Disclaimer: The concept and the people in the story are fictional and the property of several production companies. I only borrow them and return them unharmed and unmarked. No money is made of the story and no infringement is meant.

 

This story contains spoilers for: Grave Danger, Hush, On the job and Tanglewood

 

Behind the mask

 

By Valerie

 

Behind the corpse in the reservoir, behind the ghosts on the links

Behind the lady who dances and the man who madly drinks

Under the look of fatigue, the attack of migraine and the sigh

There always another story, there more than meets the eye

(W.H Auden)

 

*Prologue*

 

-Las Vegas-

 

‘I want my guys back.’

 

His eyes still on the retreating emergency vehicle, Gil’s voice had not asked, but demanded and to his surprise, Ecklie had complied. He had them back, had Nick and Warrick back under his eyes, under his care and yet, nothing was as before.

 

On the surface it might have been, the easy banter between Warrick and Nick unchanged and the slight annoyance in Sara’s eyes when the boys were laying it too thick, the protective mothering from Catherine, whenever she felt as if one of her children was treated unfairly... It was as if that night had never happened.

 

Until Warrick came back wearing a ring on his finger.

 

Gil watched as first disbelief, then anger and finally sorrow crept into Nick’s eyes, only to be masked perfectly as soon as the attention shifted from Warrick back to the team. Nick’s smile was forced and his voice was slightly strained as he congratulated his buddy, telling him that it was a shame he’d bailed on any chances of a stag’s night.

 

He watched as Warrick’s smile faltered for a second at Nick’s seemingly easy acceptance of his marriage, saw the quick tightening of the taller man’s jaw as Nick hugged him and his heart hurt.

 

Gil had known that day, that no matter how much he wanted everything to go back to normal, it never would and now he watched Nick stop outside his office, hovering for a moment before he visibly gathered his courage and entered.

 

“Do you have a second for me?”

 

No, he wanted to say, no, I haven’t, I don’t want to hear what you’re going to tell me, because I know what it is.

 

“I have an offer from New York...”

 

New York... it was about as far away from Las Vegas as one could go. Not only in distance, but mentality wise. Las Vegas was America’s playground, New York... New York probably wasn’t even America anymore... it was more a universe of itself.

 

“And you’re going to accept it.”

 

Nick blinked for a moment, before he nodded and sat down not meeting Gil’s eyes.

 

“I have to go, Gil, I just can’t stay here anymore, there are too many memories here... Too many things I want to forget.”

 

Not only being buried alive, but also Warrick’s marriage, Nigel Crane, Amy Hendler, Ecklie and his constant sniffing around...

 

Gil could understand Nick and yet it still hurt, hurt that Nick was right.

 

“I understand”

 

Nick seemed relieved and a quick smile crossed his face. Gil waited for a moment, before he looked at his subordinate and friend... the thought made him stop for a moment, before he nodded slowly, yes, Nick had become a friend too and it was as a friend that he made the offer now.

 

“If you ever need anything Nick, let me know, just give me a call ok?”

 

The tears that glimmered in Nick’s eyes didn’t surprise him, but the honesty with which Nick replied did.

 

“You too, Gil, you too, never hesitate to call.”

 

He got up and left the office, Gil’s eyes followed him and he knew that Nick would not organize a big party; he would go to every one of his colleagues and tell them in person, explain the reasons and then leave.

 

They all would miss him of course but he couldn’t help wondering what Warrick would feel.

 

---

 

*New York*

 

“I can’t believe he fired you.”

 

There was as much surprise as shock and anger in Flack’s voice as he looked at Aiden in shock. She shrugged her shoulders and brushed her hair back in a gesture that looked lost and vulnerable and made his heart break.

 

“He thought that I would one day manipulate the evidence and so he took proactive measures...”

 

“Proactive measures?”

 

Don was aware that he was talking too loud, but couldn’t help himself, Danny who sat next to him grimaced at the wording and looked at his friends.

 

“Mac’s words not yours aren’t they?”

 

Aiden nodded and looked dejected. She had fought so hard to get where she was, the events of today were only now finally catching up and she started to realize that she really had lost everything that had mattered to her... Looking up she saw Don’s concerned look, the supportive way he hovered over her, saw Danny’s calm eyes watching her, saw how his hands clenched to fists in anger and with a slight smile, she realized that she hadn’t lost everything that mattered.

 

“Thank you guys for standing up for me, for being here now.”

 

Gently Danny put an arm around her shoulder, pushing her slightly until she gave up and leaned in to the comfort of his body. He saw Flack’s smile at the unusual position, but didn’t comment on it, just softly told Aiden.

 

“We’re always be there for you, it doesn’t matter if you’re on our team or not, you’re first and foremost a friend.”

 

Her walls broke then and silently, desperately she began to sob. Danny held her close and saw the murderous look, Flack had in his eyes. Silently he shook his head and the heat in his friend’s blue eyes calmed down a bit.

 

Later, after having made sure that Aiden got home, Danny and Flack stood in front of her building. They were silent for a long time, before Flack suddenly started pacing and looked at Danny with a pained look.

 

“Must have been hard today... I mean Mac...”

 

Danny smiled sadly and shook his head.

 

“Not really, not harder than any other day. I only wonder why he never kicked me out, I mean after Tanglewood, after the shooting and everything...”

 

Flack grabbed him by the shoulder and looked closely at his friend.

 

“Danny, he didn’t kick you out, cause you didn’t do nothing wrong!”

 

Neither did Aiden, Danny wanted to say, but he knew that Flack was right in some way and that Mac hadn’t been able to kick him out purely for the accusations he’d faced. And yet...

 

“Sometimes, I think it would have been better.”

 

Flack squeezed his shoulder in a comforting gesture as he hailed a cab and they set out to go home, yet on the cab ride, Danny suddenly looked at Flack.

 

“You know, the guy or the girl who replaces her will have a hard time.”

 

Flack’s eyes went cold and his voice matched the temperature from outside as he answered.

 

“Well, I for one will make sure of that.”

 

---

 

*Chapter 1*

 

He’d been to New York for conferences and seminars, but now living in the Big Apple was everything he’d expected and yet so much more, that Nick was still more than slightly overwhelmed when he walked into the building and towards the receptionist.

 

“Nick Stokes, I am here to see Lieutenant Taylor”

 

The blond young woman looked at him appreciatively and smiled before she dialed a number and quickly spoke into the phone. Her accent was sharp and pronounced and Nick had to suppress a smile.

 

Typical New York, short, crisp and to the point... no unnecessary words... Nick smiled as he remembered Grissom’s rambling about something and nothing, but as quickly as the smile had appeared, his face darkened again and he swallowed hard.

 

Leaving Las Vegas had been harder than he’d thought it would be.

