt Danny. So I’ll tell you once more, hurt one of my team and I will find you, hunt you and hurt you.”
Ziva trembled a bit at the clear threat in Stella’s voice, but at the same time Stella saw confusion and disbelief in the dark eyes. It confused her in turn until she understood the reason behind it. Slower, calmer she spoke on.
“You don’t understand what a team is; you don’t understand what a family is, do you?”
Ziva had tensed, but before she could reply, Stella talked again.
“You always had to fend for yourself. How far would you go to protect yourself, to ensure that you are needed?”
For a moment pain flashed through Ziva’s eyes and Stella hesitated to continue, but when Nick’s image flashed through her mind her mind was made up.
“How far have you gone Ziva?”
Ziva paled and Stella nodded darkly.
“Too far”
She left the room then, and she didn’t look back.
---
Tony watched as Taylor sighed. He felt for him, understood that he hated the fact that one of his own had been hurt and that there was nothing he could do. Thinking of Nick made him want to vomit and looking from Danny to Mac and back he asked.
“Where’s Nick?”
Mac and Danny exchanged a quick glance, and then Danny smiled lightly.
“Don is with him.”
Of course, Tony smiled lightly. He had seen how protective Don was, had seen how he had calmed Nick down, but most of all he had seen the deep and strong love between him and Nick. Looking at Gibbs for a second, he felt the familiar longing curse through his body, but unlike before it was not followed by a pang of pain. No, this time it was anticipation that made his body tense momentarily, before he tore himself back to reality.
“Good”
Danny gave him a half smile and nodded, Gibbs on the other hand just looked at him surprised and Tony realized that Gibbs was not privy to the real relationship between Don and Nick.
“Did Kraft confess?”
Taylor’s entire attitude changed back from protective boss to efficient CSI and he pointed through the door where two guards were leading Frank Kraft away in shackles.
“We can go to my office and I’ll update you.”
He turned around and Tony couldn’t do anything but follow as he walked through the hallway until he reached his glass walled office. Closing the door behind him, Tony only realized now that he was alone, that neither Danny nor Gibbs had followed him. Turning to look for his boss, Tony stopped when Mac shook his head.
“It’s ok; Danny’s just going to show him the final lab results and everything. You can update Gibbs then afterwards, after all you captured Kraft. I need your statement too.”
Tony nodded and for the next twenty minutes they documented the arrest, Kraft’s attack on Nick and finally the murderer’s confession.
“He was at the wrong place in the wrong time.”
Taylor’s words trailed off and his face showed the sadness that Tony often felt when he found out how utterly cruel life could be, how much just one single decision could change everything. It always made him think of a movie and he smiled sadly.
“Sliding doors...”
Taylor looked up and to Tony’s surprise there was a twinkle in his eyes.
“One way or the other decided by the train doors in the underground...”
Taylor knew the movie and for a moment Tony just stared at him. One way or the other, the words repeated themselves in his mind and with it came many, many images where he had been standing in front of those proverbial sliding doors. What would have happened, had he not opened the envelope with its deadly ‘gift’? Would it have been Gibbs who’d suffered from the infection? What if Ari had not chosen Kate as a target? What if he had never come home early that night all those years ago? What if his father had not... No! Tony shivered as he pushed those thoughts away forcefully, he had not thought about it for a long time and he would not think about it now.
‘Think nice thoughts’
His friend had told him that once, as he had woken him up with his nightmares and he followed his advice now. It was easy, so easy to think nice thoughts, Gibbs, no Jethro in his arms, kissing him, looking at him with desire and love.
“Tony, are you alright?”
Taylor was looking at him concerned and blushing, Tony got up.
“Sorry, I was lost in thoughts. I’ll tell Gibbs that you want to talk to him.”
His hand already at the handle, Taylor’s voice called him back.
“Wait Tony, it’s not Gibbs I wanted to talk to. It’s you.”
Now he tensed, because that did not sound good. Taylor saw his reaction and laughed lightly.
