*Chapter 10*

 

Mac watched Danny sleep next to him. They had worked a hard double shift to find who had killed the woman and although they had found the killer, they still had been exhausted. He was relieved that tomorrow would be a day off for them or he thought with a glance at the watch on the nightstand, today more likely.

 

It was three am and he couldn’t sleep. The evening had been nice; Danny had scolded him gently for forgetting to bring food and then called the pizza service. During dinner, they hadn’t spoken much but the silence had not been oppressive instead it had been an almost comfortable feeling. And then they had crashed and Danny had fallen asleep curled around him.

 

Mac was awake for two hours now and for the last one hour and fifty minutes he had looked at the man he loved.

 

Softly he reached out and caressed the relaxed face. Asleep, Danny looked so young, so innocent as if all those memories and experiences that gave him a hard edge when awake were gone and left him bare and vulnerable.

 

He wanted to protect this man, wanted nothing bad ever happening to him, wanted to make up for all the terrible things he had had to go through. Mac knew rationally that he couldn’t protect Danny from being alive, from all the shit that happened in a persons live and he also knew that Danny was strong enough to survive, but his heart kept showing him Danny’s tears and the broken sobs and instinctively he reached out and pulled his lover towards him.

 

Danny mumbled something but accepted the offered warmth and burrowed closer into Mac’s body.

 

“Danny”

 

The broken whisper echoed in the room and Mac pressed his eyes closed against the onslaught of pain. Danny’s simple acceptance, the amount of trust he showed unconsciously touched Mac deep and yet at the same time he felt as if he didn’t deserve this trust.

 

In the living room stood his suitcase and inside there was an envelope with pictures which Mac didn’t dare to look at and yet he couldn’t forget that they were there.

 

What was he supposed to do now?

 

‘Talk with Danny’

 

Nick’s words resonated through his mind and again he recoiled from the thought, instinctively shied away from the idea of putting Danny through this ordeal, when another memory rose.

 

‘I left because I couldn’t face the memories; I wasn’t able to face my past. Danny though stayed here and fought against his...’

 

Nick had spoken those words a couple of weeks ago, when they had gone for a drink after work. Danny had stood at the bar and had chatted with the barkeeper when Nick had suddenly made the comment. It hadn’t been the words that had shocked Mac then, but the tone in which they had been spoken. Nick’s voice had been full of admiration at what he perceived Danny’s strength.

 

Once again Mac looked at the young man in his arms, but this time he didn’t see the innocence and the vulnerability. No, looking at Danny right now, Mac saw strength and courage.

 

His lover had survived an ordeal few others could have survived and not only had he survived it, but he had fought back and managed to escape the trappings of his name and family. It would have been easier for Danny to just accept his place in the Messer family, but instead Danny had chosen the hard, inconvenient way.

 

He had fought and turned his weakness into his strength becoming the man Mac loved.

 

A light shiver went through Mac as he realized that he’d made the same mistake that the Messer family and Sassone had made. He too had looked at Danny and considered him too weak to survive and just like the family he had almost lost something precious because of that. It was their misfortune and his luck that he had woken up just in time to see who Danny really was...

 

“You should be sleeping.”

 

A soft hand reached out and moved over his chest.

 

“I can’t.”

 

It was too dark to see Danny’s eyes but Mac felt them roaming over his face as Danny lifted his head and looked at him.

 

“Your back still acting up?”

 

He moved a little to test it and winced when the tense muscles objected his idea of movement.

 

“Stop that, you’re just going to hurt yourself. Let me ok?”

 

There was a second of hesitation before he turned onto his stomach and surrendered himself to Danny’s touch. Soft yet strong hands slid testing over his back and then he felt Danny bend over his body to retrieve the lotion from the night stand.

 

“Don’t jerk now...”

 

He smiled when he felt Danny straddle his ass and wondered if Danny would be shocked if he knew how much he craved this position in a less therapeutical and more erotic setting. Soon though the thought was forgotten as Danny’s hands returned to his back, kneading and sliding over the muscles in a gentle yet firm massage. Each time Danny moved over a spot he applied more pressure and instinctively Mac tensed up when the touches started to hurt or when his lover’s fingers hit a sore spot.

 

“Shhh, relax Mac... just let me take care of you.”

 

Danny’s voice was soothing him and the calm, soft tone he used fit the almost surreal setting perfectly, the darkness in the room only barely broken by the street lights filtering through the curtains, the warmth of Danny’s breath at his neck, whenever he bent over him, the musky scent of the lotion and of course Danny’s hands on him.

 

Mac sighed as he felt himself relax and as Danny continued to work out all the knots and tension in his back, he suddenly realized that he had indeed done what Danny had asked from him.

 

He had let go.

 

And as if that thought had the power of relaxing him even more, he felt himself slipping into sleep with the last thought being the startling revelation that Danny was the first person in his live who was able to relax him so completely or maybe he mused as sleep flittered around his consciousness, maybe it was the other way round.

 

Maybe Danny was the only person he was able to surrender to.

 

---

 

Floating in warmth Danny woke slowly and immediately felt Mac’s arms around his body. He had woken up several times last night and every time, Mac had held him close, almost as if he wanted to prevent him from leaving.

 

Silly man, Danny smiled lovingly.

 

As if he would go anywhere, as if he could go anywhere without feeling as if he had his heart ripped out.

 

Carefully he caressed Mac’s face and then moved to go to the bathroom. Immediately Mac’s arms closed tight around his body and he rolled over so that he effectively trapped Danny under himself.

 

For a second Danny froze, the position made him feel caged and memories threatened to swallow him. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to relax and reminded himself that it was Mac’s body that covered him, Mac who would never consciously hurt him, Mac who loved him.

 

Slowly the panic ebbed away and Danny breathed deeply, when the body above him suddenly tensed and looking up he met Mac’s blue eyes with a smile.

 

“Good morning”

 

Mac’s voice was raspy, but while the voice still had to adjust to the state of awareness, his eyes were already completely alert and Danny couldn’t help but marvel at the way Mac could go from total relaxation to an equally total awareness.

 

“Great morning”

 

His response made Mac smile but as he tried to wriggle away from his lover, Mac’s body tensed on his.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Shaking his head, Danny reached out and caressed Mac’s face quickly.

 

“Bathroom”

 

A rueful smile crossed Mac’s face and he moved over so that Danny was free. Watching Mac watching him, Danny got up and grabbed his sweats from the floor.

 

“I’ll make breakfast”

 

Mac’s announcement woke his longing for a coffee and so he just growled at the bathroom door and silently promised himself to make it a quick shower. When he came out the smell of coffee and bacon wafted through the apartment. His stomach growled and he grinned at Mac who turned around at the sound.

 

“Someone is hungry.”

 

Danny ignored the food and walked up to Mac quickly kissing his lover before they sat down and started to dig into their food. It was then, when Danny realized that something was wrong and suddenly concerned he looked at Mac who was just picking at his food. Mac’s eyes were dark and his expression was even darker, but what made Danny shiver with a trail of fear was the fact that Mac’s hands shook with a light tremble.

 

“Mac what is wrong?”

 

For a moment Mac was silent, then he sighed and looked at Danny. There was fear in his blue eyes and something else that was uncharacteristically for him: insecurity.

 

“We need to talk Danny, I need your help.”

 

He gestured at the food and continued slowly.

 

“But after breakfast, you... you need to eat.”

 

Pushing his plate away, Danny kept Mac’s gaze captive as he shook his head.

 

“I’m not hungry anymore, what is it Mac? I can see that you are afraid; do you have any idea how that scares me? I have never seen you afraid or insecure...”

 

He trailed off as he saw Mac pale and silently cursed himself for speaking his mind, then though Mac got up and walked towards the living room. Dreading the conversation that would follow, Danny got up too and sat down next to Mac, he saw the envelope in Mac’s hands and once again he saw Mac’s hands tremble.

 

“Danny, please before I tell you what is wrong, please promise me that no matter what I tell you now, you are not going to leave, that no matter what is in this envelope you will stay with me...”

 

Again the almost pleading note was so not Mac’s normal tone that it made Danny shiver and suddenly wary he looked at the envelope.

 

“Mac I love you and I told you before that I want to be with you forever.”

 

The plea made him remember how Mac had clung to him this night, how he had woken up to find Mac stare at him and suddenly he was incredibly afraid.

 

“Mac, you’re not ill or something, please tell me that you are alright.”

 

Immediately his hands were in Mac’s as the blue eyes searched his.

 

“Nothing is wrong with me. Danny...”

