*Chapter 5 – Rest and Recuperation*

 

Don watched Nick as he played one on one against Danny, enjoying the sight of the beautiful body in motion, of the joy in the dark eyes and the happiness in the angular face.

 

Nick’s break down today had scared him more than he would ever admit to anyone. He had hoped for those sudden moments of complete helplessness to be over and yet he knew that he had not believed it. He knew that his fear for Nick showed every time his lover came in contact with something that might trigger his memories.

 

Angrily shaking his head, Don pushed the thought of memories and triggers away, he refused to deal with them right now and just concentrated on watching his lover. Nick was up six points against Danny and right as Don looked up, he dribbled around Danny once more and scored the final two points. Teasing friendly they left the playground and walked back to Nick’s flat to get changed and showered. Once there, Don let himself fall into the couch.

 

“20-12, Danny you’re getting old.”

 

Danny grinned at Nick’s teasing words as his friend came back from the shower and snuggled up against Don on the couch.

 

“Not old, but more focused.”

 

Sharing an amused glance with Nick, Don prompted Danny with a grin.

 

“More focused?”

 

The grin that now crossed Danny’s face made him look like that cat that had gotten the canary and the milk on top of it. Don smiled as he recalled the perpetual sadness and depression that had hung around his friend only months ago and without thinking about it he pulled Nick a bit closer to him and started to caress his arm absently.

 

“Well you know it’s great to beat Nick in basket ball, but hey, I need my strength for Mac.”

 

The leer and the suggestive voice that accompanied the statement made Nick shudder and Don laughed as Nick made a face at the thought of his boss and Danny.

 

“You know, it’s great you’re together but I don’t need a visual of Mac naked and with you. He’s my boss.”

 

Don grinned, but the grin faded when Danny suddenly turned serious.

 

“Speaking of bosses, did Nick tell you Don?”

 

He knew what Danny was talking about and although he understood his friend’s motive and reasoning, he still didn’t like the idea of Nick flirting with Tony. Don felt Nick lean into his caress and met the dark eyes that he loved so much.

 

“I’m a jealous idiot; but you know that, don’t you?”

 

Nick smiled and nodded gently.

 

“It won’t work anyway; because Tony knows about us. So I won’t flirt with him, anyway if this Gibbs is like Mac then he’ll be boiling ,if I just talk to him nicely.”

 

He should be embarrassed at the relief that flooded him when Nick dismissed Danny’s idea. But then dark eyes met his and he saw his own possessiveness reflected back and with a smile he leaned down and kissed Nick quickly, hard on the lips.

 

“No flirting.”

 

Danny grinned and got up from the chair.

 

“And on that note I’ll go and take a shower.”

 

Don grinned and watched from the corner of his eyes as Danny disappeared, then his lips once more covered Nick’s when Danny’s shouted his advice to him.

 

“Don, remember, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do ok?”

 

Famous last words, Don thought before he covered Nick’s slender body, inhaling the intoxicating scent of soap and Nick, because of course there was very little Danny wouldn’t do with Mac. Nick groaned lightly under him and all thoughts about Danny or Tony fled from Don’s mind as he nibbled at the exposed throat.

 

“Mine.”

 

Nick shuddered at that statement, but didn’t disagree instead just moaned and twisted so that his hands could caress Don’s back.

 

“Yours.”

 

Don sighed contently. He had Nick in his arms, a nice dinner to look forward to and a nasty case pretty much solved. Life didn’t get much better than this.

 

---

 

Tony stretched out on the bed with a sigh. Part of him was disappointed about not being able to join the others for a round of basketball. He was pretty sure that all three were great players and that they would have had great fun playing. Still though, his body wouldn’t have been able to take it and the idea of soaking in a hot bath, soothing his muscles and the various aches in his bones was incredibly appealing. If only he wouldn’t have to get up in order to prepare a bath.

 

“Tony”

 

He groaned at the knock, but tensed when he heard who it was. No, he didn’t want to face Gibbs, didn’t want to talk to him not when he was this tired and still as if pulled by invisible strings he got up and opened the door. Gibbs leaned against his door post and watched him carefully.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

The question was so unexpected that Tony tensed before he made a conscious effort to relax. Not wanting to stand in the door with Gibbs, he moved back into his room and watched Gibbs as he closed and locked the door behind him.

 

“I am fine boss, all peachy.”

 

Gibbs’ eyes fixed him and Tony found it hard not to squirm under the almost heated gaze. What was going on here?

 

“No you’re not.”

 

The finality in Gibbs’ voice made him angry but he took a deep breath and forced himself to stay calm.

 

“First you don’t believe me, when I tell you that I am hurt, and then you don’t believe me when I tell you that I am fine. Do you think I’m constantly lying to you? And if you are, then why am I still on your team?”

 

His voice hadn’t risen while he had spoken those words, but he could hear the bitterness and berated himself for showing Gibbs how his distrust hurt.

 

“You are on my team because I want you to be. I saw your bruises this morning, so tell me if you’re ok or not.”

 

Something was out of place. The thought flashed unbidden through his mind and made Tony stop. He froze and turned to look at Gibbs, really look at him and not just glance like he usually did when faced with his boss.

 

Something was out of place and suddenly it hit him. Gibbs’ words were harsh, his voice gruff and on the surface his boss seemed to be his usual bastard self, but his eyes, his body spoke a different language. Gibbs was tense, his eyes concerned and Tony shuddered as he understood. Gibbs cared, Gibbs really wanted to know if he was fine or not. Another shiver ran through him and he felt his mind starting to spin. It didn’t matter why Gibbs cared, if it was only because he worked for him or because of something deeper. The fact that he did was enough to turn his world upside down.

 

“Tony”

 

He swayed and he saw how Gibbs immediately reached out, but before he could touch him, he sat down on the bed.

 

“Ok, I’m not fine. I hurt and I’m dizzy, but it’s nothing that a bath and dinner won’t cure.”

 

Gibbs tensed at the mentioning of the dinner, he looked away and then met Tony’s eyes again.

 

“This dinner with Stokes and Messer, where are you going?”

 

Surprised by the thinly veiled hostility in the way Gibbs spoke Nick and Danny’s names, Tony searched for the address and finally found it.

 

“Some place called ‘Fletcher’s Tavern’. Are you coming too?”

 

Gibbs nodded, then turning towards the door he looked back at Tony with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

 

“McGee will come too, Ziva declined. Leave at 8pm?”

 

Tony watched as Gibbs left his room and sat down heavily on the bed. His body still hurt, but the pain was dulled by the revelation that made his mind spin.

 

Gibbs cared.

 

Cared if he was hurt or not, maybe even if he was alive or not.

 

Sighing deeply, Tony thought back to the conversation with Danny.

 

“I for one am glad it wasn’t you.”

 

What would he give for Gibbs to tell him this.

 

---

 

Thirty minutes after they had all sat down at the table, ten minutes after they had ordered and about eight minutes after their drinks had arrived, Stella had figured it all out.

 

Her eyes swept over the seven men and with a mental sigh landed on the oldest in their round. Jethro Gibbs clearly felt like an outsider in their group. He had deliberately chosen this role and enforced it by taking the seat at the end of the table opposite her and next to Mac. It was as if he needed Mac to create a shield between him and the group of young men that chatted easily.

 

Danny sat next to her, and she was almost hundred percent positive that his feet weren’t on the floor but playing some teasing game with Mac’s legs. At least, it was either that or Mac had caught too much sun during the day. Nick and Don sitting next to each other, talking and conversing with everyone in a way good friends would and Stella felt both joy at the sight of Nick being so happy and sadness because they had to hide their feelings.

 

Her eyes moved to the two NCIS agents and she sighed lightly. On the outside, Tony DiNozzo looked fine, chatting happily with Nick or Don or Danny, teasing the young man at his side Tim, if she remembered correctly, and munching his starter with obvious appetite.

