The greatest joy------Giving
The greatest thing to be without---Hope
The most crippling failure disease---Excuses
The deadliest weapon----The Tongue
The two most power-filled words---I Can
The greatest asset---Faith
The most worthledd emotion---Self-Pity
The most beautiful attire---A smile
The most prized possession---Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication---Prayer
The most contagious spirit---Enthusiasm
The most effective sleeping pill---Peace of Mind
Our greatest natural resource---Our Youth
The most endangered species---Dedicated Teachers
The ugliest personality trait---Selfishness
The greatest loss----Self-respect
The most satisfying work---Helping Others
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it is long,
At least I can admit,
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost,
And I don't have a problem,
admitting I'm lost
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deeal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just because I'm assertive,
Don't call me a b****.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not my chest!!
I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings,
I know you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
Don't call me a GIRL,
a BABE, or a CHICK,
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!!
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%? If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will out you over the top.
And look how far ASS KISSING will take you:
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 1 14 7 = 127%
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions.
But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr.Gorsky."
Many people at NaSS thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrongs the what the "Good luck Mr.Grosky" statementment, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.
Mr.Grosky had died, so Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, Young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Sex! You want sex?!? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
True Story.
pettry amzanig, uhu?