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Posted by Freet on 01-07-2002 09:05 PM:

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.....

The evil Freet twists on his absurdly long handle bar mustache and ties little miss BasTyra to the railroad tracks in a vain attempt to make her conceide to his many proposals of marriage....

Help me! Help me!....she crys!.......as the train comes around the bend a puffin and a smokin, she yells louder and louder....the train comes ever closer.....will the galant hero, Canadian Mounty Durf Banyon be able to save the day?......

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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by BigBadBob on 01-07-2002 09:11 PM:

LMAO Freet, you are one sick puppy sometimes.

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Sparky on 01-07-2002 09:15 PM:

GOOOO DURFMAN!

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And when he gets to Heaven, To Saint Peter he will tell, One more soldier reporting Sir, I've served my time in Hell.

Posted by BasTyra on 01-07-2002 11:06 PM:

Somehow I dont really picture myself as the "Damsel in Distress" type.. but, whatever *shrug* ill play along..

Oh, Durf Banyon, where are you?! Save me, my gorgeous, gallant hero!

*screams*

*swoons then faints rather daintily*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Darkness on 01-07-2002 11:11 PM:

*looks around him with a bewilder gaze*

"have I stumbled into a bizarre low budget parody of The Adventures Penelope Pitstop?" he thinks, " and if so, how can I get out?"

*pauses as a thought comes to mind*

"Can I be one of the Ant Hill Mob?" he asks expectantly.

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Posted by AoiSonlee on 01-07-2002 11:13 PM:

quote:

will the galant hero, Canadian Mounty Durf Banyon be able to save the day?......

To answer your question... No.

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Want something new to do? Try putting some Jell-O down your pants, it's great!

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Posted by Amra on 01-07-2002 11:31 PM:

Amra shows up. His 17" Sheffield Bowie is drawn and ready to sever the ropes should Durf Banyon not get here in time. But she does look kind of cute when she is all helpless and such.

Posted by BasTyra on 01-07-2002 11:36 PM:

*Props herself up on one elbow*

*sighs impatiently*

Durf Banyon, oh Durf Banyon!!

*Looks around*

Anyone got a pack of cards??

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Amra on 01-07-2002 11:39 PM:

Cards? No.

Here, have a smoke instead...

*pulls out a cig*

*strikes a match on the zipper of my jeans*

*lights cig and gives it to Bas*

Better darling?

Posted by Darkness on 01-07-2002 11:40 PM:

You must be tied to the tracks of a UK train service.

The train's probably been cancelled, broken down or otherwise delayed.

He's a mug o coffee to keep yourself refreshed while you wait for Durf Banyon or the train. Both could be quite sometime.

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by BasTyra on 01-07-2002 11:46 PM:

Thanks, darlings..

*takes a delicate puff of her cigarrette*

*sips her coffee*

What is taking him so long?

*Hikes up her skirt to reveal a small makeup kit attached to her suspenders*

*Touches up her lippy and powders her nose before fluffing up her curls*

DURF BANYON!!! SAVE ME!!! IM IN PERIL!! THERE IS A BROKEN-DOWN TRAIN THAT COULD VERY WELL GET REPAIRED SOMETIME WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR!!! SAAAVE ME DURF BANYON!!!!

*Pretends to faint*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by ladymak on 01-07-2002 11:55 PM:

no see.. i sabatoged the train, cuz i dont think that durf will be here anytime soon.. however, when he DOES get here, i will start the train back up so that you may be rescued...

what a goofy thread this is, freet

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Posted by Lord_Helmet on 01-07-2002 11:56 PM:

:begins the repairs on the broken down train:

:flashes an evil grin:

Mwa ha ha ha!!

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COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by TheLioness on 01-07-2002 11:57 PM:

*shows up with a picnic lunch complete with adult beverages*
*pulls out a deck of cards*
*starts a game of Go Fish*

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This space for rent

Posted by Darkness on 02-07-2002 12:03 AM:

quote:

Originally posted by BasTyra

*Hikes up her skirt to reveal a small makeup kit attached to her suspenders*

For some reason I read that as being a "ketchup kit" and it completely baffled me.

Enough to re-read it and realise what it really said.

I mean, what would one do with a Ketchup kit? What does it look like?

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SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by Amra on 02-07-2002 12:04 AM:

quote:

Originally posted by TheLioness
*starts a game of Go Fish*

sigh. I was hoping for strip poker.

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 02-07-2002 12:10 AM:

quote:

Originally posted by Amra

sigh. I was hoping for strip poker.

Considering there are more guys in this forums then girls I'd have to say Go-Fish is a better game, Sorry but I don't fancy naked men....although the chance at seeing some of the hotties minus their cloths might be worth it

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 12:53 PM:

*whistles to herself*

DURF BANYON, MY HERO?!!?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!?!

*sigh*

Ooh someone brought cards!!

Who's up for a game of poker?

I hope noone is fixing that blasted train yet...

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Khalic on 02-07-2002 12:57 PM:

Takes a sip from his drink and eyes his opponents nervously. After a few moments of contemplation he speaks.

"Got any fives Grey?"

"Go fish."

"Screw you, I know you have a f'ing five."

__________________
Ah, there it is again, the searing rapier-like wit.

Posted by Kaneda on 02-07-2002 03:04 PM:

So I was killing my fellow gladiators on flying birds when an irate lady demanded I go to a ranch. Too bad too, I was almost past level 100.... well maybe next time.
So whats going on here? ooh a picnic... and poker!

*shoos his large avian steed away*

okay let's play!

*Sits down with a sandwhich in one hand and a deck of cards in the other*

__________________
Beware the paradise without your fellow man, for it is actually hell.

Freemasons run the country

Posted by DurfBarian on 02-07-2002 03:15 PM:

Durf Banyon was in the thick of it this time, no doubt about it. Them varmints had stolen his duds while he was in the bath, leaving him with nothing but his holster, his hat (which never left his head), and a small furry dog, which he was now holding over his privvies a la Steve Martin in "The Jerk." Smirks crossed the faces of all eleven bandits as they stared down their rifle barrels at our hero.

"Nice Dawg, Banyon," crooned Rex Scarfield, wanted in twelve counties and the Oklahoma Territory. "Kin it tree?"

"Yeah, it can tree all right, Scarfield. And you and yer boys had best get a-movin' on iff'n yew don't want me ta tree you all like the varmints you is." Banyon glanced meaningfully at the town scaffold, where so many crooks and lowlifes had gotten their just desserts at the end of a rope in the past. But this time it didn't look so good . . . Banyon's pistol was still in the barber's back room where it had fallen out of his holster!

"Har har, boys! His pup kin tree. Any other tricks fer us, before we fill ya full o' holes?"

"Just this, Rex . . . FETCH!"

Durf Banyon flung the dog toward the barber's door. The pup raced between the dust plumes that flew up all around it as the Scarfield gang emptied round after round at it. Leaping through a smashed window, the dog grabbed Banyon's pistol, on whose ivory grip was carved "BasTyra" and a little heart with an arrow through it, and leapt out the back door, sneaking through the sage to where his master stood naked, face aflame, wondering how he would get to his best girl in time, before the closing circle of villains . . .

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Posted by ozzymandias on 02-07-2002 03:35 PM:

*steps out from behind a cactus, carrying a large basket*

i was just on my way back from the laundromat, here, you can borrow this, cause the view from here is causing unhealthy thoughts, and my therapist said i should aviod those..

*tosses durf a wad of neatly folded fabric*

also, i will menace the villains with my trusty bottle of canned air while you wait for the dog to get back...

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+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++
+++PLEASE RE-INSERT UNIVERSE AND REBOOT+++

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 03:39 PM:

Man, this is a pretty cool movie, but when I saw that 'warning - R18 - contains nudity' on the Marquee I didn't think it was gonna be Durf getting his kit off...**grumbles**

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Kaneda on 02-07-2002 03:46 PM:

*dusts off his vocal cords*
ahem.