 

Forgetting Las Vegas would be impossible...

 

“Mr. Stokes?”

 

He had spoken with Mac Taylor several times, but all the previous conversations had either taken place on the phone or through video conference. The talks had given him the impression of a sharp, intelligent man, someone who didn’t tolerate nonsense and who had a very, very strong mind. Nick swallowed hard as he forced a smile on his face, extending his hand and accepting the offered hand of his soon-to-be supervisor.

 

“Lieutenant Taylor, it’s nice to meet you in person finally.”

 

In person all his impressions were proven right, Mac Taylor was impressive, had a presence he hadn’t seen in many people before, but there was more than just presence around this man. Nick studied the supervisor for a second and saw the deep lines of sorrow and pain, saw the aura of loneliness that surrounded him like an invisible cloak and sighing lightly he wondered if this was something that was in the job description when becoming a CSI.

 

“It’s Mac... Now that we’re officially colleagues.”

 

Nick saw the genuine smile in the other man’s face and some of his tension eased a bit. He nodded and smiled lightly and shrugged.

 

“Well, I’m Nick.”

 

The older man smiled a bit, before he turned and walked towards the elevator. They stood next to each other silently, then Mac explained which section of the crime lab occupied which floor. Nick tried to follow, but after a short time he laughed lightly and explained at Mac’s confused gaze.

 

“I’ll just ask my way round, Vegas had everything on one floor...”

 

He trailed off as memories of the lab rose and he suppressed a shiver. Turning he felt Mac’s eyes on him and knew immediately that he was being assessed. Unconsciously he straightened and squared his shoulders not noticing the quick smile that crossed Mac’s face. Finally the elevator came to a stop and Mac led him into his office and offered him a chair.

 

Nick though stood just there for a second, taking in the atmosphere of the lab, noticing the glass walls, the bright cold light of the lamps, the equipment he knew so well and finally he turned around with a smile.

 

“You’ve got a room with a view.”

 

Mac’s smile got wider and turned genuine again and he shook his head with a smile as he sat down.

 

“Not many would say this.”

 

Nick heard the underlying question and with another smile and a shrug he agreed with his new boss.

 

“Maybe, but I’ve always liked my job and that has not changed...”

 

His love for his job was probably the only thing that had remained untouched from the events in the last months, and although he’d had a moment when he’d doubted if he could ever be a CSI again, it had never been because of lack of enthusiasm.

 

“Why did you really leave Las Vegas?”

 

Surprised he looked up and saw Mac’s clear and intelligent eyes on him. The man opposite him was completely different from Grissom and yet they both had the ability to look at a person in a way that made it impossible to lie to them. He sighed, but he’d known all along that he needed to come clear at least with his boss right at the beginning.

 

It had been weeks since he’d freaked out on a crime scene, but he knew that a panic attack could happen again and that Mac needed to know.

 

“There were too many memories.”

 

Mac didn’t say anything, but Nick had the feeling that his eyes got hard for a second before warming to a soft blue. He swallowed and found the courage to continue.

 

“I was abducted while I was working a scene and ...”

 

He hated it how his voice still trembled but at the same time Nick realized that it was the first time he’d actually told anyone about his ordeal. Before everyone had known and the fact that here no one did, made him feel relieved and free. It gave him strength to talk on.

 

“... I woke up and was buried underground... I... it was a close call and afterwards working back at the lab, back at the nightshift... I tried to go back to normality but...”

 

How should he explain the real reason without mentioning Warrick? Nick knew that he couldn’t tell his new boss that the ultimate stroke had been the fact that his best friend had gotten married, couldn’t tell him of the revelation he’d had in this box and his determination to tell Warrick how he felt. And so he just shrugged and waited for the questions.

 

“Did your team find you?”

 

It wasn’t the question he’d been expecting and although the thought of ants still scared him to death, the memory of Grissom made him smile fondly.

 

“They did, well Grissom did. I... the box broke and fire ants got access to my body... they almost killed me with their venom but Grissom recognized the breed and that way he knew where to look for me...”

 

A shiver ran through him as he remembered the realization and fear when he’d seen the first ant, then the second and... Nick got up swiftly and walked to the window staring outside, concentrating on the blue sky and the gleaming skyscrapers of Manhattan.

 

“They got me out... and I promised to survive.”

 

The hand on his shoulder took him by surprise and he jerked back only to meet the questioning eyes of the older man.

 

“You did”

 

It was a short statement and he saw understanding in the blue eyes. Turning back towards the city he nodded and then told Mac the one thing he’d realized on the flight to New York, the flight towards his new life.

 

“Yes, I did. But in the end surviving wasn’t enough.”

 

Mac didn’t say anything, just looked at him questioningly and Nick shrugged.

 

“Had I stayed in Las Vegas, I’d never gotten past the stage of surviving and I don’t want that. I don’t want to survive, I want to live.”

 

---

 

Mac watched as Nick Stokes left the building. He wasn’t tall and yet he stood out in the busy New York street. There was something about the younger man that made people take a second look at him. But it weren’t his good looks or his unconsciously graceful movements that made Mac watch him as he walked away.

 

‘I don’t want to survive, I want to live.’

 

He’d read about the events that Nick had talked about and had marveled at the strength of the man who’d been buried, but he hadn’t drawn the connection between Nick Stokes and the nameless CSI. Mac smiled sadly, he knew it was wrong to be glad for what had happened, but he couldn’t help being grateful that Nick would join his team.

 

Now he only had to tell the others, silently he sighed. It was bad timing and he wished for Nick’s sake that he could have started at a different time. The team would not be welcoming him with open arms, they would instead see him as a replacement for Aiden. Mac looked down at the file and at the notes he’d scribbled during the talk with Nick but he didn’t see the letters instead he saw the clear dark eyes of a young man who’d survived and who’d understood something Mac himself had not.

 

That surviving was sometimes not enough.

 

---

 

Danny watched as Mac walked into the room and as always his heart stopped for a second. Cursing lightly, he called himself all kind of names, but it didn’t change anything, never did. Mac had caught his heart the moment he’d chosen him to work for his team.

 

A team that was now missing a member and Danny saw Stella looking silently at the empty chair next to her, saw Flack’s accusing look and sighed lightly. Rationally he understood Mac’s reasons, but at the same time he didn’t understand why he’d kept him on the team and fired Aiden...

 

“I called you to let you know that a new colleague will start today.”

 

The short clipped words made Danny tense and he saw Flack’s sneer as he commented coldly.

 

“Fast work Mac, really fast work.”

 

Mac’s eyes narrowed for a second, before they turned emotionless again. He continued as if he hadn’t heard Flack’s words, but as he came to the last sentence, Danny realized that Mac had heard and not only had listened, but had anticipated this reaction from them.