“Don’t worry, I am not going to read you the riot act or ask about your intentions with Jethro.”
That comment surprised him even more and suddenly feeling sheepish, Tony shrugged almost helplessly.
“Maybe you should, because right now I am in the dark about what is going on.”
Taylor... no Mac, cause this was not the CSI but the friend, Mac looked at him with kind eyes and something akin to compassion in his eyes.
“I think you do know.”
And yes, if Tony was honest, he did. He knew that Gibbs would never have kissed him, unless he felt deeply for him. Just as Tony would have never kissed him back. Rule twelve was there for a reason and Tony had always respected it, no matter how good looking a fellow police officer or team member was, he had never played around.
‘Don’t shit, were you eat.’
A crude but true comment that his first partner had made when an affair between two other members of their unit had gone sour and the entire unit had suffered in the ensuing war.
Gibbs though, Gibbs was different.
Gibbs was not an affair, was not some entanglement. Gibbs was so much more.
“You’re right, I know.”
Mac smiled lightly, but turned serious again soon.
“You were never in the army, weren’t you?”
Surprised at what he perceived a sudden change of topic, Tony shook his head, only to see Mac sigh silently.
“Don’t misunderstand me, Tony, I know you love Gibbs, but do you know what it means to love him?”
Confused and slightly annoyed, Tony got up and turned to leave, but Taylor’s next words made him freeze.
“Do you think you can handle being Jethro’s lover?”
Slowly he turned around and saw that there was an equal amount of understanding and pain in Taylor’s eyes and just as slowly as before he walked back to his chair and sat down.
“What do you mean?”
Taylor looked at him intently.
“You know Jethro as Gibbs, you know his intensity, his drive, his manners, his good and bad sides, but you know him only as your boss. You can live with the second ‘b’ as his agent, but can you live with it as his lover?”
Tony wasn’t sure what to feel. Anger and shock warred in him, but at the same time he listened carefully and the rational part of his mind understood that Taylor was right.
“Can you live with Jethro?”
Taylor’s eyes were fixed on him and for a second Tony wondered if the cold, intent stare was something the men got when they joined their Marine unit, then though he lifted his head proudly.
“I think I can, yes.”
But Taylor shook his head.
“Don’t think Tony. If you start something with Jethro tonight, be sure, because he would not survive losing you after knowing how it was to have your love.”
A quick smile crossed Taylor’s face.
“There is no try, do or don’t.”
Tony was too shocked to note the movie reference. He sat almost in a stupor until Taylor nudged him softly.
“Tony”
He jerked back and turned around swiftly.
“Why are you telling me this? How do you know how he feels?”
Another smile crossed Taylor’s face, but his eyes were sad for a moment as he stood next to Tony and watched how Danny and Gibbs made their way up to his office.
“Because I am him Tony, and I am there. Because I know that Danny can live with me, can handle me and still I dread the day when something I do will be too much for him.”
It was Tony’s turn to smile and slowly he squeezed Mac’s shoulder.
“Don’t underestimate him, if he loves you as much as his eyes say, then this day will never come.”
He saw the surprise and joy in Mac’s face but before either of them could say something the door opened and Danny walked in. His face lit up as soon as his eyes fell on Mac and Tony smiled.
“The paperwork is done; the results are filed, the statements taken, Stella just left a meeting room with gleaming eyes and Don and Nick are at home. What do you say to some drinks?”
---
*Chapter 9 – Lovers*
“Don, I can do things on my own.”
Nick shook his head as Don mothered around him and very nearly started to cut his food before he blushed and looked at his hands.
“I know, sorry, it’s just...”
Don trailed off, but Nick understood the desperate need his partner had and slowly scooted over so that Don could hold him close. He felt the tremors that ran through Don and slowly started to understand that this was as hard on Don as it had been on him.
“Do you want to talk?”
It was an offer, not a command and Nick knew that Don would not judge him if he declined the offer and still there was a part in him that told him it would be good to speak, good to bring it all in the open not only because of him but also for Don’s sake. He sighed silently and leaned closer into Don, seeking the safety and warmth of the strong arms.