The credits roll, the camera pans
and in the mist our hero stands
he starts to speak then folds his hands in prayer
an awkward pause, then whats my line
There's nothing left to say this time
and what would you say to a bad guy who not there?
In terms of roman numerals
hes IV league with Roman Polanski
He'd win a oscar everytime if only he was given a chance-ski
He started on a broadway stage
a product of another age
an offer and a pilot drew him west
the series bombed, commercials came
and though nobody knew his name
The all reconized the potential he possessed
Deoderants and dental floss
and how much does that new car cost
His acting was methodical in You Don't Need A Medical
He's branded like a racing car
Hes like a movie star with out movies
The week of independance day
the casting agent called to say
you smile could save our movie and the world
Buy Buy Buy
Sell Sell Sell
How well you learn
to not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end
It goes like this we have no choice: the minarets
The wailing voice
And vaguely Celtic music fills the air
We choose a foreigner to hate
the new iraq gets more irate
we really know nothing about them and no one cares
Aladdin and the forty theives
enhanced by brand new special effects
Saddam and his cow disease spiced up
with some gratuitous sex
a movie's made, a war is won
a low-speed chase, a smoking gun
Distracts us while the actor takes the stand
Buy Buy Buy
Sell Sell Sell
How well you learn
To not discern
Who's foe and who is Friend
We'll own them all in the end

__________________
Beware the paradise without your fellow man, for it is actually hell.

Freemasons run the country

Posted by krauseman on 02-07-2002 03:51 PM:

Well, damnit! I leave for a few days for a wedding and NWN, and when I get back, here's Bas tied to some railroad tracks (overall, a nice image, but I prefer her alive ), and everyone's playing Go Gish, and the hero's late.

Jesus, can't I ever leave?

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Call 1-800-988-45, ooh, Charmed is on.

Posted by Khalic on 02-07-2002 03:53 PM:

Ain't it weird that i was humming that song to myself as i read down and came upon the lyrics, must have been a subliminal message up there somewhere.

Anyways

"Seven pairs, you cheating bastard."

*fight scene*

*make up scene*

*love scene*

__________________
Ah, there it is again, the searing rapier-like wit.

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 04:35 PM:

Hahahahahahahhaah *cough*

*starts to perspire.. erm.. daintily*

*tugs at her restraints*

Durf Banyon, my hero, my saviour, my true love!! Saaaaaave me from my impending doom!!!!!!!!!

*lights herself another cigarette and waits impatiently, every so often putting on a forlorn facial*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by morpheus_31 on 02-07-2002 04:38 PM:

Ooooh, a musical

*Morpheus claps wildly and sits down with his popcorn to see how this all turns out*

"Go Durf Banyon! Save the damsell in distress! Go, Durf, go!!"

__________________
________________________________

I can curse the rosebush for it's thorns, or I can rejoice that the thornbush has a rose... the choice is up to me.

When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation... well... I'm just glad I get a sensation.

Posted by Babin on 02-07-2002 05:18 PM:

Bas, lighting yourself a cig might do great for the smoking fetishists out there but it sort of destroys the illusion of restraint, heh.

I must admit this is an amusing thread... or something.

__________________
A witty saying proves nothing.

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 05:20 PM:

Shhhh!

As well as being a nude underwater basketweaver and owning a croc farm, did I mention the fact that I am a Yoga instructor??

*scratches her nose with her big toe*

Durf Banyon, my darling, where in the world are you??

*squeals*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Babin on 02-07-2002 05:24 PM:

*Nude* underwater basket weaving?

I can't say I've heard of nudity mixed into that equation before.

Heh, when people ask me my major I sometimes tell them "Underwater basket weaving and it's influences on the history of ancient China".

__________________
A witty saying proves nothing.

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 05:27 PM:

You can do almost anything nude these days.

*hikes up her skirt a little to show some leg*
*arranges herself for Durf Banyons appearance*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by DurfBarian on 02-07-2002 05:37 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by BasTyra
You can do almost anything nude these days.

I know I let you do almost anything nude with me.

I'm working on the next installment of my brave trek to reach your side in THE NICK OF TIME but please wait as I must first proofread 30 pages of crap and teach a class. You may amuse yourself with the world's shortest reality TV show in the meantime.

EDIT: Re the cigarette thing I refer you to my other post.

__________________
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Posted by Babin on 02-07-2002 05:40 PM:

Wow, that hey.com thing truly is quite possibly the "dumbest thing ever" or whatever that quote on the frontpage boasted.

Heh somewhat amusing though.

__________________
A witty saying proves nothing.

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 06:04 PM:

The evil Freet...

enters the town saloon owned and operated by miss Makitty, pulls a gold piece out of his pocket, bites it for some reason, and tosses it on the bar. "Miss Makitty, slide me over a bottle of that whisky you got hidden behind the bar. You know, the stuff you haven't watered down. And when youre done get the other ladies up there and lets get down with a can can dance." Looking to his left, at the end of the bar was a man dressed in black. Freet could barely make out his eyes under that hat that was pulled low cause it looks cool. Hmmm, thought Freet, I know those eyes from somewhere. Set close together, menacing glow, bloodshot. It could only be one person. It had to be......the notorious BigBadBobBart. The gunslingingist, no goodist, contankerous outlaw what ever come round these parts. His feets of evil are knowd from Boston to the Rio Grande but what makes him so legendary is Marshall Dutchman and his trusty side kick, Fester (played by Krauseman) could never pin anything on him. Some say the Marshall had lost his nerve, some say he ran outa bullets (and what good is a marshall without his bullets?) but most believe its because he never gets off the bar stool....

Now for a commercial break.....

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 06:09 PM:

Ill just sit here and wait for my hero..

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 06:14 PM:

My 'feets of evil'?

*sniffs*

Well yeah it's been a while since I changed my socks...that's just the kind of rebel I am, damn it.

BigBadBobBart slides his stool closer to the evil Freet(being careful to never actually leave the stool), spits tobacco juice on a nearby saloon gal's leg, and leans in close.

"So, Freet," he mutters, his breath heavy with the stale scents of cheap whiskey, chewing tobacco, and saloon gal, "I hear you got yerself a little problem..."

He looks coldly at the villain with the slightest suggestion of a smile on his lips. There is one of those long, Western movie-type silences where all you can hear is the buzzing of a fly in the background, and then Freet answers...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 06:15 PM:

You might....

...be waiting a while there missy. You see, my evil plan included replacing the dog that was used to cover Durf Banions goodies with an identical one trained in the arts of carma sutra. Being a man, I knew he would have to take a nap afterwards.

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 06:22 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by BigBadBob
My 'feets of evil'?

*sniffs*

Well yeah it's been a while since I changed my socks...that's just the kind of rebel I am, damn it.

BigBadBobBart slides his stool closer to the evil Freet(being careful to never actually leave the stool), spits tobacco juice on a nearby saloon gal's leg, and leans in close.

"So, Freet," he mutters, his breath heavy with the stale scents of cheap whiskey, chewing tobacco, and saloon gal, "I hear you got yerself a little problem..."

He looks coldly at the villain with the slightest suggestion of a smile on his lips. There is one of those long, Western movie-type silences where all you can hear is the buzzing of a fly in the background, and then Freet answers...

Yup, *spits, hitting the head of a passing lizard* I do Bart. seems I have Durf napping for now but I'm beginning to think the train won't be repaired before the nap is finished. I need someone to create a distraction for him when he wakes up. Giving those train mechanics time to complete the repairs. Those damned union boys can be so slow sometimes. *spits hitting the noisy fly in the forhead*

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 06:35 PM:

**Grins, showing mouthful of yellow, blackened teeth, proving beyond all doubt that he's one of the bad guys.**

Ayuh...well, I do believe I can provide just the distraction you need, Freet. And all I ask in return is ownership of that lil' dawg...Agreed? Good...I'll go take care of it...

**Gets up and swaggers noisily towards the saloon doors, smiling grimly to himself**

That pretty boy Durf Banion has no idea what he's in for...

--Cut to another commercial as BigBadBobBaart tramples the lizard underfoot on the way out the saloon doors--

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 06:43 PM:

*spits on the railway track in front of her*

Durf Banyon sure is gonna kick some sense into those dang bandits for doing this to me..

*spits some tobacco goober on a nearby tree*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 06:52 PM:

On the way to wherever he was going, to do whatever dastardly deed he had in mind to distract Durf Banyon, BigBadBobBart shot the singing guy dead just for the hell of it.

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 06:53 PM:

*PsychoFreak walks in, wearing a black suit, sunglasses and holding a massive gun*

PsychoFreak: Whoa, wrong movie.

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 07:04 PM:

Freet....

....slowly turns around and stares down the newcomer in the new fangled duds. "we don't cotton to your kind around here pawdner" *spits and hits the lizard again* "git outa town by high noon" *spits ricocheting off the newcomers forhead and hitting the lizard again"

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 07:04 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by PsychoFreak
*PsychoFreak walks in, wearing a black suit, sunglasses and holding a massive gun*

PsychoFreak: Whoa, wrong movie.