 

Yeah, Stella thought sadly, Tony DiNozzo had his image perfected and somehow she doubted that anyone had ever seen behind it.

 

She was a CSI though and even more, she had worked with Danny and Mac for several years now, so she knew what to look for. She saw the quick glances Tony stole at Gibbs, saw the moments of hurt in his eyes when Gibbs dismissed him or his comments, heard the plea for recognition in the teasing words and the bitterness when his teasing was rudely rejected.

 

Men were such stupid creatures. She sighed a bit louder and Danny looked at her.

 

“You alright?”

 

There was knowledge in his eyes that surprised her and as she met Mac’s eyes she saw the same knowledge in the clear blue gaze.

 

Oh, well, ok... It seemed as if not all men were stupid or maybe it was just that they got wiser and wiser with age and a little help.

 

And suddenly the seating order made much more sense to her and a little smirk crossed her face as Danny’s eyes lit up with something she could only call mischief, before he addressed Tony.

 

“You know when this is all over and you have a weekend off, you’ve got to come down. Have a night out in the big town, go dancing, have fun.”

 

Stella saw how Gibbs tensed at the suggestion, saw how his hand clenched to a fist, but before he could say anything, Nick chipped in his ten cents.

 

“Sure man, you can stay at my place, got room enough.”

 

Nick shared a smile and a wink with Tony and Stella understood that Tony somehow had found out about Nick and Don and obviously didn’t mind. It was then when her eyes fell onto Gibbs once more.

 

She suppressed a gasp at the barely controlled fury and deep rooted pain that was suddenly in his eyes, but before she could do anything, he blinked and the calm, slightly annoyed mask replaced the display of emotions.

 

For a moment she wanted to slap him and tore a piece of her bread instead.

 

“Hungry?”

 

Mac’s eyes met hers and she saw a smile in his. He knew she thought he knew so well how Gibbs felt right this moment. Mac knew how much it hurt to watch and long, but never have and as warmth replaced the knowledge in his eyes, she realized that Mac understood that hadn’t it been for her pushing him, he wouldn’t be playing footsie with Danny under the table. Smiling at him with all the love she felt for her friend, she answered.

 

“Starved.”

 

Smiling that special, half smile Mac ginned lightly.

 

“Don’t worry; we’ve taken you into account when planning this.”

 

And although it was meant to calm her, the slightly evil glint in his eyes made her shudder and glare at Danny. These two definitely spent too much time together.

 

---

 

Gibbs knew that he would not be able to sleep tonight, not after this dinner, after watching Tony flirt with Nick. Had he been at home, he would have gone down to the basement and worked on his boat, as it was though, he did the next best thing and went to the office.

 

The lab was dark and empty as he entered, and he sighed as he sat down and powered his laptop, opened the task list and started to work through the long due reports and administrative crap.

 

“Excuse me, sir”

 

He looked up surprised and annoyed that he hadn’t heard the man approach and growling lightly he looked up to meet intelligent dark eyes. The man standing at the door was slender, almost fragile looking with dark skin, dark eyes and handsome face.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

A quick smile crossed the other man’s face, before he pushed himself away from the door and walked inside the room.

 

“No offence, but who are you and what are you doing in Mac’s office?”

 

The voice was still friendly, but Gibbs could clearly see how the man’s entire body was tense almost as if anticipating an attack. He got up slowly and showed his visitor badge.

 

“Jethro Gibbs, Special agent NCIS”

 

Immediately the other man relaxed and extended his hand.

 

“Sheldon Hawkes, I’m the ME.”

 

Hawkes certainly didn’t look like Ducky. Jethro nodded and went back to his files when Sheldon spoke again.

 

“Fletcher’s not your thing?”

 

Surprised Gibbs looked up again; Hawkes though dismissed the glare and just shrugged casually.

 

“Normally the restaurants Don chooses are pretty good, which is of course why he’s the only one allowed to choose one.”

 

Intrigued almost against his will, Gibbs silently asked for more information but raising his eyebrow and Hawkes sat down opposite him and laughed.

 

“Well, Mac and Danny don’t know any restaurants unless you count the billions of take away shops and Stella’s taste is, well let’s say it’s eclectic.”

 

Remembering the passionate and funny female CSI, Jethro wondered what Hawkes meant when he said eclectic, but before he could ask, Hawkes continued.

 

“A place where fried scorpions are on the menu isn’t everybody’s thing.”

 

The thought alone made him shudder, but his mind and his heart showed him pictures of Nick and Tony and before he could stop himself, he asked.

 

“What about Nick?”

 

Sheldon shrugged once more.

 

“He knows a couple of places, but he’s only been in NY for a couple of months. So the one’s he knows Don probably showed him.”

 

Mac had mentioned something about Nick being new too, but at that time Gibbs hadn’t cared too much about him. Now though that had changed, he saw a rival in Nick Stokes, someone who could potentially take Tony away from him and suddenly knowledge was incredibly important.

 

“Where’s he been before?”

 

Looking at him for a long time, Hawkes seemed to consider his words carefully almost as if he were sensing that Gibbs’ question didn’t stem from pure curiosity. Finally he answered slowly.

 

“He was with the crime lab in Vegas.”

 

Las Vegas was the number two lab in the country. Against his will, Gibbs’ respect of Nick grew and with it the need to know more.

 

“Why did he come here?”

 

Hawkes’s eyes turned hard for a moment, but with a smooth smile he overheard the question and answered with a question of his own.

 

“So why are you here in the middle of the night?”

 

He had smoothly deflected Gibbs’ question and for a second Gibbs felt offended, maybe that was the reason why he reacted harsher than intended.

 

“Working on some old reports and paper work if you allow me.”

 

Smiling lightly, Hawkes was silent for a long time and then though slowly and almost tentatively he asked.

 

“Do you already have a lead in the case?”

 

Nodding Jethro got up and started to draw the case with his words, until he finally came to the final remark

 

“He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

 

Sheldon’s face was grave and sad; he shook his head and got up to get his jacket.

 

“It’s getting late, you coming too?”

 

Gibbs felt exhaustion in his bones and with a sigh; he followed Hawkes silently. Finally the elevator was at their floor and still silent they entered. In the end it was Hawkes who broke the silence.

 

“I always wonder what’s worse if somehow you love is specifically targeted or if someone’s just at the wrong place in the wrong time.”

 

Jethro didn’t answer, but much later as he woke once more sweating and not remembering the dream yet knowing what it had been about; he knew that it didn’t matter.

 

Loosing someone always hurt, but being the one to blame for a loved one’s death, was even worse.

 

A shiver ran through him and suddenly he longed for something he hadn’t wished for in a long, long time. He longed to be held. Another shiver ran through him as he turned in his bed so that he faced the wall that separated his room from Tony’s.

 

Tony was so close and yet so far.

 

The longing was now even stronger only that the person holding him had now a face.

 

How would it be, he wondered, how would it be to be held in Tony’s arms?

 

Groaning and pushing the unwanted thoughts away, Gibbs turned on the light and grabbed the book that he had brought with him.

 

Sleep would be a long time coming this night.

 

---

 

Danny moaned and trashed his head from one side to the other. His hands were twisted into the sheets and he desperately grasped at the thin and yet strong material. His body was glistening with sweat, his blood boiling and his world had narrowed down to Mac who was slowly driving him insane.

 

“Mac”

 

His lover looked up and Danny could see how Mac’s eyes roamed over his body in a possessive and yet tender way. Mac was claiming him, he realized and groaned at the heat that realization brought with it.

 

“Something you wanted Danny?”

 

Smirking lightly, Mac curled his fingers deep in Danny’s body and at the same time leaned down to gently bite one of the tender nipples.

 

“You...”

 

Danny had pretty much lost any coherence, but still managed that one single word.

 

“Please Mac... please”

 

It was wonderful to be loved by Mac; wonderful be claimed by him, but right now the wonderful feeling was close to torture. He needed Mac inside his body, needed to feel the love and the passion that Mac hid away so well during the day.