 

“His name is Nick Stokes, he worked with the crime lab in Las Vegas for six years and before that with Dallas PD for two. He will join our team as a CSI Level 3.”

 

Danny noticed the look Mac sent Stella and suddenly understood that the new guy would have the same level as Stella. She had tensed a bit, but relaxed again probably knowing that with her experience and knowledge she had nothing to fear. It was something else though that struck Danny as he thought about Mac’s comment, Aiden had been a CSI Level 1 where as the new guy was Level 3 and without thinking he said what he’d just realized.

 

“So you didn’t hire him as a replacement for Aiden.”

 

Mac looked at him and for a moment Danny saw gratefulness and relief in the blue eyes, emotions that surprised him, but as his supervisor nodded and continued to speak, he understood.

 

“No, we had talked long before, but until three days ago, I wasn’t sure if he’d really accept our offer or not.”

 

Mac paused briefly visibly contemplating something, before speaking again this time looking at Flack intently.

 

“He’s got very, very good credentials, has worked with one of the best teams nationwide and even more worked closely with Gil Grissom for the last six years. I think we can consider ourselves lucky that he chose New York, when he wanted a change and I really hope that you’ll make him feel welcome because and I want to make this very, very clear. I did not hire him as a replacement for Aiden.”

 

Again Mac fixed Flack and Danny saw his friend shrink a bit under the glare, but stare back defiantly at the same time.

 

“Understood Flack?”

 

The detective watched Mac coldly and shrugged.

 

“Papers mean nothing... I will treat him with as much respect as he deserves for the job he does and not for who he is.”

 

Danny saw Mac tense at the hard words and jealousy flared as he realized that whoever this Nick Stokes was, he was someone Mac protected, yet at the same time he knew that in Mac’s eyes this guy was already a part of the team and therefore part of Mac’s family.

 

Give the guy a chance...

 

He promised it to himself, but he was hard pressed to act accordingly as he first saw the other man. Nick Stokes was exactly the kind of man; Danny had always wanted to be. Dark haired, lean muscled body, dark, no very dark eyes... And of course from what Mac had told them, he was intelligent and most likely a top CSI.

 

Danny growled lightly as he saw the honest and warm smile on Mac’s face.

 

Give the guy a chance...

 

He hadn’t expected it to be so hard.

 

---

 

Don watched as Mac introduced the new guy to the rest of the team, Nick Stokes had an easy smile and his openness seemed genuine as he smiled at Stella’s friendly teasing for his accent.

 

“Take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy.”

 

He was slightly shocked as he realized how harsh his words sounded and for a moment there was a tense silence in the room, Danny looked at him and he saw the slight reproach in his eyes, but before anyone could say anything, Stokes shrugged and laughed lightly.

 

“Make it Texas instead of country and I agree with you... On the other hand you can hardly call Dallas countryside.”

 

Mac sent him a cold, hard warning glare as he introduced him as...

 

“Detective Don Flack, our link to PD.”

 

He didn’t hold out his hand, just nodded curtly and saw the other man tense just a slight bit. The silent tension in the room grew until Stokes once again tried to diffuse it by looking at him with another smile, yet one that didn’t reach his eyes.

 

“Nice to meet you”

 

It sounded forced and Don saw how Mac’s shoulders were tense as he watched the exchange before addressing Danny and asking him to show Stokes around the lab. Don was close to make another scathing remark, when Stokes suddenly looked up and straight in his eyes.

 

Time slowed, slowed and stopped. Don felt like drowning in those chocolate eyes, eyes that were full of emotions too many too account for but one that made him feel like the biggest ass. Pain...

 

He wanted to reach out and take the hurtful words, his spiteful behavior back, but his pride held him back and he sneered once again before he broke the stare. Stokes stepped back as if he too had been caught in this eye lock involuntarily and Don could see how a shiver went through the slender body before the other man turned away and left the room with Danny.

 

“Was this necessary?”

 

Stella’s soft words weren’t judging, just asking, but in the turmoil of emotions that Don was experiencing right at this moment, he didn’t care.

 

“Was it necessary for you to suck up to him like this?”

 

She straightened and glared at him, but before she could reply anything, it was Mac who made it clear that he would not tolerate such behavior.

 

“Flack, I’ll say this once. You treat Stokes the same way as any other CSI, are we clear?”

 

He looked at the CSI supervisor and shrugged carelessly, course he’d treat Stokes well and if not who’d tell Mac?

 

---

 

 

Nick still felt almost dizzy from the encounter with the detective. It wasn’t the hostility that had thrown him, he’d expected that to a certain degree although not from a cop, it was the pull he’d felt the moment their eyes had met. There had been a connection he’d never felt before not even with...

 

Steeling himself he pushed any thoughts of Vegas aside and looked at his new colleague. Danny was his name, wasn’t it?

 

“Why do I have the feeling you all don’t really want me here?”

 

He saw the slight surprise in Danny’s face, then the guilt and with a sinking heart he realized that he’d been right with his gut feeling. Longing filled him, longing for Vegas for the familiar team, his friends, his family and for a moment he was tempted to say forget it all and go back.

 

But at the same time Nick knew that he couldn’t. There had been... Danny’s hand on his shoulder brought him out of his musings and back to reality. He met the other man’s eyes and saw genuine remorse there and a light smile that was honest. His heart lifted a bit, maybe it wasn’t so bad, maybe he would find friends here.

 

“Sorry for Flack’s words... It’s just that Mac fired one of our friends a couple of days ago and we all know that he didn’t hire you for her, she was a Level 1 after all and you’re Level 3. But Flack’s a stubborn bastard sometimes, he’ll come around.”

 

Nick could understand now, and it somehow made it better because it wasn’t about him personally, it was about what he represented. He smiled at Danny.

 

“Thanks for telling me”

 

The younger man grinned and showed him some of the other equipment and soon enough they were discussing methods while examining a fiber selected from a dead body. Nick found himself laughing at some of the antiques of the younger man and added a few of his own. Danny reminded him of Greg and the easy banter between them made him feel more at ease.

 

“Feel like grabbing some lunch?”

 

Nick looked up surprised and grinned. He still wasn’t used to be back on day shift.

 

“Sure, I’d love to.”

 

He followed Danny through the maze of labs to the elevators and then out onto the streets, standing there Nick absorbed the rush of people for a second and saw the other CSI look at him with a smile in his face.

 

“Getting used to New York?”

 

Joining him and keeping in step as they walked over to a sandwich shop, Nick nodded.

 

“Getting used to a lot of things, working days again, working in a city like this...”

 

Danny looked at him sharply as they returned to the lab and sat down in the break room. The way they sat had Nick with his back to the door, something he had avoided doing back in Vegas. It hadn’t been that he hadn’t felt safe around his colleagues and yet the feeling of danger had never completely left him. Funny that here in this city, this lab with so many people he didn’t know he felt more secure. Seeing Danny’s look he smiled.