Hahahahahaha

*still waiting*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by DurfBarian on 02-07-2002 07:10 PM:

Durf wakes up dazed in a teepee somewhere deep in the desert. He has an overpowering and inexplicable urge to spit. A nubile Hopi maiden is bent over him wiping his brow with a damp cloth.

"Whe . . whe . . ." Durf stammers.

The maiden says nothing, but points to mystical paintings on the teepee wall that show stick figures locked in combat for the Soul of the World. Coyote looks on from the fields of heaven as two dark figures rain fire and boulders on a shining figure in white, who appears to be holding a stick dog over his crotch. The maiden points to the white figure, then back to Durf, and smiles. When her grandfather comes into the tent with cactus-juice balm for Durf's sunburn and wounds everything fades to black once again . . .

* Cut to commercial *

__________________
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Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:11 PM:

what are you waiting for again?

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:12 PM:

Oh yes. I'll save you! *dives in front of the train and gets hit as well*

Well, that didn't entirely work.

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 07:15 PM:

Heh, nice try, Psycho.. but as far as i know the train is still broken..

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:17 PM:

Wow, I got hit by a stationary broken train. How saddening

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by DurfBarian on 02-07-2002 07:18 PM:

* Durf comes to briefly once again. His wounds are healing nicely, but his sunburn is beginning to peel in a yucky manner. *

"What is this medicine, old one?"

"Strong medicine. Cure you well. Sleep now."

* Durf passes out once again *

__________________
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Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:21 PM:

Whoa, he's gonna have some badass brain damage.

After I beat him over the head with this wrench repeatedly.

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 07:23 PM:

BigBadBobBart was on the hunt. He knew that somewhere, out in the desert, Durf Banyon was hiding, trying to regain his lost strength. He knew that if he could get the drop on Durf before his recovery was complete, he would have the advantage. But where to look? He considered making his enquiries at a nearby Indian Village, but decided against it. That would just be too obvious, even for a stupid-little-weiner-prettyboy-with-perfect-teeth like Banyon.

He searched for many days, but his search was fruitless. He took out his frustration by shooting some kid called Psychofreak just for the hell of it, proving once again what a bastard he was.
Then he smiled. He knew exactly where Banyon would be going. All he had to do was wait for him there. He turned and headed for the train track and the lovely Bastyra. In the back of his mind was a flicker of doubt as to whether he could take a fully rejuvinated Banyon head to head. But he pushed the thought down.

"Durf," he said quietly to himself, "I'm the gunslingingist, no goodist, most cantankerous outlaw what ever come round these parts. My feets of evil are knowd from Boston to the Rio Grande. And when I find you I'm gonna rip your heart out and shove it up your Rio Grande...**evil laugh**

EDIT

Changed a bit that made NO sense...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:28 PM:

Luckily I was wearing my bulletproof armour. Too bad it didn't stop the train. Damn stationary objects...
*PsychoFreak gets run over by a letterbox*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 07:31 PM:

BigBadBobBart contemplated a headshot on Psychofreak, finishing the job once and for all, but seeing him get run over by a letterbox, decided that he was no threat and that it would be crueller to let him live. He went and hid in the rocks by the lovely Bastyra's position, and waited...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:33 PM:

*PsychoFreak attempts to chase after BigBadBobBartBreakfastcereal but gets run over by a rabid powerpole*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 07:33 PM:

Anyone else noticed how this story keeps slipping from the past to the present tense, and from the first to the third person and back again?

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 07:36 PM:

details...details...

just git back to lookin for Durf Banyon...I hear he's held up at some tee pee with animal porn grafitti'ed on it.

Don't worry about Marshall Dutchman...I bought him another bottle so he's probebly in the dumpster behind the saloon by now.

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:39 PM:

No, I didn't notice that.
*PsychoFreak gets hit by a flying cow*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by PsychoFreak on 02-07-2002 07:41 PM:

Whatever Freet. I'm after BigBadBobBartBoneBeater. It's a personal thing.

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 07:43 PM:

Animal porn? I didn't think a clean-cut, devastatingly handsome lil' prettyboy like Durf would be into that kinda stuff..oh well...thanks for the tipoff..

BigBadBobBart began to walk towards the indian village, his spurs jingling ominously...would our hero awake in time? And even if he did, would he be any match for the outlaw in his weakened state???

--tense music as we wait for Durf--

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 07:43 PM:

I know how to stop you PsychoFreak

Starts throwing stationary objects at PsychoFreak.

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 07:46 PM:

*notices a badly made hairpiece sticking out behind a couple of large rocks*

Dangnamit, I'd recognise that hairpiece anywhere!! What in Gods name are you doin' here, BigBadBobBart?!
I wouldn't stick around iffn I were you, BigBadBobBart, my Durf will be along any moment now to untie me, and he sure is gonna give your ass a whoopin'!

*spits a large wad of tobacco at the tree in front of her, which, by now, resembles some kind of swamp creature*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 07:50 PM:

Heh heh, you don't need to worry about that lil' missy...Freet just tipped me off to where Banyon is hiding and I'm gonna go there and take him out while he's still weak...bye for now...

**sneaks a peek up Bastyra's skirt as he leaves for the indian village**

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Broadside_XV88 on 02-07-2002 07:51 PM:

*throws a mime at Freak*

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 07:53 PM:

Nooo! You leave my Durf Banyon alone!! Y'hear me!!

*struggles against her restraints*

Hmm..

*spits a huge wad of tabaccy at BigBadBobBart's face*

Take that ye no-good scum sucking bastard!!

*spits again at BigBadBobBarts face*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by ozzymandias on 02-07-2002 07:54 PM:

GAAHHH!!!

A MIME!!!

EEEKKK!!!

*runs away*

__________________
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++
+++PLEASE RE-INSERT UNIVERSE AND REBOOT+++

Posted by DurfBarian on 02-07-2002 07:58 PM:

** OFFICIAL MOVIE STUDIO TYPE ANNOUNCEMENT **

Durf had a star tantrum and went home for the day. We'll be shooting some mood scenery on Lot 16 but the actors and actresses can knock off for the next 13 hours or so. Sorry folks.

** OFFICIAL MOVIE STUDIO TYPE ANNOUNCEMENT **

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Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 07:59 PM:

Although he found Bastyra spitting on him to be almost unbearably arousing, BigBaldBadassBobBartdude kept walking towards the indian village. He knew that Psycho kid was out there looking for him, with revenge on his mind, but he had left a large, stationary rock behind which he knew would stop him dead in his tracks.

He entered the outskirts of the village. The injuns fled in fear of his vile body odour. He strode to the middle of the camp and bawled:

"DURF BANYON!!! I'M CALLING YOU OUT!!!"

EDIT

Suddenly realising he was in the wrong village, BigBaldyBob cursed, and ran for the next village. It took him about thirteen hours to get there...

TO BE CONTINUED....

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by BasTyra on 02-07-2002 08:12 PM:

*Spits one last huge wad of tobacco which flies in slow motion towards BigBaldyBobs face, and at the rate it is going and the distance between herself and BigBaldyBadBreathBob, BasTyra figures it will take approximately 13 hours to reach its target. She is certain it will be one hell of a sight to see, so stay tuned*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 08:24 PM:

Damn it!!!...

....you just can't find good help these days. *sends the old yet nubile indian scout chief running babin to lead BlackBobBongBaitBart to Durfs true hide out* Keep a lookout for flying spit and a stationary rock with a stranger with a big gun running into it. You'll know you're close when you see them. Oh yeah...don't go getting all into the animal porn on the side of the tee pee. We have way too much to do.

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 02-07-2002 09:11 PM:

:after working all day and through the night, Lord Helmet manages to fix the huge steam powered locomotive:

:with a bright flash the coal burner is alight, and Lord Helmet begins shoveling coal into the burner with extreme prejudgious:

Won't be long now til I have the burner hot enough to get this thing moving....

:cackles:

:flashes an evil grin:

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 09:27 PM:

the evil Freet...

notices that Mr. Mechanic AKA Lord_Helmet forgot to replace the drain plug on the train water tank. Thus no steam and a really overheated boiler....*chortles and points*

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 02-07-2002 09:30 PM:

Re: the evil Freet...

quote:

Originally posted by Freet
notices that Mr. Mechanic AKA Lord_Helmet forgot to replace the drain plug on the train water tank. Thus no steam and a really overheated boiler....*chortles and points*

DOH! :mutters something under his breath:

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by BigBadBob on 02-07-2002 09:32 PM:

Geez it looks like he's not gonna get that train fixed for at least another 13 hours...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Freet on 02-07-2002 09:36 PM:

what did I say....

about getting good help these days?