 

Mac’s voice trailed off, but then the former Marine steeled himself and Danny could almost see how his lover drew on his experiences from the corps to continue talking.

 

“When I got out from the office yesterday night, Sonny’s lawyer was waiting for me. He told me that Sonny was offering me a deal: I don’t testify and he...”

 

Danny had frozen when Mac had mentioned Sonny’s name and when Mac’s voice wavered, he completed the sentence himself.

 

“... he won’t mention me.”

 

And suddenly he understood Mac’s fear, cause yes his first instinct was to run and get as far away from Mac as possible just so that his lover wouldn’t get hurt. He shivered as he remembered Mac’s words.

 

Danny, please before I tell you what is wrong, please promise me that no matter what I tell you now, you are not going to leave, that no matter what is in this envelope you will stay with me...

 

“Mac, I am so sorry...”

 

He swallowed hard and shivered, wished he were somewhere else, wished he had never met Mac Taylor because then Mac wouldn’t have to deal with all this and wasn’t it typical for him? Wasn’t it so quintessential for his life that as soon as he found a piece of happiness, that piece would be ripped from him by his past?

 

“I’ll leave the lab, if you want me to...”

 

“No”

 

Mac’s voice made him look up sharply and he was surprised to see a fierce anger burn in the older man’s eyes. Mac stared at him with eyes that were similarly determined and pained as he reached over and grasped his hands.

 

“No Danny, I don’t want you to run.”

 

Danny shivered at the commanding tone and with a shrug he looked at Mac.

 

“What else can I do? There’s no way, I’m going to let you compromise yourself and have Sonny walk free and that’s what will happen if he names me a member of the Tanglewood boys.”

 

He felt the shiver that ran through Mac in their linked hands, then slowly almost tentatively Mac spoke.

 

“You don’t have the tattoo.”

 

Danny froze for a moment, and then slowly he understood what Mac wanted him to do. Mac didn’t want him to run, instead he wanted him to fight and as their eyes locked, he understood something else too.

 

He wouldn’t fight alone.

 

And maybe, just maybe if he fought now, he would finally be able to rid himself of the past. Swallowing hard, Danny kept his eyes linked with Mac’s as he nodded.

 

“Yes”

 

It was a yes to more than just Mac’s comment and Mac smiled then and for the first time since Danny had heard his lover utter the name ‘Sonny’ he felt relieved. He wasn’t sure if this all wouldn’t come back to haunt him and Mac, but no matter what the future would bring, Danny knew that he would treasure this one moment forever.

 

This moment when Mac had shown him that he thought Danny capable of fighting.

 

---

 

“Stella, we have to go out to the port again.”

 

Putting her coffee down, Stella watched Nick’s face. He looked determined and had the grim yet satisfied look that indicated he had found something of importance. She followed him to the lab and peered through the microscope. The bug that was crawling in the glass container seemed in good health and for a second she had the crazy thought that it had just winked at her.

 

She really needed to sleep more.

 

“Bactrocera oleae or the so called spotted olive bug... Native in two countries, Italy and Greece.”

 

Looking at the little creature again, Stella grinned lightly.

 

“One more for the Greek-Italian community of New York.”

 

Her comment drew a chuckle from Nick who looked at her with sparkling eyes.

 

“You’re going to adopt it?

 

Horrified she shook her head and saw the crinkles around his eyes showing that he understood her innate dislike of all things crawling.

 

“Thank God, cause I promised Grissom to send it to him.”

 

For a second, Stella was tempted to go into the details of a friendship that included sending bugs across the country, but knowing Grissom’s reputation she decided that it was maybe healthier to remain silent.

 

“What is a bug from Italy doing on the body of a man killed in NY?”

 

Nick smiled and pointed towards the larger computer screen.

 

“I checked the log file, the container we found him in arrived from Genoa one day before the determined time of death. But that’s when it gets interesting.

 

He pointed at the map on the table.

 

“This is where we found the container.”

 

She looked at the coordinates and nodded.

 

“Now all the containers here are designated for immediate shipping.”

 

She didn’t understand what Nick was getting at and shrugged lightly. He grinned at her and handed her a sheet of paper.

 

“New port regulations which have been in place for three months now due to the raising concerns regarding a bird flu pandemic. Every container arriving from a continent where the bird flu has been found has to be completely disinfected before reloading and shipping...”

 

Stella understood now and Nick obviously saw the light bulb going on in her head as he trailed off and let her finish his findings.

 

“But since we found the bug alive, the container was not disinfected and that means it shouldn’t have been at the immediate shipping location.”

 

Shutting the computer down, Nick got up and grabbed his coat.

 

“Someone moved the container, hoping that the body would not be found until the next port.”

 

Once again picking up his trail of thought, Stella finished thoughtfully.

 

“There aren’t many that have the authorization to move containers at their whim.”

 

Grinning but looking grim at the same time Nick nodded and together they walked to the car.

 

“You want to drive?”

 

She couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face as Nick tried to look not too relieved, she knew that her Greek roots came through strong when she was driving in NY traffic and although Nick had never complained, he sometimes had looked at bit green when they exited the car. She tossed him the key and marveled at the fact that in the last two weeks she had seen Nick smile more then ever. It really seemed as if he was finally putting the abduction behind him and moving on... And on the matter of moving on, she remembered that she had to make a call.

 

Reaching for her phone, she pressed Flack’s number and gave him a quick update before agreeing to meet at the port.

 

“Flack is going to meet us there.”

 

She wouldn’t have seen it, had she not looked specifically for it, but for a second Nick’s eyes lit up at the mentioning of the cop’s name. Within seconds though the light was dimmed again and driving on as if nothing specific had happened Nick just nodded at her comment. For a moment she wondered if she should ask him, but before she could make up her mind, Nick hit the steering wheel hard.

 

“They kicked Mike Prineman out, just because he talked with us. He told me that he was threatened but he still talked to me and now... Damn Stella, this man has three kids.”

 

“He’s young, he’ll find something.”

 

But Nick just shook his head and she could see that her answer wasn’t enough for him. Sometimes he had scary similarities with Mac or at least with the man Mac had been before Claire had walked into work and never came back.

 

“So what is it with you and Flack?”

 

She was glad she had asked this question while they were waiting at a red light, cause Nick’s head practically flew towards her. His eyes were wide with shock and she saw fear and horror in his face for a second, then though he smiled uncomfortable and looking ahead again he mumbled.

 

“Please Stella, don’t ask.”

 

For a moment she was taken aback by his reaction and instinctively she reached out and covered Nick’s hand on the wheel with hers.

 

“Nick, I am glad for you.”

 

He squeezed her hand quickly, but although his eyes showed gratefulness, his face was still somber.

 

“Thanks Stella, it really means a lot. But we can’t risk any rumors, you know? It’s not because of me, but Don’s a cop and believe me I know all about cops and their general opinion of gays.”

 

He shuddered a bit and Stella wondered if it was fear for Flack or an unpleasant memory that made him clutch the wheel as if it were his lifeline.

 

“I was outed while I was a cop...”

 

Nick’s smile was a twisted and ugly parody of his usual beautiful smile.

 

“... let’s say it wasn’t nice and I don’t want Don to go through anything like that.”

 

For a long time they were silent, but as they arrived at the port, Stella stopped Nick with a hand on his shoulder before he could get out of the car.

 

“Anything ever happens, I just want you to know that I’ve got your and Flack’s back. And it’s not just me; I know that Danny and Mac would too.”

 

This time the smile was genuine and to Stella’s utter surprise, Nick leaned over and kissed her cheek.

 

“You’re a real lady Stella.”

 

She sat there stunned while he got out and quickly grabbed their kits and walked over to open her door. It made her smile, but there was something so natural to Nick’s manners that she stopped herself just before a snarky comment slipped out.

 

It was nice to be treated like a lady every once in a while.

 

---

 

Don saw the silver SUV drive up to the port entrance and smiled as the man next to him growled low in his throat. It was clear that McDonner felt it completely unnecessary for the CSIs to come out here, but Don knew that if Nick and Stella considered it useful, then they had a reason.

 

It was hard to contain the smile that threatened to split his face when Nick got out of the car and shook his head a bit. How could it be that just the sight of the other man made him go all weak in the knees?

 

He had woken up this morning and felt Nick’s arms around him and the memory of the closeness and love he had felt in that moment made him long for this day to be over. Once again he carefully schooled his face into the normal friendly yet indifferent mask and walked over to greet the two CSI’s.

 

“Took you a while to get here.”