“I was nine and she was a last minute baby sitter...”
Once the first sentence was out, it got easier and he continued to talk, to tell Don what had happened that night and several others.
“She had somehow managed to convince my parents that she was a great babysitter. She told them how much she cared for their beautiful boy...”
He could feel how Don tensed and then suddenly almost violently crushed him against his own body.
“It’s over now.”
Don was right, and Nick had long ago stopped dreaming about it or even thinking about it consciously, and still those evenings had changed his childhood. They had been a part of what made him into who he was today. Sometimes he had wondered about it, but then he pushed the memories back behind the walls he had built, the same walls that were now in shambles after Ziva had broken through and torn them down.
“It is, I know.”
Still it had shattered him when Ziva had attacked him like this and now calmer and in the safety of his lover’s arms, Nick understood that she had indeed managed to tear down the walls and almost destroyed them. He would have to rebuild them again, but maybe with Don’s help, they would be stronger this time.
“It wasn’t that I was scared of her, cause I knew she would never attack me physically. She’s too careful.”
Don growled lightly and as Nick looked at him confused he just gritted his teeth.
“She will get hers in time, don’t worry. I am not done with her yet.”
There was something dark in Don’s voice, something that should have bothered Nick, but instead just made him shiver. Possessiveness had always freaked him out until Don, he thought, until he found this man and suddenly understood that possessive didn’t necessarily mean controlling and with a sigh he leaned back against the taller man.
“No, she’s not worth it.”
Thinking about the scene in the break room was like watching a movie; he didn’t want to see. It was like watching himself on those damned tapes that Crane had made; liberating and scaring at the same time. But it was more, just as he had been able to watch the tape in an almost clinical mode, he was now able to analyze what had really happened and he gasped as he understood finally.
“She knew exactly which buttons to press in order to send me back there.”
Once more Don tensed, but this time Nick didn’t even wait for the promise of revenge to come.
“No, Don! If she uses her knowledge about my past to gain an advantage, what do you think she would do if she knew about us?”
Don growled once more, but didn’t argue and slowly Nick could feel the hard muscles relax. His lover hated the fact that he was right, but he acknowledged it although silently.
“I want to talk to her.”
As soon as he had said it, Don tensed again and this time just glared at Nick.
“No”
Nick could see that his partner’s mind was made up. He didn’t want to fight with him, but he felt it was important that he could talk to her.
“Don, I have to make her understand...”
Now Don twisted away from him and forced him to look at him.
“What do you have to make her understand Nick? What could possibly be worth talking to that woman again? Why?”
Nick saw the worry behind Don’s eyes, heard the concern behind his anger and yet his own temper flared for a second before he clamped down on it.
“She’s a victim too.”
Don slumped back as if he had hit him and looked at him.
“What?”
He could see the shock in Don’s eyes and slowly, calmer continued.
“It was in the way she spoke, the words she used. The way she... It’s not something you can learn, not something... unless you’ve experienced it yourself.”
A shiver ran through Nick as he looked at Don and shrugged.
“I can’t explain it, but I am almost sure that I am right.”
Don looked at him closely and then slowly moved his hand over Nick’s face, the tender caress mirrored by the love in the blue eyes.
“But if she has gone through this herself, why use it against you?”
Thinking back to the anger he had battled with when he had finally come to terms with what had happened to him, remembering the darkness and the desire to lash out that had festered in him until he had built those walls, Nick shivered.
“How often do we see people with abuse histories to turn into abusers themselves?”
Don was silent and Nick could see that he was thinking about his words. Slowly though a smile crossed over his lover’s face and as Don leaned down, Nick met him half way for the expected kiss. Their lips almost touching, Don whispered finally.
“I love you”
And Nick knew what Don meant with those three words.
I am proud that you have not turned into an abusive person yourself.
I am sorry for not having been there.
I will never let you down.
But most of all Nick knew that Don meant those words as he said it and with a smile he cupped Don’s face with his hand.