 

“You will get me in time Danny. But first I want to make love to you, want to love you so completely that you never forget whom you belong to.”

 

As if he could. Danny wanted to tell Mac that, but before he could form the sentence in his mind, Mac swallowed him whole. A scream died on his lips as his entire body surged up and whimpering he trust into the heat of his lover’s mouth. Mac let him move freely for a moment, then his hands held him down and Danny’s whimper elevated in a yelp as clever fingers prevented him from coming.

 

His body twisted even more on the bed and moaning constantly now, he begged Mac with his body, begged and hoped that Mac understood.

 

“I love you.”

 

Blue eyes locked with his and with a sigh that was close to a moan, Mac slid into his body. Danny screamed at the feeling of being finally one with his lover.

 

Soothing hands cleaned him and with a content smile, Danny turned around to snuggle into Mac’s arms.

 

“Not that I mind, but what brought that on?”

 

Mac’s left hand moved through his hair, caressing him softly while the right arm pressed him close to his lover. For a long time Mac was just silent, until suddenly he spoke.

 

“I realized today how close I cam to losing you.”

 

It was then that Danny understood. Mac had seen himself in Gibbs, just as Danny had to a certain degree seen himself mirrored in Tony. He smiled softly and looking up he kissed Mac’s lips.

 

“You didn’t.”

 

Now the possessive light was back in Mac’s eyes and to his surprise Danny felt a shiver running through him.

 

“No, I didn’t and now you’re mine.”

 

Normally he would protest such a declaration, but tonight he just felt another shiver at the claim.

 

He was Mac’s.

 

---

 

The TV was on, but silent as Don walked into the living room and sat down next to Nick. The moon was shining into the room, the flicker of the TV and the silver light of the stars the only light source, the street outside was deserted and the city that never slept was eerily silent and still. For a moment, Nick was didn’t move then he smiled and leaned against Don’s body.

 

They were alone, and sitting with Don like this, Nick felt as if they were the only people in the world.

 

For a long time they sat together in silence, watching the silent images on the screen, listening to each other breathing, enjoying the closeness and the love that flowed between them. After a while Nick reached out and clasped Don's hand, connecting them.

 

It was peaceful, Nick thought.

 

Without thinking much his thumb began to caress Don’s hand and his lover made a sound that came close to purring and Nick smiled.

 

"Nightmare?"

 

Don’s question broke the silence and yet didn't shatter it. The words spoken so calmly seemed to merge with the atmosphere and the concern and love behind them enveloped Nick in warmth.

 

“No, just couldn’t sleep.”

 

Nick felt Don relax against him and sighed lightly. Don had helped him heal; his love had made him heal. But sometimes Nick forgot that by taking care of him, Don had inherited some of his demons.

 

“I am fine.”

 

Don squeezed his hand.

 

“I know, but I still can’t help being concern. I care.”

 

Nick remembered the first time, Don had told him that, remembered how good it had felt to hear it, how good it still felt and with a smile he caressed the handsome face.

 

“Yeah, me too”

 

---

 

Ziva smiled as she opened the email. She had asked for some background information on the New York team and opening the attachment she studied the files that her contact had sent her with a hard smile. It contained information about five men and one woman, but in the end it was only four men that interested her.

 

Four men whom she had worked with all day without knowing anything about them, four men that had struck up an immediate friendship with Tony, but most of all, one of them had shaken her to her core and she shivered as she remembered Stokes’ words.

 

Who do you trust to save you, if you don't trust your team?

 

She had let her guard down around Stokes, had allowed herself to become vulnerable. Vulnerable meant expendable, she had learned that long ago. Hardening her eyes, she once more promised herself never to become expendable, not only for the director but even more important for Gibbs. Only if he started to rely on her and no one else, she would ever be able to reach her goal. Another shiver ran through her, if Gibbs wanted it, she'd be out immediately. Expendable, squeezing her eyes shut, she took a deep breath. Never again, she promised. No matter what cost, she would never again be expendable.

 

She opened the file labeled with Stokes’ name and started to read. Tomorrow she would have all the information she needed in order to deal with the New York team, tomorrow it wouldn't be Stokes who had an advantage but her.

 

---

 

*Chapter 6 – Confrontation*

 

“Nick, you and Tony follow up on the gardener. Find out who was working at the site, and go talk to them. If they’re not objecting, collect samples and trace evidence.”

 

Mac smiled at Tony and seeing the surprised, almost shy responding smile, he mentally shook his head and with a quick glance at Danny decided to jump into the game head first.

 

“Hope that’s ok with you Tony, working with one of us I mean?”

 

Once more he saw surprise in the hazel eyes, but this time it disappeared immediately and Tony shook his head vehemently.

 

“Sure it is, although working with Nick...”

 

He trailed off leaving and plastered a painful grimace on his face. Mac laughed and shook his head in open amusement. From the corner of his eyes he saw Danny smile, saw love and something else in the beloved blue grey eyes, but before he could say anything Danny interrupted and grinned.

 

“Yeah, working with Nick really is a hardship.”

 

Nick reacted and looked at them with a feigned hurt in his eyes. Then he turned towards Mac and shook his head with a fond smile.

 

“Kids”

 

He walked towards the door and Mac saw how Tony immediately reached out and grabbed Nick at his arm. Tony was serious as he looked at Nick and his apology was equally serious.

 

“Sorry Nick, I mean it’s great working with you, really. So, you gonna show me NY?”

 

Nick laughed, but Mac could see that his eyes were serious as he turned around to look at Mac.

 

“We’re off then; call me if there’s anything new.”

 

They left, but just as they walked away, Mac heard Nick tell Tony.

 

“I’ll show you Central Park and hey it’s good to work with you too.”

 

Gibbs face was hard. His face a hard mask, his body tense and seeing it made Mac feel bad for the charade that he and Danny had started. His conscience was suddenly very much awake and demanded to know how he would have felt his and Gibbs’ role were reversed.

 

The thought of watching Danny flirt with someone, watching him being lured away from him, it made Mac cringe and he felt like a heel. He had given into Danny and now he knew that he shouldn’t have. And yet the damage was done; now he had to fix it.

 

“Danny, Officer David can you dig further into the background of our victims and check with Jane about DNA?”

 

His lover nodded and was about to leave with Ziva in tow, when Mac called him back.

 

“Danny, I need to talk to you in a minute ok?”

 

Danny looked at him concerned, but waited right outside the office. Mac took a deep breath and turned towards Gibbs and McGee.

 

“McGee will set up the line and check with Abby and then go over the computers we found in the flat.”

 

Gibbs voice was cold and hard and Mac had to force himself not to flinch. Still though he met Gibbs’ eyes and once more felt like an ass at the barely hidden pain in the blue eyes.

 

“I’ve got to talk with Danny for a second, but then I would like your opinion on something. Can you give us a minute?”

 

Gibbs nodded curtly and walked outside without as much as a word. Looking warily Danny came inside instead and Mac instantly knew that Danny felt guilty for something.

 

“I’m sorry Mac; I thought it would make him act.”

 

Surprised and yet not, Mac smiled at the honest apology and quickly brushed his hand over Danny’s. Then though he met his lover’s eyes and shook his head.

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I should have thought about it more. It’s just when Tony left, I suddenly understood that Gibbs will never do anything.”

 

Anger and confusion but also understanding and love were mirrored in the small smile that Danny gave him.

 

“You did, when you thought that you had lost me, you came to me.”

 

It was true, but Mac knew that it were different things that had held him back and walking towards the window he looked to where once two towers had stood proudly. He felt Danny step closer, not touching but offering comfort nevertheless.

 

“Gibbs is afraid. I was too, but more than fear it was my blindness that held me back. Gibbs though, he truly believes that loving him could kill Tony.”