 

Stella looked at him with a grin, but there was more than just amusement in her eyes and to his shock he read a clear warning in her clear blue gaze. Freezing inside he turned to Nick and saw how his lover shrugged easily, Don relaxed then knowing that if Nick was ok with Stella knowing then it was ok.

 

“What do you want to see now?”

 

Nick showed the man a sheet of paper and calmly yet coldly asked him if he had heard of the new regulations from the port authorities.

 

“Sure, every container from Europe or Asia has to be disinfected before shipped out again, what’s your point man?”

 

Stella exchanged a look with Nick and it almost seemed to as if they were silently debating who would continue, but after a second of silence Nick smiled coldly and explained.

 

“We found the second victim in a container from Genoa, but next to the victim we did find bugs that are native only in Italy.”

 

Don saw that Nick had a point, but right now he was as much in the dark as the man next to him. The difference was, he mused grinning, that he enjoyed listening to Nick.

 

“The location we found the container however was one for immediate shipping.”

 

It dawned then but before he could even formulate the question in his head, Nick already asked it.

 

“Who’s got the power to authorize such a move?”

 

McDonner swallowed hard and Don saw how the tall man’s eyes frantically moved around almost as if he were trying to find a way to escape. Inwardly steeling himself he just waited for the suspect to break into a run, when the worker gruffly told them.

 

“Kevin Hannigan and Paddy had it too.”

 

Stella and Nick shared a look with Don and he could almost feel the contentment from Nick. Contrary to Stella and Don, Nick had had Kevin pegged from the beginning, however now they had the evidence to prove it. Don grinned as Nick’s eyes captured his for a second.

 

“Owe you one”

 

For a moment the light in Nick’s eyes disappeared and he looked away, but before Don could question the odd reaction, Stella asked McDonner to show them where Hannigan was and albeit reluctantly the man started to lead them through the narrow corridors of containers to the location where according to the plan, Kevin Hannigan and his crew were currently working.

 

With Stella and McDonner ahead, Don felt it save to ask Nick, but as if his lover had read his mind, he felt a hand quickly on the small of his back. It was reassuring in a way he had never expected such a tiny little gesture to be, but then everything he’d experienced so far was new with Nick.

 

“It has nothing to do with you; just the words woke some memories.”

 

He felt the hair in his neck stand up at the murmured words, but once again Nick touched him quickly, before he said equally quiet as before.

 

“Not from that, just a friend in Vegas used to say that all the time.”

 

Don nodded, but made a mental note to ask Nick about the friend and what did he even know about Nick’s life back in Vegas? Shaking his head he made another mental note, when he heard Nick shout Stella’s name and time seemed to slow down to slow motion.

 

He saw how Stella stepped out into the larger corridor, saw Nick walk up to McDonner, saw how his lover turned his head towards the left and the sudden horror of his face, saw the container rushing at Stella at breakneck speed...

 

And time sped up to normal again as Nick yanked Stella back into the small pathway they had been standing just in time when the container rushed past.

 

For the blink of an eye Don had eye contact with the man sitting in the car, the man who had wanted to kill Stella or more accurately whoever had been standing in that corridor. Whoever... It could have been Don, it could have been Stella or... Nick...

 

It was the last thought that made him recover and drawing his gun he took off after Hannigan, chasing between containers for a man who had already killed two people and had been ready to kill yet another. He was in better shape than Hannigan and could literally feel how his anger at the fact that Nick could have been the one killed or injured gave him even more strength.

 

Hannigan turned around and with a sneer he tossed a metal tube at Don, who stumbled from the abrupt stop he had to make in order to evade being hit. The whole thing had not taken more than twenty seconds, but by the time Don had regained his balance, Hannigan had disappeared into the maze of containers and corridors.

 

Inwardly Don cursed in all the languages he knew, which weren’t many, but enough to keep him going while he searched the next couple of corridors with his gun ready, slowly moving along the containers, constantly covering the edges and dark spots with his weapon.

 

It was oddly silent for a place as busy as a port and somehow that alerted him even more, made him move even more carefully, check everything twice before leaving a safe spot.

 

From what they knew so far, Kevin Hannigan had killed two people and tried to kill or at least injure a third one.

 

Don knew that the man would not hesitate to take him down, useless as it would be...

 

Once again he covered a crossing with his weapon before he moved to the next container and deliberate moved along the side of it. Hannigan had to be somewhere, he couldn’t have dissolved into thin air and there was no way that the man would have been able to run much further... The slight screeching of metal on metal behind him interrupted his thoughts, but as he turned around it was too late.

 

Kevin Hannigan wasn’t smiling or even sneering at him, instead his voice was calm and composed and the gun in his hand never wavered.

 

“Secure your gun, put it down and shove it towards me, Detective”

 

Swallowing hard, Don did as he was told and secured his weapon before he let it drop onto the ground. The other man remained motionless, but the coldness in his eyes told Don more than he wanted to know.

 

Kevin Hannigan was ready to shoot him.

 

It was weird, how he wasn’t afraid of dying, just incredibly sad. Sad because he had finally found something wonderful in his life, something worth living for... and now... Nick’s face appeared in front of him and he shivered.

 

I’m so sorry Nick

 

---

 

*Chapter 11*

 

Maybe it was fate, Mike Prinemann mused, as he watched the silver SUV drive up at the port once again. Maybe it was just bad luck or whatever, in the end though it didn’t matter and yet wasn’t it oddly fitting that he was cleaning out his locker while the two people responsible for getting him fired were chatting outside, doing their job...

 

The last thought sobered him and his eyes went hard. Their job was to find a killer and not just any killer...

 

His brother’s killer...

 

Mike didn’t blame the CSI’s for the loss of his job. He had known what he was risking when he’d been talking with Stokes. He had liked the man and had wanted to help, and now he had to pay the price. A small smile crossed his face as he remembered the phone call he had gotten this morning, CSI Stokes had sounded enraged about the fact that Mike had lost his job and had promised to talk with the port authorities. The offer had surprised Mike and he had still been stunned when he had walked to his car.

 

He was virtually a stranger to the other man and yet Stokes had taken the time to not only find out about his job situation but also to take actions to help him.

 

Not a typical New Yorker...

 

Mike smiled sarcastically as he lifted his bag and left the locker room with out looking back.

 

The silver SUV was still there and so was the cop’s car, but Mike saw no one around and without loosing any thoughts about it, he shrugged. They would notify him if they found Manuel’s killer, he was sure of that.

 

Blinking in the brightness of the sun, he walked fast and determinedly passed through the rows of containers. He had worked at the port long enough to know the various short cuts to the employee parking ground and the maze of containers and corridors had long ago stopped to confuse him. The next pathway left, then one right and the next one left again and then it was...

 

“Secure your gun and put it down, Detective”

 

Mike froze when he recognized Kevin Hannigan’s voice. He heard a shuffle and as he risked a peak around the container, he saw the tall Detective stand completely still while Hannigan had a gun trained on him.

 

His heart thundered as he moved back into the pathway parallel to the one where his former boss was about to kill a man. His heart was fighting with his brain, telling him that he had to do something that he couldn’t just walk away, that it was his duty to try and help the cop. And yet his head argued that there was nothing he could do, that he wasn’t armed and that there...

 

“Kevin Hannigan, lower your weapon, if you as much move or shoot, I will have to shoot you.”

 

A soft accent and the light lilt, Mike knew that the new voice belonged to Stokes, the CSI he’d spoken too and who had called him this morning. And once again he fought with his heart, but this time one thing made him pause longer and finally decide.

 

CSI Stokes had had no reason to call him and offer his help and yet he had.

 

For a moment, Mike shivered and then turned around to look for something or someone that could help him.

 

“You can’t shoot both of us; as soon as you fire your weapon you are dead.”

 

The cop’s voice sounded reasonable and amazingly quiet for the fact that he was facing the wrong end of a gun, but there was a slight tremble that belied the outward calm.

 

“If you hadn’t put your nose where it doesn’t belong, no one would have cared. You really think anyone would have questioned about Paddy’s whereabouts?”

 

Mike’s eyes fell onto the ladder that lay forgotten in the corridor and a plan started to formulate.

 

“And what about Manuel Prineman? He had a brother, was an uncle... How do you explain his nephews and niece that their beloved uncle won’t ever come to see them again?”

 

He had to move slowly in order to make no noise, but he had to repress the urge to scream when Stokes questioned Hannigan, his former boss and his brother’s killer. Suddenly anxious, afraid to be too late, he moved faster.

 

“You think anyone is going to miss you?”