“I love you.”
---
“What did you do?”
Danny’s eyes were clear and fixed on his partner. Mac held the gaze for a moment, then sighed and looked away.
“Nothing”
Danny grinned as he walked around the desk and stood so that he was once again in Mac’s line of sight.
“Then why would Tony look at you with this equally wary and understanding look?”
He could be as stubborn and as thorough as Mac and his lover knew it. Danny was a CSI and if he followed evidence to conclusion, then he usually found the correct answer. Mac knew that too and swallowing for a moment, he nodded and then quietly spoke.
“I just warned him to be sure before he starts anything with Jethro.”
Danny frowned.
“To be sure of what Mac?”
Mac’s silence worried Danny; it wasn’t like his lover to be so silent, so tentative. Mac seemed almost insecure and the image only got stronger, when Mac got up and walked towards the window to look outside. Danny frowned once more and slowly walked over to stand behind his partner.
“He has to be sure that he can handle being Jethro’s lover.”
There was an undercurrent here, that Danny didn’t understand and warily he rubbed his hand over his forehead, before he continued to question Mac.
“Handle?”
Mac still didn’t acknowledge him and continued to stare outside, his voice quiet but intense as he spoke.
“You have seen him. You saw his intensity, his drive, his manners, but also the way he treated Tony at the beginning. Tony could barely live with the second ‘b’ as Gibbs’ agent, so how is he going to live with it as his lover?”
There was so much more between the lines and Danny swallowed hard as he understood that Mac was not only talking about Tony and Gibbs. Shaking his head with a soft smile, he put his arms around his lover and pulled him away from the window and towards his body.
“Tony loves Gibbs and that’s what almost broke him. He can live with the bastard but not if he thinks that said bastard hates him or does not trust him.”
For a moment Danny’s voice wavered and immediately Mac turned around. There was guilt and love in the blue eyes and Danny smiled.
“I always trusted you.”
Holding Mac’s eyes for a long time, Danny wondered if Mac was really honest with him, but in the end he knew that it didn’t matter. Whether or not Mac had lost his trust in him after Sonny, it didn’t matter anymore. Mac loved and trusted him now.
And that was all that counted.
“I can handle being your lover.”
He said it with such a conviction that Mac shivered and he could see the blue eyes darken for a moment. There was a spark of something in the depth of his eyes and although Danny could not decipher it, the emotion made him shiver with an equal amount of desire and fear.
“I can take what you give me.”
Again this spark and suddenly Mac was pressing Danny against the wall. They had moved so fast that Danny’s head spun and for a moment his breath stopped. Mac’s face was close to his.
“Can you really?”
Desire pooled in his belly and made him shiver.
“Yes”
Mac smiled, but a shiver ran through him and for a moment he closed his eyes. Danny could see how his partner seemed to gather himself, to calm himself down. Mac leaned in to kiss him gently before he released him. The gentleness contrasted sharply with the possessive and controlling man he’d seen before. Danny swallowed as some more of the mystery of Mac Taylor began to unravel and he began to understand.
“Mac”
His question was met with silence, and then Mac turned around and kissed his hands before he gently pushed him down on the bed. It was an efficient way of silencing him, Danny realized as he forgot all questions and protests under the caresses and kisses.
“Let me love you.”
Danny shivered as the words were whispered in his ear.
“Tonight is all about love.”
---
The drinks had lasted forever in Jethro’s opinion and with every beer; every joke Tony’s promise of ‘tonight’ had seemed to move even farther away.
“Boss”
Tony’s voice drew him from his thoughts and he saw the same insecurity he felt, mirrored in Tony’s eyes. It relieved him to see that he was not alone in this and instinctively he took Tony’s hand and lifted it to his lips.
“Soon”
Tony’s eyes sparkled for a moment, and then turned almost black as he swallowed hard and nodded. Jethro would have smiled at the way Tony squirmed in his seat, would have, had he not felt like squirming too. Tony was so close, he could almost feel the heat of his body and yet he knew that he could not touch, could not kiss, not yet, he told himself and swallowed as a shiver ran through him.