 

Danny’s hand on his shoulder was warm, grounded him in ways Mac hadn’t known before and as he turned around he saw only love.

 

“Talk to him then.”

 

A quick grin crossed over the younger face.

 

“Marine to Marine.”

 

Mac couldn’t help the glare and the chuckle at the statement and yet he knew that it was true. He would have to talk to Gibbs from one Marine to another and still smiling lightly he wondered if he was the only one to see the irony of him having to employ the ingrained training he’d received in the army to make Gibbs understand he loved and needed Tony.

 

He turned back from the window and saw Danny smiling as he grabbed his kit.

 

“Semper fi, but please ignore the don’ tell and tell me ok?.”

 

---

 

Nick had watched the byplay in the office and had seen both the emotions in Gibbs’ face and the moment of hurt that had flashed over Tony’s. Most of all though he had been surprised when he had realized that Tony was genuinely afraid of having insulted him and shaking his head as he maneuvered the car through the busy NY traffic

 

“Calm down Tony, I know you didn’t mean it seriously.”

 

Tony sighed and expected him to say something, but to his surprise Tony remained silent. Smiling lightly, he stopped in front of yet another red light and spontaneously turned towards Tony.

 

“Thanks for covering for me and Don.”

 

For a moment Nick could clearly see envy in Tony’s eyes as he shrugged and answered honestly.

 

“Look, you and Don have the connection and love that I’ve always longed to find. I’m not going to destroy something as beautiful, besides I’m no bigot.”

 

Nick smiled and quickly taking his hand from the steering wheel, he grasped Tony’s and clasped it thankfully.

 

“Thanks”

 

He found a parking spot and got his kit while Tony explained to a rather grumpy looking man who they were and why they were here.

 

“We know that usually volunteers work together with professional gardeners. Can you tell me who was working with Maureen Durban last weekend?”

 

The older man who had introduced himself as Stanley Smith pointed towards a younger taller man who was eyeing the CSIs with suspicion.

 

“Frank Kraft”

 

Nick smiled at Tony and walked straight towards Kraft introducing himself in his usual friendly manner.

 

“Hello, I’m Nick Stokes from the crime lab, Mr. Smith told us that you worked with Maureen Durban last weekend, is that correct?”

 

Before Nick saw the knife and could react, Kraft slashed at him and instinctively Nick jumped back. Kraft pushed him away and turned on his heel ready to run away, when a hard voice made him and Nick freeze.

 

“Freeze or I shoot!”

 

Tony’s voice was completely different from the friendly and easy going voice he had used when he had spoken with Nick and Nick felt himself react to the command in the harsh tone. Unfortunately Frank Kraft didn’t have the same reaction and even as Tony shot close to him their suspect kept on running. Cursing loudly, Tony threw a look at Nick.

 

“You ok?”

 

Nick smiled at the honest concern and nodded before he followed Tony in his pursuit of Frank Kraft. He didn’t like to run after someone but if he were completely honest he had to admit that the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins was a good one and silently he made a note to encourage Don for another gym visit tonight.

 

“Got you.”

 

Tony launched himself at Kraft and with a tackle that would have made an NFL player proud he tore the gardener down onto the grass. Nick was there immediately, his gun trained on the suspect that had tried to stab him and while Tony read him his rights, Nick called for back up and let the PD know that they had a man in custody.

 

Kraft was sitting cuffed on the side and ignoring them completely, so Nick took a moment to look at Tony. He hadn’t forgotten that Tony had been injured on a job only days ago and promptly he saw how the handsome face was twisted into a grimace of pain.

 

“Tony, are you ok?”

 

Tony looked at him and nodded, but his eyes and his face were still showing the pain he felt and Nick cursed Kraft silently before he loudly wondered where their back up was.

 

“Just here, don’t go mouthing off good detectives, just cause they are fighting NY traffic.”

 

Don’s voice made him smile, but he composed himself enough to look casually as he pointed towards Kraft.

 

“Can you bring him in for the attempted attack on a NYPD member and for questioning in the Maureen Durban case?”

 

Nick cursed himself as soon as he had uttered the words. Don paled and instinctively reached out, but caught himself in time. Don’s hand trembled as he pointed towards Kraft and his voice was harder than usual.

 

“He attacked you.”

 

Nick tried to find words that didn’t make it sound as bad as it had been, but before he could say anything, Tony interrupted him.

 

“He tried to stab him.”

 

Meeting Tony’s eyes Nick saw the challenge in the hazel orbs and glared at him. Tony just grinned back.

 

“It’s ok Don, I moved back fast enough, so he didn’t hurt me.”

 

Don’s eyes promised him a thorough inspection as soon as they were off the clock and with a soft smile, Nick conceded defeat in that point. It was after all not such a bad thing to have Don check every spot on his body in order to make sure he wasn’t hurt.

 

“Let him cool down a bit, we’ll come in after we’ve analyzed the samples.”

 

Nick saw the moment of anger in Don’s eyes as he looked at Kraft, and silently hoped that he would still be in one piece when they had time to interrogate him.

 

“Ok, I’ll see you around.”

 

Don quickly reached out and clasped Nick’s shoulder, then he was gone and Nick turned towards Tony.

 

“Not necessary.”

 

Tony shrugged, but his eyes were serious.

 

“Look, I would want to know if my partner had been attacked. I know you didn’t want to scare him, but Don’s strong.”

 

Seeing the honesty, the concern in Tony’s eyes, Nick’s anger faded, but he still sighed and looking away from Tony, sweeping his eyes over the lawn he shivered lightly.

 

“Let’s grab some lunch ok?”

 

If Tony was surprised by the offer, he didn’t show and soon enough they sat in a quiet diner that Nick had found about a month after he’d moved to NY. It was close to the lab and had a homey feeling that made you forget that you were in Manhattan and that outside the life moved on in a different speed than in the rest of the world.

 

“It’s a while since I had lunch sitting down.”

 

Nick grinned at Tony’s comment and nodded.

 

“I remember when I was with graveyard in Vegas; our eating habits were completely screwed. It’s definitely one thing I don’t miss.”

 

He felt Tony’s eyes on him and sighed lightly he knew that he had set himself up for questions. He liked Tony though and the key word in any kind of friendship that deserved the name was sharing and with Tony obviously being hurt more than once, Nick understood that sharing secrets would probably go a long way to a friendship with him.

 

“So what do you miss then?”

 

Tony’s voice was curious but it was an honest curiosity and not the kind of curiosity that came from being noisy, but from caring.

 

“Small things, the craziness of the fight nights, the lights when you’re further away outside the city and watch it glittering at night, my friends, being able to drive outside and being in the middle of nowhere within two hours...”

 

Speaking about Las Vegas brought memories and with a slightly melancholic smile Nick took a sip of his coke before he continued to speak.

 

“I miss working with Grissom, I mean Mac is a great supervisor, but Grissom, he’s one of his kind.”

 

Tony smiled, but Nick could already see the next question forming in Tony’s mind.

 

“Why did you leave?”

 

He’d known the question would come, knew Tony was smart and had expected it and still he had to steel himself from flinching, but he did what he always did when faced with that specific question. He decided on whether or not the person asking was ready to hear the truth.

 

Several hadn’t been.

 

Tony was.

 

“I was abducted on a scene and woke up buried alive. My team found me just in time to save me, but in the end the aftermath was too much. I had to leave.”

 

He didn’t say anything else, didn’t mention that the final decision had been made when Warrick had walked into the lab announcing his marriage. He didn’t say that he still missed his friend sometimes, didn’t speak about the terrible moments in the box, about the ants that had invaded his prison or about the gun he had almost used. And yet while he used those brief words, he suddenly realized how much easier it was to talk about it now than when he had told Mac all those months ago.

 

Tony’s hand on his brought him back from the memories and as he met the hazel eyes, he saw deep compassion in them. A almost shy smile appeared on Tony’s face as he confessed quietly.

 

“I really don’t know what to say.”