 

“You were on nightshift?”

 

Nick nodded and at the surprised look on the younger man’s face he elaborated a bit.

 

“Vegas is a night city, not too much happening during the day and when I applied for a transfer to Vegas there was an opening on the nightshift... So I applied and got the job.”

 

He smiled fondly remembering the first time he’d met Brass and Grissom, a much younger Grissom not so much by age more by experience, responsibilities... Nick felt his smile fading as other memories rose and he quickly grabbed his coke to hide the shivers that ran through him.

 

“So you were a CSI in Dallas already? Cause Mac told us you were a cop there.”

 

Danny’s face showed nothing but open curiosity and Nick didn’t mind it. It was after all a normal way of getting to know people and once they’d finished talking about him, he’d ask the same questions. He liked Danny, could see them becoming friends easily. Yet as that thought rose another face showed up in his memory and those cold blue eyes, that had captured him before made him shiver now. Nick pushed it away and sighed.

 

“I worked there for two years as a cop and then another two as a CSI. But my whole family is in law enforcement, my mom an attorney, my dad a Supreme Court judge... I just wanted to get away from being ‘young Stokes’ you know. Then my supervisor told me about the offering and I applied, funny thing is that it wasn’t until I got accepted that I realized I would be working with Gil Grissom.”

 

Danny looked at him and there was something in his eyes that Nick couldn’t decipher. But then the other man visibly composed himself and asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

 

“How was it to work for Gil Grissom?”

 

Nick thought of Grissom and smiled brightly.

 

“I loved it... He’s, I don’t know, he’s probably the most unlikely person you’d ever see in law enforcement because you know he’s not a drill sergeant he’s a teacher. He’s a complete scientist and doesn’t believe or trust in anything apart from science and logic... We’ve had so many arguments about this, because every once and then I’d push him into formulating a theory and he’d answer me with this contrite look: ‘We don’t work on theories, Nicky, we work on evidence…”

 

Danny grinned with him, but his face turned serious again as he got them a coffee.

 

“You loved it there, so why did you leave?”

 

He had known that the question would come up and had thought of many ways to evade it or to answer it, but as he looked in Danny’s friendly and somehow confused eyes Nick knew that he couldn’t lie and so he simply waved his hand vaguely.

 

“Stuff happened... too many memories.”

 

He knew that this wasn’t an answer and expected Danny to ask more, but to his surprise the other man just looked at him, nodded easily and poured the rest of his coffee in the sink.

 

“Ready to get back to work?”

 

Nick smiled relieved, but at the same time he knew that he would tell Danny the truth one day and with a sigh he wondered if he could dare to tell the other man the entire truth.

 

He had no idea that Danny was wondering the same in the very same moment.

 

---

 

*Chapter 2*

 

“Don, what do we have?”

 

Mac’s voice was business like and Don reacted to it immediately.

 

“Male victim, stabbed multiple times in the back... his partner found him when he came home from work.”

 

With those words he pointed towards a man in his fifties, dressed like a typical wall street banker an attire that looked out of place with the tears that ran freely over his face, the desperation in his eyes and the shaking of his hands.

 

“Ok, I’ll go inside...”

 

Mac trailed off as his phone rang and then spoke shortly with Stella, before turning back to Don.

 

“Stella needs help, Nick and Danny are on their way over here. Give them your information, they’re going to work this scene.”

 

Don’s eyes turned hard as he heard this comment and without a word he turned away to tell the other cops to wait for the rest of the CSI’s to come and process the scene. Nick and Danny... Since Nick had started four weeks ago, he’d never worked a scene with him, and although he couldn’t prove it, he was certain that Mac had made sure that their paths had never crossed.

 

He hadn’t seen the other man for four weeks, hadn’t spoken to him since that brief introduction and yet he couldn’t forget him.

 

It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried, he even went as far as going to a pick up bar but all the good looking young men had not seemed right, they had been too young, too blond or too perfect. Last night when he had been there he’d finally met someone, had taken the edge of with a quick encounter in the back room, but as the young man had looked up after sucking him off, Don had shivered. Dark eyes had looked at him, it had been dark hair that he’d held onto during his climax and yet he had not seen the man right in front of him, but another man.

 

“Hey Flack, what have you got for us?”

 

Danny’s voice was cheerful and instinctively Don reacted to his friend’s good mood smiling for a moment before going somber again as he repeated what he’d already told Mac.

 

“Did the ME already look at the body?”

 

For a moment Don was frozen as Nick’s slight Texan twang flowed over him like molten honey, then he looked at the other man coldly.

 

“Not yet, he’s there right now.”

 

Nick nodded, stepped back and looked at the apartment building, his eyes scanned the area and for a moment Don was sure that Nick was filming the entire scenery in his mind. He saw Danny looking at him and read the plea in his friend’s eyes.

 

Be nice, please...

 

Danny had spoken about Nick a couple of times when Don and he had been going for drinks, had mentioned things he’d learned from the other CSI or when the older man had stood up for him against Mac. Their conversations often ended with Danny trying to persuade Don to accept Nick as a true member of the team, but he couldn’t. He knew that Danny didn’t understand his resentments against Nick and he couldn’t explain it without revealing more than he wanted.

 

He knew that if Danny would press, he’d find the real reason why he pushed Nick away so much. Danny knew about Don’s preferences, just as Don knew about Danny’s, but he didn’t want his friend to know that he’d fallen for a straight, red-neck Texan...

 

“Who is he?”

 

Nick’s words drew him back to reality and he saw the CSI looking over to the banker, here it comes he thought silently, waiting for the knee jerk reaction as he answered.

 

“The victim’s partner”

 

No comment or answer, instead Nick walked over to still crying man and introduced himself calmly as Nick Stokes from CSI. Don made a step towards the pair, but Danny’s hand on his shoulder held him back.

 

“Watch and learn”

 

He saw the smile in Danny’s eyes and glared at his friend, but couldn’t help watching Nick as he talked to the older man.

 

---

 

“Sir, did you touch the body?”

 

Nick knew that it was a stupid question and yet it was protocol. The expensively dressed man looked at him without any hope in his eyes.

 

“Of course, I... I came inside and he lay there... and there was all his blood and I knew but... I still hoped, you know, still prayed...”

 

He didn’t think as he touched the other man’s shoulder gently and squeezed it in a gesture of comfort, before he let go and grabbed some items from his kit.

 

“No one blames you for this Mr. Milner, it’s a natural reaction believe me. I just asked because I will need to process your clothing and if possible a DNA sample, so that we can match anything we find.”