 

Mike could see them now; saw CSI Stokes standing less than three feet away from Hannigan. He saw the tension in Stokes’ body and wondered if the other man had ever shot a person before. Then his eyes fell on his brother’s killer and he felt hatred and anger rise in him. Hannigan adjusted his gun and Mike saw how he got ready to pull the trigger...

 

Everything slowed down, he heard Stokes’ frantic ‘no’ and without even thinking about it, he jumped. For a second he was in the air asking himself what the hell he was doing, then he collided with Hannigan. He felt the impact of landing on another person, felt how his speed pulled Hannigan down to the ground with him, heard the shot go off and the collision of the bullet with metal and then all he saw was the face of the man who had killed his brother.

 

“You fucking bastard”

 

The sickening sound of a jaw cracking was like music in his ears, but before he could throw another punch, he felt two strong hands on his shoulders drawing him away from Hannigan.

 

“He’s not worth it.”

 

Stokes’ voice was strained, but his hands were firm as they pulled him further away. Looking around Mike saw that the female CSI stood next to his brother’s killer her weapon pointed directly at his face, on the other side stood the detective looking slightly shaken but unharmed.

 

“Kevin Hannigan, I arrest you fro the murder of Paddy Dolan and Manuel Prineman and the attempted murder of Detective Don Flack and CSI Nick Stokes.”

 

The woman’s voice was raspy, but it didn’t shake as she continued to read Hannigan his rights while the cop handcuffed him. Stokes looked at him and smiled slowly.

 

“Thanks, good timing...”

 

Mike took the offered hand and shook it when the cop appeared next to him clasping his shoulder quickly.

 

“Thanks man”

 

It was a short but heart felt thanks, and as they left, Mike remained rooted to his spot for a moment, only now realizing what he had done. Shivering from reaction, he closed his eyes for a second, then relaxed again and finally finished his walk to his car. Smiling lightly, he got into the car.

 

His wife would never believe him.

 

---

 

Nick groaned when he felt Stella’s hand on his arm stopping him from leaving the room. He wanted nothing more than to get out of the lab and home to Don.

 

He knew that Don was unhurt, that his lover was fine, shaken up maybe, but fine and yet… He still had the urge to see him, touch him, run his hands over his body and make sure with all his sense that his lover was ok.

 

“I won’t keep you long.”

 

There was an honest smile in her eyes and Nick couldn’t help but answering it.

 

“I just wanted to thank you; you saved my life out there.”

 

Smiling lightly, Nick took Stella’s hand and pulled her against his body holding her close until the shivers in her body subsided. Only then did he meet her eyes and simply smiled at her.

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

For a moment she seemed taken aback, then though a smile broke out in her face and a look of understanding appeared in her eyes.

 

“See you tomorrow”

 

Once again she smiled at him and left. Nick grimaced lightly; the small exchange had woken more memories than he cared for.

 

“You ready to go and throw some hoops.”

 

Don was leaning casually against the wall and Nick suddenly remembered that they had made a date with Danny and a basketball. Smiling at his lover as he fell in step with Don he pointed towards the files he held.

 

“Just quickly gonna put this away and I’m ready.”

 

Ten minutes later they both cursed NY for the constant traffic jam, when Don suddenly looked at him.

 

“What did Stella say to make you look so wistful before?”

 

Nick smiled and yet at the same time he couldn’t help but marveling at Don’s ability to not only pick up even the smallest change in his mood, but also to ask him about it when he couldn’t escape. It was something he’d never experienced with his former lovers, the attention to him as a person and not just a nice face and it warmed his heart that he, Nick really mattered to Don.

 

“She thanked me for saving her life; I told her she was welcome... It just woke some memories.”

 

Don was silent, giving him the choice whether to speak or not. It was once again one of those things that made Nick’s head spin and him fall in love with Don even more. It also made him explain, knowing that Don would not judge him.

 

“After they had found me and I was finally released from hospital, I went to the lab and thanked them for saving me...”

 

Wasn’t it weird how even no in memory it still hurt?

 

“... they all told me ‘not to worry about it’, or ‘that it was my job’ or as Warrick, my best friend put it ‘it was nothing, Nick’...”

 

The last had almost killed him back then. He had known, still did, that Warrick cared about him and that his friend had gone through his own kind of hell that night too and still...

 

“I know they didn’t mean it that way, but it was almost as if by dismissing the importance of what they had done...”

 

“...they were dismissing the importance of your life.”

 

Don’s hand was warm and calming on his and wit a grateful smile, Nick looked at him then he chuckled lightly.

 

“The only one who just told me ‘you’re welcome’ was Conrad Ecklie my former personal nemesis.”

 

They stopped in front of Danny’s house and Don honked three times, Nick though suddenly felt reckless and moving his hand away from Don’s he put it on his lover’s tight. Immediately the strong muscles tensed and as he slowly moved his hand upwards, Don growled low.

 

“Don’t start something when you have no intention to finish it.”

 

Cupping the hard flesh through Don’s trousers Nick just grinned wickedly.

 

“Who says I don’t want to finish?”

 

Grasping Nick’s hand with a moan, Don was visibly drawn between pushing it closer to his groin and pulling it away completely. Danny’s arrival solved the issue and Nick felt almost bad when he saw the slightly pained look on Don’s face.

 

Well, he shrugged; he would just have to make up for it later.

 

Then though his eyes fell on Danny’s face and any thoughts about making out fled from his mind at the pale and drawn face of his friend. Nick and Don shared a glance and Nick read in Don’s blue eyes what his very own thoughts were too.

 

What had Mac done now?

 

---

 

Danny knew that at least Nick was just waiting to ask him what had happened, but right now he craved the moment of forgetting that a game of basketball would bring. He would have to talk with Nick and Don, just as Mac was right now on his way to talk with Stella, but that could wait until later.

 

Right now he needed to release some of the fear and tension in his body.

 

The drive to the ground where the three of them had their regular basket ball evenings was short and fraught with tension until Danny finally couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

“Look guys, I know you’re worried, but can we talk after and just put it aside for two hours?”

 

He saw the look that Nick and Flack exchanged and then Nick turned around. His dark eyes were concerned but there was understanding there too.

 

“Of course, but we will talk.”

 

There was no mistaken the command in Nick’s voice and somehow it made Danny smile especially when he saw the slightly astonished look in Flack’s face. He was pretty sure that Nick had never so far used this kind of voice with his lover, but on the other hand, he was equally sure that the day would come when the Texan would.

 

As promised they didn’t question Danny instead related their day and the latest case to him and Danny clearly heard the trembling that made Nick’s voice shake as he spoke about Don being held at gun point. Closing his eyes he imagined for a second how he would have felt if it had been Mac and him instead of Nick and Don and he knew how his friend had felt in this moment.

 

Don’s voice was calmer but the tension in his shoulder spoke of how he too had been afraid, how the events had shaken him too. And then as Nick continued to speak, Danny saw how Don just reached out quickly and took Nick’s hand into his. It was such a simple gesture and yet such a strong proof of love, Danny smiled and suddenly felt overwhelmed, not by their love but by their trust.

 

Neither Nick nor Don had ever said anything, but their willingness to show their relationship when he was around was humbling him because it spoke far louder than any words ever could.

 

A shiver suddenly went through his body. Would Nick and Don still trust him after tonight?

 

His eyes moved from Don to Nick and silently he prayed that he would not lose his friend tonight...

 

“Let’s play”

 

Don’s voice broke through his thoughts and he saw that his blue eyes rested on him concerned, but after only a second, he smiled lightly and tossed him the ball.

 

“You start Messer...”

 

And just like that the game was on and finally Danny was able to forget. The movements, the simple fact of him being smaller than Don and more slender than Nick gave him a disadvantage that made him concentrate even more on the game... It took his mind of the fact that right now Mac was talking to Stella and that he had to confide in his friends in a couple of hours.

 

“Got you”

 

Nick grinned when he bypassed Danny and jumped to sink a ball and Danny grinned as he promised to give back as good as he got.

 

“Just wait, I’m only warming up”

 

Two hours later, they were all soaked and panting, but they all had the smile of the truly exhausted in their faces.

 

“You’re paying for pizza.”

 

Nick growled at Danny and Don, but he didn’t deny it. Danny grinned even though his body hurt from the last tackle he made to prevent Nick from scoring. As it was they had both ended on the ground, Nick had growled but his eyes had nevertheless sparkled with mirth at their mock combat.

 

Don had won, Danny had come second by two points and that simply meant that Nick would have to buy them pizza.

 

“Ok, where to?”

 

It was either Nick or Danny’s place since Don lived on the other side of the city, glancing at his two friends Danny made his mind up fast.

