The concept and the people in the story are fictional and the property of several production companies. I only borrow them and return them unharmed and unmarked. No money is made of the story and no infringement is meant.

 

Even better than the real thing

 

By Valerie

 

*Prologue*

 

"She loved him, so I killed him."

 

Despite the years he'd spent uncovering the darkest side of humanity, the complete calm and composure of the man he'd just arrested still chilled Gil Grissom down to the bone.

 

"You killed him, so he couldn't have her."

 

Brass' comment didn't hold any emotion; the captain had long ago learned to wear a mask of indifference around suspects.

 

"No, you don't understand... I killed him, so she would suffer."

 

The dark haired man turned around and his eyes fixed Grissom.

 

"You understand, don't you Mr. Grissom? You understand that to see the one you hate suffer from losing a beloved is even better than the real thing."

 

----

 

*Chapter 1*

 

The phone rang exactly 32 minutes after his shift started.

 

"Gil? Jim here, we've got a DB at the Bellagio..." Uncharacteristically Jim's voice wavered a bit. "... you might want to take Sarah, Warrick or Catherine with you."

 

Jim had practically order to leave Nick out of this case. Gil felt the hairs in his neck stand up at the implications behind that short statement, remembering how he had felt when Nick had come to him after Kristy Hopkins had been killed. Anxiety rose and could not be pushed down, but he took a couple of breaths and forced his usual mask in place as he called for his team.

 

"Catherine, Nick you have a missing person reported, check with O'Reilly and have a look around. Warrick, you're with me, we have a DB at the Bellagio. Sarah you are still busy with John Doe aren't you?"

 

When the younger woman nodded he smiled at her and turned around with Warrick following him. On the drive over to the hotel, he wondered whether he should tell Warrick about Brass' comment, in the end though, he decided to let it pass.

 

The music was audible as soon as they got out of the elevator and became louder the closer they got to the yellow tape. Brass waited for them outside the room, his face unusually drawn and pale.

 

"What's with the music?"

 

He had to raise his voice to be heard over the distinctive voice of a male singer and the background of guitars and drums. Brass shrugged his shoulder.

 

"The music was on like this, the CD stuck on repeat. I told them not to move anything, just felt like there might be a reason for it."

 

"Well, at least our killer has a good taste."

 

Warrick's comment would have normally drawn a chuckle from Brass, but today he just shivered slightly as he nodded and clarified for Gil.

 

"U2, Irish rock band"

 

The song stopped and with a small sound the laser went back to the beginning and the guitars started again. Gil moved towards the room, when Brass stopped him again. For a moment it seemed as if he wanted to say something more, but when Gil looked at him quizzically he just shook his head and made room for the two CSI.

 

"Everyone out of the room please"

 

The first thing Warrick did, was walking over to turn off the music and the sudden silence in the room seemed even more pronounced after the blaring loudness from before. For a moment Gil took in the atmosphere in the room, almost as if he wanted the silent walls to tell him what had happened. It didn't look as if a crime had happened in the elaborately decorated room, the light was dim, there were candles lit and strewn on the coffee table, a bottle of champagne sat in a cooler, and two glasses on the tray next to it. All in all, it presented a picture of romance, a room set up for an intimate rendezvous of two people in love. Gil tried to imagine the scene that had happened, when he heard Warrick's gasp. Turning around he saw his colleague standing next to the bed looking at the body with a shock and horror that Gil had never seen.

 

Steeling himself against a sight that would put such an expression on the face of a CSI who had seen some of the worst things man could do, he walked towards the bed and stopped as if he had run into a wall. For a moment, he just stood there unable to done the aloof mask he usually wore around a crime scene. All he could see was the dead body and for the first time in his life Gil Grissom wanted to be run away from a victim.

 

The young man had obviously been asleep when his killer had shot him four times, once in the head, once in the chest and twice in the belly. The lack of blood from the chest and stomach wounds indicated that the head shot had been the first. Their victim hadn't died in a cruelly painful way and yet seeing the dead body lying on the white blankets disturbed Gil deeply. For a moment he just stared at the man taking in the dark hair, the tanned skin made even darker by the white satin sheets he lay on. He wore black silk briefs and nothing else, his body strong and athletic, slim and yet muscular. The hair was short, dark and looked silky.

 

Their vic had been a beautiful man but it wasn't the dead man's beauty that had painted the horror on Warrick's face, that made Gil's legs tremble, that had made Brass instruct him to leave Nick out of this case.

 

"Oh my god"

 

"My thoughts exactly when I walked in here. The first thing I checked was his ID, but looks as if he's not related to Nick."

 

Jim's comment was matter of fact, but the voice in which he said it wasn't and his eyes were fixed on Gil as if trying to calm him down.

 

"Who is he?"

 

"Frank Lalive, German, here for holidays... according to the management he's checked in three days ago. The sheriff is going to love having a case with a European tourist getting shot in one of the most exclusive hotels here."

 

"Dammit, he just looks so much like him."

 

Warrick stared at the body of the dead man, a man who was a stranger with the face and the body of his best friend.

 

"If I hadn't seen Nick this morning..."

 

Instinct almost won out then as Gil reached for his cell phone and dialled Nick's number, but reason kicked in as he heard the third dial tone and he turned his phone off.

 

"Ok, let's look around for any evidence, where did the shooter stand, how did he get into the room? Any fingerprints, anything interesting, bag it and bring it in."

 

He heard himself talking, heard his voice strong and calm as usual, but it felt as if he was standing next to his body watching himself acting normal, while a part of him wanted to run out of the room and to where Nick and Catherine were. The animal in him wanted to run and hide or if he was completely honest... wanted to run and hold Nick, hold him close to his body making sure that the younger man was safe and alive.

 

"Grissom?"

 

Warrick's voice brought him back to reality as the younger man called him over. Quickly forcing any thoughts about Nick away he strolled over and kneeled next to his colleague. It was time to perform his job and forget about anything else.

 

Later that night though as he strolled into the morgue he felt that urge rise once again as he saw the now naked man lie on the table under the harsh light. Al was bending over the victim and shook his head as he saw Gris walk in.

 

"I had to sit down when I saw him. First thought really was that it was Nick."

 

Gil didn't answer, didn't want to discuss the eerie similarities in look and as he knew by now, age, weight and height.

 

"He was asleep, probably didn't even wake up before he died... So why shoot him three times?"

 

Al shot him a knowing look at that question and nodded gravely.

 

"You're right, he was asleep when he was shot, but he wasn't asleep because he was tired... The Lab found sedatives in his blood and in his stomach content..."

 

It took Gil only a moment to process this, and then he shook his head. Warrick who'd come in to stand next to his boss, voiced his concerns loud.

 

"It doesn't make sense, the suite was lit and decorated like a set up for a date, and he was wearing fine underwear... so why take a sleeping pill?"

 

Al smiled a bit at the typical rambling from the dark-skinned CSI, then shook his head.

 

"Hey, that's not my job to figure out.

 

The two CSI walked back slowly, when Warrick suddenly stopped and looked at Grissom.

 

"Are you going to tell Nick?"

 

For a moment Gil didn't know what to say and shrugged almost helpless.

 

"I don't know."

 

----

 

Catherine and Nick were laughing loud when they walked into the lab; Sara just shook her head and joined them towards the break room. By the time they arrived there, she was laughing too, her eyes sparkling with joy, something that was rare and looked good on her. The difference between the three laughing friends and the two men already sitting at the table was stark and sobered the new arrivals immediately.

 

"Gris, Warrick, you ok?"

 

It was an easy enough question, one that Nick didn't expect anything but a short 'fine' as an answer and so the real answer stunned him completely. Warrick jumped up and hugged him close for a second, where as Grissom just stared at him with an emotion in his eyes that Nick couldn't place.

 

"Wow, wow, what's going on here?"

 

Warrick calmed down immediately and clenching the coffee cup in his hand he sat back in the chair looking at Gris expectantly. When the older man didn't reply he sighed and finally just as the silence became almost unbearable, he spoke.

 

"Our vic was the spitting image of you and I really mean the spitting image. I... „for a second, Warrick's voice trembled and he swallowed hard" ... when I walked in there for a moment I really thought it was you."

 

Nick swallowed hard at the remembered pain in Warrick's words, but it was Gil that shocked the younger CSI most. Gil, whose eyes were fixed on him, while he seemed to take in every angle of his face, every crease in his clothes. Their eyes met and for a moment Nick had the feeling to drown in the blue gaze. It didn't last longer than a couple of seconds but for the younger man the world seemed to stop for a moment. Swallowing he forced himself to turn away, tear his eyes from the captivating gaze of the other man and then faced Warrick.

 

"Hey, I'm here, I'm alive... There's nothing to worry!"

 

The lightly spoken words had no effect on the two men and slowly the realization sank into all their minds that the resemblance must have been incredibly strong. An awkward moment of silence descended on the team until Nick again looked at the two men and trying to divert the attention away from him started to tell them about his and Catherine's case.

 

"You know Gris, next time you send us to locate some missing person, just make sure what 'person' we really are looking for..."