 

Tom Milner nodded, but Nick saw that he didn’t really understand what Nick said and he smiled sadly, as he put on his gloves and started to pick some fibers from the unmoving man. He was most likely in shock and having some experience with that state, Nick started to talk casually and draw Tom Milner into a conversation while he processed him.

 

“How long were you together?”

 

The older man looked up and met Nick’s eyes with a sad smile, then he removed his ring and handed it to the CSI.

 

“Twenty-five years... we survived the oppression in the early eighties and stayed together, then saw our friends die of AIDS and still managed to stay true and now... now that we could have just enjoyed our lives...”

 

He trailed off and sobs shook his body, Nick stared at the ring in his hand, read the engraving and sighed deeply.

 

‘Forever might not be long enough’

 

“It won’t help you now, but you’ve had twenty five wonderful years with the one you love. Believe me this is a gift.”

 

The older man looked at him and Nick realized that Milner had heard the faint envy in his voice and he smiled sadly as he put his samples in the bags and back into his kit.

 

“Who can I call if I want to hear about the investigation?”

 

Nick hesitated for a second, his eyes flying over to the detective and he shivered slightly. Don Flack was staring at him with an intense look, a look which he couldn’t identify and with a jerk he forced himself back to reality and pointed towards the tall dark haired cop.

 

“Detective Flack is in charge of the investigations, he will keep you informed. Or you can contact me, if you have any questions.”

 

The second wasn’t protocol and certainly wasn’t standard, but he had seen the second of hesitation on Tom Milner’s face as he’d looked at Flack. Cops and gays... Nick knew enough about this topic to understand why Milner might be reluctant to contact Flack and as he saw the grateful smile in the green eyes, he felt better.

 

“Thanks Mr. Stokes”

 

Nick nodded and shook the older man’s hand before he turned and walked towards Danny. He smiled at the younger CSI and tried to ignore the curious look in the other’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what Danny thought right at this moment, but he suddenly realized that his reaction to Milner and the way he’d treated the other man might raise some questions.

 

Shoulders slumping slightly, Nick sighed. Well, if the question would come up, he’d be honest. He had never hidden his sexuality after his involuntary coming out years ago and he wouldn’t start now.

 

“What have you found?”

 

Flack’s voice was cold and yet there was an underlying emotion that Nick couldn’t identify and it irked him but he pushed it aside.

 

“Not much, but we’ll know more once we’ve analyzed everything.”

 

He turned to see what Danny had found, but Flack reached out and stopped him with a hard grasp on his shoulder. Nick tensed for a moment, his body going rigid before he forced himself to relax. Ever since that night, he reacted badly when someone ‘attacked’ him from behind. And even though he knew that Flack was no enemy, he couldn’t shake the reaction.

 

The cop noticed and immediately let go and maybe there was some perverse god laughing at him, but as soon as the contact was broken Nick yearned for it and he inwardly sighed. He wasn’t going to go there, wasn’t going to fall for another straight man, he couldn’t go through that again.

 

“Why did you give him his card? Don’t think I can do my job?”

 

Flack’s voice was muted, but Nick saw the anger in the blue eyes and once again found himself wondering what he’d ever done to deserve this anger. Outwardly though he looked at the cop and shrugged.

 

“It can be hard for gays to ask the police for help.”

 

Flack sneered lightly as his eyes locked with Nick’s. Nick saw a dark kind of humor flash for a moment, before the blue eyes turned cold again.

 

“You would know about that, wouldn’t you?”

 

He tensed then, really tensed because it was one thing for Flack to insult him on a business level, that he could handle, he would however not let himself be insulted by a straight idiot who just happened to have slipped into his fantasies.

 

Yet before he could retaliate in kind, his phone rang and with a last cold glare he moved back a bit and picked up.

 

“Nick, finally, it’s good to hear your voice.”

 

The world seemed to spin around him for a moment as Warrick’s voice floated over him like a soft warm breeze. He struggled for words and finally just mumbled a hi to which Warrick reacted immediately.

 

“Shit, did I catch you out on a scene?”

 

He felt the questioning eyes of both Danny and Flack in his back, when he answered.

 

“Yes you did, hey listen man can I call you back tonight?”

 

Warrick agreed and when he hung up he walked over to get on with his work without acknowledging Danny or Flack. And although he was diligently looking at the evidence and carefully searching the flat, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to all those scenes he’d worked with Warrick.

 

Remembering hurt... and with a sigh he put all thoughts away and yet the sadness lingered on. He missed Warrick, not just the man he’d fallen in love with, but his friend...

 

He had no friends here, because no one knew him. It was what he wanted, what he’d decided after surviving and yet Nick had never thought how lonely it could be.

 

 

---

 

Mac watched Nick work, saw the diligence the younger man took when examining something and smiled at the way he would catalogue everything immediately. His smile though faded as he noticed the tension in the other man’s shoulders. Nick was working himself to the ground and although Mac appreciated the success rate the younger CSI had, he had no intention of losing such a talented young man to a burn out.

 

“Nick, go home”

 

Startled eyes looked up, the darkness even more pronounced against the pale skin and Mac sighed silently.

 

“No one expects you to solve the case in one shift... you are actually allowed to go home and sleep.”

 

For a very short moment sadness and pain crossed over Nick’s face and if Mac had not been such a talented observer, he would have missed it entirely. It struck a cord though in his heart as he recognized the emotion behind the sadness... Loneliness...

 

New York could be a hard city to start over, no one knew that better than Mac himself and maybe Nick had not expected it to be this hard. For a moment Mac was silent, then making a decision, he looked at the younger man.

 

“Feel like grabbing a quick beer?”

 

There was a surprised smile in Nick’s face, before he nodded and started cleaning up.

 

Later sitting in a quieter boot in one of the less frequented pubs around the office, Mac looked at the younger man sitting opposite him.

 

“You don’t seem happy here.”

 

Nick looked up and Mac felt the dark eyes rest on him for a long time, before the other man shrugged and looked at him closely.

 

“Neither do you”

 

It was a statement that few people would have dared to make right to his face and it took him aback for a moment. Then he nodded and acknowledged the truth of what Nick had said.

 

“New York can be a hard city.”

 

A flash of a smile ran over Nick’s face at that statement.

 

“I know, never realized how hard though...”

 

He trailed off and looked into his beer. For a moment they were both silent, then Nick spoke again.

 

“... I was always a people person, but in the last couple of years I’ve just had too much shit happening to me. When I was... when I was there, I told myself that I had to change, had to stop being the victim, stop being so close to people, stop getting so attached all the time and so I moved here.”

 

Silently Mac wondered if Nick realized how he was currently contradicting his own words. Not the comment about the victim, cause Mac certainly didn’t see Nick as a victim, but everything else. Nick’s entire persona was that of someone who drew people in, Stella adored him, Danny saw an older brother in him and even Sheldon came out of his shell when Nick was in the morgue.