 

Nick appreciated the honesty much more than any empty words and with a smile he changed the topic to the one he actually wanted to talk about, but before he could Tony’s eyes lit up with understanding.

 

“That’s why you deflected Don’s concern isn’t it?”

 

Surprised at the understanding and yet not, Nick nodded.

 

“Don worries too much already and sometimes I feel bad that I pulled him into the entire nightmare.”

 

A shiver ran through him as he remembered how he had woken up only a few weeks ago to find Don in the throws of a nightmare. His lover had whispered his name over and over again and Nick’s heart had broken as he had realized that Don was dreaming of his ordeal.

 

Strong hands once more brought him back to reality and Tony met his eyes head on strong, clear and full of conviction.

 

“It’s what lovers do, Nick, they worry about each other, they are part of each others nightmares and just that being part makes them easier to bear.”

 

A shadow crossed over Tony’s face and Nick clasped his hand encouragingly.

 

“What about you?”

 

The shadow fell completely and Tony sighed.

 

“I’ve had a shitty year. Got infected with the pest, shot at and finally had a colleague killed right in front of my eyes.”

 

Tony spoke calmly, he stated facts and that more than anything made Nick want to reach out and him. He remained silent though and waited whether or not he would continue. When Tony stayed silent, Nick looked at him questioningly.

 

“But that’s not why you are so sad, is it?”

 

Surprised Tony looked up and Nick couldn’t hide a smile.

 

“I’m an investigator by profession Tony; I saw how you look at Gibbs. You could survive anything if you had him at your side, wouldn’t you?”

 

Tony’s eyes darkened for a moment, and then he shivered.

 

“Even if I don’t have him, even if he doesn’t love me, he is the main reason I fought so hard when I was in the hospital, why every time I am shot down I come back.”

 

Nick heard what Tony didn’t say, heard the exhaustion in the calm, sad voice and he understood it better than Tony probably thought. Taking his mind off the current topic, he waved at the waitress and paid their lunch, but as they walked back into the lab, Nick stopped Tony once more.

 

“Tony, you said you survived for him, but do you realize that he would die for you?”

 

---

 

Danny grinned as he and Ziva walked back from Jane’s lab. The blond DNA expert had a wicked sense of humor which was matching his and he genuinely liked her. With the results in his hands, he looked at Ziva.

 

“Ok, so what do you suggest next?”

 

It wasn’t meant as a test, just a question, nothing bad, just trying to pick someone’s brain but to his surprise her eyes darkened and her face hardened at the question.

 

“Isn’t this your investigation Detective Messer?”

 

Surprised and a bit taken aback at the venom in her voice, Danny stopped for a second, then though recovered and shook his head.

 

“Actually I think it’s our investigation. Cool down Ziva, I am not after you or your job ok?”

 

The topic was closed for him and he grabbed his phone to call Nick, when he saw that he had one missed call from Don and frowning he listened to the message. The few words Don said were all about business, but the light trembling in his voice was more telling than anything else. He pressed the recall button and impatiently waited for his friend to pick up.

 

“Don, it’s Danny.”

 

He felt Ziva’s eyes on him, saw her frown and walk away and waved at her to stay, before he told Don that he would call him from the star phone in the office. She looked surprised at the comment, but her body language still spoke of distrust and contempt as she came back to the desk. Wondering about her attitude, Danny called Don and let his friend know that he was not alone.

 

“Don, Danny and Ziva here, what have you got for us?”

 

Don was considerably calmer than when he had left a message and nothing in his voice spoke of the scare he had gotten when he had met Nick and Tony.

 

“Nick and Tony found a suspect; he took a stab at Nick, but failed. He’s in custody now, so if you need DNA for comparison, then just come down ok?”

 

Looking at their DNA samples, Danny saw that there was indeed a third source and nodding, he agreed with Don.

 

“We’ll come down; do you know who is going to interrogate him?”

 

Ziva stared at him as if he was mad, but Don didn’t find the question unusual.

 

“Don’t know Mac probably or Nick and I guess Gibbs or Tony will take part too, so I’ll probably stay out of it. It’s better anyway.”

 

Danny heard what Don didn’t say, their suspect had attacked Don’s lover. His nerves were thin and the thirst for vengeance was definitely there. Yeah, Danny thought with a grin, it probably was better.

 

“Nick is ok, isn’t he?”

 

There was silence on the other side of the phone for a moment, but then Don spoke again.

 

“He is, apparently he was fast enough, not a scratch, but it could have been different.”

 

And once more Danny heard all that Don didn’t say and he understood it perfectly. The fear was with him constantly, the knowledge that their jobs were dangerous and that one day Mac might not be fast enough or a scene not cleared. The fear was always there, but Danny knew just as Don did that they had to live with it. It was who they were.

 

“We’ll come over in ten ok?”

 

They ended the call and Danny sat down for a moment, only now realizing that his legs were weak.

 

“Damn it.”

 

Ziva, who had not moved, looked at him and once more Danny wondered what her problem was as her eyes swept over him assessing. He was tired of her attitude and catching her eyes he held the look and just calmly asked.

 

“What?”

 

Her eyes narrowed and throwing her hair back, she replied scathingly cold.

 

“One of your team gets a scare and you have a break down? Not very professional.”

 

For a moment, Danny wondered if it was worth getting angry, but then he shrugged it off. He had heard worse over the time. Instead he got up and picking up the DNA results, he simply answered with the truth.

 

“Nick’s not just one of my team, he’s a friend.”

 

She threw him a look and Danny saw that there was as much surprise as confusion and distrust in the dark eyes. Shaking his head and he wondered if the concept of being friends with her team mates really was that foreign to her, then though he remembered her treatment of Tony and figured that it probably was.

 

“Great, just whom I’ve been waiting for.”

 

Don grinned at them and pointed towards the man in the holding cell.

 

“I’ve got the warrant for the DNA so knock yourself out.”

 

Danny grinned and then turning over to Ziva smiled at her too.

 

“Can you check his hands for injuries?”

 

She nodded and without any further conversation they started to process Frank Kraft. They took pictures and DNA and brought the latter to Jane who promised them to treat their sample with priority.

 

Coming back to the lab, Danny set the equipment up to develop the pictures. He put the things together and developed the pictures while Ziva researched the knife. Finally he was done and with a glance at Ziva, he pointed towards the break room.

 

“Up for a coffee?”

 

She looked up and nodded with the first smile Danny had ever seen on her. Feeling on better ground, now that they had worked together, Danny felt safe enough to ask her about her team especially Tony.

 

“So what’s with you and Tony? I mean you are like cats and dogs.”

 

Danny felt her tense next to him and knew immediately that he had made a mistake, but even knowing that he was not prepared for the cold anger in her eyes and her voice.

 

“Why are you so concerned with him? You know if I think about it, Tony does seem very much at home here and wouldn’t he fit in perfectly with your team?”

 

Wary now, but not backing down, Danny shrugged casually.

 

“He’s a great investigator and yes, I think he would fit in well.

 

She turned around as if he had slapped her and her burning eyes kept him captive as she got up and towered over him.

 

“Tony is nothing but a big talking screw up, but then that’s right up your alley isn’t it? After all you’re a screw up yourself. Worse even you’re a gang runner and cop killer?”

 

Danny froze at the last words, unable too defend himself as guilt once more crashed over him and memories of Tanglewood were raised by the way she stood over him. He saw triumph in her eyes, but before she could attack him again a sharp voice from the door interrupted her.

 

“Officer David”

 

Mac and Gibbs stood in the door. Danny felt himself relax immediately and when Mac came to stand next to him, softly putting a hand on his shoulder the memories retreated back into the dark corner of his mind. For a moment Mac locked his eyes with him and Danny saw love and reassurance in the blue eyes and relaxed further.

 

“Officer David, can you explain to me why you are attacking a member of my team?”