 

Smiling at the memory of what they had found at their 'crime scene' he turned to Grissom only to find the other man's eyes still on him. It almost seemed as if the older man could not tear his eyes away from Nick, as if he was afraid that if he lost sight of him for just one moment, Nick would be gone. The blue eyes so intense felt like a tangible caress and Nick fought the urge to squirm. He simultaneously loved and hated to be the focus of Gil's intensive gaze. Loved it because it gave him memories to draw on when he was alone in his bed longing for the other man and yet at the same time hated it because it wasn't him that was in this focus, but the case.

 

He could still hear the calm way Gil had dismissed him after the Crane case. Nothing personal, just the image that he represented... It had hurt then and still hurt now. But unlike that day, he was strong now and so he turned his back to the older man as he started to retell what Catherine and he had found when they'd arrived at the 'crime' scene.

 

"... and just when we were asking for 'Mimi's' bedroom, the old lady starts talking about what a good breed Mimi was and how 'she' loved lying in the sun..."

 

Nick grinned as he remembered the slow realization that had dawned on him and obviously Catherine that Mimi wasn't a missing daughter or friend. No, Mimi was...

 

"... a cat! Can you believe it?"

 

Warrick managed to laugh and although it sounded a bit strained, his eyes were sparkling again cause Nick's antiques brought the fact that he was alive home in a way nothing else had so far.

 

"Break's over, Warrick let's go back and process what we have. Brass was certainly correct; the sheriff is not going to like having a dead tourist in his city."

 

"Yeah, he's going to be a pain in everyone's ass..."

 

The two men walked out, just as Grissom's phone rang again, a quick check on the display had him handing it to Catherine.

 

"Your case"

 

She smiled lightly at him as she answered with a friendly.

 

"O'Reilly, what's up?"

 

---

 

*Chapter 2*

 

By the time Nick and Catherine arrived at the crime scene, the press had already arrived. Fortunately though, they didn't take much notice of the two forensic specialists as they walked over to the fancy apartment building.

 

"We've got a male victim, shot three times, head, chest, stomach... "

 

The officer at the door told Catherine as she walked in and gave her a fond smile but his words trailed off in shock as he saw Nick walking in.

 

“Shit”

For a second, Nick faltered but smiled outwardly while he steeled himself for what they would find at the crime scene. There was a small voice in his mind that told him that he would not like it and he remembered what Grissom and Warrick had told him.

 

'he just looked like you'

 

The first thing they noticed though, before they even saw the body was the music playing at full volume in the background and the song made Catherine smile for a moment.

 

"God, that song reminds me of my youth"

 

Nick glanced at her amused and shook his head.

 

"Hey, you're not that old, even I remember that song."

 

They both smiled at each other and turned towards their victim. Nick heard Catherine's gasp but he couldn't do anything but stare at the man lying on the bed in his boxers. His throat suddenly dry he swallowed heavily and shivered.

 

"I'll call Grissom"

 

He noticed that his voice sounded strange, but didn't know how to react. Nothing, no school and no experience could have prepared him to see himself lying dead on a bed. Not himself, he corrected his thoughts silently, but someone who looked like himself... A shiver ran through his body, the dead man's broken eyes seemed to stare directly at him as if the victim wanted to tell him something.

 

"Victor Monfrey, 35, worked as a clerk at a local accounting company. Landlord says he was a quiet and easy person, never had any issues with him."

 

O'Reilly trailed off, as his gaze trailed back and forth between Nick and the victim.

 

"Holy shit!"

 

"This is the second dead man we found today. Both shot, first one four times, this one three times, both look exactly the same and both..." Catherine swallowed hard and forced herself to finish "... both are the spitting image of Nick."

 

Silence fell over the room at her last words as they seemed to hang in the air, but almost as if on cue the sound of guitars and a distinctive voice filled the place again with noise. The silence was banished, the tension stayed.

 

"How many times is this song on the CD?"

 

Nick walked over to the stereo and checked the player. It was stuck on 'Repeat'.

 

"Catherine, can you hand me the fingerprint kit? I think the song was put on repeat on purpose. Maybe, the killer left something more than just a song for us."

 

Handing her colleague the kit, Catherine watched for a second as he started to dust the high priced stereo and then turned around to start her own search.

 

"Fuck, not again!"

 

Warrick's exclamation announced the other three CSIs just as they walked into the room. Nick looked up and their eyes met for a second. He saw the minute relief in Warrick's dark eyes before the other man turned towards the victim.

 

"Nick, what are you doing over there at the stereo?"

 

Grissom's voice was cold, emotionless and it made Nick shiver. Had he just imagined the concern in the supervisor's eyes earlier in the break room? Had it indeed been the case and not the fact that the vic had looked like Nick?

 

"There was a song on repeat, so I thought maybe there are fingerprints?"

 

Warrick turned around as if he'd been hit.

 

"What song?"

 

Catherine stared at her lanky colleague but the realization could be seen on her face.

 

"Some U2 song, can't remember which one though"

 

"Even better than the real thing"

 

"What?"

 

Grissom's shout scared everyone and as one they all turned towards him. The grey haired man on the other hand focused on Nick.

 

"Nick are you sure it was that song?"

 

Confused at the underlying desperation in Grissom's voice Nick nodded. Yeah, he was sure.

 

"Can you play it again?"

 

Shrugging Nick pressed a button and immediately the hard guitar riffs sounded through the room. Closing his eyes for a second, Grissom nodded.

 

"Ok, secure the place, process the things we have... I need to go back and talk to Brass; I think I know who it might be..."

 

----

 

'And I know what he is doing'

 

Gil felt as if his heart was tied up, could barely breathe and had to force himself not to shake. He couldn't break down, not now, not when he had a killer on the loose. A killer with no mercy, someone who killed without emotions... but that wasn't what scared Gil.

 

This was a killer who had an agenda...

 

And like going back in time, Gil saw himself standing next to Brass watching Simon Lower as the Captain questioned the suspect.

 

"You killed him, so he couldn't have her."

 

Brass had been so cool at least outwardly and Gil had silently complimented the other man.

 

"No, you don't understand... I killed him, so she would suffer."

 

Cold, hard eyes had fixed him, looked at him as if they could read him like a book. Gil had had to force himself not to look away and he had been disturbed by the knowing smile the other showed.

 

"You understand, don't you Mr. Grissom? You understand that to see the one you hate suffer from losing a beloved is even better than the real thing."

 

And now, three years later they found two men killed. Two men who looked like Nick, a man he cared so much... and with a silent head shake, Gil corrected himself. Nick was more than a man he cared about; Nick was the one he loved. A lump formed in his throat, as he remembered how Nick and he had worked together when they had searched the suspect's flat.

 

"Grissom, have a look at this, what do you think?"

 

Nick had held up something and right at that moment, the sun had broken through and Nick had stood there, bathed in light almost glowing. His breath had caught then and even now when he thought back to it, he remembered how beautiful the other man had been, how he had fallen in love all over again. He'd walked over and kneeled down next to Nick, closer than necessary as he had inspected the tiny fleck of blood.

 

"If you tell me what you're looking for, I might be able to help."

 

Lower's voice had been emotionless, but looking back Gil remembered how the black eyes had glittered with something like triumph. Had the killer seen the love in his eyes? Was this the reason... but before he allowed himself to think any further, he whispered the mantra he taught his team constantly.

 

"Don't look for the why, look for the how"

 

As soon as he arrived at the lab, he started off with the reconstruction of the scene, slowly but surely recreating where the shooter had stood when Greg walked over. He held a paper in his hand and waved.

 

"Got something for you, Grissom"

 

His face showed the muted excitement, he always expressed when talking with Gil, but the news he had were not uplifting.

 

"I checked the DNA samples Warrick found, one’s the victims the others showed no match, and my guess is they are hotel guests. I want to do some more tests with one, something..." Greg trailed off, knowing that theories without evidence weren't something Grissom wanted to hear.

 

"Ok, run it against all possible databases, we need to get a lead on him before..."

 

Now it was Gil how stopped mid-sentence, because suddenly he understood. Not caring about Greg anymore, he grabbed his phone and called Catherine.

 

"Catherine, get Nick and the others and come back immediately. I don't want anyone around there anymore and Catherine? Make sure you never leave Nick out of your sight."

 

He didn't wait for her answer, but left his office and almost ran into Brass as the captain just walked in.

 

"Gil we need to talk."

 

But as soon as he'd said these words, Brass knew that Gil had figured everything out himself.

 

"Even better than the real thing"

 

There was such despair in these five words that Jim immediately closed the office door and sat down in front of his friend.

 

"Gil, you have to tell him the truth or you put him in grave danger."

 

The older CSI looked up and Brass nearly shrank back from the pain in the blue eyes.

 

"He already is. Did you hear of the last victim? He was shot three times, not four."

 

Brass paled at the implication.

 

"So he's killing them like in a countdown. Two more vics and then..." He couldn't say it.

 

Gil's voice shook as he finished the sentence.

 

"Nick"

 

---

 

*Chapter 3*

 

The nightshift had gathered around the meeting table. Laying out what little evidence they had gathered so far, the five men and women studied the scraps and pictures. Sarah had been called to the case and the shock was still in her dark eyes as they darted between Nick and the pictures.

 

"We have a suspect and we have a problem."

 

Nick forced himself not to look at Grissom, afraid of what he would see on the other man's face. He knew that right at the moment he couldn't deal with Gil's scorn. Seeing his dead look-a-like had shocked him more than he let on, but somehow he realized that if he showed his fear, the team would break down.