 

Not to mention he, Mac himself... When had he had a beer with a work colleague the last time? The memory of drinking a quiet beer with Danny, chatting comfortably enjoying the other man’s company made him swallow hard as hurt rose unexpectedly in him. It was long ago before Tanglewood, before Aiden, before the subway...

 

“But now I’m here and you know it’s crazy... I wanted to be alone and to be more apart from people and now that I am, I just feel so damn lonely.”

 

A small, self-depreciating smile crossed Nick’s face.

 

“I guess I’m not Grissom, although I haven’t resorted to racing cockroaches yet.”

 

Mac had heard of Grissom’s infamous hobby and chuckled lightly.

 

“So what is it for you then?”

 

Meeting Nick’s eyes with a hard stare, one he’d used as a Marine Mac tried to avoid the question. The younger man though wasn’t intimidated at all. Instead he held the look and just returned it evenly until Mac gave in. Silently admitting defeat, Mac realized that he’d just learned something else about Nick Stokes. Behind that charming smile and the soulful eyes was a iron hard will, and somehow it didn’t surprise him. Nick had survived an ordeal few would have survived and that alone should have tipped him off.

 

“I lost my wife four years ago.”

 

For a moment, he stopped almost shocked to realize that four years had already passed. When had that happened? How could it be that the grief still felt this raw?

 

Looking up he met Nick’s compassionate eyes, but the younger man didn’t say anything, just waited for Mac to continue.

 

“She worked in the towers...”

 

Suddenly he understood how Nick had felt that morning in his office, when he had told him about the abduction. Telling something that everyone around him knew was weird, and in a way it was as if the re-telling put the event even further into the past. Taking his beer, Mac took a large gulp and looked up to meet Nick’s eyes again.

 

“You still mourn her.”

 

Quiet, calm voice, soothing friendly eyes... Nick wasn’t the first person to say this and yet something in his manners made Mac’s throat close and he had to swallow hard before he could answer.

 

“Every day”

 

And yet even as he said it, he knew that it was only part of the truth. He missed Claire, missed her terribly and yet sometimes looking at Danny and seeing the pale skin, the dark rings around his eyes was more painful than the memory of her.

 

“Who do you miss?”

 

Surprised, almost shocked Mac looked up. Had Nick read his thoughts?

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Absently Nick played with his ring, before he answered slowly.

 

“In the beginning I mourned for my love, I mourned for the one I loved and lost... Then after a while, I didn’t mourn for my lover anymore, I even fell in love again. But I will never stop missing my friend.”

 

Mac didn’t know what to answer, couldn’t speak and so instead he finished his beer. They left shortly after and as they split at the cars, Nick looked at him carefully.

 

“Sorry if I’ve said something out of line...”

 

He could see that Nick felt bad and instinctively he put a hand on the younger man’s shoulder.

 

“Don’t worry... You didn’t.”

 

Mac drove home without the music on and in his head Nick’s words were repeated again and again. He knew that Nick was right, but where did that leave him?

 

More important even, where did that leave him and Danny?

 

---

 

*Chapter 3*

 

“You know sometimes I hate my job.”

 

Danny saw Nick nod slowly as they watched the kid being led away. They had found their killer, a fifteen year old boy who’d tried to prove he was a man. That the initiation into the gang had ended in a murder instead of a break in, had not concerned him too much instead he’d seemed almost proud of it.

 

“He’ll get out and be a hero in the streets.”

 

Nick’s voice was tired and Danny looked at his colleague. There was a knowledge in the dark eyes that spoke of too many dead bodies and too many grieving friends and relatives. It was their job and yet Danny realized that Nick still had preserved enough humanity to still let himself get involved. And as if on cue, he saw Tom Milner walk into the office. Nick saw him too and took a deep breath. Danny could see how he was visibly steeling himself, before he walked over and carefully greeted the older man.

 

Standing back a bit, he watched as Nick talked to their victim’s partner, but soon enough his thoughts strayed and he sat down. Mac had paired him with Nick in their last three cases and he’d enjoyed working with the older man. Nick was easy to work with, and although he was theoretically his senior, they worked as a team. On the other hand, he could learn a lot from Nick and the easy bantering between them had made him look forward to work for the first time in a long time.

 

Sadly he shook his head, he wondered when his dream job had turned into nightmare and why he’d ever thought of escaping his name.

 

“Danny? Are you ok?”

 

Nick’s voice was concerned and he saw the same concern in the dark eyes. For a moment Danny wanted to brush him off, but right then Nick’s phone rang. Quickly he looked at it and tensed. Danny saw the moment of pain in his eyes before he pressed the reject button. It was then that he realized that Nick probably had just as many secrets as he had.

 

“Do you want to grab a bite later?”

 

The change in Nick was apparent, he smiled and nodded.

 

“Love to or even better, why don’t you come over for a round of games?”

 

He hesitated for a moment, then suddenly said.

 

“Going out with you won’t be as awkward as going for a drink with Mac.”

 

Something froze and broke in Danny at those words and he felt jealousy wake in him. And yet at the same time he understood Mac perfectly. Nick was everything someone like Mac would want, intelligent, upstanding, capable and of course not laden with a family like his.

 

“Drinks with Mac? Consider yourself honored, he’s not known for going for drinks.”

 

Nick stopped for a moment and stared at Danny. Then without another word he changed direction and walked towards the break room. Danny followed him but at the same time he wondered why. Once in the empty room, Nick turned around and looked straight at him.

 

“Danny, I’m... “

 

He blushed a bit, before he looked determined again.

 

“Look, I know you care for him... and really I don’t want to...

 

Again he stumbled over his words and if Danny had not been so surprised about Nick’s comment, he might have found the scene funny. As it was though, he was torn between horror and surprise. Nick had known about his preferences, he’d told him pretty much on the first case in order to avoid any weirdness, but they’d never talked about Mac... Looking at Nick again, he cursed silently. Damn this guy was good.

 

“I’m not interested in Mac and he is not interested in me ok... He’s just definitely not my type...”

 

Staring at his friend... his friend? For a moment he paused and considered it, before he nodded and smiled happily. Yeah, Nick was his friend. Danny had to smile as the non-nonsense mask faltered and Nick blushed. For a moment they stared at each other, before without warning Danny started to chuckle first, Nick joined and soon they were howling with laughter.

 

---

 

Don watched Danny and Nick leave the break room laughing. Standing a bit in the shade as he was, they did not see him as they walked passed and stopped to wait for the elevator. The way he stood, he could see Nick’s face and his breath caught for a second as he saw the other man laughing carefree and happy. He’d never seen him like this and that thought made him pause for a second. Six weeks on the job and no real smile...

 

“I did not.”

