January 14, 1996
Dear journal, I've concluded another exhausting day of life, in the redundant confinements of school and my residence. I got in trouble in school again today. These rules are beginning to piss me off. Who has ever heard of such frivolous rules? I don't expect smooth sailing, I foresee a bumpy path. My Mother is growing weary of my outlandish,"malignant" behavior. She's arranged, with Pastor Martin W. Scholeir, for me to attend a Sunday church service at Emmanuel Baptist Church this week. I can't begin to imagine the boredom I will endure from this pitiful display of human stupidity. God? Jesus Christ, give me a break. I hate to be the spoiler of something "good", but God is a fictional character. You tell me that God loves us, i'll believe it as much as I believe Santa is on my roof with a bag of goodies. I may be young, but I am not half as naive and gullible as these relentless stooges. I figure I can just read a book throughout the duration of the worship, so long as it's not a bible. Forgive me Journal, for perpetuating this, but I still can't believe the stupidity associated with the belief in a deity. Logic, people, Logic. A 10 lb. ball with a radius of 12 cm. Is Not going to fit inside of a hole that has the radius of 5 cm. It's simply illogical, much like an omni beneveolent, omnipresence with sexual identity relative to the same species it provides salvation for. I would just like to slap these pin heads. I look at them, I see their faces. They believe in God as much as I do. They just allow themselves to think they believe it, because they created this "God" as their little icon of hope. Oh oh, something isn't going right in my life.. allow me to pray and It'll be all better.. It's psychological. The belief in a higher power and eternal life is just guising insecurities. Afterlife? Well, I thought the idea of not being in want applied to material possessions? The firmaments have obviously been conceived by human thought, and respectively displays one's desire to have eternal life on earth, for heaven has been described as a sanctuary filled with "earthly riches." (Mansions, butlers, diamonds, etc.) Humans lust for more life. It's a garbage bag full of rubbish if you expect me to believe someone would want to spend eternity in a "non-earthlike" environment. And I've thought we've learned something from Vampire movies; Eternal life is suffocating no matter what. Can't these morons just stop and say to themselves, hey, idiot, what would it really be like, living for eternity? The riches are irrelevant, the good-times can't be lasted for ever, they'll eventually get old and boring. I think Death is a reward for being sentenced to life. No, journal, these people are stupid. And another thing, I can't imagine fully advocating a doctrine of religion that numerously contradicts itself-- You're submitting to a religion that has already been proven to have lied in the past, and then it assures you the profound truths will be revealed? People who advocate Christianity are a lot like those little kids who get swindled into taking candy from a stranger and winding up in the trunk. Expecting something delicious for a simple trade; trust. Then while you're occupied enjoying the sweetness, Bam, you get it. And that's just what the christians will get, Disappointment. A life they wasted on bullshit morality when they could have been living life. I think of the word zombie when I think of Christians, second to mind is sheep. Sheep-like zombies that feast on non-believers. That's another thing that pisses me right on off. Christians wont do things for you because they're benevolent, no, they'll do nice things for people because they think by doing that they're showing people how wonderful the christian lifestyle is, not to mention fulfilling God's duties. All this benevolence, and good deeds, just to swindle people into their religion. Fuck, man, I do nice things for people, because I want to, not because I think God will like me better. I will not accept nice things from christians. That's how those cult-nutters get you. I can't believe how accepted christianity is by State and Federal Government as well as society in general. Show them Ti`Jun Cults and they'll shun it away, oooga booga, blissfully ignorant to the fact their Religion is just like the Ti`Jun. Damn, Sunday is going to suck. Those whacko better not try to eat my brain. Or feed it vacuous religious drivel. It pisses me off so bad, I don't know how to explain it. I see little kids say, " I am a christian" just to look "good." And christianity is good in the public's eyes, which makes me sick, because it's a malevolent, racist, mind-controlling plague. I've seen people in court, blah blah, I believe in God, I go to church, I Do this and what not, and the Judge goes easier on him. Why? Because he was open with his pseudo-christian faith. Attacking the church, and/or God would be useless, because it's already, in society's eyes, the omni benevolent savior, the thing that will save them all from hell, and the way to do it. Arg. I am going to sleep soon, I'll write back Sunday and let you know how things turn out. Goodnight Journal.