*climbs under the train and replaces the drain plug*

Now if I can just convince Mr. Mechanic to climb on top and refill the water tank we can get this thing done.

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 02-07-2002 09:42 PM:

:breaks out his "How to fix broken trains when theirs a damsel in distress tied to the railroad tracks for dummies" book

:gazes down into the book..."Step 1 of 1567....find the damn drain plug":

Curses this is gunna take a while, "Muttley! find the drain plug!"

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by ladymak on 02-07-2002 10:57 PM:

*rings the dinner bell*

come and get some food and lots of cheap watered down whiskey while you wait the 13 hours.. i mean.. we can all take a break right?

you too bas just slip out of the ropes, you must be starting to cramp up... and i have the good whiskey saved for you

dont mind marshall dutch, it is normal for him to lay in a puddle of vomit... but isnt he strangely attractive even in that position?

*calls for her can can girls*

__________________
"a lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing..."

Posted by FarmDog on 02-07-2002 11:19 PM:

*standing in a corner admiring the can can girls*
*looks down at watch*

13 hours....
aw wait a second, this damn watch only goes to 12!!!!!

__________________
USEast
*FarmDog
*nemir

Reasons are dried gripes.

Posted by Anyee on 02-07-2002 11:41 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by BasTyra
*notices a badly made hairpiece sticking out behind a couple of large rocks*

Dangnamit, I'd recognise that hairpiece anywhere!! What in Gods name are you doin' here, BigBadBobBart?!
I wouldn't stick around iffn I were you, BigBadBobBart, my Durf will be along any moment now to untie me, and he sure is gonna give your ass a whoopin'!

*spits a large wad of tobacco at the tree in front of her, which, by now, resembles some kind of swamp creature*

At this point, An'yee rides up on her giant metal spider. Wait, damn, wrong movie.

At this point, An'yee rides up on her floating skateboard. No, no no...

At this point, An'yee rides up on her ex-girl...

Okay, we're having technical problems folks.

__________________
"Only the FBI could go to the French Quarter and find just a dozen prostitutes after a year of investigation." John Turley, LA Times

Member of the International "I just saved your ass from being swamped by cows when you walked through that portal so don't preach to me or ask me how" Brigade

Posted by morpheus_31 on 03-07-2002 12:10 AM:

*Morpheus throws popcorn at the screen*

"This is the weirdest damn movie I ever saw"

*Morpheus snuggles back into his chair to see what happens next*

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 12:20 AM:

*loans Anyee a horse and my "horseriding for dummies" book*

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Anyee on 03-07-2002 12:34 AM:

woohoo!

*Opens book*

Chapter 1: What is a horse?
Chapter 2: How to tell the front from the back of a horse
Chapter 3: Attire that won't make you look like a pansy
Chapter 4: Equipment that isn't already part of your sex life
Chapter 5: Getting on the horse
Chapter 6: Getting off the horse voluntarily
Chapter 7: Getting off the horse involuntarily
Chapter 8: Putting the horse in drive
Chapter 9: Putting the horse in park
Chapter 10: Putting the horse in reverse
Chapter 11: Checking fluids (care and feeding of horse)
Chapter 12: Fun stuff that is legal to do on a horse
Chapter 13: Advanced movement of horse, like on a motorcycle
Chapter 14: First aid for you
Chapter 15: Everything else

*speed reads*

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 01:17 AM:

quote:

Originally posted by Freet
*loans Anyee a horse and my "horseriding for dummies" book*

Now wait just a cotton picking minute...are you sure she's on our side?? If she is, have her take the horse and bring over a water wagon so we can gets this loco in motion!

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 01:47 AM:

Actually,

I did that for completely different reasons.

Have you ever seen anyone that has never ridden a horse trying for the first time? Whats better is when they try having never ridden and try to read a book at the same time. I suppose you should also know that the horses name is Meanassbastard for a reason. I don't really believe we have to worry about Anyee helping the other side, so we can just sit back and watch the show...wooooot!!!

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 02:20 AM:

oh ok, cool....but we're still gunna need to get water in this thing....someone wanna get bas some sunscreen she must be getting fried out there (studio lights can get hot ya know)...hey even an evil guy can be sensitive to a degree

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by TheLioness on 03-07-2002 03:01 AM:

*redeals the cards for another round of Go Fish*
*grabs a drink*
*squints at the sun*
*opens a beach umbrella for some shade*
*sits back and waits for the guys to get their act together*

__________________
This space for rent

Posted by Radhruin on 03-07-2002 03:01 AM:

aah, water

The bartenders naive son, Rumbling Rad runs through the desert in the boilong heat to bring Helmet a bottle of Evian for the train...

The water is here, our finest brand!!...What? You dont want Evian?
[Curses under his breath]Damn those moviestars and their wierd attidutes!! Showing your opinion...

Chops the top of a cactus with an evil looking knife and hands the moisty thing to Helmet...
Happy now?[Wawes the knife in a want-to-be threatening fashion]

Radhruin

__________________
"I drank the Goblet of Fire!"
"I cut out the prophets tongue!"
"But still the sun refused to move!"

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 04:01 AM:

quote:

Chops the top of a cactus with an evil looking knife and hands the moisty thing to Helmet...

I hope theirs a lot of cactus's in this desert! :squeezes the moist cactus pulp: We need a LOT of water!

:sensing defeat, decides to run to town and grab a big ass hose:

Once I get back we'll be right on track! Uhhh no pun intended

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by FarmDog on 03-07-2002 04:05 AM:

*flashes his shiny new watch*

This one goes up to 24 hours. NO TIMES AFTER 24 HRS!!!! This one is brand new and I want it to last.

*begins watching the can can girls again*

__________________
USEast
*FarmDog
*nemir

Reasons are dried gripes.

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 04:38 AM:

I suspect...

at the rate we are filling this tank it will take around 25 hours to fill it up. muahahaha

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by FarmDog on 03-07-2002 04:56 AM:

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

*rips off his new watch, throws in in his tankard of beer, and chugs the whole thing*

I'll just have to wait it out and hope I don't miss the whole thing.

__________________
USEast
*FarmDog
*nemir

Reasons are dried gripes.

Posted by FORBIDDENDONUT on 03-07-2002 05:00 AM:

And then a dustball rolled by...

__________________
All donuts are created equal. Some are just more equal than others

Posted by Khalic on 03-07-2002 05:06 AM:

Khalic pops open another beer and scoops up his hand.

"So, grey, hows the ranch?"

__________________
Ah, there it is again, the searing rapier-like wit.

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 05:22 AM:

oops..forgot to carry the 4...it wont take nearly 25 hours...I hate this new math. Muahahahaha

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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by FORBIDDENDONUT on 03-07-2002 05:26 AM:

KABLAMMO! suddenly the dustballs attacked! Unbeknownst to our heroes, the dustballs had been secretly planning this attack since the can can girls arrived, using them as a distraction to get past the guards. The dustballs quickly overpower our heroes, and implement the Metric system, forever messing up Freet's time-telling abilities.

"Oh no , whatever shall we do? the dustballs have taken over. Oh no "

__________________
All donuts are created equal. Some are just more equal than others

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 05:32 AM:

now thats just silly.

Not at all like the rest of this thread which is totally sensible and thought provoking.

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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by FarmDog on 03-07-2002 05:40 AM:

*sticks his finger down his throat and coughs up his waterproof watch*

Oh terry, I never meant to doubt you.

(Farmdog calls his watch terry because its on mila terry time.)

__________________
USEast
*FarmDog
*nemir

Reasons are dried gripes.

Posted by morpheus_31 on 03-07-2002 06:17 AM:

Who the hell did you hire to write the script for this?

Did you guys hire the same guy that wrote "Scary Movie" to write the script for this too? Cause man, I'm confused.

Btw, anyone else have any popcorn? I seem to be out having thrown a large portion of mine at the screen.

And where the hell is Durf Banyon?!?!? I paid good money to see a rescue here, so get your butt in here and do some rescuin'!

Posted by dorcusmalorcus on 03-07-2002 06:21 AM:

Did Durf rescue the beautiful BasTyra?

Sorry I had to step out, but I bought one of those bucket sized popcorn and 2 gallon Coke combos and couldn't sit through the whole movie.

What happened while I was gone?

<movie projector flickers back on, cue narrator voice>

When we last left our hero, Durf Banyon was recovering from a nasty sunburn from having his clothes stolen and exhaustion from a specially trained dog.

BigBadBobBart was closing in on our hero's hiding place.

Freet was masterminding the evil scheme, using BigBadBobBart as his evil henchman.

