Olly the Agony Aunt Type Thing
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Brother Beta says:
Everyone seems to beat me up. No matter what I do (or offer to do), they still hurt me physically. At first I liked the attention, but now the incessant pain is beginning to grate on my nerves. I wonder, is it because they find the things I say in some way annoying? How could this BE? Anyway, help would be appreciated.
Yours truly, Brother Beta
First of all I would recommend that you stop correcting everybody�s grammar. I know you get a kick from it but there are better, and less painful, ways to have fun. Also you should try to be less sarcastic, patronising, cocky, the list goes on. But you get the idea. If you don't want people to hurt you then I would recommend locking yourself in a padded room with an REM album and some Florida Orange bars. You'll soon see that life isn't worth living, get a job in an office and have no friends, acquaintances or anybody at that who would want to hurt you.
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Farmer Faggot asks:
'ow do I stop blackbirds from mockin' me?
Well I would recommend using a 'gert big stick' to knock him down.
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The thing from under the bed asks:
Why do I never seem to make any friends? I always follow my horoscope, I don't understand why nobody likes me.
I think you need to ignore anything that has anything to do with astrology or horoscopes or anything else equally stupid. If you want to make friends then approach random strangers, give them ten pounds and say 'will you hang out with me for a while'. Alternatively you could be yourself and all that other junk.