And with nothing to do but to wait until the cab had navigated its way through the busy New Yorker streets, he leaned back and looked at Tony. He was beautiful. Jethro smiled at the thought and knew immediately that Tony would argue the term beautiful and yet it was true. Even now in the dim light of the cab, his hair had this light shimmer that made people turn around and look at him a second time, the features of a strong person, strong minded and strong willed. He focused a moment on Tony’s chest hidden behind shirt and jacket and yet even in the business attire there was no doubt that this was a man who knew how to work his body, a man used to move and to excel in physical exercises.
“Stop it, please”
Tony’s voice was low enough that their driver didn’t hear them, but still its hoarse quality made him shiver and as he looked into the hazel eyes he noticed how the pupils had widened.
“You keep looking at me like this and I’ll come.”
There was an equal amount of surprise and pleading in the words almost as if Tony was surprised to be on the edge so fast without even a touch. It surprised Jethro too, but when Tony turned the tables and let his eyes run over his entire body like a tangible caress, he understood. It was the knowledge that Tony wanted him that drove him almost to the brink and with a shudder he leaned back in his seat.
When they finally arrived at their hotel, Jethro paid the driver and forced himself to walk to the elevator calmly instead of running towards it. He could feel Tony next to him and wished for a moment to be alone with him in the cabin, but in the end he was glad he wasn’t. Hotel elevators tended to have video monitoring and he didn’t want to be caught on camera.
And then they were standing in front of Jethro’s door and suddenly it was awkward, suddenly he was not sure whether or not this was a good idea, but as he turned around he met Tony’s eyes and drowned. He had never believed others when they had told him about losing oneself in someone else’s eyes. Still here he was in the middle of a hotel hallway and lost any thoughts he’d had as for a long time they just stood there until finally, Tony averted his eyes and gently lifted Jethro’s hand up guiding it so that he could slide the card through the lock.
Jethro’s body had started to come alive once again as soon as Tony had touched him and once the door was closed behind them, he turned them around and for the second time in his life covered Tony’s taller frame with his own, pressing him against the wall.
“I need you.”
Tony shivered at the hoarse words, but when his eyes met Jethro’s there was the same passion and love there.
“I’ve always been there.”
And he had been; Jethro understood that now.
---
Don shivered as Nick’s fingers moved from his jaw to his chest, clever, strong and yet tender hands that had mapped every inch of his skin that now knew every pleasure point, every hot spot his body had.
“God, you’re so beautiful.”
The words were whispered in the room, they were the only sound next to their low moans and harsh breathing, and Don shivered once more as yet again Nick sucked at his collar bone.
“Need you.”
His plea was met with a chuckle and Nick’s eyes met his briefly.
“Patience is a virtue.”
It was and he was the first to agree on that and yet, no, not today, not now. Now he needed to be claimed, now he needed to be needed and with a growl he turned them around so that he was on top. Nick looked up at him with eyes so full of love and Don swallowed hard. He loved Nick so much, and he felt as if he could see how his lover was creating walls again, walls that prevented him from remembering, but also prevented Don from really reaching him and instinctively he reached out and touched Nick’s face.
“Not tonight, tonight I need you, need to know you’re here.”
Nick’s eyes narrowed for a moment, and silently Don braced himself for questions only to be surprised by his lover once again as Nick twisted them around and bit playfully into his shoulder.
“Believe me, when we’re done, you’ll know where I’ve been.”
The moment of insecurity had passed and Don shivered at the promise in the dark eyes and moaned as he felt clever fingers slip behind his balls, caressing his entrance.
“Please”
Nick smiled and nipped at his stomach.
“Soon, love, soon”
Don could hear rustling and soon Nick was back caressing him, this time though with fingers slick with lube, cold at first but warming quickly as Nick’s hands started to draw a map of his body in- und outside. Don heard himself moaning and was once again surprised how fast Nick could reduce him to this mass of quivering nerves.