 

“Yours”

 

He didn’t want to sit down on his own couch and explain it; he didn’t want to watch his friends walk out on him. Should they abandon him, he wanted to be able to walk away... Danny knew it would kill him to leave, but he thought of Mac and the support he’d gotten from his lover. It made it easier and still he was afraid as they drove over to Nick’s house. He had never expected to find a friend in Nick Stokes and yet he had... He didn’t want to lose him now.

 

Finally at Nick’s, Don grabbed the menu and walked off to order, Nick though sat down next to Danny and looked at him. The concern in the dark eyes made Danny want to cry out and curse the injustice, but before he could say anything, Nick gently grabbed his shoulders.

 

“Danny, I know I said that you have to talk, but if you don’t want to...”

 

His friend trailed off and Danny smiled silently, sadly. It was so Nick, this concern... he shook his head and waited until Don was back in the room before he answered.

 

“It’s something that may affect you too and I just want you to know and give you a chance to...”

 

He looked away, suddenly at loss, suddenly not sure on how to answer how to say it...

 

“To?”

 

Don’s gentle prompt made him look up and with a deep sigh; he looked at the two men who had become his best friends.

 

“to distance yourself from me.”

 

He didn’t dare to look at them then, but as the silence grew he did and swallowed hard at the shock and anger he read in Don’s face. Nick on the other hand just looked curious; he had his head slightly to one side and was looking at him as if he were some piece of evidence.

 

“Why would we do that Danny?”

 

His voice was soft and calm and both the gentleness and the composure stood in stark contrast to Don’s suddenly rigid posture, then almost as if to pacify Don, Nick put one hand on his lover’s shoulder and Danny saw the look that passed between them, saw how Don took a deep breath and sat down. He knew that without words, Don had just handed the lead in this conversation over to Nick.

 

For a moment the obvious love between the two made him smile, then though Nick sat down across him and looked into his eyes.

 

“Tell us Danny, we are your friends... I don’t think that anything can make us turn from you.”

 

Somehow Danny found it very telling that Nick didn’t say ‘nothing can make us turn from you’, no his friend said that he didn’t think... For a second he closed his eyes and recalled Mac’s parting words.

 

No matter what they tell you, no matter how they react, I love you and I will stand by your side.

 

And slowly, haltingly he started to talk, started to explain and to confess.

 

“... and Mac is talking to Stella.”

 

He didn’t look at them, didn’t dare to, when he felt Nick sit down next to him and heard his friend’s gentle command.

 

“Look at me Danny”

 

The dark eyes were full of compassion and love, not the love Nick felt for Don, but the love of a friend and with a shiver Danny realized that Nick didn’t judge him. It gave him enough courage to look at Don who looked at him for a long time, then slowly shook his head.

 

“You thought we’d kick you out because of it?”

 

Danny didn’t know what to say, wasn’t sure if his friends had understood the possible ramifications of the threat.

 

“What if I am called into witness stand?”

 

Nick shrugged, but the careless gesture was offset by the concern in his eyes.

 

“You were never a Tanglewood boy Danny”

 

No he had never been one, but what...

 

“And if they expose me? What if they tell everyone the truth?”

 

It was Don who spoke this time, and Danny could hear the barely concealed fury in the trembling voice.

 

“I doubt that Sassone willingly reveals something like that to a jury, believe me the statute of limitations for rape might make this a crime that he can’t be punished for anymore, but the jury is not going to forget something like that.”

 

It took Danny more than a second to understand and then another long moment to realize that neither Don nor Nick ever questioned if he had told them the truth. None of the man even thought or implied that part of his relationship with Sonny had been consensual.

 

“He won’t portray it as rape, he’ll turn it that way that I am the one at fault.”

 

And maybe he was... Some part of him still believed that he had deserved, that had he been stronger and meaner back then...

 

“Danny no!”

 

Nick’s voice was forceful, and his grip on Danny’s shoulder was hard. It drew Danny away from his memories and made him concentrate on his friend. Nick’s eyes held him captive as he gentled his hold and started talking.

 

“Nothing of what happened back then was your fault. You said no, Danny didn’t you? I know you did and I know that you fought; cause if you hadn’t you weren’t here right now. You fought with everything you had and he never asked, never even thought about asking... Sonny just took...”

 

It was the truth and yet he still heard the voice of his father, the voice who told him that if he wasn’t man enough to fight back, he would be treated like a girl.

 

“I was sixteen, I should have fought harder.”

 

Nick’s eyes darkened for a moment, then though his eyes cleared and captured Danny’s again.

 

“It doesn’t matter Danny, it doesn’t matter if you are six, sixteen or sixty... You have a right to say no and you shouldn’t even have to fight. From the moment you said no and he didn’t respect it, it was rape.”

 

There was something in Nick’s eyes that made Danny shiver; it was an understanding that didn’t come from text book knowledge or from researching a crime scene. Another shiver ran through him and without thinking he grasped Nick’s hand holding onto it like a lifeline. Nick’s words rang through his head; maybe with his friend’s help he could silence the voice of his father, the voice that still told him that he had deserved it.

 

“No child deserves to be treated like this Danny; no adult does deserve this... What happened wasn’t your fault...”

 

He saw the moment of fear and pain as a memory flickered through Nick’s eyes and then he felt Don’s hands on his shoulder. The taller man stood next to him, his eyes hard with anger, but the gentle touch made it clear that the anger wasn’t directed at him.

 

“Fight Danny, fight that asshole with all you can. We’re at your side.”

 

Relief flooded him, but with it came a new concern, one not for himself but for the dark eyed man who still sat next to him. Nick had known what Danny had spoke about and the knowledge hit him like a fist in his stomach.

 

Nick had known, because some when in his childhood, Nick had been a victim too.

 

A shiver went through Danny, but before he could say anything, Don’s grip on his shoulders tightened. Looking up at his friend, Danny saw the warning in the blue eyes and relaxed a bit.

 

Don would take care of it.

 

 

---

 

*Chapter 12*

 

Don had seen it, had seen the moment of tension in Nick’s body when he had reassured Danny and he had known then. A shiver had run through his body and something in his mind had cried out against the injustice of it.

 

Why Nick?

 

Why this man, a man he loved so much, a man who had been through so much... why him?

 

But he had remained silent knowing that he couldn’t ask Nick, not in front of Danny and not right at them moment, when Danny had needed their assurance.

 

Now though, it was different, now Danny had gone home and they were alone. Don saw the tiny shiver that ran through Nick and softly touched his lover’s shoulder.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Dark memories shaded Nick’s eyes, but as he looked at Don they were chased away by a smile and tugging at Don’s hand, made him sit down next to him. Don went willingly, and he felt himself relax as Nick leaned against him and just looked at him.

 

“Memories...”

 

Some part of him didn’t want to know, didn’t want to deal with whatever had happened to Nick as a child, and still he asked or wanted to ask, cause as soon as he started to speak, Nick’s middle finger silenced him.

 

“Don’t, I just need to be close to you now.”

 

He understood and held Nick close to him, felt the shivers that ran through his body and as if answering the silent scream of Nick’s body his own started to tremble too. This day had been exhausting... had been too much and finally everything caught up with him, the moment he’d thought he was about to die, the fear when he had seen Nick appear, Danny’s pain and the terrible revelations he’d made and finally the knowledge that Nick too...

 

“Shsh... I am here Don... I am here”

 

Don hadn’t noticed how he’d whispered Nick’s name over and over again. Dark eyes met his and they were full of emotions and understanding.

 

“You... you were... as a child”

 

Dark memories seemed to cloud Nick’s eyes for a moment before he nodded tersely and reached out to caress Don’s face. For a moment Don could only watch in fascination how Nick’s face relaxed and the memories disappeared.

 

“It’s in the past Don... It’s part of my past...”

 

He understood everything that Nick didn’t say, understood how even though Nick had dealt with it, it still had defined who he was and silently Don swore that he would protect Nick from now on.

 

“I almost lost you today.”

 

And with that Nick leaned over and kissed him. Don could feel the hunger and underlying despair in the kiss and it made him shiver. There was an urgency to Nick’s touches that was new and made him gasp as they separated for breath.

 

“I was so scared”

 

Nick’s eyes were dark and suddenly Don realized that the despair he had felt had nothing to do with Nick’s past and everything with what had happened today. He trembled as he remembered the moment when he had been sure that he would die the sorrow he had felt over leaving Nick behind. Out of instinct his arms closed around Nick’s body and he pressed his lover back into the couch.