---

 

Gibbs had long ago learned that the worst kind of pain wasn’t physical, but mental. It wasn’t getting shot but watching his comrades dying next to him. It wasn’t feeling the impact of a hit, but watching a friend crumble under the blows. And yet few things he had ever experienced had hurt as much as watching Tony walk away with Nick Stokes.

 

It felt so final as if Tony was not just walking out of Taylor’s office in order to do his job, but was also walking out of Gibbs’ life. He wanted to reach out, to call Tony back, but he kept himself in check just in time. When Taylor assigned Ziva and Messer to the background research he saw his cue to leave, but one look from Taylor made him wait.

 

“I’ve got to talk with Danny for a second, but then I would like your opinion on something. Can you give us a minute?”

 

Wondering once more about Taylor’s relationship with Messer, Gibbs stepped outside and watched the busy going-on in the lab. When Messer walked out of Taylor’s office, Gibbs was about to go back in, but to his surprise, Taylor came outside too and walked ahead of Gibbs along the hallway.

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Taylor looked at him and to Gibbs’ surprise there was something akin to remorse in the pale blue eyes, before he averted his eyes and pointed to the stairs.

 

“Up onto the roof”

 

Following Taylor in silence, Gibbs once more cursed himself for having deferred to the New Yorker right at the beginning and yet he knew who Mac Taylor was and to respect a higher ranking Marine was something that was deeply ingrained into him.

 

Taylor waited for him as they stepped out into the sun and stood next to him. Gibbs was silently watching the scenery below, the city lying beneath their feet. It was then when he realized which direction they were looking and with a shiver he glanced at Taylor who looked at him and for a long time they locked eyes until Gibbs conceded defeat and looked away.

 

“I wanted to apologize.”

 

The words came as a surprise and made Gibbs jerk his eyes back to Taylor. Serious, concerned eyes met his and once more Gibbs couldn’t hold the look instead opted to look at the New York skyline.

 

“What for?”

 

Taylor stepped next to him and from the corner of his eyes Gibbs saw him smile a bit.

 

“For playing with your feelings, for flirting with Tony or more accurately for setting Nick up to flirt with Tony.”

 

Anger exploded behind Gibbs’ skull and he turned towards Taylor ready to rip into him when one look from the blue eyes had him silenced.

 

“Danny and Nick hoped that it would make you act on your feelings and I foolishly agreed.”

 

Gibbs didn’t know what stunned him more, the fact that three men had seen through his masks within one day or that they had tried to get him and Tony together. Still though he felt anger curse through him and his voice was hard as he questioned the other man.

 

“And now you feel bad because Nick and Tony really hooked up?”

 

The bitterness in his voice surprised him, but he managed to keep a straight face although it was difficult.

 

“Tony and Nick are not together, they are friends. Nick has someone.”

 

For a moment Gibbs didn’t know what to say or think, but before he could even come to his senses, Taylor spoke again.

 

“Danny wanted to help Tony because he saw how close to breaking he is.”

 

The words registered but Gibbs didn’t allow himself to believe them. How could Taylor know that? Why would Messer see something like that?

 

“He’s had a hard couple of months. We all had.”

 

Gibbs felt bad about the way he dismissed Tony but he couldn’t have this talk now, could not have it ever. He couldn’t endanger Tony.

 

“Do you know that Tony wishes that he would have been the one killed on the day you lost your other agent?”

 

This time the words hit him like bullets and Gibbs felt himself sway. The thought that Tony was this desperate that he wished of being in Kate’s place made him shiver and his heart clench painfully. Memories rose, memories of holding his baby’s dead body, memories of holding too many of his men but all those images were overwhelmed by the image of Tony lying on that cursed roof, blood pooling next to his head, eyes open unseeing, broken.

 

“Gibbs.”

 

He heard Taylor’s voice but didn’t, no couldn’t react until he felt strong hands grip his shoulders hard and a harsh voice made him snap back to reality.

 

“Gunny!”

 

He blinked and saw Taylor stand opposite him.

 

“You are not responsible for their deaths.”

 

He saw understanding in Taylor’s eyes and still he didn’t want to believe it, couldn’t believe it and once again he felt the hard grip of strong hands.

 

“You are not a danger to Tony.”

 

Seeing the truth in Taylor’s eyes, Gibbs felt a shiver through his body as something snapped and some of his fears dissolved. Meeting Taylor’s eyes again he saw nothing but understanding there and finally understood the relationship between Mac Taylor and Danny Messer and as if he had read his mind, Taylor smiled lightly.

 

“Talk with Tony, tell him that you need him in your life. Take the risk and tell him.”

 

Feeling relieved and yet somehow angry at Taylor, Gibbs’ voice was harsher than he intended.

 

“Was that what you did with Messer?”

 

The smile suddenly spreading over Taylor’s face answered all his questions and with a nod he acknowledged that he had understood.

 

Some risks were worth taking.

 

---

 

Tony and Nick were bantering back and forth, when they heard raised voices from the break room as soon as they walked into the lab. Looking at each other, Tony and Nick hurried towards the source of the noise confused and concerned. Tony had recognized one voice as Ziva’s, but Tony was unprepared to hear Gibbs speaking in the deadly voice he usually used with suspects.

 

Almost against his will, he slowed down and stopped in the door when he heard his name being spoken.

 

“Are you going to tell me that you’d rather had Tony with you that night? Are you really going to tell me that even though we both know that it was me you asked? Even though we both know it is me and not him you trust with your life?”

 

It was almost like watching a train wreck, Tony could only watch as Gibbs’ back got even more rigid, could only watch as Ziva saw him standing there and even the effect of Gibbs’ answer was as devastating as a train wreck was.

 

“No I’m not going to tell you that...”

 

He couldn’t help the gasp that escaped him, couldn’t refrain from flinching back as if he had been hit when Gibbs jerked around and saw him. And then he had only one thought; he needed to get out of there.

 

Nick was calling his name, he heard Gibbs’ command to stop and wait, but he didn’t care and although he had once, long ago promised himself to never run away again, he knew that right at this moment he had not other choice.

 

And so he ran.

 

---

*Chapter 7 – Escalation*

 

Tony didn’t see where he was running, didn’t notice that he was getting lost in the labyrinth that the New York lab was and yet even if he had, he would not have cared. It didn’t matter, nothing did apart from the scene he had just witnessed, the few words he had just heard and although he tried to stop remembering he heard those damning words over and over again.

 

Gibbs didn’t trust him didn’t trust Tony to watch his back.

 

It shouldn’t hurt this much and yet it did. Tony shivered as he finally slowed down and leaned against the wall. He had always thought that not matter what Gibbs thought of him personally he at least respected him in the field, respected him enough to trust him. He had been wrong.

 

And once more he wished that Ari had chosen a different target on that day.

 

“DiNozzo”

 

Tony froze. He wanted to run again, but despite everything he couldn’t prevent himself from obeying the voice, the command in it. Gibbs had been his boss for too long and he reacted instinctively as he turned towards the source of the voice. Gibbs was running towards him but as their eyes met, Gibbs suddenly slowed down. It was, Tony thought surprised, as if his boss didn’t want to scare him and the thought stayed with him as he watched Gibbs walk towards him slowly, hands extended and Tony had a flash of Gibbs trying to soothe a frightened animal.

 

Finally Gibbs stood right in front of him, his eyes burning with intensity. They unsettled Tony more than he would ever admit. Their eyes met and locked, but despite the wish to squirm Tony remained motionless and silent.

 

“You ran off in the middle of a case.”

 

The silent words made Tony shake his head and then he laughed harshly. He noticed how Gibbs flinched at the sound, but it wasn’t until he heard the echo of it resonating through the empty corridor that he heard the bitterness in it.

 

“You don’t think I care do you?”

 

Gibbs tensed at the answer, and Tony braced himself for the scathing words that were likely to follow his comment. But instead of telling him off, Gibbs reacted differently. He looked at him for a long time, almost as if he had never seen him before and then silently asked.