 

"Who is our suspect?"

 

Grissom shifted in his seat, a gesture so unlike him that it surprised everyone. Then he looked straight at Nick.

 

"Do you remember the Lower case?"

 

Nick thought for a second and then remembered the murder they had investigated a while back. A man had killed his girlfriend’s lover, shot him to death after beating and abusing him for hours. A frown came over his face, Lower, yes Simon Lower that had been his name. He was in prison now, waiting for his trial and with the evidence they had collected the conviction wasn't really in question.

 

"Yeah, why?"

 

"When Brass and I went to arrest him, he confessed. Later he withdrew the confession and that's why we had to go back to the case. But that first night he told me something..."

 

Grissom had a faraway look in his eyes, his mind obviously in the past but then he shook his head as if clearing the memories and looked down at the table. Then addressing his team again he continued.

 

"He told me that he had killed him so that she couldn't have him. Had killed him because watching someone suffer the loss of someone they care for is..."

 

Nick saw the glance that Brass sent Gris, but didn't pay much attention as he braced for the words he suddenly knew would come.

 

"... even better than the real thing."

 

Catherine spoke them softly and her voice shaking lightly. Gris looked up and nodded, then he looked at Nick again.

 

"When he was taken away to prison, he turned around and asked me, if I cared for my team... I am sorry, Nick, I didn't think..."

 

Again Nick caught Brass looking at Gil, this time with a clear reproach in his face, but the cop didn't say anything. For a second the room was completely silent, then Sarah spoke.

 

"How can he be the shooter? He's in custody isn't he?"

 

This time it was Brass who answered his eyes still on Grissom, the tone of his voice clipped.

 

"He is and there is no possibility for bail, still the coincidence is too obvious."

 

Nick could almost feel the tension rising in the room. And then the implications of what Grissom and Brass had just said hit him fully. He felt dizzy and shivered, strong hands guided him onto a chair and Catherine looked at him concerned.

 

"Nick, don't be scared, nothing will happen to you. We won't let them hurt you."

 

Her voice was strong and full of conviction and it was exactly what he needed at the moment. Whether or not her words were true didn't matter. All that mattered was that there was someone in this room that wasn't looking terrified. Nick drew a deep breath and slowly looked at his boss.

 

"So, shooting these guys is his way of letting you suffer. It's like a ..."

 

Paling he trailed off, suddenly realizing something and with a shiver he continued.

 

"It’s a countdown, isn't it? The last bullet is saved for me..."

 

It was a matter of fact statement, but maybe it was just the calm with which he spoke that caused the tension in the room to snap and suddenly everyone spoke at once. Surrounded by the noise, Nick felt a hand on his shoulder and shrunk back. The hand was immediately removed and as he looked up he was surprised to see Brass looking at him with concern and pity.

 

"I will arrange for a bodyguard, you are in danger, Nick."

 

Then he stood up and hit the desk with his hand. The loud bang caused everyone to look at him, Nick already knew what the detective would say and so he wasn't too surprised, when the older man grabbed the phone and dialled a number. Gris' reaction however did not only surprise him, it plainly shocked him. Grabbing the phone, ripping the plug from the wall he glared at Brass.

 

"I am not going to let Ecklie investigate this. I am not going to put Nick's life in his hands."

 

For a moment the two men just stared at each other, then Grissom turned away in defeat and walked out of the room. Stunned silence followed his exit, broken only by Brass' short comments about the case and the collected evidence. When he hang up again, he looked at the rest of the nightshift and pointed towards the break room.

 

"Make sure he doesn't get himself into something stupid. Catherine, can you file Ecklie about the case and its importance?"

 

She nodded, knowing that she was the only one that the dayshift supervisor could tolerate and vice versa. Her eyes followed Warrick, Sarah and Nick as they walked towards the break room. When she couldn't see them anymore, she turned around.

 

"He lied didn't he?"

 

Jim didn't even pretend to not understand her question and nodded.

 

"This isn't about Gil caring for his team; this is about Gil caring for Nick."

 

Again the police officer just nodded, silently wondering how much she knew. When he saw the fury in her eyes he almost stepped back, but Catherine just shook her head.

 

"He's risking Nick's life, but he doesn't even have the courage to tell him why? I can't believe this!"

 

Her voice had risen when she spoke the last words, but at the same time the fury in the blue eyes had abated and been replaced by a deep sadness.

 

“Why doesn’t he see it?”

 

It was Brass’ turn to look confused and seeing that look, Catherine smiled tiredly.

 

“Nick loves him and if Grissom would for once do what he tells us all the time, he would know.”

 

“Do what?”

 

He had sometimes suspected that Gil’s feelings weren’t as unreciprocated as the older man thought, but Catherine’s conviction nevertheless surprised him until he heard her answer. Smiling almost ironically and yet still showing understanding and sadness in her eyes, she told him.

 

“Look at the evidence”

 

---

 

“Nick”

 

Closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself, Nick turned around and looked at Grissom. The other man once again studied him with an almost desperate gaze.

 

“I’m alright, Gris, just shook up, I guess.”

 

He shrugged lightly, but the facade crumbled as he felt his supervisor’s hand on his shoulder. The warmth of the simple touch made him want to lean in, made him want to ask Gil to hold him close and tell him soothing lies about security and love. Instead he just looked at the older man with, what he hoped, a blank face.

 

“You have every right to be shaken, Nicky, we all are. Warrick went to get changed, then we decided to go for breakfast...”

 

Grissom’s voice trailed off and it seemed to Nick as if the other man would steel himself for his next words, but the thought was absurd and he dismissed it immediately.

 

“... Nicky, I want you to stay with me until this is over.”

 

It was the last thing Nick had expected and his first reaction was to shout in joy, then though reality intruded and although his heart hurt he shook his head.

 

“I will be fine, Gris, I’ve got a really good security system and I’m not unprepared like the others were. I know you don’t like having people around, so don’t worry, I won’t bother you.”

 

He smiled friendly when he spoke, knowing that it didn’t show in his face, how much effort this easy words cost him, how much he wanted to accept Gil’s offer, how scared he was of going home. He leaned over and grabbed his bag, when Gil’s hand stopped him.

 

“Nick, you won’t bother me, believe me, you won’t. But please stay with me, I... I’d worry endlessly if I knew you’re home alone.”

 

There was something in Gris’ eyes that made Nick pause and hesitate. ‘Look at the evidence’ his inner voice sounded suspiciously like Catherine and drawing a deep breath, Nick really looked at Gil for the first time in their conversation.

 

What he saw blew him. Gil Grissom wasn’t a man who cared about other people’s opinions and he certainly wasn’t a person who was afraid of judgement. Nick had seen it hundreds of times how Gil dismissed derogative comments and snide remarks from suspects, colleagues and superiors. No matter what had been said, it had never affected Grissom. Now though, now as he waited for Nick’s answer he was tense, his shoulders squared his face rigid and his eyes wouldn’t meet Nick’s. His thought from minutes before came back to Nick and he realized that Grissom had indeed steeled himself mentally, but not for the words he, Gil, had said.

 

No, Grissom had steeled himself for rejection.

 

A fine shiver ran through Nick at the realization, that Gris was honest, that he desperately wanted Nick to stay with him. His heart skipped a beat because now he knew that Gil wasn’t concerned about the case, he was concerned about Nick, more than concerned in fact and with that realization came the knowledge that he wasn’t able to say no. Not when it was apparent that Grissom wanted him to stay at his house, not when Nick wanted nothing more than say yes.

 

“Thanks, I will feel much better there, I am sure!”

 

Relief ran over Grissom’s face but was gone as soon as it had appeared and the normal blank face was back.

 

“Good, so we go to your place and pack a bag, then we’re off to mine, ok?”

 

Nick nodded his mind still reeling from the revelation that Grissom cared enough to give up his privacy, but another though almost took his breath away. How many times had he looked at Gris and not seen him? How many times had he not seen the real man, but the façade he wanted to present?

 

“Let’s go for breakfast then, the others are already waiting.”

 

---

 

*Chapter 4*

 

“Jim, please, at least give me an update on the investigations.”

 

Grissom had a hard time to keep his voice on a steady level and not outright plead with Brass, before he had a chance to say anything else though; Ecklie came around the corner and stopped next to the two.

 

“Brass, I need some more updates on the old cases and on relatives, friends etc. of this guy. Do you have time now?”

 

The Captain nodded shortly and was just about to say something to Gris, when the daytime supervisor looked at Grissom.

 

“I’ll keep you up-to-date, if you keep your nose out of the case and the boy out of trouble. Deal?”

 

He had never liked Conrad Ecklie, but just for this one sentence, Gil could have kissed him. He nodded and watched as Brass and Ecklie left the building.

 

---

 

Brass had been a police officer almost all his life, he had seen some of the worst things that man could do and still he often felt like he had rarely encountered truly evil people. Most of the criminals he dealt with had been victims in their own way, victims of circumstances, of weakness or simply of their own faults. Simon Lower was a different sort of criminal and just the thought of the man made Brass flinch. Sitting opposite the killer he felt the darkness of the other man’s mind and heart and it made him almost gag.