 

“You did not, I am here and I’ll stay”

 

But the need that had been banked during the entire evening, during the game and the discussion with Danny, had flared up and neither Don nor Nick could prevent it from burning them. Not that Don wanted to and still some part of his mind tried to hold him back from ravaging Nick, when his lover looked up at him with eyes dark with longing.

 

“I need you”

 

The need was so clear in Nick’s voice that Don couldn’t wait anymore and leaned down, taking Nick’s lips in a crushing kiss. The moan that escaped his lover made him shiver, it was a huge turn on that he could make Nick lose his control so fast, so completely. Sliding his hands under the shirt Nick wore, Don caressed his lover’s sides and chest, but the need to be close, the need to affirm their closeness made him impatient and he tugged at Nick’s clothes.

 

“Off with them”

 

Nick just grinned and lifted his head, before he removed the shirt and pants with an almost feline grace. Don’s breath caught in his throat, he had seen Nick naked and still he couldn’t get enough of the beautiful body, the slenderness which so contrasted with the strong muscles, the long curved cock, the slight imperfections of a mole right at his left hip... It all made Don want to crawl under Nick’s skin and stay there forever.

 

"You are beautiful."

 

A blush crept over Nick’s face, but he recovered quickly and lifted the hem of Don’s shirt.

 

"You are overdressed."

 

His lover was right of course and quickly Don shed his clothes and joined his lover on the couch, moaning when their naked body’s finally touched each other.

 

“Closer”

 

Nick’s voice still held a tremble of the fear and Don reacted to it by covering him completely and pressing him closer. Another moan was wrenched from Nick, but this time there was no fear just bliss as he opened his eyes and lifted his hands to caress Don’s face.

 

“Take me”

 

Don felt the passion burning even hotter at the plea, and his body urged him to do so, but his mind reminded him that they didn’t have any supplies in the living room and he groaned as he moved to disentangle himself from Nick. Strong hands held him back, and Nick just looked at him before he sucked two of Don’s fingers in his mouth.

 

“Like this Don, nothing between us nothing to separate us.”

 

Their eyes met and held for a moment, and Don was overwhelmed by the amount of emotions that was communicated in that single moment. The trust he saw in Nick’s eyes and the love...

 

“Like this”

 

He heard himself agreeing and slowly began to ease his fingers into Nick. He knew that his lover wanted him like this, but still he winced as he saw the moment of pain, when he finally breached Nick’s body.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Nick’s eyes were shut for a moment and he prayed that he hadn’t hurt his lover too badly, but then the dark eyes opened and Nick looked at him.

 

“You’re here”

 

It was almost as if Nick was only now assured that Don was with him, that everything had gone well and seeing the look of ecstasy in Nick’s face Don’s control snapped and he started to move with hard, fast trusts. Nick’s cries accompanied him when the world narrowed down to the two dark pools of his lover’s eyes and the heat of Nick’s release warmed him as he fell into the pools and into bliss.

 

“Wow”

 

Nick chuckled at the comment, but his hand was gentle as he caressed Don’s back and his lips softly traced the curve of his neck.

 

“You can say that”

 

He looked at his lover and saw him wince a bit as their bodies separated, immediately his concern was back, but before Don could say anything, Nick stopped him.

 

“It’s ok, I’ll think of you tomorrow.”

 

Don smiled lightly and slowly got up before he held out his hand and led Nick over to the bedroom. Once there, they cleaned up a bit and slid under the covers. Nick moved to set the alarm and the normalcy of the scene made Don feel wonderfully secure and at home.

 

“Oh by the way, my mom invited us for lunch on Sunday.”

 

Nick tensed for a long time, then slowly turned over and looked at him.

 

“Do your parents know who I am to you?”

 

Don saw the sudden fear in Nick’s eyes and cursed himself for not thinking about what he said. Then though, he shrugged slightly.

 

“Yeah, I mean they know I’m gay, so if I tell them that I bring someone home for lunch, it’s kind of clear you know.”

 

Nick’s eyes were still fixed on him and feeling a bit as if he were under the microscope Don squirmed for a second, then carefully touched Nick’s face.

 

“Nick, what‘s wrong?”

 

Nick snuggled against the hand and leaned down close to Don, his head on Don’s shoulder.

 

“My parents know too, but they would never accept a boyfriend of mine in their house. I guess they can accept it as long as they don’t have to deal with it.”

 

Don felt remorse for his lover, but he understood that in a place like Texas everything was even more conservative than in New York.

 

“My dad wasn’t happy when I came out to them, but I quickly realized that it was because he was scared of me getting hurt because of it. He has a point, you know... I mean being a cop.”

 

Nick tensed again, but didn’t comment on it, just nodded and slowly relaxed again. Don looked at his lover and saw the smile that played around Nick’s lips.

 

“So I’m going to meet the parents, do I have to wear a suit?”

 

For a moment Don thought about it, not that his mom cared about it, but boy would he love to see Nick in a suit... then a light punch to his arm made him wince in mock hurt when Nick glared at him.

 

“I’ll wear one for your mom, not for you.”

 

Still grinning Don turned towards Nick and brushed his lips against his lover.

 

“For me you don’t have to wear anything.”

 

---

 

Mac hadn’t known how tense he was until he felt himself relax when the door opened and Danny walked into his flat. He hadn’t realized how some part of his mind had already prepared his heart for the hurt and pain of the loss. A shiver ran through him at the realization that Danny had indeed returned to him, but he forced himself to remain seated and wait until his lover came over to him instead of jumping up and pressing Danny against his body.

 

He had told Danny that he trusted him and he did... and yet still he had been afraid that his lover would run.

 

“Hello”

 

Danny leaned over him and pressed a sloppy kiss on his forehead, the easiness of the greeting made Mac relax even further and when Danny finally stood in front of him, he saw that his lover’s blue eyes were glowing. He didn’t have to ask then and silently he made a mental note to thank both Nick and Don for their support and for standing by Danny.

 

“They were wonderful, they told me to fight.”

 

There was part happiness and part surprise in Danny’s voice and it was the latter that made Mac’s heart clench. There was no reason for Danny to be surprised, that his friends wanted to support him and yet something inside Mac told him that none of Danny’s previous friends would have stood up for him.

 

‘Would you have done so only weeks ago?’

 

He shivered at the truth of the thought. It was correct, he wouldn’t have fought for Danny or no, he would have fought for him, but for the wrong reasons... the reputation of the lab, his own reputation... Mac smiled silently.

 

Wasn’t it weird how time could change a person’s perception?

 

Three weeks ago, he would have helped Danny to protect the lab, now though he was ready to risk his reputation and the lab to protect Danny.

 

“Mac?”

 

Danny sat much closer and Mac realized that he had spaced out on his lover, blushing lightly; he met the concerned blue eyes and reached out to press Danny against his body finally giving into the urges of his heart.

 

“I am glad you are back.”

 

He could feel the younger man tense in his arms and he knew that Danny had understood what he had not said. Carefully his lover leaned back and Mac was shocked by the honesty and love in the pale blue eyes.

 

“I won’t leave you, Mac... I’d rather leave this job than you.”

 

A shiver went through him at the thought of Danny leaving the lab, he needed him there, needed the sarcastic comments and dark humor at the scene but even more he needed to be able to see Danny and protect him.

 

He had let Claire out of his sight and she had died.

 

He wouldn’t make the same mistake with Danny.

 

Mac leaned down and captured Danny’s lips with his, the kiss was sweet and loving saying without words how deeply he loved the younger man.

 

“I love you”

 

Danny leaned against him and for a long time they just enjoyed the closeness and love, the feeling of being complete next to the other.

 

“Don said that should I be called to the witness stand he and Nick would be in the audience.”

 

Mac smiled at the comment, but also at the thought of Don and Nick watching over his lover. He trusted both men and knew that Danny would be safe with them.

 

“Mac, I...”

 

Danny sounded insecure and as his voice trailed off, Mac felt new concern rise in him. Caressing Danny’s sides as he moved them so that Danny was leaning with his back against Mac’s chest, he just waited for his lover to continue speaking.

 

“Was there anything in Nick’s file that spoke about abuse in his childhood?”

 

The question caught him off guard and he felt a shiver run through him at the mere thought and yet...

 

“No nothing”

 

Danny nodded and Mac felt the movement against his body.

 

“So he never told anyone.”

 

Gently Mac grasped Danny’s hands in his and lifted them up to his lips.

 

“Why do you think he was abused?”

 

A shrug was his answer and Danny was silent for a long, long time. Finally though he started to speak and Mac felt the shiver that ran through his lover.

 

“When I told them about Sonny... There was something in his eyes, some kind of understanding...”