 

Nick’s protest was half hearted and Danny immediately caught on. Grinning at the older man, he responded chuckling.

 

“Of course you did. I tell you, you did sound like a soap opera.”

 

For a moment there was silence, then Danny yelped and Don saw that he rubbed his arm where Nick had well naturedly punched him. They both looked so young... He froze as a wave of protectiveness flooded him. It was ok to lust after Stokes, but this... no, he didn’t want this... protectiveness led to emotions and emotions led to... nothing, they would lead to nothing. And with an angry swallow Don pushed all those feelings away.

 

“Now how would you know, how a soap opera sounds like?”

 

Good comeback... Don smiled fondly at Nick’s comment and waited for Danny’s reaction, yet before he could say anything. Nick’s phone rang and with a court ‘Stokes’ the older CSI answered. When he hang up, they had a new case and Don knew that their bantering was over. Yet right before the elevator closed behind the two men, he heard Danny say.

 

“This is not over Nick, I’ll get back at you tonight!”

 

For a long time Don just stood there watching the closed doors. Danny and Nick were going out tonight. And no matter how stern he told his heart that it was not his business whom Nick was seeing after work, because he did not like Nick, he couldn’t silence the voice that kept on telling him that it did matter.

 

Because it hurt that it wasn’t him.

 

---

 

“Grissom, hey how are you?”

 

Nick would have never thought that he’d develop a real friendship with his former supervisor, but since he had moved to New York, exactly that had happened. They talked on the phone at least once a week, using each other as sounding boards for cases or just discussed things they had read in the forensic journal.

 

Today though was different and Nick felt nervous as he prepared to ask Grissom a favor. Never mind that the older man had told him to do so multiple times, it still felt weird to do so. Yet it was important and so he worked up the courage and after a couple of minutes chit-chat, he tentatively asked.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Grissom’s immediate answer made him smile fondly, whenever he talked to the other man, he missed Vegas, missed working with him. Hearing Grissom’s voice and just talking to him made him tune out all that had gone wrong and at the same time focus more on the good parts.

 

“If I want to learn more about insects, which book or what would I need?”

 

He heard the surprise in Grissom’s silence and before Gil could say anything, Nick already felt as if he had to justify his question.

 

“I just want to get over this fear, you know? And I thought, that... well you know that reading about them, learning more about them, understanding everything would help.”

 

Again there was silence on the other side, then Grissom finally spoke. He told him several books and journals and while he spoke his voice was hoarse almost as if speaking was hurting him and with a shiver Nick realized that Gil still was just as affected as he, Nick was. Their talk was a bit strained afterwards and they finally said good bye, yet before he could hang up, Grissom suddenly said something that simply floored Nick.

 

“You are an exceptionally strong person Nicky... I don’t think I ever told you that, but I never met anyone stronger than you are. I’m glad we keep in contact... I would miss you if not.”

 

The click right after the ‘not’ made Nick smile a bit and shaking his head he sat down on his couch contemplating the fact that Grissom was definitely much better with people if he didn’t have to deal with them face to face.

 

He just wondered what a psychologist would make from this.”

 

---

 

At first Mac had been glad that Nick and Danny got along so well, it would make the transition easier and with Flack’s attitude still being so off, he was relieved that the new member of his team had someone close.

 

But it was one thing to have them get along on the job and listen to their banter and something completely different seeing them going out or listening to them making appointments to meet after work at Nick’s place. Mac knew that Nick had found an apartment in Queens, the same borough where Danny lived too.

 

And no he wasn’t jealous, he surely wasn’t jealous.

 

Once again Nick’s words from the night three days ago rang through his memory.

 

In the beginning I mourned for my love, I mourned for the one I loved and lost... Then after a while, I didn’t mourn for my lover anymore, I even fell in love again. But I will never stop missing my friend.

 

Had it been Danny Nick had been talking about?

 

And yet at the same time he shook his head, there was no indication that Nick might prefer men and even if...

 

“You wanted to talk to me?”

 

Danny stood in the door looking at him with the same slightly cold expression he carefully wore whenever he spoke with Mac. The fact that the younger man obviously felt as if he had to protect himself from Mac, hurt the supervisor but he pushed the thought down as fast as it had come up. He had indeed wanted to talk to Danny, but with his emotions and thoughts in turmoil he needed more time to figure himself out, to calm down.

 

“Can we move it to tomorrow?”

 

For a second he was sure to have seen disappointment in the younger man’s eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had come up and Danny shrugged.

 

“Sure, see you then.”

 

Nodding good bye Mac waited for Danny to leave before he got up and closed the door and the blinds. Finally alone with his thoughts he tried to bring order into the chaotic mess in his heart.

 

---

 

“Damn it!”

 

While Nick cursed, Danny howled with triumph as he won the deciding seventh game of their playoff series... Standing up he balled on hand to a fist.

 

“And the New York Rangers win the Stanley Cup.”

 

“Dream on”

 

He grinned at Nick’s muttering while the other man reset the game and glared at his Dallas Star team.

 

“This is the best example of how a game can distort reality... You’re now really gonna think, your rangers have a chance.”

 

The door bell rang and grabbing the money, Nick went over to pay for the pizza they had ordered. Danny watched him leave and leaned back in the comfortable couch. Nick’s flat wasn’t much larger than his but he had somehow managed to turn it into a real home, something that Danny hadn’t been able to do with his hole.

 

He got up and looked at the pictures that hung on the wall. They were unsigned and with a start, Danny realized that Nick had taken them. The black and white photographs were arty, showing a storm in the desert or a sunset over a lake. It was the last one though that caught him and he looked at it closer.

 

It wasn’t a picture that Nick had taken as he was in it too. A group of seven people stood around a lab table and it wasn’t hard to guess who they were. CSI Las Vegas, Nick’s former team... Leaning in a bit more, Danny looked at the picture recognizing Gil Grissom immediately. It wasn’t the supervisor thought who caught his attention, it was the dark skinned, tall good looking man, who stood next to Nick one hand on his shoulder in a casual and yet intimate gesture.

 

“Hey, you’re already bored?”

 

Nick had walked up next to him and Danny saw the moment of memories as he looked at the picture.

 

“My former team”

 

There was something in his voice that didn’t seem right, but unlike before Danny didn’t let it go.

 

“You miss him?”

 

It had been a shot in the dark, but as Nick tensed next to him and looked at him with a suddenly scared look in his eyes, Danny understood that he’d hit the bull’s eye.

 

“I left because of him”

 

He had his back turned towards Danny and stared out of the window over to Manhattan. Danny could feel Nick’s pain almost tangible in the room as a shiver went through the slender body and he continued to speak.

 

“He got married a couple months ago.”

 

Such a simple sentence, so many emotions behind it and Danny knew better than most how it felt to be in love with someone who didn’t love one back.