 

“Your work, Lower?”

 

He didn’t bother with any politeness, he knew that Nick’s life was on the line and time was an important factor. Lower just looked at the two pictures, held first one, then the other up and studied them. When he looked up there was a smile on his face.

 

“How can I shoot two men, when I am a guest of the state?”

 

The dark, silky voice was slightly amused, as if he had expected the visit and as if he had everything he said prepared long ago. Which, as Brass knew, was probably exactly true? Lower was playing a game with him and Gil and at the moment he held all the right cards. The thought made Brass shiver, but nothing showed as he maintained the mask.

 

So, how is Mr. Grissom doing?”

 

The casual, conversational tone stood in stark contrast to the intensity with which Lower looked at Brass and then again at the pictures.

 

“The victims look a lot like his young friend, don’t they? I wonder what he thinks about that, whether that’s disturbing him...”

 

In the end it were only years of experience in interrogation that enabled Brass to reign the anger at the other man’s words, worse though was the tone which was used. The smugness and amusement at Grissom’s desperation and the almost clinically cold detachment from Nick made Brass’ blood boil.

 

“If you have anything to do with this, we will prove it and we will make sure that you will never ever set a foot on this earth as a free man.”

 

Lower just laughed and with something like the annoyed amusement that schoolteachers use with children, he answered friendly.

 

“You already have me in custody for a double murder... And believe me, freedom is way overrated.”

 

Jim knew that at the current stage there was nothing he could offer Lower and he knew that even if the other man’s involvement was proven, with the kind of crimes he’d committed before, there was no possibility for a deal. And Lower knew this too. Something a teacher at a seminar about terrorists had once said came to Brass’ mind.

 

‘I fear those that fear nothing, because for them vengeance is the perfect way to satisfaction’

 

Lower had nothing to lose, he was already sentenced to death for a double murder. His days were numbered and that made him so incredibly dangerous.

 

“Just out of interest, why are you so incredibly sure that I am part of this?”

 

It was as if Lower only asked out of politeness and not interest and feeling his blood boil again, Brass suddenly realized how badly suited he was for this interrogation. He was in fact not better suited than Gil, who had been taken of the investigations. Not that Brass was in love with Nick, no but he liked the Texan, liked the easy going way the younger man had, liked that he had a smile for everyone even in the worst situations... In the end, he guessed, he counted Nick to his extended family and that made him just as involved as Gil.

 

The silence stretched in the room as Lower waited for his answer and silently Brass swore that he would break this man, break this man and keep Nick safe.

 

“There was something you said to Mr. Grissom... ‘Even better than the real thing’... At the murder scenes, this song was played from a CD... That would just be too much of a coincidence, don’t you think?”

 

Again a short smile ran over the other man’s face.

 

“Well deducted, Captain Brass, I am sure Mr. Grissom is very proud of you. But there is always that small, minimal issue that I was not at the scene and certainly have the safest of all alibis.”

 

So far, Jim realized he had played and danced accordingly to Lower’s expectations, maybe it was time to change the music, but before he could say anything the doors opened and Ecklie entered. Sitting down next to Brass, he nodded quickly and then smiled with a friendly nod at Lower.

 

“Which is why I am here, since you can be ruled out; there must be another maniac in this city. Another crazy mind that thinks like you do. Tell me, Mr. Lower, if you had shot, if this all were your plan, what would your next step be?”

 

The CSI’s voice was a mirror image of Lower’s, calm, casually even conversational, he looked at the killer with an interest, but not the burning emotions, that Brass had shown, instead he seemed more or less unconcerned and to Jim’s surprise the cool and poise seemed to throw Lower off.

 

Ecklie had watched from behind the two way mirror and had realized that Brass was too emotional about the case to see through the psychological game the killer was playing. It wasn’t that he was not concerned about Stokes, but he had more distance to the younger CSI and he was a better actor.

 

“You know, I don’t know this guy, but if it would be me, I would wait now.”

 

Lower sounded as if he could almost see the entire scene unfolding and for the first time Ecklie felt the evil aura that Brass had talked about. Suppressing a shiver he looked questioningly at the other man, encouraging him to continue.

 

“They have found the body, have seen the evidence, understood the threat. I would let them wait now, wait and fear, let them live in the insecurity for a while. I would enjoy the thought of Grissom falling asleep every night with the fear that his beloved Nick might not be alive next morning; enjoy the thought of Stokes jerk away from every noise while he waits for the deadly bullet...”

 

There was so much malice and evil in both the words and the obvious enjoyment Lower got from them that Ecklie understood the emotional reaction of Brass. He wasn’t a friend of Grissom, but this was almost more than he could take. Still he kept his mask and looked at the killer with cold eyes.

 

“That’s it? Shoot two men and then enjoy that you scared the others? I am not sure if finding these men scared either Grissom or Stokes?”

 

He knew that Brass probably felt like shooting him right now, but he also knew that his cold dismissal of both Gil and Nick threw Lower off balance and that was exactly where he wanted the other man.

 

“You got it wrong, Mr. Ecklie, that was just the set up, you know like the starter... It is just a temporary break. I don’t think, Mr. Grissom ever told Stokes about his feelings for him, but with death waiting at Stokes door and the fear of losing the other man, he might find the courage to do something and that will be when the final bullet will find its target. You see, it might hurt to lose someone you never had, only dreamed of, but it hurts so much more to lose someone after having tasted the ecstasy of being with that person...”

 

Brass felt sick listening to Lower’s words especially since he knew that they were probably true. Gil might tell Nick about his love for him, the two men might find love together. The thought of how Nick’s death would affect Gil made Jim flinch and he forced himself to concentrate on Ecklie again.

 

“So you wait until you hear or see proof that they have become a couple and then have Stokes shot?”

 

Lower’s head snapped up at the words and he focused his eyes for a second on Ecklie. Then he smiled.

 

“What are you implying? You wanted to know hypothetically what I would do, if I could shoot Stokes and the other men.”

 

The hard eyes were still fixed on his face and for a second the intense gaze made Ecklie uncomfortable, but shoving the feeling aside he answered with a completely different question.

 

“How did you get to know Frank Snowdon?”

 

Lower’s smile faltered just for a second, but it was enough for both Brass and Ecklie to see and the two officers knew they had gained back a small bit of the advantage.

 

“We met in a bar, started discussing football and became mates? Why?”

 

“Because normally beer mates and football palls don’t tend to visit each other in state prison, so I thought your relationship with him might be more intense?”

 

He had purposefully used a seedy tone when he said the last words and again Lower’s control shattered for a short, short moment. Then he smiled again.

 

“He’s a gambler, I know a lot about football, so he wanted some tips? What does this have to do with the case?”

 

Brass had asked himself the same question, but he knew that if Ecklie brought the man up, there was a reason and even more had seen that for the first time in the interrogation, they had broken through Lower’s mask of indifference. As he waited for the answer, he watched the convict closely.

 

“Frank Snowdon served twelve years in the US Marine corps, he was in several wars and other covert operations as one of the best snipers the corps ever had. He was kicked out of the army after he showed open racism against people of other colours and beliefs. Your best football mate would be exactly the man you would need to carry out your revenge against Gil Grissom.”

 

At first Jim didn’t hear the words because he watched to reactions of Lower, first there was surprise, then it quickly changed into something like anger, but that once again changed into amusement. Only when the blank mask was once again on Lower’s face, did the words register in Brass’ mind.

 

‘One of the best snipers’

 

A shiver of fear went through Brass, if Snowdon was their man, then they were up against a trained professional killer and no place would be safe for Nick. On the other hand, Brass knew that their two victims had not been shot from far range...

 

“He left his house five days ago and has not been seen since. Do you have any idea where he could be?”

 

Lower looked up from the pictures before him. Facing Ecklie and staring him right in the eyes, he shook his head.

 

“No”

 

Knowing that the other man had once again the upper hand, Ecklie was about to ask another question, when Lower lifted his hand and waved the guard over.

 

“I have nothing else to say to them.”

 

Furious, Brass and Ecklie could only stare as the guard escorted Lower out of the room. The man walked slowly and deliberately and just at the door he turned again.

 

“Tell Mr. Grissom I said hi and that the last bullet is not reserved for Stokes’ head. I don’t want to have it over too soon... It is more interesting to watch blood flow slowly, painfully out of someone’s body...”

 

---

 

“Gris, I can pack myself you know, I have actually done it before!”

 

Nick wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or amused with Grissom hovering over his shoulder while he packed the small bag with clothes and other necessities for his stay in Gris’ house. The older man hadn’t left his side since they had walked out of the restaurant this morning and the closeness made Nick feel safe. He didn’t know why, he just knew that with Gil next to him nothing could happen to him.

 

“Sorry, I can wait outside”

 

The muttered excuse made Nick flinch as he remembered how Gil had looked when he had asked him to stay at his house. It seemed as if Grissom was much more sensitive when it came to them than he’d ever expected and out of impulse, Nick turned and put a hand on Gil’s arm.

 

“Don’t, you’re not disturbing me, I was just... I just wanted to make sure you’re ok, I don’t want to be a burden you know?”