“Shhh”
A soft hand rubbing gently over his chest calmed him down and he opened his eyes to see his lover look at him. Nick’s eyes were glowing and his body was glistening with sweat, his lips red from the kisses, he was stunning.
“Take me.”
A smile ran over the beautiful face and a moan escaped Nick, and then Don felt the slow, deep thrust and instinctively arched his back to welcome his partner. For a moment all movement stopped as they rested deep in each other and then almost as if a wall had been broken down, Nick sobbed once. Just once, but it worked better than a bucket of water and looking at his lover, Don saw that Nick had his eyes pressed shut while his hands were trembling.
“She has no power over you anymore.”
Don felt Nick tense inside him, but continued to speak nevertheless.
“You could have gone the same way as Ziva, but you didn’t. Instead you became the man you are. You are an amazing person Nick.”
Still his lover didn’t move and for a second Don wondered what a psychologist would make of them. Talking about the sexual abuse of his lover while said lover was buried deep inside his body? It sounded screwed up and weird, but something in his heart told Don that it was the only way to really get through to Nick.
“You are strong, so incredibly strong and sometimes I wonder what you see in me.”
That got a reaction and Don moaned as Nick jerked and moved even deeper into his body. Shaking his head, Nick stared at him with eyes full of love and pain.
“You are all I want Nick. Don’t ever doubt that.”
Another shiver ran through his lover and seeing that while Nick’s body and mind did believe him, his heart didn’t, Don grabbed his lover’s hand and led it towards his erection.
“I love you and I want you. Despite what you have been through, because of what you have been through, it does not matter Nick. I love you.”
Nick gasped as his fingers touched the burning erection of his partner and once again it seemed as if a damn had broken as he suddenly leaned down and devoured Don’s lips.
“I need you.”
He started to move and Don forgot everything, every word he had wanted to say, every movement he had wanted to make, everything except Nick. Nick’s eyes were fixed on him, brown eyes locked with his and they moved closer and closer to this fire until Don couldn’t hold back anymore. He screamed and heard Nick’s echoing scream, shook and saw the shivers that ran through his lovers, felt his release splatter over his body and the proof of Nick’s passion deep inside him.
Nick collapsed onto him and he held him gently until the last tremors had subsided.
“I love you.”
Nick’s declaration was mumbled sleepily and Don smiled tenderly as he reached for the wet wipes and cleaned himself and Nick. By the time he came back to bed, Nick was asleep, but as soon as he lay down next to him, he turned around and snuggled up against him.
Don grinned in the dark.
They were going to be alright.
---
“You wanted to tie me down, to bind me to the bed and have me at your mercy.”
Danny’s voice was so sure, so confident that Mac tensed for a moment. Yesterday he had revealed a part of himself that he had not wanted Danny to see so soon. Not with what his lover had been through with Tanglewood and Sonny Sassone... He had wanted to keep the almost obsessive part in himself hidden, but when they had talked yesterday some voice in him had gotten louder and louder until he had finally snapped.
‘Claim him before he leaves. Make him yours...’
Mac sighed.
He had listened to the voice in his head and now he had to face the consequences.
“Yes”
Danny turned around and pushed himself up on his elbow. Mac saw curiosity and love in the intelligent eyes, but to his surprise there was no fear, no anger or even shock there.
“Why did you stop?”
The question itself didn’t shock him as much as the shiver that ran through Danny, a shiver that had nothing to do with fear and a lot with desire. His body reacted to the desire and he swallowed hard, could it be that Danny would not run? Could it be that Danny really could live with his intensity, his need to possess?
“I didn’t want to scare you.”
Danny frowned and shook his head.
“Why?”
Mac didn’t know how to explain it, how to say it to Danny without sounding rude or even worse reopening wounds that had just started to heal. Seeking Danny’s eyes he swallowed the lump that always took residence in his throat, when he thought about the torture Danny had experienced at Sonny’s hands.