Lord Helmet had almost gotten the train fixed, but was coming to grips with his reading deficiency.

And the lovely BasTyra was lying tied to the tracks, clad in the reamining shreds of her dignity as she waits for her lifelong love, Durf Banyon

<end narrators voice>

Oh, thanks. (settles back for the remainder of one great movie)

__________________
"My doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger outta there" - Ralph Wiggum

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 08:49 AM:

I'm Back....and I have the hose.

:displays two scanitly clad women:

Uhhh....<grin> sorry bad visual gag

Heres the real hose!

:sticks in the spout and joins freet in waiting the next 25 hours for the thing to fill up:

:cocks his head towards Freet:

Ya know I used to be a Space Commander....

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by BasTyra on 03-07-2002 10:35 AM:

After popping off to Maks for a refreshing, heart-stopping, leg-kicking, head-banging whiskey, BasTyra returns to the tracks and rebinds her hands and feet..

Mak's whiskey sure is the finest in all of Texas..

Durf Banyon!!!!!

*scream*

*picks up her cards and continues to play cardgames with Lioness*

*spits another huge wad of tobacco at the tree in front of her*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by DurfBarian on 03-07-2002 10:36 AM:

Durf, his wounds healed nicely and his skin a lovely golden-brown color, thundered across the plain on his trusty Shetland pony. With him rode the toughest crew of deputies he had ever ridden with. He looked with pride over the tiny helpers the Hopi scout had ridden all night to warn; nary a one over 4 feet tall, but their aim was true and they stood up to varmints as though they were fully 4 foor 6 inches tall to the last man. Durf's spurs jingled merrily as he smiled and then laughed aloud.

BigBadBobBart and that pig-rustlin' critter Freet didn't stand a chance against this army of midget cowboys!

(Do check out the link please. The Terror of Tiny Town is not to be missed for any reason.)

__________________
ot faces | sp faces | sp trades | rare crap

Posted by kban09 on 03-07-2002 10:41 AM:

kban09, the midget warrior rides behind Durf Banyon. Hearing himlaugh, he knows he is laughing at him, the fiercest of the midgets. His aim true, he aims at Durf Banyon's exposed back. He misses by 30 miles and hits the letterbox that ran over psychofreak.

The letterbox begins to move toward Durf, revenge on its mind...

__________________
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

It does not require a broad education to function as a social and economic animal...as long as you know when to rub blue mud into your bellybutton.

Posted by BigBadBob on 03-07-2002 10:50 AM:

Once he had arrived at the correct village, BigBadBobBart shot the indian scout who had led him there just for the hell of it.

He quickly found the tent where Durf had been laying, and jerked back the tent flap, gun in hand...but Durf was already gone!!!

BigBadBobBart cursed. The damn prettyboy had given him the slip again. Moments later, a large wad of chewed up tobacco descended from the sky and struck him in the face, which did little to improve his temper.

Quickly, BigBadBobBart found a young indian and roughed him up. He then stuck his gun in the injun's face and demanded:

"Where's that prettyboy gone? Where the hell is Durf Banion??!!"

"He went that-away with a bunch of midget cowboys in tow..." The young nubile indian gibbered.

BigBadBobBart headbutted the young indian and he crumpled in an unconscious heap. Then he stole a horse from some gal named Anyee while she was still trying to figure out the right way to get in the saddle, and thundered off after Durf Banyon...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by DurfBarian on 03-07-2002 11:02 AM:

Unfortunately, Bob's pursuit through the desert took him on a shortcut through a particularly eventful valley . . .

__________________
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Posted by BasTyra on 03-07-2002 11:03 AM:

*Feels a strange, claustrophobic-like sensation emanating from deep within her chest*

Oh my Lord, its BigBadBaldyBart, he's after my Durf Banyon!!!

*screams out for Durf Banyon to hurry*

Watch out, my love!!! BigBadBaldyBart comes for you!!!

Wait a second..

*Peers down her top only to see a scorpion resting on her cleavage*

Oh, it's just a scorpi...

DURF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*moans and faints*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by BigBadBob on 03-07-2002 11:08 AM:

Held up in his pursuit of that prettyboy Durf Banion, battling against B-Movie type critters that had eaten his horse and wanted to eat him too, BigBadBobBart inexplicably found himself wishing he was a scorpion.

"I think I got a bit too much sun," he muttered to himself as he emptied his pistol at one of the creatures and ran for the hills...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 06:00 PM:

Surfing porn....

...evil Freet happens across "midgetcowboys.com" and clicks on the "Midget Cowboy posse forum" and notices that Durf Banyon and a bunch of Midgets are headed thisa way on their itty bitty horses. After Freet stops a moment to ponder Durf, riding on the back of a midget horse an having to hold his feet up to keep from dragging the ground. *chuckles uncontrollably* then decides he can wait no longer for that train to be fixed "damned union workers" he ponders while formulating "plan B". And what ever happened to BigBadBillyBoBobBart? I hope he doesn't think he'll still get that Mut o' pleasure if he doesn't get Durf outa my hair.

Hmmmm...the mut o' pleasure...hmmmm...he ponders. No, he ain't aponderin that..Hes aponderin another trap.....hmmmm...what if....?????

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Darkness on 03-07-2002 07:19 PM:

*darkness, dressed in skirt with matching blouse steps intp the theatre with a tray round his neck and one of those little lamp type things for the interval*

*sighs*
ALBATROSS!!

GET YOUR ALBATROSS HERE!!!

Only, ffing forum member dressed as an ffing cowboy on the faces page and I'm vending ffing -

ALBATROSS!!!

GET YOUR ALBATROSS HERE!!!!

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 07:38 PM:

:removes the deadly scorpion from bastyra's cleavage:

There! I refuse to let a little varment scorpion beat us to killing you.....

:flashes a wide evil grin having seen bastyra's cleavage up close:

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 07:48 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by Lord_Helmet
:removes the deadly scorpion from bastyra's cleavage:

There! I refuse to let a little varment scorpion beat us to killing you.....

:flashes a wide evil grin having seen bastyra's cleavage up close:

Now wait jest a minit there pawdna!! Why ain't ya fixin that thar trane?....If'ns anybody is a gonna grope Miss Tyra it's a gonna be me!

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 08:23 PM:

*PsychoFreak gets hit by a mime and run over by a stationary rock left behind by his arch nemesis BigBadBobBartB¡tch*
Now to go do... what I was doing before... whatever it was...
I'm neutral in here, that means I hate the good guys and the bad guys right?
*PsychoFreak casually shoots Freet in the leg and BigBadBobBartBreasts in the arm*
Ehhh its not as fun as it was before.
*PsychoFreak gets run over by a palm tree*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by ozzymandias on 03-07-2002 08:36 PM:

*notices that the mime has not survived the collision with psychofreak and stops running away from it*

OOHH!! a scorpion!!!

*grabs the scorpion*

i know just what to do with this!!

http://www.stupid.com/scorpion.htm

__________________
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++
+++PLEASE RE-INSERT UNIVERSE AND REBOOT+++

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 08:41 PM:

Hey you, you look like an alien, so I'll kill you but I lost my gun, so I'll throw a clown at you.

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 08:42 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by Freet

Now wait jest a minit there pawdna!! Why ain't ya fixin that thar trane?....If'ns anybody is a gonna grope Miss Tyra it's a gonna be me!

The train is fixed! Another hour or 2 and the water will be all filled up....then we just gotta fire up this here train.

onders why he's starring in a western and not a porno:

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by BasTyra on 03-07-2002 08:48 PM:

*looks at Freet*
Ima gonna need that there beer bottle of yours if Durf Banyon takes much longer..

*squirms around, trying to get comfortable*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 08:50 PM:

Your gunna need more then a beer wench!

: points to a coffin and a spachula:

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 08:51 PM:

Yay! WHen the train starts moving it won't be stationary therefore it won't run over me! In the meantime...
*gets hit by the train*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by ozzymandias on 03-07-2002 08:52 PM:

*ducks a flying clown*

*stumbles over a hose*

hey what's this hose here? dosent anyone know theres a drought? look at this place its turning into a desert...gah!..some
people..

*disconnects the hose*

__________________
+++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR+++
+++PLEASE RE-INSERT UNIVERSE AND REBOOT+++

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 08:56 PM:

*gets run over and tangled in a hose*
AAH A SNAKE, GET IT OFF ME AAAAAH HEEELP ME!!! AAAH!!! ITS ATTACKING ME GETITOFF!!!

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 09:05 PM:

Well seeing as the train is almost full and someone disconnected the hose....I guess I'll have to take one for the team....