 

The arm under his hand was warm and solid. Grissom wasn’t a muscular god or anything like it, but as Nick held the other man he felt the hidden strength in the older body. A strength that came out of will and mind, not one that was borne in the gym but one that had been shaped and formed by life. The yearning to feel this strength in him, to feel this body close suddenly made Nick tremble and with a muttered apology he walked to the bathroom where he slid down on the floor.

 

“I can’t do this”

 

The whisper was silent enough to be heard only in the bathroom and as Nick covered his face with his hands for a second he repeated it.

 

“I can’t do this”

 

No, he couldn’t, couldn’t live so close to Gil, having so much of Gil’s attention on himself and not fall apart. There was no way, he would not slip and tell the older man how much he meant to Nick, how much Nick wanted to stay with Gil, not because of a threat, not as a temporary safe haven but because Gil wanted him to stay... forever.

 

The first time, Nick had seen Gil, he had seen a middle aged man, nothing special, nothing extraordinary and then Gil had turned around and looked at him. Washing his face, Nick grimaced at his image in the mirror. That had it been, Gil had looked at him and for a short second Nick had felt the power of the other man’s eyes. Ever since then he had tried to get into the focus of these eyes. It was useless though, the only time he ever got into the focus was when he had made a mistake and then the disappointment in Grissom’s eyes hurt more than any repercussion ever could.

 

“Nick, are you alright?”

 

Shaking himself out of memories, Nick opened the door and managed a shaky smile. The concern in Grissom’s eyes was still there and it compelled Nick to tell his supervisor at least part of the truth.

 

“I am scared”

 

It came out as a whisper, but before he could say anything else, Grissom had wrapped his arms around him and held him close. A shiver ran through his body and Nick felt the answer in the trembling of Gil’s body, for a second he wondered whether he had fallen into a twilight zone, but then the warmth and safety of the hug obliterated all other thoughts and he just revelled in the feeling of having a dream come true. The sudden tension in Gil’s arms and body shook him out of his haze and he almost shivered when the older man removed his arms and stepped back.

 

“Sorry Nick, I don’t know what came over me”

 

Gil sounded almost lost and suddenly Nick realized that he wasn’t alone in this, that this situation was just as hard for Gil and not for the reasons Nick would have guessed.

 

‘Look at the evidence’

 

It had been a sentenced preached to him ever since he had joined the Las Vegas CSI team and when he did it now, the evidence spoke of more than concern in Gil’s eyes, more than care in the way he had held him and of more than embarrassment in the way the older man hid front from him. The threat of the killer suddenly faded away in the face of the possibility that Gil felt the same as he did and gathering his courage, he slowly walked over and faced the older man. For a moment he just looked at him and then slowly, softly leaned against the solid body until he held Gil in a hug just as intense as the one before.

 

“It’s ok, Gil. It’s perfectly ok, believe me!”

 

The words he spoke were non-descript but Nick knew that Gris understood when the body relaxed and the other man’s arms came around him. For a moment they stood there, and then Gil moved back gently and grabbed one of the two bags.

 

“Let’s go home”

 

---

 

*Chapter 5*

 

On the drive home, Gil wondered whether he had only imagined the tender moment between him and Nick. The short moment, when Nick had not let him back away, when he had held Gil...

 

'Your greatest fear is being known'

 

Lady Heather's words spoken so long ago, the astute woman had seen it all, had seen beneath the layers and masks. She had seen right through to the core of him and at that time it had scared him, now though, now he wished Nicky could read him just as well and vice versa.

 

Gil wasn't someone who fell in love easily, heck, he just wasn't made for people, he loved his solitude, loved staying in and read a book or just sit in a roller coaster on his own. He had watched colleagues and friends getting married, joining clubs, starting hobbies and with that suddenly becoming a part of something. In his opinion though someone who became part of something was lost, had lost his identity and he always considered himself lucky to have escaped.

 

And yet, ever since he had met Nick, he had started to wonder how it actually was to be part of something, whether it really meant to lose himself... and even more he wondered whether it wasn't worth losing part of himself, if it meant he would gain part of Nick as a return.

 

Ironically he had lost his ability to read Nick the moment he had acknowledged his feelings for the younger CSI and this loss made him nervous now, sitting next to the dark haired man, made him concentrate on the road much more than he needed.

 

The silence in the car didn’t bother Gil on the contrary, he was almost glad, that Nick seemed deep in thoughts. This way, he didn’t have to talk himself and could think about what had happened. Once at his house he showed Nick the guest room, the bath and where he kept spare blankets and towel

 

“I’ve asked Warrick to drive my car over, so you don’t have to drive me to the shift tomorrow.”

 

Nick’s words were spoken so casually that it took Gil a moment to process them, then he shook his head.

 

“What are you talking about? You are not going to work tomorrow”

 

He could see that it had been the wrong thing to say as Nick stopped unpacking and tensed.

 

“Gil, I’m not going to sit in this house doing nothing until this guy is caught, double the police force at the crime scenes, if you need but don’t force me to become a prisoner myself.”

 

Nick was beautiful like this and the thought was completely inappropriate, yet it came back again as Nick stared at him, waiting for an answer. Gil was torn, part of him wanted Nick around him, so that he could watch over him, another part though wanted to wrap the younger man in cotton and make him stay in the house.

 

“Ok, you work, but any crimes scenes, you’ll process them with me”

 

For a moment there was a tense silence in the room, finally Nick nodded though and finished unpacking. Gil stood in the door, just watching the other CSI getting organized and suddenly he wished this was for real, suddenly he wished that Nick was really moving in and not just camping out because some mad man was trying to kill him...

 

“Is it ok, if I take a shower?”

 

Nick, naked in his shower... the innocent question awoke images that made Gil shudder, but he caught himself just in the right moment.

 

“Feel free”

 

He wanted to add something, but the sound of his mobile disrupted his thoughts.

 

“Jim, anything new?”

 

Brass’ voice was hoarse and tense and the emotions that Gil had successfully suppressed until now, came back at the fore front. The killer was still out there, there were still three bullets left to be fired and one of them was intended for Nicky...

 

“I talked to Lower, he basically admitted to plotting the entire thing... Problem is though, although we know who the shooter is most likely, we don’t have any traces of him...”

 

The knot in Gil’s belly turned to lead at the information, that Lower indeed had planned all this... Somehow he had hoped against hope, that he had misread the evidence, that Nick wasn’t a target.

 

“Gil, there is something else, something you have to know... The man we look for is an Ex-Marine; he was in their snipers corps...”

 

He didn’t hear anything beyond the last words.

 

‘Sniper corps’

 

Nicky wouldn’t be safe with him or with anyone... He couldn’t even feel safe inside a house and that thought frightened Gil to no end. He didn’t hear Brass’ voice calling his name as the cell phone slipped from his fingers and fell on the hard floor, didn’t realize he had walked towards the bathroom until he suddenly stood in front of the door.

 

He froze when he heard the shower running and unbidden images of how Nick would look under the warm spray of water flooded his mind. Then his blood ran cold again as Brass’ words came back. Nick was hunted by a sniper... the word brought Gil in motion as he almost ran from room to room closing the curtains and blinds in every window, obscuring the view of anyone trying to find Nick.

 

“Grissom, are you ok?”

 

Nick wore sweats and a white t-shirt, his hair was still wet and some of the drops had wet the white fabric making it almost see through, in the muted light of the room Nick seemed to glow golden and the yearning Gil felt made him weak,. He knew that it was more than lust what he felt for the younger man, more than sex that he wanted from him... and he hated himself that all these emotions had turned Nick into a target.

 

“Gris, what did Brass say?”

 

The soft hand on his shoulder, the tentative touch almost as if Nick was afraid of scaring him, the concern in the depth of the dark eyes... it all only enhanced what Gil felt and he had to shake himself out of the trance like state he was in.

 

“They talked to Lower and he admitted to being behind this.”

 

Gil saw that Nick paled at the words, saw the tremble that went through the slender body and he realized that Nick too had hoped they were wrong.

 

“So, I am his final target”

 

The simple statement made it hard to answer, so he didn’t.

 

“Brass told me, they know who killed the others... But they haven’t located him yet”

 

As if he sensed that Gil withheld information, Nick looked straight at him.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“His name is Frank Snowdon and according to Brass he’s an ex-Marine... god damit Nick, he was a sniper for them...”

 

Whatever else he had wanted to say died in his throat as Nick sat down on the couch as if his legs wouldn’t support him anymore. For a second the younger man visibly fought to get his emotions under control, then he looked up again.

 

“And I thought you wouldn’t like the sun”

 

It was a miserable attempt to make a joke and it served perfectly to break Gil’s heart. If only he hadn’t fallen for his colleague, if only Lower hadn’t seen it...

 

“I am so sorry, I wish I could...”

 

He didn’t realize that he spoke loudly until he felt Nick’s hand in his own and gently softly the younger man made him sit down on the couch.

 

“Gil, you didn’t do anything wrong... Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s crimes.”

 

The concern was back as he locked eyes with Nick, concern, compassion and something deeper, something he had seen just before Nick had held him closely while packing. It was an emotion, he didn’t dare to name... Normally seeing the deep feelings Nick had for him, would have made him happy, now though it only served to make him feel guiltier and fuelled an anger he couldn’t contain.

 

“It’s my fault that you are a target, my fault, Nick!”