 

Danny shivered and Mac felt an answering shiver in his own body. Closing his arms tighter around his lover he silently told Danny.

 

“Nick knows that he has friends he can talk to... “

 

It was not enough and both he and Danny knew it and yet it was all they could offer Nick. Danny nodded silently and moved so that he was face to face with Mac.

 

“Love me”

 

Mac lifted his hand and caressed the beloved face; he saw how Danny’s mind registered the words, saw the surprise that ran over his face and then a slow smile played over his face.

 

“For now and always”

 

---

 

Danny smiled and leaned down to kiss Mac. He loved this romantic side in his lover, loved how Mac leaned into his kiss, but then he received a shock when Mac drew back and desire clouded eyes met his.

 

“I meant it, when I said that I want you in me.”

 

Mac’s voice trembled and his eyes were dark, glittered with a longing so deep that it made Danny shiver. He had never seen the other man so completely open and vulnerable.

 

“Mac...”

 

He had never expected that. Whenever he had allowed himself to fantasize it had been him who’d bottomed and Mac who was the top. Never even in his wildest dreams had he expected this, Mac wanted him to be... a shiver ran through Danny.

 

“I need you to make love to me.”

 

Once again Mac’s voice and suddenly Danny’s passion flared and he pressed his lover into the couch as he devoured Mac’s mouth with his. His lover’s taste exploded in his senses and with another shiver his hands slipped under Mac’s shirt and he caressed the toned chest.

 

“Let’s move this somewhere more comfortable.”

 

Mac shivered and his hands trembled as he took the hand Danny offered. Mac followed Danny towards the bedroom. It struck Danny then how shy Mac suddenly seemed as he stopped in front of the bed and fumbled with his shirt. Smiling softly, he stopped him and carefully started to undress him.

 

“Let me do this for you”

 

He undressed his lover and as Mac lay back onto the bed naked, Danny felt as if he had fallen into another dimension. It wasn’t the first time that he saw his lover naked, but he knew that this time something was different. Their eyes locked and held and suddenly Danny shivered amazed at how unguarded Mac was in this moment and how strong it made him feel. This was the real Mac Taylor, the real man behind the mask and it made him fiercely protective of his lover, the aggression he’d felt only minutes ago vanished and as he leaned in to kiss Mac his kiss was tender and soft.

 

“You want this, don’t you?”

 

A smile lit Mac’s face and as he spoke his voice was hoarse.

 

“Very much”

 

Their roles were changed; suddenly Danny was the seducer and Mac the one being seduced. He could feel Mac’s eyes on his body as he undressed and slowly knelt on the bed. The muscled chest drew him like a magnet and for a long time he just stared at Mac before he began to draw ghostly lines onto the soft skin. He wasn’t just caressing, he was writing and silently Danny wondered how long it would take Mac to make out the words he spelled with his hand. The simple fact that he was able to write it and really mean it sent shivers through his body when Mac suddenly tensed and a deep moan escaped him. Danny looked up and saw that Mac had figured out what he had written.

 

‘Mine’

 

“Yours”

 

Mac’s voice was hoarse and trembled and the truth of that single word rushed through Danny making him shiver and ache to claim Mac. He stopped his touches and captured Mac’s lips. Yet just before their lips met he locked eyes with his and whispered.

 

“Mine”

 

Danny could feel the strength of Mac’s arms as he held him tight, letting him feel his arousal, and he moaned his own hardness brushes against his tight. Their kisses became fiercer and more passionate as his hands roamed over Mac’s body kneading my muscles and travelling down to his cock. Disentangling his lips from Mac’s Danny slipped down along Mac’s body and kissed the tip of his lover’s cock. Mac’s groan echoed through the room as he arched up.

 

“Just let go”

 

Danny’s whisper had Mac groan even more and as he leaned down and surrounded Mac with his lips, he felt the shivers that travelled through his lover’s body. It was an incredible turn on to know that he could break Mac’s control like this and he trembled with desire to bury himself inside his lover.

 

“Danny please”

 

He looked up at the whispered words and shivered uncontrollably at the sight of Mac flushed with desire, trembling with need, his body glistening with sweat. Eyes locked he grabbed the lube from the nightstand and slicked his fingers before he gently pressed one against Mac’s body. A shiver went through him at the heat of his lover, when Mac suddenly tensed completely.

 

“Mac”

 

Danny’s words were whispered and he froze when he saw how Mac suddenly held himself rigidly under control.

 

“It’s ok Danny”

 

No, nothing was ok, any passion had disappeared from Mac’s eyes and been replaced by anticipation. Danny swallowed hard as he understood the meaning of Mac’s sudden fear.

 

“You have never done this before.”

 

Mac flushed at his whispered words and refused to meet his eye and Danny’s heart felt so full of love and tenderness that he was sure it would burst soon. Gently he removed his finger and moved up to kiss Mac tenderly.

 

"I've been with guys, I just never...”

 

Danny smiled at the flush that colored Mac’s face and finished the sentence for him.

 

"You've never let someone love you."

 

"I am not afraid of you, Danny and I need you."

 

He reached out and cupped Mac’s face as he read the insecurity and fear in his lover's eyes and maybe Mac could read the same fear in his own eyes, because he mirrored Danny’s gesture and softly told him.

 

"I love you and I want to feel you deep in me."

 

Danny felt his heart beat faster at each word, felt the world narrow down until all he saw was Mac and he shivered.

 

“You will... I promise you...”

 

Danny felt as if he was dizzy, Mac’s hands roamed over his back, kneading the strong muscles while he let his fingers travel once more over Mac’s tights to his opening. There was something about Mac made him ache to touch and be touched in return. He wanted to kiss and love and hug and…. Just everything he could possibly do with him... And he wanted the other man to do everything in return.

 

"I want you"

 

Mac aligned their bodies and pressed his hips against his lover. Danny felt his legs go weak and he trembled at the hardness that pressed into him.

 

"Stop Danny, please"

 

Danny looked up and froze as he saw the lubricant in Mac’s hand and silently prayed that Mac was sure.

 

"I need you in me, I feel empty without you."

 

Still though Danny hesitated, insecure and afraid of causing Mac any pain. He knew how terrible it could be if one was forced and he never wanted Mac to go through something like this. He loved him...

 

"Make me yours"

 

The whispered plea broke through his dark thoughts and seeing the longing in Mac’s eyes he nodded slowly.

 

“I love you”

 

Insecure and yet incredibly aroused by Mac’s desire and wish, Danny began to prepare him. And this time there was no tensing of muscles only a deep moan that escaped his lover as he felt Danny’s fingers deep inside him, then a desperate cry as the pleasure almost got too much. Danny held himself rigid as he watched out for any sign of discomfort but even as he slid in the other man's body all he saw was love and a deep passion.

 

Finally resting within Mac he looked into the blue eyes and saw the same fire there that raced through his veins.

 

"You are mine now"

 

Simple words really, but the effect they had on Mac was breath taking and Danny was transfixed as any fear or sadness just vanished from the blue eyes and deep contentment made them glow.

 

“I am”

 

---

 

Nick woke up shaking and screaming... and in Don’s arms. His lover held him close and even as he wanted to turn away ashamed and embarrassed Don didn’t let go, instead he leaned down and caressed his face.

 

“It’s alright Nick, I’m here.”

 

The care and the warmth of Don’s voice made him relax and he felt himself on the verge of sleep again when Don’s voice floated once again over him.

 

“I am here, you’re safe Nick... I won’t let anyone hurt you... You’re safe.”

 

It was with that feeling that he fell asleep again and didn’t wake up until the alarm clock shrilled in the next morning. The memory of the nightmare came back then and he looked sadly at the dark rings under Don’s eyes.

 

“Sorry that I kept you awake.”

 

Don grinned lightly, and ran his eyes over Nick while he got dressed.

 

“Don’t worry; you’re more than worth it.”

 

The obvious leer in Don’s eyes and voice made Nick chuckle lightly and he walked over to the kitchen to start the coffee when he saw the light blinking on his answering machine. Frowning he pressed the button and the mechanical voice told him that he had two messages. Don walked into the kitchen grabbed a cup of coffee and handed Nick one too, while some guy told them how great the new phone deal with Vodafone was. Nick shook his head and grinned at his lover when a new voice floated through the room and he froze.

 

“He Nick, Warrick here... you don’t pick up your phone anymore? What’s the deal with the 'I’m absent number'? Look I was thinking, since you don’t call and everything, I’ll come up and visit you... there are a couple of long weekends coming up, just tell me which one is fine with you... Need to get you out a bit... Ok call me... and hey Nick... I miss you bro.”