“Because of Sonny”
Danny tensed for a second, then though relaxed again and leaned over so that he half covered Mac. His green-grey eyes were serious as they met Mac’s and once again Mac felt himself praying that he would not lose Danny because of his mistake. Danny though just continued looking at him and until Mac swallowed hard.
“It’s a long time ago Mac. I am over it.”
Still his eyes were incredibly serious as he leaned down and kissed Mac’s eyes, his lips and finally put his head down so that he was lying close to his lover, his head resting against Mac’s neck. Mac could not see his eyes anymore, but the tender caresses relaxed him and he understood once more, that Danny was so much stronger than he gave him credit for.
“I want to be yours.”
The words were mumbled against his skin, but he heard them as if Danny had shouted out loud. His body tensed immediately and his voice almost failed him.
“I mean it, Mac.”
And he did, Mac could hear it in the clear voice and another shiver went through his body. Danny was offering everything he had ever dreamt off, all he had to do was reach out and grab it. Slowly, almost hesitantly Mac put his arms around his lover and pressed him close.
“Thank you”
Danny chuckled and Mac felt the rumble against his chest. It made him smile and finally he could relax completely.
“You’re an idiot you know? I won’t run from you, not today and not tomorrow.”
Mac was silent, then slowly shrugged but Danny just shook his head.
“I love you, you get that don’t you?”
Yes, Danny loved him. Mac knew that, but there had been others that had loved him and hadn’t been able to live with his intensity. Sometimes, he had learned, sometimes love wasn’t enough.
But then Danny had always been different.
---
“Gibbs”
Tony didn’t recognize his voice hoarse and quivering as it was. He had never experienced such an intense desire, never felt so much and drawing air in, he suddenly wondered if it was too much.
“Jethro”
The word was mumbled against his skin and Tony shuddered as he struggled to understand what his lover meant.
“Huh?”
Gibbs laughed lightly and released his neck, still held him close though and with a shiver Tony noticed how dark Gibbs’ eyes had become. A rush of pride made his body tighten at the thought that he had caused this, that being with him had turned Gibbs on like that.
“Call me Jethro”
Surprised he looked up and slowly tried the name in his head. It sounded strange, almost foreign to him and he knew immediately that it would take some time getting used to. Gibbs’, no Jethro’s eyes were locked with his and Tony smiled as he spoke the name out loud.
“Jethro”
The shudder that went through Jethro was unexpected and yet deeply satisfying. Jethro leaned in and captured Tony’s lips again and for a long time Tony forgot everything apart from that hot tongue that seemed to map out his mouth so thoroughly that he shivered.
“I will take you to places that you have never been before.”
Gibbs’ voice was dark and full of promises and Tony almost melted against him. For a second he tensed at the reaction of his body, this complete surrender and submission towards Jethro. It was scaring him and yet at the same time he once more felt that incredible rush that made him tremble.
“Please.”
As soon as he had whispered the one single word, Jethro he traced his hand over Tony’s pants and once again Tony trembled violently. It had been nothing but a ghostly caress, one that he could more see than feel and yet it had left him shaking and trembling with desire. He had always accepted Gibbs as his boss, had been used to do as he told him and yet it was different now. Their roles were the same and yet changed, and although Tony had been with men before and had been in the submissive role before he still realized that this was the first time he let himself being seduced.
Tony followed Jethro’s hands with his eyes as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Once open he didn’t remove it instead just took one step back and looked at Tony.
“You have no idea how long I wanted this.”
His voice was hoarse and Tony took it as a cue and moved slowly towards his lover. He shrugged a bit and let the shirt literally fall from his shoulders onto the floor. He almost felt Jethro’s eyes on his chest as Jethro groaned.
“Bed”
It was nothing but a whisper that escaped Tony, but the light that appeared in Gibbs’ eyes showed that he had heard very well. He pulled Tony towards him and the contact between the soft linen and his bare skin made Tony moan. They stumbled and walked the short way towards the bed until Tony felt the mattress at his knees and fell backwards onto the bed. Gibbs braced himself on his arms and Tony swallowed as his wrists were grabbed and his lover held them above his head with one hand.