 

He almost shouted the words as he tried to push the younger man away, but Nick didn’t let go of his hand and his eyes remained locked with Gil’s.

 

“No, it’s not your fault, just because you hand out the assignments? If I hadn’t been working with you, Sara would be a target now, or Warrick, or Catherine. Gil, it was just bad luck...”

 

Some part of Gil’s brain shouted at him to calm down, to stop ranting before he let something slip that would destroy everything, but the irrational part, the one that had roared to life in the second he had seen the first victim, won.

 

“You don’t understand Nick, it wasn’t because you were at the scene with me, it was because Lower understood when he saw me looking at you”

 

He saw the confusion in Nick’s face and wished he could avoid the next question, but Nick wouldn’t let him turn his eyes away and so he waited silently and more afraid than he had been for a long time.

 

“What did he understand?”

 

It was one of these life-defining moments that Gil had always read about and never believed. If he lied to Nick, the younger man would either believe him or not. But what if he believed him and the unthinkable came to pass, Gil would lose the other man without ever having him told how much he loved him... The thought of Nick dying without knowing became unbearable and still looking into Nick’s eyes he told him.

 

“He understood that I love you”

 

----

 

“I have talked to the sheriff and he’s made the shooter our number one priority that means there are no other crime scenes to be processed by our two shifts until we have this guy.”

 

If anyone was surprised, they hid it well. Ecklie wasn’t exactly known as a friend of either Nick or Grissom and neither was the sheriff. Catherine, Warrick and Sara stood straight, tense as if they were ready to attack him should he not treat the case with the necessary importance. Ecklie smiled almost bitterly, he knew that if he were the target no one would race to find the shooter. Of course they would do their jobs and do them well, but he didn’t evoke the same level of love and respect Grissom and Stokes did.

 

“Brown, I want you and Sidle back at the two previous scenes, search the floor, the entrance anything for traces. I want to see where the bastard was before he shot the two men; I want to see where he hides while waiting for the next command.”

 

Brass had already briefed the team about the talk with Lower and the two CSI understood immediately why Ecklie wanted to find the shooter’s observation place. Nodding curtly they left Sara first, Warrick though stayed for a second longer.

 

“You’ll keep us posted, will you?”

 

Once the two had left, Ecklie turned to Catherine.

 

“We have to search any potential hiding place of this guy. The army and the NY police department have sent over their files and a list with possible hang outs. I’ll brief you on the way to the first place.”

 

For a moment, Ecklie expected her to object, but when he looked at her intently she gave in. The car ride was tense for the first couple of moments until he finally couldn’t stand the silence anymore and gave in.

 

“Look, we both don’t want to work with each other, but for god’s sake we have to, ok, so don’t act like a fucking spoiled child...”

 

Knowing that she had won the first round by forcing him to speak, Catherine relaxed a bit. She didn’t like Ecklie, hated how he had hassled her and the rest of the nightshift on several occasions for the sole reason that he wanted to look better for the superiors. Although it was almost two years, she hadn’t forgotten how the supervisor hadn’t cared about Nick during the Kristy Hopkins case. Still, he was doing his best to help the younger man now, so she could at least be civil.

 

“I just don’t like being kept in the dark, you know something, something apart from the sniper thing and you haven’t told either me or the others. If you want us to find clues for this guy, we need to know who he is...”

 

She trailed off as she saw the other man’s face. Ecklie looked at if he was the one threatened and in a perverse way it comforted her.

 

“There is more, but we need to talk to these people first, time is crucial ok?”

 

She nodded and again they fell back to being silent until they stood in front of the single story house, where according to the army’s file Mrs. Ford, a former girlfriend of Frank Snowdon lived. The dark haired woman looked surprised to see two CSIs at her house and her eyes grew big when Catherine mentioned Frank Snowdon.

 

“I haven’t seen him for over five years. When he got kicked out of the army, he changed, became nasty, threatening me and my family, so I left him. He called me for weeks always telling me, that some day a bullet would hit me or my closest person, then I changed numbers and states...”

 

She looked fragile as she swayed.

 

“He’s here? Do you know, does he know that I...?”

 

Catherine held her gently as the young woman tried to get her composure back. Silently she looked at Brass, who shook his head.

 

“We don’t think, he came her because of you Miss. But just in case we will keep some surveillance cars here, if that is ok with you.”

 

Mrs. Ford was visibly relieved and there went Catherine’s story about her being nothing but a great actress. Back in the car, Ecklie hit the wheel with his hand.

 

“Damit, I was sure, she would know”

 

Surprised by the outburst, Catherine looked at the other man questioningly.

 

“You know Grissom, don’t you?”

 

Surprised now and suddenly wary, she nodded in agreement.

 

“How likely is it, that this will prompt him to tell Stokes?”

 

Shock didn’t cover enough emotions to describe what Catherine felt hearing the question, but before she could say anything, Ecklie spoke again.

 

“Look, Brass filled me in, I don’t care ok, but it is important, so what you think?”

 

Struggling to get used to this new, nice Ecklie and to a Brass that told Grissom’s deepest secrets, she needed a moment to consider her answer, but in a way it was easy.

 

“I think if this doesn’t make him see how precious time is, then he will never understand.”

 

Again Ecklie hit his wheel and the angry sound, when he slapped the honk accidentally mirrored his frustration. Stopping at a red light he turned around and the intensity in his eyes took Catherine aback.

 

“Look, we don’t have time for games, will he tell him or not?”

 

Sensing the urgency behind the harsh words, Catherine nodded, yes Gil would tell Nick. Maybe not right at the beginning, but with the threat hanging over the young man’s head, Grissom would tell Nick.

 

“Dam him!”

 

Shocked at the shout, she stared at Ecklie, but the other man just drove faster as an answer, only when they had to stop again he started explaining.

 

“When we talked to Lower, he said, that if he were behind it all, then he would wait now until Grissom had told Stokes and they had found love together. Only then he would kill Stokes, because and I quote him... ‘it might hurt to lose someone you never had, only dreamed of, but it hurts so much more to lose someone after having tasted the ecstasy of being with that person...’”

 

The complete silence in the car enhanced the impact of Ecklie’s last words, served to bring home the genial evil of Lower’s mind and Catherine shivered as she forced her mind to understand.

 

“So when Gil tells Nick...”

 

She couldn’t finish the sentence and Ecklie did it for her.

 

“... he signs his death certificate.”

 

-----

 

*Chapter 6*

 

Warrick kneeled on the bed, looking for anything that could help them locate the killer, but even in the UV light, there was nothing. Sara on the other hand was busy vacuuming the floor and for a while Warrick just watched her, before he finally gave up.

 

“Sara, what are you doing?”

 

The dark haired woman looked up as she was finished and gathered the swept up dirt into an evidence bag. Labelling it properly she took her time before she finally turned around and answered.

 

“You know, I remembered something I read in the Forensic Journal. In Australia they located a serial killer by comparing the dust from carpets in his victims’ houses. They found a specific kind of sand and could narrow down the home to a close neighbourhood and they got him.”

 

Still not really understanding Warrick just looked at her until she rolled her eyes.

 

“Well I’m going to compare what we have here with what I’ll collect at the second crime scene and maybe we’ll find something.”

 

Although it somehow sounded far off, it was more than he had and at the moment Warrick was ready to believe in anything if only it would keep Nick safe. As they walked out of the hotel, Sara suddenly laughed although it sounded more like a sob.

 

“You alright?”

 

Sara shrugged the comforting arm off and shook her head.

 

“I was just... you know, just thinking that, if I had said this to Nick, he would have told me that I need to get myself a guy...”

 

Again she almost choked and this time she didn’t shrug off Warrick’s arm instead leaned against him as she cried. In a way, Warrick realized he was receiving comfort at the same time as he gave. They all were affected by this case, all had problems dealing with the fact that it was one of them that was threatened, but he would have never thought at Sara would be the first to crack.

 

“We’ll find the guy in time and we’ll get him. We’ll keep Nick safe.”

 

He spoke slowly, soothingly, the words he said tender and full of conviction. They were meant to calm Sara down, but in his head he spoke different words, in his head he cursed the killer and the instigator and swore that if they hurt Nick, he would hunt them down.

 

If anything happened to his friend, he would make sure that they would not need a lawyer anymore.

 

He drove while Sara got herself under control again and started to speak about the Forensic Journal again. The more she spoke, the less promising it sounded and maybe it showed in his eyes, because suddenly Sara trailed off and shivered.

 

“I have to keep occupied, I have to do something else I start thinking about it, you know? I mean when did we suddenly become targets?”

 

He almost hit the breaks at the question and was grateful for the red light knowing that he would be in no condition to watch for traffic now.

 

“Suddenly? Sara in which world are you living? Holly got killed almost three years ago, Nick has been stalked, had a gun pointed at his head… Catherine was attacked at a scene, got kidnapped and Gris...”

 

He stopped speaking when he heard the honking around him and forcefully getting himself back under control he drove one. For a long time there was silence, then Sara spoke again.

 

“It’s different though, the other things... they happened while we were investigating, they happened on a crime scene. This guy, he’s been targeting Nick and Gil, just because they did their jobs well. He’s not trying to prevent them from solving a case, he is out for revenge...”