:unziiiiip:

Ahhhhhhhhh

Hey its liquid ain't it?

:ziiiiiip:

Theres its full, the covers on, the drain plug is in...the whole $!%@ing train is fixed.

:begins shoveling coal into the burner again:

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 09:06 PM:

stands still....

and runs over PsychoFreak.

__________________
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Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Frostlion on 03-07-2002 09:06 PM:

"Darkness, What flavour Albatros' have you got?"

"btw, how is he going to ride that train with the rails all messed up?"

*Passes the pop corn to the other viewers and gets out money to buy some albatros*

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 09:07 PM:

*Gets run over by Feret*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 09:11 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by Lord_Helmet
Well seeing as the train is almost full and someone disconnected the hose....I guess I'll have to take one for the team....

:unziiiiip:

Ahhhhhhhhh

Hey its liquid ain't it?

:ziiiiiip:

Theres its full, the covers on, the drain plug is in...the whole $!%@ing train is fixed.

:begins shoveling coal into the burner again:

you ain't gettin paid for that bathroom break...

*sees the train *finally* comin around the bend and headin for the beautiful Miss Tyra*

"Well Missy...seems your hero has run outa time, though I hear he has a great tan now...this is your last chance hun, will you marry me and have my youngin's now?

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 09:14 PM:

*PsychoFreak blows up the train with his big gun*
Muhaha! Your plans are foiled, Ferret Boy! Maybe next time
*Everyone gets up, joins arms and dances around a campfire*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by BasTyra on 03-07-2002 09:15 PM:

*spits a huge wad of tobacco at FartyFreets face*
Never!! NEVER!!! Duuuuurf!! Duuuuuurf Saaaaaaaaaave me!!!!!!
*screams and struggles*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by Darkness on 03-07-2002 09:18 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by Frostlion
"Darkness, What flavour Albatros' have you got?"

"btw, how is he going to ride that train with the rails all messed up?"

*Passes the pop corn to the other viewers and gets out money to buy some albatros*

What do you mean what flavour have I got?!?!

ITS F---ING ALBATROSS FLAVOUR!!!!

*Pauses in high heels and skirt to sell some Albatross to a man in the third row*

*Briefly reflects how appealing Bas would look in western style ladies wear. Ya know, corset type thing with big skirt*

ALBATROSS!!!

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by Lord_Helmet on 03-07-2002 09:20 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by Freet

you ain't gettin paid for that bathroom break...

*sees the train *finally* comin around the bend and headin for the beautiful Miss Tyra*

"Well Missy...seems your hero has run outa time, though I hear he has a great tan now...this is your last chance hun, will you marry me and have my youngin's now?

Now that you mention it...I'm not getting paid for ANY of this....ohhh well. being a bad guy is its own reward

__________________
COL. SANDERS: It's Mega-Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 09:20 PM:

I'll give you albatross *waves fist*
whatever the hell thats supposed to mean

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Frostlion on 03-07-2002 09:22 PM:

"About the albatros, do you get wafers with it?"

"So, you've seen this film before I suppose. So is the blown up train going to stop before it reaches Bas or is it already going fast enough to crush her anyway? And are they going to fix those broken rails? And what's with all the shooting? And where the hell is Durf?"

"WHERE ARE MY WAFERS!?!?"

:

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 09:24 PM:

Ill give you wafers *waves fist*

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Frostlion on 03-07-2002 09:29 PM:

What the hell!

I'm in the audience, how does he know what I'm saying? This is getting WAY freaky!

*ducks for cover while grabbing an albatros and starts eating it hidden behind his chair.*

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 09:31 PM:

How do you know it's a movie and its not really happening? How do you know I'm not just saying this to the camera randomly?

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Darkness on 03-07-2002 09:35 PM:

NO YOU CAN'T HAVE WAFERS ITS A F---ING ALBATROSS!!!

AND YOU!!! Up there on the screen. Do you want some Albatross or not?

WAFERS?!?! I'LL GIVE YOU WAFERS!!!

*Staggers in high heels in direction of the screen waving Albatross above head*

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by PsychoFreak on 03-07-2002 09:37 PM:

*PsychoFreak kicks darkness in the head and rips his pants*
Aww man, not again, and it's a brand new suit too!

__________________
Guns don't kill people, I DO!!!

Posted by Frostlion on 03-07-2002 09:39 PM:

*runs away screaming like a sissy*

Posted by Darkness on 03-07-2002 09:46 PM:

*corrects error in code in last post*

*received almighty kick in the nuts from Psycho*

*which missed coz his nuts are at least 6 inches higher thanks to the high heels his wearing and then blocks the assault with an Albatross*

Right my old china cup. You're going to get an Albatross where yo....

*notices Bas tied to the rail tracks*
*twirls moustache*

Well, helloooo...

*Hits PsychoFreak over the head with an Albatross*

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by FarmDog on 03-07-2002 10:01 PM:

*turns his attention from the can can girls to the cross dresser pelting people with an albatross*

This tequilla really f***s me up.

__________________
USEast
*FarmDog
*nemir

Reasons are dried gripes.

Posted by Anyee on 03-07-2002 10:19 PM:

okay! Having read the full book of horseback riding for dummies...hey, where did the horse go.

Dammit.

*pulls out pogo stick*

I'm a-comin' ta save ya, Bas!

*boing* *boing* *boing*

Posted by Darkness on 03-07-2002 10:23 PM:

quote:

Originally posted by Anyee
okay! Having read the full book of horseback riding for dummies...hey, where did the horse go.

Dammit.

*pulls out pogo stick*

I'm a-comin' ta save ya, Bas!

*boing* *boing* *boing*

This is the ideal opportunity to test the old saying about pogo sticks and minefields.

Sorry, I meant area denial munitions fields.

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by tak08810 on 03-07-2002 10:35 PM:

*Disgusted by terrible movie, Tak enter and posses all audiance members and member of the cast by diving into their eyeballs.*

*Begins killing and torturing people to gain power.*

Psycho Freak, please do not use my signature.

__________________
Guns Don't Kill People, bullets do.

Posted by Freet on 03-07-2002 10:38 PM:

*looks around...looks again*

....hmmmm....no Durf Banyon? and no BigBadBillyBoBobBart.
coincidence?...yup..most likely.

*notices the train getting closer and wondering how since the tracks are screwed*

Sweet Tyra, you must give in to my demands now. This is your last chance and it seems that that pretty boy is too busy with the "mut o' pleasure" to come to your rescue. or is he into midgets now?...well, thats a whole nother thread.

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by dorcusmalorcus on 03-07-2002 11:28 PM:

This isn't albatross!!!

Darkness, you cheapskate!!!! This isn't albatross...it's seagull.

Two bit carny vendors.....always selling the cheap stuff at high prices. Give me two of those scorpion candies and a box of chocolate covered grasshoppers.

Seagull....humph!!

__________________
"My doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger outta there" - Ralph Wiggum

Posted by Darkness on 03-07-2002 11:36 PM:

I swear they sold them to me off the back if the truck as Albatross.

I mean look at it, its a big seabird innit? It tastes right doesn't it?

*hides sachet of "Albatross flavouring" behind his back.*

*runs for the train*

Helmet, wait for meeeeeeeeeeeee!!

*stumbles in high heels and falls in the dirt*

__________________
SP Forum - Home of the fighting Cephalopods. Go Pods!!

Posted by morpheus_31 on 04-07-2002 12:04 AM:

" Now THIS is what I call a movie"

Random plot... haphazard villians, absent hero (I"m loosing faith in you Durf Banyon )

All the elements of a weird, twisted dream - and yet all played out on the big screen.

*Morpheus sits on the edge of his seat to see what happens next*

Posted by Xavier_Hungwell on 04-07-2002 12:14 AM:

Xavier awakes to a smashing headache. Rubbing his eyes he moves his head from left to right, trying to shake off the effects of last nights whiskey, while simultaneously trying to figure out where he is. With seemingly monumental effort he rises and walks over to the window. The suns bright rays burn deep into his eyes, sending the headache back to the forefront of his thoughts.

Wasting no more time, Xavier throws on his dusty cloths, gathers up the bullets strewn around the room, holsters his revolver and heads out the door.

Stepping out into the 2nd story hallway, Xavier notices billowing black smoke off in the distance. After letting his eyes focus for a few seconds he is able to make out the fiery remnants of a train, chugging ever so slowly across the shimmering desert.

“Odd”, he thinks to himself as he stumbles down the rickety stairs of the old in.

