 |
| Rants.... |
| The politically incorrect rants of a chemically unstable generation |
| Updated between satanic rituals...alternatively,when I can be bothered... |
| I was down the pub the other day,you know,talkn to a few regulars.And most of the blokes i was talkn to reckoned that Australia was the best country in the world to live in.I KNOW.where di the others want to live?Iraq? (would you like a complementary headscarf ma'am?).But in all fairness,those couple of fellas were in excess of intoxication limitations (even by Australian standards). I do reckon Aus is the best place to live though.I mean take our remarkably low crime rates for instance.At the beach,all Australians hide their keys and wallets in their sandshoes,no criminal has ever worked this out... And not forgetting our sporting sucess.We do really good at cricket.And make England look really shit.Two words,Donald,Bradman.He was so good that England had to throw the ball at his head to get him out...And what about AFL?The only game where if you dont get the ball between the two middle posts,they'll give you a point anyway. Down under,you always know where you stand.The smaller the nickname,the more they like you.And if the man next to you is swearing like a wharfie,he's probably a millionare,or,just as conceivably,a wharfie. And dont forget the aussie tucker.Whether its the launch of an art gallery,or the opening of parliament,there is no Australian event which cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.And no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce. Australia is also the only place where it is acceptable to refer to a mate as a 'total bastard'.And if you're shit at remembering names,you can just call everyone mate. On picnics,the esky is always too small,resulting in a food vs grog battle.Australia is the only country where this dilema results in the salad being left at home. All Australians know that if it cant be fixed with gaffa tape and pantyhose,its not worth fixing,and industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate.But dont get me wrong,us Aussies love technology.Years after the introduction of the mobile phone,the calls are still principally about the fact that the call is being made "on my mobile". Finally,as a result of hardships such as dirt,thirst and wombats,you would expect us Aussies to be a sour bunch.Instead,we are genial,jolly,cheerful,friendly,and always willing to lend a kind word to a stranger,unless they are American... |