 

It was clear that she wanted to say more, but they arrived at the second scene and silently Warrick was grateful that Sara didn’t go on with her theory. He didn’t want to hear about the threat, about the ice-cold hate that stood behind the crimes, it scared him to death to imagine that the man they were up against might be too smart for them.

 

‘This would be such a Grissom case.’

 

Something Greg had said before they had left and it was true. Grissom was the one who dealt with the evil geniuses, he was the one who somehow understood how they ticked. But now, when they would need him, he wasn’t able to work on the case. Warrick understood Brass’ call, knew from bad experience that friendship and work didn’t work together, but still...

 

“Look what I found”

 

Two glasses, one still showing lipstick marks... He bagged them and flashed back to the first scene.

 

“We found two glasses at the hotel room, one had lipstick. They both had female company before they were shot.”

 

Sara looked up from the vacuuming she did.

 

“So you think, that’s how the killer got into their rooms?”

 

Pensively Warrick nodded and then shook his head again.

 

“It doesn’t make sense though, I mean, Nick wouldn’t invite a girl in his house and have some champagne with her, not knowing that some killer is out to get him”

 

Looking around the small flat with her torch, Sara glanced outside and stopped for a while.

 

“Maybe he needed the woman because, he couldn’t do what he was supposed to do if he killed the men in his normal way.”

 

She motioned for Warrick to step next to her and he saw what she meant. Both men had died in rooms with windows, both hotel and apartment building were surrounded by other flats. A sniper would have had an easy shot from anywhere.

 

“He had a message to deliver that’s why he needed the woman.”

 

Slowly Sara nodded again.

 

“Vic one was shot four times, vic two three... same places, same position, same music. He wanted us to know that he is after Nick, he wanted us to know that it is a countdown and he wanted us to know that it is Lower behind all of this.”

 

Following her trail of thought, Warrick took off from her when she stepped back from the bright light.

 

“So he employs this woman to seduce vic one and two, slip them a sedative and when they’re asleep she opens the door and lets him in. He kills the guys, puts on the music and leaves.”

 

They were back in the car, when Sara came up with her last thought.

 

“He had to leave us something, that’s why he couldn’t use his normal technique and he will continue with vic three in the same way...”

 

Again Warrick followed her thoughts and finished the sentence for her.

 

“... but with Nick he doesn’t need to leave a message, he doesn’t have to shoot several times and there is no need for music... So with Nick, he won’t need the woman, because with Nick...”

 

He couldn’t say it and it seemed as if Sara felt the same way, but they both knew and the unspoken words hung in the tense air in the car.

 

‘... with Nick he needs only one shot and he will take that from afar.’

 

---

 

“I am a genius”

 

Catherine raised an eyebrow at Greg’s strangely muted display of weirdness, but as she saw the concern and fear in the DNA man’s eyes she couldn’t help feeling with him. It had to be hell to know that a friend was in danger and doing nothing but sitting in the lab.

 

Oh hell, who was she fooling? It was hell, even if she was out interrogating people...

 

“So genius, what did you get?”

 

Greg waived two DNA sheets at her, the movement too fast for her to see anything.

 

“Greg!”

 

He recovered immediately and showed her the analyses.

 

“When Gris brought the glasses from scene one, I swabbed them for DNA. The first I found was the vic, the second was unknown, but something seemed familiar. Then I heard that Lower was behind it and I retrieved his data from the file. Now look at the DNA on the left, it’s Lowers...”

 

He made theatrical pause, but continued fast at Catherine’s glance.

 

“Now compare it to the right.”

 

Stunned Catherine looked at the two samples.

 

“They are related”

 

Proudly Greg nodded.

 

“Related and female, does Lower have a sister?”

 

“Sister?”

 

Warrick had heard the last comment and changed a look with Sara. Handing over the two glasses he explained their theory to Catherine, who looked sick as he once again couldn’t finish the last idea. Swallowing hard, the older CSI gathered her composure and sent Greg to test the DNA on the second glass, before distributing the roles again.

 

“Warrick, you go out to the prison, Ecklie and Brass are with Lower. Grill him about his sister, we have to find her, if we find her, we find the sniper.”

 

Then she looked at Sara, who pointed towards the gathered dirt.

 

“We’ll look at the samples and try to find anything. Greg, let us know immediately!”

 

Warrick left and drove towards the prison. On the way there he tried to get himself under control, but the thought of meeting the man who threatened his friend made his blood boil and he was glad when Ecklie met him outside.

 

“Catherine just called, here’s the record of any female visitors he’s had. There’s nothing in the file about a sister, but comb through this information. We have to find her!”

 

Not bothering to answer, Warrick grabbed the files and a chair as he sat down to read the details about the women who had come to visit the monster who wanted Nick dead.

 

Sara and Catherine worked in silence, the known particles were on one side of the large table, the unknown or to be examined on the other. So far they hadn’t found anything similar in the two samples and slowly Sara got nervous.

 

“We have to find something before he has the third vic.”

 

Startled Catherine looked up, startled because she had been focused on her work, not because of what Sara had said. They all knew that once the third victim was found, Nick was next.

 

“We’ll get him, I swear, everyone makes mistakes and I’m sure he’s not an exception. And then we...”

 

She trailed off when her phone rang.

 

“Brass, I thought you were with Lower? You’re where, what... Oh my god...”

 

Sara saw her pale, saw her grab the glass table for support for a moment and knew even before she told her, what had happened.

 

“They found the third victim.”

 

---

 

*Chapter 7”

 

“He understood that I love you”

 

For a long time Nick was sure that he had heard wrong, that his ears had played a trick on him, but the fear in Gil’s eyes was real and so was the other emotion almost hidden underneath the fear and the concern… Love...

 

“You love me?”

 

As soon as he said it, he wanted to kick himself, but Gil only took his hand and slowly repeated his words.

 

“Yes, Nick, I love you.”

 

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in Nick, quickly followed by anger so strong that he couldn’t keep it in and he ripped his hand from Gils with a violent move.

 

“Dammit Gil! Do you have any idea, how long I’ve waited for this? Do you have any idea what I would have given to hear these words from you? I’ve loved you for four fucking years and never, never ever got any sign from you that you might feel the same! And now, now that some guy wants me dead you suddenly tell me? Now, that I might die you just come up and...”

 

His anger collapsed as quickly as it had built and left him empty, broken and embarrassed. It was true, he had loved Gil for so long, had wanted him for even longer, but the way he’d just reacted to...

 

“Sh... Nicky, I’ve got you, it’s all right. I’m here”

 

Strong arms around him, soft words whispered in his ear, warm air caressed his neck as Gil continued to hold him, rocked him softly and just whispered tender nonsense. The reality of what had just happened hit Nick then, Gil had just told him that he loved him... and now he was held in those arms. Arms he had longed to be in during nights when nightmares kept him awake and had dreamed of when exhaustion made him pass out.

 

For a while he let himself he held, and then gently he moved his head until his eyes met Gil’s.

 

“I love you”

 

He had never believed when people told him, that three words could change someone’s world, but as he whispered those three little words, as he spoke those eight little letters he could feel his world shift and move and in a way it felt as if everything in his life just moved back a little in order to make room for Gil. Gil, who looked at him with eyes burning with an intensity that set Nick on fire too and suddenly the close proximity wasn’t soothing anymore but arousing and with a moan, Gil leaned in and captured Nick’s lips for the first time.

 

Gil's lips were soft, not scrapped or hard, but soft and gently and he felt seduced by them, seduced to open his lips and let the searching tongue slip in. The taste that was Gil assaulted him, sweet like the mints his lover had started to eat during their shifts, the texture of his tongue slightly raspy where the taste buds were, Nick noticed everything with something like a hyper active clarity.

 

He noticed the softness of Gil's shirt as he caressed his lover's back, the play of muscles underneath the body and shivered at the strength he found in the older man.

 

"I need you"

 

The quietly spoken admission earned him a deep groan and he felt Gil holding him even closer. Then suddenly the maddening kisses stopped and he became aware of the intense eyes on him.

 

"I need you too Nicky, more than I've ever needed someone."

 

All those years that he had worked for Gil, he had wondered how it would be to be in the centre of Gil's focus, to feel all this intense concentration and fascination on him. But every fantasy paled to the reality of the emotions rising in him as the blue eyes studied him, studied him with a passion and a need that made him shiver.

 

Gil noticed and a quick smile ran over his face, before he leaned in again and tenderly kissed Nick again. Then Nick felt him withdraw again and without wanting to he groaned at the loss of the wonderful feeling, immediately Gil's hands returned and soft fingers caressed the kiss-swollen lips.

 

"Let's move this to the bedroom, I want to be able to caress your entire body, to feel you against me, to see you completely bared."

 

The hot words sent another shiver through Nick and he trembled with desire as he followed his soon-to-be lover into the other room.

 

He almost ran into Gil, when the older man stopped suddenly and at the muttered curse he carefully peaked over the broader man's shoulder. And couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him at the sight of a large spider sitting on the white bedcover.

 

"Do you think she / he will mind sharing you with me?"

 

Confused and shocked, Gil turned around to explain, but immediately caught the teasing grin in Nick's eyes. Relieved he caught the escapee and put it back into the cage.

 

"I forgot to close the cage yesterday night..."