 

“What do you mean Tony?”

 

For a moment Tony was surprised at Gibbs’ use of his first name, then though the pain and the hurt pride overwhelmed him and with a sarcastic smile he answered angrily.

 

“Well, I guess you will accept my letter of notice gratefully won’t you?”

 

He pushed Gibbs aside as soon as he had spoken those words, knowing that he couldn’t face him any longer. He couldn’t see the satisfaction in the blue eyes. It would destroy him. He walked past Gibbs only to be stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder hard. He saw the shock in Gibbs’ face and laughed once more the bitter laughter that hurt his ears.

 

“What? I would think you’d be happy to get rid of me, you don’t trust me after all do you?”

 

The hand on his shoulder tightened when he spoke and it was the only warning he got before he was spun around and pushed against the wall. The swiftness of the movement made his head spin and for a moment he lost control over his body only to find himself trapped between Gibbs and the wall. His boss was leaning against him, holding him captive with his body and for a second Tony was too stunned by the fact that Gibbs held him like this to say anything. Thought soon returned though and Tony drew a deep breath to start talking, but before he could get a word out, Gibbs covered him completely with his body.

 

Rational thoughts fled his mind as he felt steel hard muscles press against him, felt strong arms right next to his head and almost like in slow motion he watched as Gibbs’ face came closer and closer until their lips met. His boss kissed like Tony had always known he would intent and completely focused on him, full of dominance and without any doubt that Tony would let him.

 

Complete control, demanding complete surrender from Tony, Gibbs’ kiss asked for nothing but that and melting into the body against his, bones liquid with desire Tony surrendered. His body woke and he felt everything, every detail of Gibbs’ kiss, felt every contour of the hard lean body pressed against his. A moan echoed through the thankfully still empty corridor and Tony was sure that it had been him. Gibbs pressed even closer and another moan escaped Tony as he felt his cock touch Gibbs’ fully erect one. They were still separated by layers of clothing and still Tony felt as if he had been burnt, branded.

 

It was heaven, but soon, too soon the need for air became too big and Gibbs released him slowly. The fresh air in his lungs brought awareness with it and with the spell broken rational thoughts penetrated his mind and another shiver ran through Tony.

 

“Why?”

 

He had merely whispered the word, but before he could repeat it Gibbs spoke softly, but none less sincere.

 

“Because this is the true reason, why I asked Ziva to come with me. Why I wanted you far away when I hunted Ari down.”

 

Tony didn’t understand what Gibbs tried to tell him. The wound of not having been trusted was still too fresh and he was about to argue again, when Gibbs reached out and tenderly cupped his face with one hand. The gesture shook Tony more than the heated kiss had. He had known Gibbs had a tender side, but had never expected to be on the receiving side of such a caress. Gibbs looked up and Tony felt as if he had fallen into a twilight zone. The blue eyes he knew so well were dark with an emotion he had never seen in Gibbs until now, fear.

 

The emotion made him shiver and suddenly Tony understood what Gibbs hadn’t said.

 

“I can live without Ziva, but I can’t live without you. If Ari had killed you, I would not have been able to go on. It wasn’t a choice of trust Tony, it was a choice of fear that I made. I didn’t leave you behind because I don’t trust you, but because I couldn’t bear losing you.”

 

The last words seemed to echo in the corridor and for a long time the sound of Gibbs’ voice resonated in the halls. But then even the last bit of sound disappeared and silence fell.

 

Gibbs’ eyes were locked with Tony’s and Tony saw the love and the fear in his boss’ eyes.

 

Love and fear for him.

 

It floored him, it shocked him, it made him the happiest person on the planet., but right now he was frozen.

 

And so he was silent and slowly, slowly the light in Gibbs’ eyes dimmed and Tony saw how a shiver ran through his boss’ body. Gibbs still looked at him, but when another shiver ran through him Gibbs closed his eyes and as he opened them again Tony saw something else in the blue depth.

 

Pain

 

“I’m sorry Tony. I misunderstood.”

 

---

 

Mac’s eyes followed Gibbs as he walked from the room and followed the path Tony had taken. Then though his eyes hardened and he turned towards Ziva ready to read her the riot act and tell her exactly what he thought of her, when Flack entered the room.

 

Whether or not he registered the tension in the room was not clear, but the bland mask in his face spoke volumes of the fact that Don Flack despite being a mere detective as he sometimes put it, had indeed noticed the uncomfortable atmosphere in the normally relaxed break room.

 

“Mac, your suspect is waiting.”

 

He had forgotten about the man Don had in custody, the man who had attacked Nick and for a second Mac’s eyes wandered from Don to Nick then to Danny to Ziva and finally back to Nick. Nick could obviously see his dilemma and smiled. It was a forced smile, one that didn’t reach Nick’s eyes, but still Mac was grateful for the effort Nick took to diffuse the situation.

 

“I think you and Danny should sit in with Don. He’s already gotten our results.”

 

Mac felt Danny relax next to him and only now did he really realize how tense his lover had been and how much he had feared of being alone with Officer David. He made a mental note to talk to Gibbs about her, but as he looked at Nick he saw him glancing at her coldly. A smile crossed his face as he understood that maybe it wouldn’t be necessary, Nick could be hard and almost cruel if someone he loved was hurt and Danny was high on the list of people that woke Nick’s protective instinct. Mac knew that personally, he had felt the wrath more than once.

 

“I’ll see you afterwards.”

 

Nick smiled again, this time though the smile was real and not meant for Mac. It was a smile only meant for Don and Mac had the feeling that the two were holding an entire conversation just with this one short smile.

 

The walk towards the interrogation room was short, but Mac still needed to talk to Danny before they faced Kraft. He gestured to Don that he should go ahead and stopped Danny with a hand on his shoulder. His lover turned around and Mac’s heart broke at the anguish and pain in the grayish eyes. Since they had become lovers, Danny had come a long way in regards to accepting his past and still the wounds were there and some of them were barely healed. The pain of his past was still close to the surface and Ziva’s words and actions had brought them up to the forefront with a vengeance.

 

Holding Danny with both his hands on his shoulders Mac spoke slowly and softly.

 

“Don’t listen to her! She’s angry and she’s lashing out at you to get away from her own pain.”

 

Danny shook his head but before he could say anything derogatory about himself, Mac stopped him again.

 

“Don’t Danny, I know the truth and I love you. Nick and Don know the truth and they love you too. She doesn’t know you, doesn’t know the truth and most of all she doesn’t matter.”

 

Slowly the tense muscles under his hands relaxed and Mac wished more than anything to be able to hold his lover, to just pull Danny against him and chase away the ghosts of his past, to just give him the safety of his arms even if it were for a mere second. But it was too dangerous and so he just tightened his hands and tried to convey his love with his eyes.

 

A slow smile spread over Danny’s face and quickly caressing the hands on his shoulders, he straightened and took a deep breath. Transforming back to the CSI, Mac nodded with a smile and opened the door to the interrogation room. Flack looked up concerned, but relaxed seeing the smiles on their faces. His own face hardened Mac sat down and looked at the burly man sitting opposite the desk.

 

“Frank Kraft”

 

The suspect just glared at him and Mac smiled as Danny saw down and shook his head.

 

“You made a mistake buddy when you attacked Detective Stokes.”

 

Danny shook his head once more and Mac saw how Kraft had lost his cold demeanor and he nodded satisfied. Danny was back.

 

---

 

Nick watched as Mac and Danny left the room. He knew Mac would make sure that his friend was alright. He himself turned around and looked at Ziva. She was looking at him with hard cold eyes. Her arms were crossed in front of her body and her entire body screamed about her defensive state of mind.

 

“What are you trying to do?”

 

She looked at him as if he didn’t matter at all, but Nick didn’t buy her act instead he just locked his eyes with her and forced her to see the accusation in his eyes. He wondered whether she would react by fight or flight and expected the first be more likely than the latter, but one never knew. He didn’t have to wait for long though as he answer came swift and hard.