 

“I’m sorry Nick, I shouldn’t have asked.”

 

Nick straightened and turned around with a smile, a small smile but still a smile. Danny watched him as he sat down with easy, comfortable movements and for a second envied Nick for being so comfortable with whom he was. He sat down less easy and suddenly felt Nick’s eyes on him.

 

“It’s ok Danny... I haven’t told anyone so far... I’m not exactly used to be out”

 

He shrugged lightly, but Danny caught the glimmer of pain in the dark eyes.

 

“... the youngest son of a Texan judge isn’t gay you know...”

 

In a way it was almost funny and with a hard chuckle Danny agreed.

 

“Yeah, neither is the youngest son of a NY mob boss.”

 

He looked closely at Nick after that comment and saw that his friend wasn’t surprised or shocked, instead he saw relief appear in the chocolate eyes.

 

“You knew?”

 

With a shrug Nick nodded before he grabbed a slice of pizza and looked at Danny again.

 

“Some cops told me about it on the second day... Took me aside on a scene and told me they just wanted to give me a piece of advice, since I was from Vegas and probably hadn’t heard about the Messer family.”

 

Oh yes, Danny could easily imagine how they would have told Nick and what. It hurt, but at the same time the distrust from other people was something he was almost used to now. It couldn’t hurt him anymore, what hurt though was when those that knew him stopped trusting him, those that should know the real him, those he cared for... Mac...

 

“You didn’t tell me.”

 

This time Nick looked up and caught him in his gaze. Danny saw the sincerity there and the open friendship as the other man answered.

 

“I forgot about it while on the scene and later after I got to know you, it didn’t matter anymore.”

 

It was so simple, Danny thought. Such a simple and easy reaction and what would he have given if Mac had told him something like that back when he’d been accused of shooting that cop or even earlier when Sonny had talked about him being a Tanglewood boy.

 

“Danny, what is wrong?”

 

Nick’s eyes were on him and the concern in his voice made Danny want to cry out. He felt raw and knew that his pain was showing in his eyes as he looked up and met Nick’s gaze.

 

“You didn’t know me; you heard their side and still didn’t judge me... You got to know me and now you’re here and telling me that you trust me.”

 

He hated it how his voice broke, but Nick didn’t say anything just waited until Danny spoke again or more accurately whispered.

 

“I wished Mac had shown this kind of trust in me.”

 

Nick’s reaction was unlike anything he’d imagined. Danny watched in surprise as the other man got up and sat down next to him. Slowly he felt one hand on his shoulder, the same way as he’d seen Nick doing it with relatives of victims, but unlike with the strangers Nick didn’t stop and slowly drew him into his arms holding him close and tight. The simple care and friendship in this gesture made him tremble with suppressed emotions. When had it been the last time, someone had just held him like this? Danny didn’t know.

 

“Relax Danny, just let go of all this hurt.”

 

Again simple words and again they managed to break through his defenses and clinging to Nick he finally let go off all the frustration and hurt that he had felt in the last couple of months. Nick didn’t say anything and as he slowly calmed down Danny felt safe, felt strong arms around him, his head resting against the warm shirt, heart beating calmly against his cheek and hands slowly moving over his back.

 

He wondered if he should feel embarrassed at breaking down like this, but as he withdrew a bit he saw that Nick’s eyes were swimming too and somehow that helped.

 

“Thanks”

 

Nick smiled a moment, then a shadow moved over his face and he looked away. Danny felt as if he could see Nick steeling himself and anxiety rose in him.

 

“What is wrong?”

 

The other man stared in his glass for a moment before he took a deep breath.

 

“I didn’t leave Vegas just because of Warrick.”

 

Danny waited but somehow he felt that Nick was looking for an opening and tentatively reaching out he touched Nick’s shoulder and met the tired eyes. It seemed enough because Nick slowly started to speak again.

 

“I was abducted on a scene... they guy who took me wanted to get revenge at the CSIs for putting his daughter behind bars... it wasn’t about the money, he simply wanted us to suffer...”

 

The words rang a bell and Danny remembered to have read something a while ago, but as Nick shivered he forgot about any news articles and focused on his friend again.

 

“I woke up and was buried underground... He had left me a tape with a note and...”

 

Nick swallowed hard while Danny tried to understand what he heard. Rationally he did but it hurt to make a connection between the man sitting next to him and what he told him.

 

“... a gun.”

 

Danny felt Nick look at him again and saw the memory of the horror, he’d experienced in those expressive eyes. Instinctively he grabbed Nick’s hands and looked at them suddenly seeing the faint, very faint scars and Nick nodded slowly.

 

“Fire ants... He had a fan in the box that transported air into the casket, but at the same time there was a light and everytime the light went on, the fan got turned off...”

 

He was tense now and almost felt as if he was living this hell with Nick. Shivering he sent a glance towards the picture with the Vegas team. How had it been for them? He tried to imagine what would happen if Stella or Aiden had been in such a situation. Nick’s word though cut his thoughts off.

 

“... I didn’t know then but the light was to enable them to see me. The bastard had a life feed from my box to the web... I shot the light, but through the crack in the casket the ants got in...”

 

Danny could see how a shiver of fear ran through Nick at the memory of those dangerous insects and slowly almost afraid to disturb him, he asked.

 

“How did they find you?”

 

Nick laughed once, a short and almost disbelieving laughter then he looked at Danny with something like incredulity in his eyes.

 

“The ants... Grissom recognized them and they found me.”

 

Danny would have bet anything in his life that it hadn’t been this easy and that Nick had suffered almost endlessly until the others had come to his rescue. Quietly he looked at the man next to him, he had admired Nick before for his intelligence, his way with people, but now, knowing more of his past he realized that he’d never seen the strength in his friend.

 

“Why did you leave then?”

 

Playing with his glass, Nick shrugged.

 

“Everyone knew who I was, what had happened you know... The entire lab and police force had been searching for me and I just... I couldn’t escape the memories. And then one night, Warrick was wearing a ring and then I knew that I had to go.”

 

“Were you together?”

 

Nick laughed surprised and shook his head.

 

“No, we were best friends. I knew that for me it was more, but never really had the courage to change something. Then in that box, I promised myself to tell him and he figured out how short life was while watching me struggle for air... So he got married.”

 

He sounded matter of fact and Danny shivered at the detached way in which Nick talked about his ordeal and yet his eyes showed the truth as they were still shadowed with fear and terror, still filled with pain and suddenly Danny wanted to take this pain away.

 

Nick deserved to be happy and...

 

His mobile beeped as if on cue and as he looked at the text from Flack he grinned.

 

Fate, he decided, it was fate. Cause Nick wasn’t the only one who deserved to be happy. Flack deserved it too.

 

---