 

Nick just raised an eyebrow and still laughing leaned against Gil until his front was pressed against Gil's back and gently kissed the exposed flesh on the neck.

 

"You'll have to get it used to the cage, I don't share..."

 

As soon as he said it, Nick wondered if he had come across as too possessive, but the shudder and groan that went through Gil's body erased any of his fears and without warning he was pressed against the other man again.

 

“I will never share you Nick, you are mine!”

 

Nick was at loss of words at the passion and possessiveness in Gil’s voice, but immediately he was pushed on the bed and his lips were taken in another kiss.

 

It was the kiss he hadn’t dared dreaming about, Gil was not asking for permission, just took what Nick was more than willing to give. Feeling dizzy, he couldn’t remember ever having been kissed like this before; and slowly he realized that Gil had just taken over the total control… total control of his mouth, his body, his breath and his soul. It was like going parachuting without a parachute. Desire ran through Nick’s body, settling in the lower areas making his jeans suddenly very uncomfortable. His knees grew weak, his heart beat a mile an hour, but most of all Nick felt Gil. Felt the smaller but muscular body pressed to his, felt the strong arms holding him tight, felt the arousal pressed against his own, but most of all, he felt Gil’s soul completely focused on kissing him, on bringing him pleasure… Him… Nick Stokes... It was almost too much to bear… Nick’s groan brought an end to the kiss and he felt Gil’s eyes on him once again.

 

“You are mine”

 

Some part of Nick screamed at him to deny it, to be scared by the almost obsessive tone in Gil’s voice, but his heart was louder and the love in Gil’s eyes made him smile and agree.

 

“Yes, I am”

 

Tender hands caressed the swollen lips, slipped into the hot cavern, over teeth, tender, soft caresses, that would never have had the potential to arouse Nick, but this was Gil and with Gil everything was different.

 

"I need you now"

 

He smiled as he saw the surprised look and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. The dim light in the room outlined his body and painted shadows on the flesh that was revealed bit by bit .Gil just stood there watching every move he made with a hunger in his eyes that made Nick moan.

 

"I have waited so long for this."

 

Gil’s words were mere whispers as he leaned down and pushed Nick’s hands away. The aggressiveness he had shown before was banked away, he was gentle and loving but it wasn’t what Nick wanted. He wanted Gil completely, wanted all of him, all of his passion and so he leaned over and kissed Gil’s neck until he purred.

 

"I need you, not soft and gentle but hard and you... I want you to lose control."

 

Right after Nick saw the words register in Gil’s brain, he bit him hard, not hard enough to draw blood but hard enough to mark him. Gil looked up sharply and as their eyes locked for a moment Nick saw that his lover understood.

 

“You are mine too”

 

With a growl Gil moved in and kissed him once again in this mind-numbing way while his hands were busy removing shirt, pants, underwear, until Nick was naked. Only then did Gil lean back and Nick felt the blue eyes take him in, a shudder went through his body as he realized that he was literally naked, naked and exposed to Gil’s eyes.

 

"Nick, you're beautiful"

 

He didn’t think anyone had ever looked at him with so much desire and love. Gil's eyes were almost black as he leaned in and brushed his hand over the toned chest. The touch was soft and yet it caused Nick to arch up, desperate for more and Gil smiled a bit, but before he could move further, Nick was finally able to utter some words.

 

"Clothes off"

 

For a second, Nick saw Gil hesitate, but then the older man started to undress and Nick’s breath caught. Never in his dreams would he have imagined how beautiful Gil was. Nick couldn’t decide which part he wanted to kiss first. The broad chest going softer in the middle, the dark nipples standing proud and erect, the trail of hair leading down... Gil wasn’t an athlete, but he was surprisingly muscular and to Nick the choice was too great but then again they had the rest of the night.

 

Unaware of what he was doing his hand had been trailing over his own chest, caressing his own body and suddenly he heard a moan. Gil was staring at Nick’s hand and his eyes riveted on the movement, small shivers running through his body until he almost jumped at Nick.

 

"This is mine to touch"

 

His words were hoarse whispers but Nick forgot them immediately as his hand was replaced by Gil’s and his lover started to stroke him softly. The idea of Gil stroking his cock was enough to make him almost come, but the proximity of the naked body made it even worse. Gil was close enough for Nick to be touched himself and Nick indulged in some of his fantasies as he caressed the strong back, the soft skin on the arms, the coarse hair leading down his body. The first tentative touch at Gil’s cock made the other man go completely still before he looked up.

 

"Nick I need you now, I can't wait... I need to be inside you"

 

Gil was shivering with need and urgency and all Nick could think in this moment was that it was better than any fantasy, better than any dream.

 

"Take me, Gil, please take me, make me yours"

 

Within moments Nick felt a finger teasing his entrance and a shiver of anticipation ran through him. This was Gil; this was real and not a dream. In the same moment his lover touched that one point in Nick’s body that had the power to make him lose control. The loud moan reverberated through the room. For a moment Gil stopped his movements and looked at Nick, his eyes full of wonder and love.

 

"Gil, now, not your fingers, you..."

 

Gil though shook his head at Nick’s plea and tried to add another finger, but Nick just grabbed his hand, he didn’t want another finger, he wanted to feel Gil, all of him. He could feel the tension in the older man’s body, could feel the desperate need to make it good for him, but Nick also knew that he couldn’t wait anymore and so he shook his head frantically as Gil tried to reason with him.

 

"Nick, you are not ready... I don't want to hurt you"

 

"I don't care, I need you..."

 

His voice broke and he poured some lotion in his hand, reached for the condom on the nightstand and slowly, carefully began to apply it first, then slicked the cock with the lotion. His eyes fixed on Gil, Nick could see what his touch did to his lover and saw the exact moment, when Gil couldn’t take it anymore.

 

"Nick, stop I... No..."

 

"Take me"

 

"Oh god yes"

 

Gil’s words turn into one long moan as he slid into Nick in one trust. It hurt for a moment and Nick had to fight the tension, but then Gil was deep inside him and it was like everything was falling into place, like the one missing piece of the puzzle had finally been found. Nick was home, finally home.

 

Gil had his eyes closed, small shivers were running through his body and just for a moment Nick got anxious. Then Gil opened his eyes and the same overwhelming feelings that coursed through Nick’s body were mirrored in the blue orbs that glittered with love, passion and something so deep it was almost tangible.

 

"I love you so much"

 

Gil reached out and entwined their hands.

 

"You ready?"

 

He couldn’t speak, his voice had been robbed since he had felt Gil inside him the first time, but as his lover moved back a bit, Nick’s deep moan must have told Gil everything he needed to know. Nick felt him move in slow measured trusts until he arched back on him.

 

“Let go, love me completely Gil”

 

Something in Gil’s eyes changed at those words and Nick could see that Gil had finally lost the control over his body as he began to move with an incredible force making Nick cry out and lose every sense of reality.

 

Nick didn’t know where he was, who he was... He was floating on a see of fire, drowning in the fire without feeling any pain, kept safe by the blue sky above him, a sky so blue it was unreal. He heard a voice crying out, heard a second voice answering and suddenly realized it had been him. Gil whispered his name over and over while he moved inside him, strong hands were around his cock and suddenly Nick couldn’t hold back. Watching the blue explode he heard the whispered command from his lover.

 

 "Come with me"

 

And he did.

 

---

 

Awareness came slowly back and the first thing Gil noticed was that he was crushing Nick. Yet his words of apology were stolen by a loving kiss, while gentle hands combed through his hair.

 

“I love the feeling of your body on mine”

 

Turning his head so that he could see the dark eyes of his lover, Gil saw the truth of that statement as the younger man literally snuggled against him.

 

“It makes me feel safe”

 

Gil saw the small mark on Nick’s shoulder and a smile crossed his face, he had marked Nick, marked him as his. Eyes flying over the swollen lips, the strong yet now pliant body underneath his, he felt love like none he had felt before and slowly the words Nick had spoken filtered through his brain.

 

‘it makes me feel safe’

 

The threat was far from gone, but Nick was his, had always been his, but now he was more than ever and so Gil, just enfolded Nick in his arms as he turned them so that they lay side by side.

 

“I will always keep you safe”

 

They both knew that rationally it was an empty promise, but it wasn’t their rational mind that ached for a confirmation, it were their hearts. Nick shivered lightly and looked at Gil with love in his eyes.

 

“I know”

 

Moving to close the gap between them, Gil leaned in and captured Nick’s lips in a tender and loving kiss. For long moments they lay like this, lost in each other and their love.

 

The ring of Gil’s cell-phone shook them out of their trance and yet they maintained their closeness as Gil fumbled on the nightstand to get the phone.

 

“Catherine, what’s up?”

 

His left hand played with Nick’s hair, while Nick’s hands slowly painted circles on his chest. The young man’s breathing was slow, relaxed and in the after-glow of passion he was breathtaking. Gil watched his lover while listening to static noise until he finally heard Catherine.

 

“Sorry for the bad line, we were in a tunnel. Gil, there is a problem...”

 

Gil went still at these words, his eyes still watching Nick, but now portraying horror instead of passion and Nick immediately moved closer, giving comfort for once. He knew what Catherine would tell Gil and the next words coming through the phone proved him right.

 

“We have found the third victim.”

 

-----