After downing a shot of whisky and a pitcher of water, Xavier steps out onto the dusty streets of Westerntonville…

__________________
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Posted by dorcusmalorcus on 04-07-2002 12:21 AM:

Now hang on a minute.....

So far, we've seen Durf's naked ass, Lord Helmet's full frontal nudity shot as he peed in the train, and now we see Xavier get dressed!!!

Is there going to be any female nudity or is this going to be a sausage fest?

I didn't pay 7 bucks to see nekkid guys. Bring on the sexy NAKED damsels in distress that are NAKED or I'm demanding a refund.

First it's seagulls and now nekkid guys. If there's a twist ending and we find out Durf is secretly in love with Freet and BigBadBobBart in an old west g@y love triangle, I'm going to be really upset.

On with the movie!!!

__________________
"My doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger outta there" - Ralph Wiggum

Posted by kban09 on 04-07-2002 12:24 AM:

the midget agrees. hey, wouldn't it be more fun to ride behind a hot chic than behind Durf?

*cocks an arrow to kill durf, misses and hits the letterbox*

Posted by tak08810 on 04-07-2002 12:25 AM:

Man vomits himself to death and another dies of boredom. Freet arrested with two charges of manslaugter along with other key players.

__________________
Guns Don't Kill People, bullets do.

Posted by Freet on 04-07-2002 12:35 AM:

quote:

Originally posted by tak08810
Man vomits himself to death and another dies of boredom. Freet arrested with two charges of manslaugter along with other key players.

How can that be?...*re-checks*...yup, Marshall Dutchman is still countin sheep in the dumpster behind Miss Makitty's saloon and the feds are all in my pocket. See, I promised them neked pics of the lovely Miss Tyra if the would stay in the donut shop for a day or two.

__________________
-------------------------------------------------

Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

Posted by Frostlion on 04-07-2002 12:44 AM:

quote:

How can that be?...*re-checks*...yup, Marshall Dutchman is still countin sheep in the dumpster behind Miss Makitty's saloon and the feds are all in my pocket.

*peaks around the corner of the cinema hall*

"Well, I believe I did hear them mumble something like 'yoaureundrarest'. So, technically you ARE arrested... Don't worry about it though, technically you've been dead for 80 years...

Eh, carry on..."

Posted by Joethedeadly on 04-07-2002 01:17 AM:

Scene – Extreme wide angle shot of a canyon floor with a train track running down the middle of it something is on the track but we’re too far away to make out exactly what

Scene – jump zoom in closer to the tracks to bring into focus a woman (extremely beautiful buxom beauty combining that extremely rare quality of strength and vulnerability that all truly great damsels in distress possess) tied to the tracks and a bunch of strange people sitting around (one under an umbrella) obviously watching while a train (starting to pick up speed) gets closer and closer to the poor damsel (to be referred to has the platinum haired heart breaker, in any possible sequels) tied down to the track

Scene – jump zoom to an extreme right eye close up (ala Macaroni style in a fist full of dollars or the Good the Bad and the Ugly) of the train operator, a nervous almost insane twitch is noticeable in the eye.

Scene – Jump to close up of the Damsel noticing the train getting closer, horror and dread slowly start to form on her angel like features

Scene – Jump to the train operator laughing and smiling (cannot hear this as the sound of the train is becoming deafening but his glee is evident from the jig he starts to dance)

Scene – Jump back to the Extreme wide angle shot of the canyon the Damsel tied to the tracks on the left side of the shot the train screaming towards her on the right side of the shot

I’m ready for my Oscar now

__________________
****************
'E lifted up my 'ead,
An' 'e plugged me where I bled,
An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water—green;
It was crawlin' an' it stunk,
But of all the drinks I've drunk,
I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.

[email protected]

Posted by tak08810 on 04-07-2002 01:33 AM:

DAMN IT. *Tak summons animals to attack Freet and company.* Tak then laughs himself asleep.

__________________
Guns Don't Kill People, bullets do.

Posted by Xavier_Hungwell on 04-07-2002 01:59 AM:

Surveying the streets of Westerntonville revealed nothing of any interest happening in the small town. In fact, for the few days he’d been in this town, the only time there was anything remotely entertaining to do was at night, a salon owned by a voluptuous entrepreneur by the name of Miss Makitty.

A tumbleweed was slowly making its way down the center of the dirt road that split the town in two. Xavier let out a sigh. “What the hell am I doing here”, he grumbled under his breath.

Despite his feet felling like cinderblocks, as he tried to walk, Xavier slowly started off towards the smoke in the distance. Maybe today’s the day he thought.

Sweat started to bead on his face as picked his way through the cactus filled desert. Everything is so brown here, he thought as plodded along. Not like the tropical islands he was used to. As he walked his mind started to wander. He unbuttoned his vest, revealing crisscrossing bandoleers of small throwing knives.

Up ahead he saw something moving. A woman, long flowing black hair cascaded over her shoulders and seemed to be the only thing covering her naked form. Her hair seemed to be blowing in the wind, moving strangely this way and that, black and free…

Xavier rubbed the sweat from his eyes. “What the”…the women was replaced by clouds of black smoke, and the shimmering heat of the desert sun.

Shaking his head he continues on. Every now and again the woman would make another appearance, alerting Xavier to his exhausted state. As he drew ever closer to the fiery mass of moving steal that was the train, he once again saw the woman. This time she was running, and clothed, though not with much. As he watched a man on a huge black steed lassoed the woman around the ankles causing her to fall.

She Screamed…”Durf”…

Xavier wiped the sweat from his face and looked again. The man on the horse was gone, but up a head, laying on the train tracks, he could still make out a woman’s form…black hair and all.

Xavier looked up at the sun, and then touched the hot steal of the knives strapped across his chest. Certain that his senses were not playing tricks on him he hurried on towards the woman ahead.

“Well” he said to himself “Maybe today will be interesting after all”…

__________________
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Posted by Anyee on 04-07-2002 02:24 AM:

*boing* *boing* *boing*

ALMOST THERE!

Posted by TheLioness on 04-07-2002 02:47 AM:

*looks at the train starting to move*
*Yells for Durf*
*mutters something about a good hero is hard to find*
*sharpens her knife, just in case she has to free Bas*
*plays the 999th round of Go Fish*
*readjusts the umbrella*
*yawns*
*looks to see what she thinks is a woman on a pogostick heading this way*
*blinks & rubs her eyes*

__________________
This space for rent

Posted by FORBIDDENDONUT on 04-07-2002 02:47 AM:

Uh-oh.... Spaghetti-O's

edit: spelling

__________________
All donuts are created equal. Some are just more equal than others

Posted by BigBadBob on 04-07-2002 06:24 AM:

BigBadBobBart stretched, trying to relieve the kinks in his muscles. He was crouched amongst the rocks high above the trail, gun in hand.

Knowing that he could never be a match for Banyon and his army of midget cowboys, he had decided to do what every good bad guy does...bushwhack the hero.

How on earth he had gotten ahead of Durf and his army, after losing his horse, almost losing his life to the tremour monsters, sunstroke, and getting shot in the arm by the Psycho Kidd, he didn't exactly know...but Durf always was the most procrastinating hero in the west. Late for everything. He had probably stopped at every town along the way to buy his little cowboys a drink.

Well, no matter, here he was, and Durf Banyon would never see it coming.

BigBadBaldyBobBartBitchinBadass peered down at the trail below him and waited...

Damn that Durf Banyon was taking his time...

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by BigBadBob on 04-07-2002 06:57 AM:

While he(and pretty much everybody else) was waiting for Durf Banyon, BigBadBongBaitBobBart shot everyone who was still debating school vouchers just for the hell of it.

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by Xavier_Hungwell on 04-07-2002 07:02 AM:

"I should have drank more water", thought Xavier as he surveyed what had to be the most amusing hallucination he had seen on his trek through the desert. He was only a few hundred feet from the train tracks by this time and thinking, “Either the desert heats fried my brain, or I’ve lost my mind wandering out here...or maybe both”.

Up ahead he saw a beautiful woman, laying on the train tracks, with a man standing over her. They seemed to be arguing about something, undoubtedly having something to do with her predicament of being tied up on the tracks. Off to his left the train, now a burning wreck was still crawling down the tracks at an incredibly slow speed. He wasn’t sure but he could almost make out a figure standing on the engine, as if riding the damn thing home.

On the other side of the tracks there was a man with the biggest damn gun Xavier had ever seen. He could also see a woman, apparently playing cards and shading herself under an umbrella. And off in the distance what looked like some kind of mutated jackrabbit was hopping this way and that. All of a sudden gunshots rang out through the desert and some one could be heard ranting about school vouchers or some other such nonsense. Xavier thought the gunshots had come from a small outcropping of rocks overlooking the valley, but couldn’t be sure.

