Disclaimer: These are fictional people. They belong to various producers and companies. I have no intention to make any money from this fiction, I just play with the boys.
The first time...
by Valerie
They say that when you die, your entire life flashes in front of your eyes and you can relive the best and worst moment of it once again.
They never told me that the same happens when you watch the love of your life fight for his life under blue lights, when you see him struggle for every single breath and you know that there is nothing you can do to help him.
He lies there almost motionless apart from the shivers that run through his body and speak of the pain he is in. When I touch him he recoils as if he is afraid that my hand would inflict further pain, but then he leans into my caress and suddenly everything we've gone through together appears in front of my eye.
The first time I saw him, was on a case, where else? A Marine had been killed and when we arrived the local PD had already started their investigation. The lead officer was a pompous ass, but when I walked into the room that was the crime scene, I saw him for the first timeHe stood in the brightly lit room, a little away from the center and just observed the chaos and commotion around him. There was a hard, almost bitter smile on his face but at the same time his eyes showed a thirst for live that I had never seen. I remember how I felt like no one with such a love of life should work in such a hard job.
The first time I worked with him at NCIS showed me immediately that I had made the right decision. He complemented me as if he had been made of the missing parts in my soul. After a while I saw through his dumb boy act and he developed a sixth sense that seemed to tell him exactly where I was and whether or not I needed him to cover my six. Being in the field, fighting for justice has always been my release and refuge, but now working with him, the experience had changed and the trust that I suddenly developed both scared and delighted me.
The first time I wanted him... We were working out together in the gym, both trying to get the upper hand, he was good and when I saw an opening I pounced immediately. We stumbled and suddenly I was lying on top of him, felt the strong muscles under me, felt his heavy breathing and it all just rushed through me like liquid fire. Later that night I was sanding my boat, when the events from the work out flashed through my mind. Within a second I had the biggest hard on I ever had in my life. And suddenly I realized that my biggest fantasy was the beautiful and incredible agent working with me every day.
The first time I kissed him was after he got kidnapped and thrown into the sewers… weird how life works, isn't it? I had almost lost him because he had been flirting with a beautiful woman. We found him in time and I wanted to hold him when I saw the hidden fear in his eyes. He was strong though, so incredibly strong, talking to everyone, dealing with the paper work and the interrogation. It only made me respect him more.
I was exhausted, but before I left I went to the bathroom. I heard it as soon as I walked into the room, the noise not quite clear at first but then I suddenly understood what it was. Someone was quietly sobbing... I rushed over only to stop dead as I saw who it was. Tony was leaning against the wall, facing away from me but I could see how his shoulders shook from crying. He looked up when I touched his shoulder and immediately tried to hide his break down and began to talk about the report he would finish the next day. Grabbing his face and forcing him to look at me, I asked him how he was, but he avoided my eyes and spoke on and on until I couldn't take it anymore and kissed him.
Can you imagine that? Sometimes I wonder what got into me that day. I had dreamt of this and yet never thought I would ever have the courage to kiss him. But there I was and his lips were soft, trembling from the sobs he suppressed and finally his entire body shivered violently. His hands held me captive and suddenly he was the one taking charge and the kiss meant to calm him down turned into so much more. It left me shaken as he released me and looked at me. His eyes were shining with an emotion I couldn't decipher. I reached out to caress his face but he caught my hand in his and held it towards his heart.
"Thanks"
His words were a mere whisper. I couldn't say anything, I was shaken to the core by an emotion that I didn't dare to name. That was the first time I knew I loved him.
The first time we did more than kissing was a week after the first kiss. We had finally finished yet another gruesome case, and I felt tired and sore but in a good way, just the way it feels when you've accomplished something. Tony had fallen asleep in his chair, the long lean body stretched out in an awkward angle. His eyes were closed, his entire posture was relaxed despite the uncomfortable position. For a moment I stood in the middle of the room mesmerized by his beauty. As if on remote control I walked to his chair and caressed his face. He stirred and opened his eyes. A wonderful smile graced his face as he turned his head and leaned into my touch.
"Do you want this? Do you want us?"
His eyes were full of emotions as he asked me and the promise in his voice made me shiver. I knew back then that he was talking of more than a night, more than a quick grope in the dark and I wanted to lean down and kiss him. He shivered and moved back. Slowly, sensually he got up and smiled gently.
“Come home with me”
That night I got to know a completely new Tony. I learned what made him catch his breath, where I had to touch him to draw a moan, I realized that he could make me laugh in the middle of making me moan and I found out that he was as focused a lover as he was as an agent. I loved being in the center of his focus. But even more I realized that I was into this deep.
The first time I told him that I love him was in the middle of a case. He was talking to Abby, grinning at her with his wonderful smile and despite knowing that he was mine, I felt jealousy curse through me. Abby turned towards me, smiled lightly with knowing eyes and I growled at her. Tony on the other hand was oblivious as he kept on chatting about some theory he had. Abby shook her head and slowly left her lab, while she signed something with her hands.
‘Tell him’
A shiver ran through me, but right then Tony turned around and grinned at me. His eyes were sparkling with life and I closed my eyes before I walked towards him and slowly told him
"I love you"
His smile faltered, and for a second I worried, but then his eyes lit up and a shiver ran through his body as he reached towards me. And then Ducky walked into the room and the moment was gone.
Later that night he came round to my house. He hugged me closely before I could even close the door. When he looked at me again I saw the same emotion in his eyes that I had seen the first time when I kissed him. And now I knew what it meant.
"I love you"
Have you ever experienced it? Have you ever had the feeling that your heart must jump out of your chest from pure happiness? I had thought myself to be in love with many people until that night. But when I heard Tony say the words the world stopped for a second. He was everything I wanted, more even, he was everything I needed.
That was the night we first made love.
Since then we've had our ups and downs like in every relationship, I can be a bastard and Tony is no angel himself, but one thing hasn't changed.
He still is everything I've ever wanted.
They say that when you die, your entire life flashes in front of your eyes and you can relive the best and worst moment of it once again.
As I hold Tony's hand, I lean in and tell him something I never told him before.
"I will never let you go. No matter what happens, I will hold onto you forever."
He doesn’t respond and I am not sure if he has heard me. Then slowly his eyes open and I can see the pain and fear in the hazel depths. But he presses my hand and I know he feels the same.
Many years ago, I walked onto a crime scene and saw a young police officer wasting his talent in Baltimore. I thought I had found a great agent for NCIS and I have.
I'd just never thought that I had also met my destiny.
THE END