 

“Your precious Danny is nothing but a fraud and obviously just as much as screw up as Tony.”

 

Nick didn’t understand her wrath against Danny, but he knew that it was futile to talk any sense into her and so he just replied quietly but coldly.

 

“Danny is my friend and that’s all I need to know.”

 

Thinking of how pale Danny had been, woke his anger and he allowed some of it to show as he continued to speak.

 

“Why do you even care? Hopefully by tomorrow this case is closed and you are on your way back to Washington. Our team is not your concern.”

 

She glared at him but didn’t respond and suddenly her last words registered in Nick’s mind and his brain made the connection between himself, Tony and Danny. The puzzle pieces fell into place and Nick frowned at the image they created but instinctively knew that he was right. Shaking his head he stepped closer towards her and slowly began to talk.

 

Draw it out for me

 

Grissom had used to tell him that when they had worked on a scene together and for a second Nick felt transported back, felt as if he were drawing a scene for his former supervisor.

 

“It never was about Danny wasn’t it? It always was about Tony and about us forming a friendship with him so fast. Gibbs is working closely with Mac and relegating you to do lower work. It made you feel even more like an outsider than you normally feel. You’re the new girl, the one still searching her place and you think that you deserve Tony’s place, that he doesn’t deserve the status he has. He’s in your way, isn’t he?

 

You’ve gone a long way to discredit him with his team mates, to make him look stupid and weak in their eyes, in Gibbs’ eyes.

 

And then you come here and we become friends with the screw up and Gibbs tells you to do work you consider beneath your experience. And so you lash out first at Danny then through Gibbs at Tony. I bet you cheered at our timing and the fact that Tony heard the last statement.”

 

Ziva had paled when Nick had started to speak and he could almost feel her withdraw from him. He felt bad for attacking her like he did, but he had the feeling that it was the only way to get through to her and if he wanted anything good to come out of this mess, then it would be her understanding that neither Tony nor Danny nor anyone else was her enemy.

 

She took a deep breath and Nick wondered if she was just preparing herself for a second attack. For a moment silence rang loudly through the room, then though she smiled coldly and walked up to him coming closer and closer finally invading his private space. Nick swallowed and forced himself not to step back knowing that she would correctly perceive it as a sign of weakness. Meeting her eyes instead he braced himself for an attack.

 

“How long have you practiced this speech Nick?”

 

Her voice was close to him, her tone sultry and still she moved closer and seeing her eyes glitter with something like disgust Nick felt dread running over his body. She couldn’t know, could she?

 

“Did you practice it when you cried in the dark? When the monster came at night and tortured you? When you screamed for your mommy and she never came to help you?”

 

No, she couldn’t know. There was nothing in his file even if she had gotten access to it somehow, only a handful of people knew about this and yet Nick felt that the woman looking at him right now knew exactly what she was talking about. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to look at her before he deliberately took a step back and fixed her with a hard glare.

 

“You don’t understand a team, don’t understand how people work. That’s why you didn’t manage to push Tony out, because you don’t understand Gibbs motivation for taking you with him.”

 

Nick didn’t know what kind of mission Ziva had been on with Gibbs, but he understood how Gibbs worked. He knew that Gibbs cared for Tony and he knew that Gibbs had the same protective streak when it came to Tony that Mac had when it came to Danny.

 

“He had just lost someone from his team and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing yet another member. That’s why he took you with him, because you were expendable.”

 

Her eyes were shooting daggers at him, but behind the anger and the rage, Nick could see a deep rooted fear and silently he wondered what had turned her into this scared and yet hard person. His concern though was pushed aside by shock when she almost slammed him against the wall and hissed at him with a suddenly heavily accented voice.

 

“When I am done with you, you will cry for your mom once again and once again there will be no one there to help you. No one will believe you just as no one would have believed you then.”

 

It wasn’t the threat that made Nick tense, it was the confirmation that she did indeed know. He was shocked and in such a daze that he didn’t notice her hand on his body until she slid it over his crotch and squeezed hard. He reacted immediately then and pushed her away violently. She stumbled but she smiled and advanced him again only to be halted by a hard, cold voice.

 

“Nick, Officer David”

 

Stella stood in the door. Her face was neutral, but Nick realized that she had read the scene correctly as she looked at him with sad eyes. Her eyes hardened though when she looked at Ziva and  her voice was hard enough to cut glass with as she addressed her.

 

“I was looking for you Officer David, would you please come with me?”

 

It wasn’t a question, it was a command and even Ziva dared to disobey. Nick watched her leave the room and only then realized that he was shivering violently and that his knees were barely holding him up. He leaned against the wall as the shivers got stronger and finally unable to stand upright he slid down until he sat on the floor. He was nine again and his soul screamed in anguish.

 

“Nick?”

 

Soft hands on his shoulders made him flinch instinctively, but as he looked up he didn’t see mocking or laughter instead he met Sheldon’s concerned eyes.

 

“Oh god, Nick what has happened to you?”

 

---

 

Sheldon shivered when Nick looked up and he saw the unfocused eyes, the fear and terror in the dark depth and in the taught face. Gently he grasped his hand and made him look at him.

 

“Nick, where are you?”

 

His voice seemed to bring Nick back to reality and slowly Sheldon felt the body under his hands shudder once, then Nick moved back and rubbed his hands over his face.

 

“Thanks Sheldon.”

 

Nick had not answered any of his questions, but Sheldon knew that if he felt the need to talk he would do so and right now it was enough that Nick seemed to have found a semblance of control.

 

Sheldon would talk to Don and tell him about Nick’s break down, but first he would talk to Stella because Sheldon knew once thing for sure. Don would want the reason for it.

 

And Don would make sure that whoever was the reason understood that bothering Nick was a mistake.

 

---

 

Gibbs felt as if the world was slowly collapsing around him. He saw Tony stare at him frozen, watched as he seemed to take in everything he had said and saw the moment understanding hit him. Tony’s eyes opened a bit more and Gibbs was sure, that he could see shock and disgust in the hazel depths. Silently cursing himself and Mac, he took a step back. He had taken the risk and now all he could do was trying to salvage what little of his friendship with Tony remained.

 

“Tony, I am sorry. I misunderstood.”

 

The words seemed to jolt Tony back to reality and before Gibbs could even think of anything else to say, Tony was in front of him, close enough that he could feel the heat of his body. He swallowed at the sudden flare of lust and inwardly wept that the one kiss they had shared would remain the first and last one.

 

“No Jethro, you didn’t misunderstand.”

 

Tony’s hand was on his face now, forcing him to look up and meet his eyes. What he saw in them made him shiver and woke his hopes. Tony’s eyes were kind and loving, caring and burning with a fire he had never seen.

 

“I didn’t?”

 

He knew that it was dumb to repeat this, but his mind was in a jumble and there was nothing he could do against it. Tony smiled and immediately Gibbs realized that he had never seen that particular smile. Once more the strong, yet soft hand moved over his face in a caressing gesture, and then Tony nodded.

 

“No”

 

Gibbs leaned forward wanting to kiss Tony again; needing the security of the kiss, but to his disappointment Tony straightened and shook his head.

 

“Someone is coming.”

 

Surprised and yet not at the accurate hearing, Gibbs smiled for a moment and locked his eyes with Tony.

 

“Tonight”

 

A shiver ran through Tony and Gibbs could see how lust darkened the hazel eyes for a second, before Tony had himself under control again. Tony ran his hand through his hair, and smiled looking for everyone like the professional agent he was. His eyes though moved over Gibbs in an almost tangible caress that made Gibbs shiver.

 

“Tonight”

 

Gibbs felt a tremor in his body at the dark voice and without wanting to he glanced at his watch and bit back a curse.

 

Tonight was a long way away.

 

---