Confused, and a bit skeptical of the scene in front of him, he loosened a pouch from his belt that contained a small flask of whisky and took a long pull. “I’m either already ****ed up from this damn sun, and I am imagining all this…or I’d better get ****ed up off this whiskey before someone out here try’s to explain to me what the hell is going on,” Xavier muttered to no one in particular.

He finished what was left in the flask and continued on, but not before removing one of the knives from the bandoleer and concealing it in his palm…

__________________
The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Posted by kban09 on 04-07-2002 07:18 AM:

unfortunately, bob misfires and riddles the letterbox with bullets. the letterbox decides bob is an enemy, as well as Durf, psycho, and the midget

Posted by Madman on 04-07-2002 08:59 AM:

I give it a 2 out of 10

In a vague attempt to make the story more interesting...

The burning-mess-of-train approached, it's motion appeared to be somewhat jumpy.
The barrage of bullets being fired by PsychoFreak and Freet was also jumpy.

With a resounding boom, a voice in the distance shouted
"LAG!"

The universe slowed around them as random messages came out of nowhere, which they and they alone could hear.

"Need Rsuh to Hlel Cosw!"
"Maph Potrla pzl!"

For the universe they were in, was, unbeknownst to them, secretly contained on an electricity-based place about a foreing concept: A mythical existance called 'Diablo II'.

This electricity-base began to morph, aspects of the mythical existance began to form around them.

A nearby horde of bovines started walking on two legs carrying halberds and bardiches, emmiting the corniest moos known to man.

The train was stopped by an immense red beast with spikes and horns, who mysteriously summoned a cage of bone around it.

Sprung from PsychoFreak, a being of hatred started to corrupt the council of vet-posters, corrupting them to the utmost. The one uncorruptable vet-poster was dismembered and scattered around the landscape.

Out in the desert, Durf and BigBadBob encountered one... no two tall creatures which complained about taking revenge for their brothers.

The electric universe had formed monstrousities around them. Who could save the situation?

__________________
"Should I fall, I fall with the many. Should I survive, I survive with the elite few. The world is against me, though I must succeed; else we're all doomed."
"Trust not in friends, for they will use you. Trust not in God, for he misleads you. Trust not in truth, for it confounds you. And trusting yourself? That is the biggest mistake of all."
"Do not assume everyone else is like you, and don't blame THEM when you find out they aren't."

Posted by Khalic on 04-07-2002 09:14 AM:

Sorry, that wasn't funny, better luck next time, eh? Oh yeah, and don't post d2 here, thanks.

__________________
Ah, there it is again, the searing rapier-like wit.

Posted by Animedude on 04-07-2002 10:37 AM:

OMG 11 pages..
need i say more........
this story only needs the hero GUMBY to increase its sensibility.

not to say it is not good but holy moly 11 pages. last time i checked it was like 7 this morning....

crazy people just like me...

have fun

Posted by FleshGordon on 04-07-2002 10:39 AM:

That's 12 pages, and without Pokey Gumbi is nothing but a tall green thing that talks.

__________________
"I pity the fool!"

Posted by DurfBarian on 04-07-2002 10:54 AM:

Durf was not happy to see Xavier

or Xavier's knives

but he had to do what he had to do. Marshall Dutch was never going to find his way off of the saloon floor, and his posse had been decimated when seventeen out of his nineteen midget sidekicks had left the gang to cross the border to Juarez to drink 25-cent tequila shots and buckets of warm Corona. The loyal kban08 (08 stands for how many hands high he stands at the withers) was still by his side, although he seemed to be trying to line up a rifle shot at Durf's buttocks; and Mighty Mini Marvin was also there trying in vain to hold up a hand cannon almost the size of his leg. Durf thought a shot would probably send Marvin shooting back into the gully full o' cactus spines at their backs.

This fight was going to be a bit more crowded than he had thought. Durf looked at the seventy-odd onlookers, some of whom had gathered under a tent made of petticoats from the local whorehouse to watch an impromptu circus featuring a dancing bear missing one paw and a bearded lady who juggled gila monsters. A flaming wreck that had once been a locomotive lurched and crawled down the twisted track toward another gathered knot of people, at whose center Durf could discern in the shimmering heat a great pair of ta-tas . . . .

"MISS BASTYRA!!!!!" he hollered at the top of his lungs, jamming his spurs into his shetland pony. The pony was sick to death of the damn spurs, frankly, and threw Durf, who had never been one to go in for rodeo stunts, frankly. Here a clown that had been thrown by PsychoFreak ran into the arena wearing comically baggy pants and a hat with a flower in its band, dancing and waving arms at the raging but miniscule stallion. Thus distracted, the horse did not pursue Durf, who leapt into the grandstands, stopping briefly to sign autographs for rodeo-goers, before rushing toward the evildoers who stooped over his gal Bas.

His guns were cocked, and I mean that in more ways than one, since he had gotten a pretty good look at the cleavage that glistened with a perspiration finer than any dew on the saguarro blossom in the early morning and the whippoorwill calling to his mate just as Durf now called to his as he raced to her under the brutal fist of the sun and into the spitfire lead hail of his enemies' pistols . . .

__________________
ot faces | sp faces | sp trades | rare crap

Posted by BasTyra on 04-07-2002 11:09 AM:

*Looks frantically at the oncoming choo choo and screams at the top of her lungs, her breast heaving with gusto*

Duuuuuurrrrf!!!!!!!

*struggles to undo her bindings, in the process ripping her top to reveal a rather nice portion of glistening bosom*

DURF BANYON SAVE ME!!!!

*kicks and screams, trying to get her legs free, only managing to hike her skirt higher, revealling long svelte legs, her thighs sweaty from playing hours upon hours of Go Fish. On her right thigh you can make out a tattoo of a heart which contains the words "Durf Banyon and BasTyra, True Love 4eva"*

*screams and faints as she notices the choo choo getting dangerously close*

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

Posted by tibanglander on 04-07-2002 11:11 AM:

the mighty stallion tibanglander surveyed the scene... the cigarette smoking, tobacco spitting bastyra tied to a track with an oncoming train... the pretty boy hero durf running horseless through the desert (in the wrong direction)... the marshall dutchman in his usual and yet unbroken stupor... the evil freet scratching his thick and terribly obvious fake mustache... psychofreak running into anything stationary... the mighty steed says to himself...

"ninnyheymiheehee... brrr" (christ! 12 pages! stit is gonna be pissed!)

"ninnymeeheymenintrrrmmeinninee" (why can't freet come up with these threads on a weekday?)

sensing the urgency of the situation, tibs (as he is most commonly known) runs to the side of durf.

"youninnyyouninnyyouninny" (you ninny! you ninny! you ninny! your going the wrong direction. hop aboard)

*durf leaps on the horses back*

"@#$!!" (you're damn heavy!)

together, they gallop torwards the helpless bastyra (or the nearest diving spot whichever comes first)

someone should really start a new thread on this....

__________________
24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case.
Coincidence?

Posted by BigBadBob on 04-07-2002 11:24 AM:

...Knees creaking slightly from the long hours of waiting, BigBadBobBart leaped from his hiding place onto the trail, right in the path of Durf and his funny looking horse.

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW YOU PRETTYBOY!!!" He bellowed and began unloading his pistol in Durf Banyon's direction. Durf had just moments to react before BigBadBrokendownBartBob found his mark...what would he do??!!??

__________________
"The tender mercies of the wicked are cruel."

-Proverbs 12:10b

Posted by kban09 on 04-07-2002 11:38 AM:

"DURF!!!" the midget screams as Bob attempts to end the life of our gallant hero. Kban09 hopes his warning is enough to speed his master's reflexes. Because the midget has noticed something. Their options are now reduced by one, as their left flank has been cut off by the letterbox.

*the letterbox growls,mennacingly*

*the letterbox moves closer, menacingly*

*kban09 shivers*

*kban09 thinks to himself, how can a letterbox be so mennacing?

Posted by DurfBarian on 04-07-2002 11:38 AM:

New thread time

Hope someone is saving all this . . .

Please go here to continue this tale.

__________________
ot faces | sp faces | sp trades | rare crap

Posted by BasTyra on 04-07-2002 11:56 AM:

Im saving it, so noone type in here anymore.

__________________
"I pity the slga" - PsychoFreak

"I'm seeing e's" - Madman

http://membres.lycos.fr/phallusphincter/Waldo.html

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