 

Nick felt Don walking up next to him, felt the gentle touch on his back, but he couldn’t move or speak. Everything in him had frozen at the sound of the familiar voice.

 

“Nick”

 

He shivered as he saw Don’s look, saw confusion and then understanding dawn in the blue eyes and cringed at the uncertainty that accompanied the understanding and yet there was still so much concern, concern for him Nick and instinctively Nick reached out and grasped Don’s hand as if it were the only thing that kept him from drowning and maybe it was.

 

“Who is he?”

 

And yes, Don of all people had a right to ask this and Nick knew that he should have told his lover long ago, should have come clear the moment they had gotten together and yet his own heart had been to scared and now Warrick’s ghost seemed to stand between them and Nick struggled to find the right words. It was too late, he knew and the knowledge hurt, no matter what he was going to say it would hurt Don and he never had wanted that.

 

“He was my best friend.”

 

The truth and yet not the whole, not even scraping at the surface and as if he sensed it, Don remained silent, waited until Nick spoke again and once again Nick felt as if Warrick was there with him in the room and pushed Don away from him. Mentally his lover seemed to be miles away already.

 

“I... we had a case, a drug addict found dead in a bar... Warrick fell for the singer in that bar and when she turned out to be a junkie too... he’s got a gambling problem and when I saw him sitting down at a table after leaving her, I sat next to him... just wanted to give him some support you know... and then he looked up and... and I fell in love...”

 

Nick trailed off as Don withdrew his hand. It hurt almost physically the withdrawal of this one touch that had grounded him. His eyes met Don’s and for a second he froze at the pain he saw there, then though Don blinked and the hurt was replaced by coldness. A shiver ran through Nick as he recognized the look, it was the same look Don had given him on the first day, the same look he used when he spoke to suspects, it hurt him to see that look directed onto him and yet somehow he felt as if he deserved it. Taking a deep calming breath, Nick forced himself to continue. He had to make Don understand, had to make him see that everything was in the past that Warrick was past…

 

“When I was...”

 

Memories threatened at the corner of his mind and he swallowed hard before he spoke again and silently Nick cursed as he heard the trembling in his voice.

 

“When I was buried, I promised myself to stop hiding and take a chance. But then I was in the hospital and there was always someone around... I just had no time and no courage to talk to him... I just couldn’t find the words...”

 

How would Warrick have reacted? Nick knew that he would never receive an answer to that question and he knew that if he wanted a real relationship with Don he had to push all thoughts of what if aside and forget them. And still right now they were there...

 

What if he had had to courage?

 

“And then one morning when I was back at work, Warrick wore a ring... He told me that seeing me like this had made him realize how short life was... and he got married.”

 

Some part of the story still hurt, but as he had told Mac once, he wasn’t mourning for what could have been... And still he missed his friend.

 

“That was why you left Las Vegas”

 

Don’s voice was flat and cold, too cold, too calm and alarmed Nick reached out to touch his lover, but Don just moved out of his reach and the subtle movement felt like a slap in Nick’s face.

 

“Good move Nick, very good move... He’s coming to you now... coming to get you back; well played I have to admit that.”

 

The words hit him like physical blows and as Don jumped up from the couch, Nick was frozen with hurt and shock. He forced himself to meet his lover’s eyes and cringed at the anger and deep pain that made the blue look diluted.

 

“Just tell me one thing Nick, if you love this guy, what was I to you? A warm body to fuck? A convenient lay in between or was I just the stupid cop who thinks you really give a damn about him?”

 

Don’s voice broke at the last words and with an angry gesture he wiped the one tear that had escaped away from his face. Nick watched paralyzed as the other man grabbed his coat and walked towards the door. Something in his mind screamed at him to prevent Don from leaving but another part, another voice told him that it was what he deserved... that he wasn’t good enough for Don anyway.

 

‘You deserve love, we all deserve it.’

 

Funny how he couldn’t imagine Gil saying this and yet it was his former supervisor’s voice that drowned out the voice of his memories and made him jump up and block Don’s path.

 

“Don’t leave, please”

 

Don’s entire body was rigid as he stopped and Nick felt that only Don’s innate gentleness when it came to him prevented the other man from shoving Nick aside.

 

“Get out of my way Nick, you’ve had your fun now let me go and...”

 

Once again Don’s voice broke and Nick’s heart with it.

 

“I got the message Nick and I won’t wait around until this guy arrives... I can’t play this game...”

 

Not moving Nick stared at Don and felt the emptiness where his heart was supposed to be. If Don left now, he would never come back. He couldn’t have that couldn’t let Don walk out of his life; he was too important, too vital for Nick... And silently Nick remembered what he had told Danny only a few hours ago...

 

There are some things worth fighting for.

 

Some things and some people and Don was certainly one of them.

 

“You were never a game... I never played when I was with you.”

 

His voice was hoarse, but Don didn’t seem to notice it as he almost screamed at Nick.

 

“What am I then? What was...”

 

“My lover... the one man I love, the one man I want to spend my life with...”

 

Nick heard his words resound in his hallway and suddenly every sound, every noise was gone. It seemed as if time were standing still as Don stared at Nick and their eyes locked. They had never said it, Nick thought dazedly, had never spoken about love and yet it had always been there. But they had never uttered those three words... Now he had said them, no shouted them, they were his last, desperate attempt to make Don understand and yet it didn’t seem to have made a difference.

 

Defeat made him sway and he looked away from Don, the room suddenly seemed to spin, reality of what he was about to lose seeping in, when strong hands on his shoulders steadied him and almost against his will Nick looked up. Don’s eyes were still wary, but the coldness had left.

 

“When I saw you the first time, I felt as if someone had punched me in my stomach... It was lust Don, simple and pure and nothing more... But then one night I woke up from a nightmare and I realized that it hadn’t been Warrick’s face that I’d seen and that had calmed me, had made me feel safe again. It was your face, Don, your eyes, your hands, your arms... I knew it then... I knew I loved you...”

 

He trailed off, when a soft finger was put over his lips. Don eyes were warm, loving and all the pain had vanished.

 

“You love me.”

 

It was a statement and a question in one and Nick heard the need for reassurance in the casually spoken words. His hand trembled as he reached out to caress Don’s face.

 

“I do”

 

Don leaned into the touch and Nick felt as if just like that the emptiness inside him was filled again, making him whole and he swallowed harshly. Don’s hand mirrored his gesture, cupping his face and Nick closed his eyes as relief and love flooded him.

 

“I love you Nick Stokes.”

 

Don’s voice was formal and serious and somehow the use of his full name gave the statement even more weight. Opening his eyes Nick met Don’s gaze and held it as he promised.

 

“I never played a game, everything we did; everything I did was done because I love you.”

 

He wanted to apologize but Don’s lips stole the words from his own before he could say them and pressing himself against Don’s hard body, Nick felt the last shred of his fear dissolve in the heat of the strong body next to his.

 

“I won’t let you go.”

 

The way Don said it made it almost sound like a threat, but Nick only smiled and traced the swollen lips of his lover with his fingers.

 

“I won’t leave.”

 

Their eyes met and this time they both could read the love in each others eyes. Don smiled suddenly and pointing towards the phone he said quietly.

 

“Invite him, let him see what he gave up... and give yourself the closure you need.”

 

The words were spoken lightly, but Nick could feel the tension in Don’s body. He knew why Don wanted him to invite Warrick, understood that his lover needed the assurance that Nick chose him even if Warrick was around, but maybe Don was right. Not about the ‘gave-up’ thing, not about the assurance, but about the closure.

 

Nick knew that he had left Las Vegas with open and loose ends still lying around, and that he was far from fully recovered from the ordeal he had gone through, but maybe Don was right, maybe it really was time to start closing that chapter of his life.

 

“I’ll invite him.”

 

For a moment, Nick felt Don tense even more.

 

“I’ll need you at my side. Will you be there?”

 

The complete relaxation of Don and the wonderful smile told him that it had been the right thing to ask.

 

“I won’t leave you alone, I’ll be right at your side.”

 

And Nick knew that Don really would be.

 

Closure he thought, closure and a new beginning. But maybe that thought was wrong too, because Nick knew that the new beginning had started five months ago, when he had shaken hands... or more accurately tried to shake hands with a dark haired cop with an attitude and the bluest eyes he had ever seen.

 

His new beginning had started when Don had seen behind the mask that Warrick had never even noticed and as he leaned against his lover Nick nodded silently. Seeing his friend was the right thing to do, the first of many moves to really give him closure and not just escape.

 

---