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Frequently asked questions: Q: What type of issues do you cover? A: �stuff Q: Is Jazmeet Ishmnd hot? A: YES, he is the sexiest man in the world! Q: How can I get a hold of (speak to) Jazmeet Ishmnd? A: You can�t because you are too stupid to say anything important. Q: In Jazmeet�s name, what does D.P.S.L.C.P.K.H.R.D. stand for? A: Danger Pineapple Stapler Love Caterpillar Pickle Kangaroo Ham Remote-Control Diaper. Q: What is that on your face? (I get this one a lot) A: �shut you mouth! And the most common: Q: �What the hell?� And �I don�t get it?� A: The answer to this one is simply: 42	Some Interesting but TRUE Statistics: A cow's stomach to butt ratio is 4 to 1. 85.1% of people who read on a daily basis are 27% more likely to be 11% more likely to see a car accident while whistling the Mickey Mouse March. 50% of all females, is exactly ONE HALF of the total number of females! 87% to 2% of the 37% of people, not to be confused with the 1/3 of them, have a 50% of 20% to 30% of the 41% of them who actually read this think they know about 21% to 38/957ths of what this is not saying.	A Cure For Cancer Found!! A recent theory was put to the test. A group of participants participated in a participation to test a routine to see if it could prevent cancer. The participants were first asked to spin in a circle at exactly 72.643112 rpm�s while singing: Lord Satan is my god, I will do his will yes. And so on. After singing this no less than 64,000,000,002.3 times, the participants were told to hold their breath until they collapse on the ground. Once regaining consciousness, eat a live tarantula and pop a balloon over their head. This may seem a bit strange, but every single one of the participants did not get cancer that whole week! So if this is practiced by anyone every week, you will be free of cancer! Scientists disagree saying �I don�t think the balloon popping is necessary.� In any case, if you do not want to get cancer be sure to do this at least once a week and you can expect a long happy life filled with friends and peace.
	Interview with a common household item Q: So Mr. Washingmachine, can I call you that? �Well how are you today? A: � Q: Yeah, I know what you mean. So Mr. Washingmachine a question I bet many people are wondering is �how did you become so popular? A: � Q: So that�s the key to your success, with that knowledge I bet I could start my own Newspaper and make millions. So how about it, do you think I should? A: � Q: okay I�ll try that. So another question I have for you is� A: � Q: excuse me? A: � Q: are you coming on to me? A: � Q: well no not with a washing machine before. A: � Q: okay but don�t tell anyone. A: � Q: oh, you like when I turn your knob don�t you? A: �
Have we found Jesus� body!? Have we found Jesus� body? After years of excavation and research, finding Jesus� body would prove to be one of the greatest upsets ever seen, and could mark the end for Catholicism as we know it! Have we done it? Have we actually found Jesus� body? Scientist Justin Sane remarks, �I am sure that the all people, both Catholic and non-Catholic scientists and even people with some interest in the field of the sciences, would agree with me.� So what is Mr. Sane�s opinion? Has Jesus� body been discovered? No.		The Worst And Best Day for Battery A boy named Battery woke up, got ready and left for church. Battery did not have a car; he walked to church. Down the sidewalk he trotted mindlessly. The street was completely silent and still, except for the halfway crushed pigeon that a car ran over and now it convulsed and squawked, but Battery did not see it, for it was too far down the road to concern him. Suddenly a car painted with a giant rainbow on the hood and sign on its roof that said �I am God!� appeared driving toward Battery on the wrong side of the road. Battery was angry at the sign on the car that said �I am God!� but he tried to ignore it knowing that it would soon pass. The car�s wheels ran up onto the sidewalk and was headed directly for Battery. Battery turned and ran for the chain fence nearby. He pulled himself to the top and the car slammed into the fence breaking though it and sending Battery flying through the air. He landed head first onto a stone bench. When Battery awoken he realized that he was okay and that the car was gone. He got up and then realized that he had already missed thirty minutes of church so he quickly ran to the church. When the church came into view it exploded into a large mushroom cloud that sent fragments of wall and all sorts of body parts all over the block. Battery stood in shock unharmed.