“Stay still”
Tony swallowed, but the intensity in Jethro’s eyes and voice made any thought of not surrendering obsolete. Gibbs moved back a bit and started to draw lines of fire of Tony’s chest, he shivered at the tender caresses until he suddenly realized that Gibbs wasn’t just idly drawing lines. He was writing and Tony’s heart began to beat fast, very fast and when he could make out the words that Gibbs wrote, he moaned. It was a word he had never craved before, that had never been said to him before and yet, he had somehow longed for it.
‘Mine’
The truth of that single word ran through his blood like fire and suddenly he ached for Gibbs’ touch and arched into the fiery caresses. His lover looked up and a possessive, yet tender smile crossed his face, before he leaned down and whispered only inches from Tony away.
“Mine”
They kissed again and Tony could feel the strength of Jethro’s arms as he held him tight, almost lifting him up with one arm. He could feel his erection press into his legs and suddenly the clothes between them became an unbearable barrier.
“Clothes off... Now”
Ok, he was not able to form sentences anymore, but he didn’t care and simply started tugging at Gibbs’ shirt only to be stopped by his lover’s hands.
“Let me”
Laying back on the bed Tony watched Jethro as he slowly undressed and he couldn’t help the moan that escaped him as the muscled, yet slender body was revealed slowly. Jethro undressed to his boxers then stopped and leaned over tugging at Tony’s shoes and pants until they were both clothed in just underwear and then the next minute even that was gone. Jethro’s eyes slid up and down Tony’s body, feasting on ever angle until Tony started to tremble under that scrutinizing gaze. He couldn’t control his body anymore, had never felt so much and with one last whimper he surrendered completely and let Jethro control him. Jethro hadn’t touched him yet and already it felt like the heaviest experience Tony had ever had.
“You are incredible Tony. I’ve wanted you like this for so long. Wanted to see you spread out for me, aching for my touch...”
He wanted to answer but he couldn’t because Jethro’s lips once again covered his while his hands finally began their journey over his body. He touched him with the confidence that spoke of experience and with the reverence that spoke of love. Jethro seemed to know almost instinctively how to touch Tony, where his secret points were and with a shout Tony arched into him as he finally stroked hard over his cock.
“Just feel”
A quick kiss on the tip of my cock caused him to arch up. Jethro suddenly looked up and with a quick glance; Tony located the hand lotion on his night stand and tossed it towards his lover.
“Take me”
Gentle fingers brushed over his entrance and for a moment Tony tensed, then looked up and forced his body to relax. Jethro prepared him with care slipping one finger in, then two and finally bending down and kissing the place he had just stretched. Tony moaned at the contact and let his head fall back, offering his neck to his lover. Rough hands stroked his flanks, then disappeared while Jethro put a condom on himself and returned their stroking as he slid into Tony with one measured stroke. Tony gasped at the feeling of being stretched and filled to the limit, but before he could think about it, Jethro leaned in and kissed his bared neck.
"I love you."
Pleasure made his head spin and his eyes couldn't focus anymore but he still heard Jethro’s voice as he spoke those magical words and with a voice that didn’t seem to belong to him, he repeated them.
“I love you, Jethro.”
A low growl was his answer and then Jethro started to move. For a moment it hurt, but then the burn became heat, and he pressed back against Jethro, who was shuddering with pleasure and changing his angle only to have Tony see stars as the pounding continued now as a constant assault to his prostate. Jethro looked up, locked his eyes with him and then said slowly.
“Come for me”
He had never been able to defy Jethro’s orders and now was not different. Pleasure and pain came together as Jethro leaned down and bit him right at that one spot above his collar bone and he dimly realized that he was screaming Jethro’s name, believed that he had heard his lover’s answering shout, but then everything was just burning heat, flames and pleasure.
“Hey there”
Tony opened his eyes and saw Jethro looking at him.
“Wow”
The older man smiled and reached out to caress Tony’s face.
“Wow indeed”
---