Ah, so....  B'loonpopper  (get it? Kung Fu... Grasshopper?  ..anyhoo),  the first step toward enlightenment along the path of Balloonism* is to, stretch the balloon.  (Thought I was going to say shave your head didn't you? Nah! That, comes later.)  Hold the balloon at the neck (open end) and tail (closed end) and give the balloon a good arms-out stretch. Not terribly hard, just a good pull. Even a couple of times is okay. By the tilt of your head, I can see you want to ask why. Well, it's very scientific and complicated... er, not really. Basically the stretching just "works-in" the latex slightly, allowing it to become more pliable so that the balloon is a little easier to inflate. The stretch also helps the balloon inflate more evenly, lengthwise.   (BTW: You can also start at the tail and stretch in smaller increments working up the balloon toward the open end. This is especially effective for metallic and pearl type balloons.)  

Next, and I truly believe that this may be the most important step of all, place the "open end" of the balloon in your mouth. Later you may discover other methods, but for the novice, this will be the KEY to all future successful balloon inflation. Oh, I kid you! It's a joke! ....but seriously, the "open end". 

I am right-handed and have found that I use my left hand to hold the upper portion of the balloon (the neck) near the roll. After you've picked your hand, but not your nose, you will use it in combination with your lips to keep the end of the balloon in your mouth (...be gentle, no teeth.) Yes, by all means, get that rolled end right in there, don't try to inflate the balloon like a paper bag. Incidentally, the mouth IS the most preferred orifice, at least for performances among the general public. .....and children's shows.  ...and yes, other orifices can be, and have been, used.  (BTW: There is a method called "flash inflation" where the technique is similar to inflating a paper bag, but we won't be covering that style here.) 
 
Now hang on, don't blow yet...  Your other hand, in my case - the right, tightly holds the balloon a little past the midpoint toward the closed end. With this other hand, you will control how the balloon inflates lengthwise by pulling the uninflated tail AS you blow air into the balloon. With experience, this will become easier and more important. For now, let's just get some air in the balloon. 

So, stretch it out (...work it in, smack it, show it who's boss! ...okay enough...), get your hands in position (for me, left at mouth, right lower down), and get the open end in your mouth. Here comes the "tap your head and rub your belly" part (...my belly too, please...), tighten your lips around the balloon just past the roll but still allow air to slip into the balloon as unobstructed as possible, your lips shouldn't be pressed together tightly. Hold the balloon firmly with the upper hand so that the rolled end stays in your mouth, but not so firmly that the balloon is pinched closed because the air has to flow past the upper hand. At the same time, begin to stretch the balloon lengthwise with the lower hand.  (FYI: The simultaneous stretching of the balloon AS you blow air into it, IS a very necessary step. With figure twisting balloons, It is very difficult to start the inflation process by mouth without it. Not doing this step is what keeps most people from being able to inflate these types of balloons, and is also the usual reason they lose bar-bets involving this challenge.  -wink-wink-) 

Ready? Take a breath... Blow air into the balloon. You will quickly feel a bit of resistance and will have to blow harder, this is just the way these balloons are.  
Your first goal is.....   

Rut-Roe! Looks like we've come to the end of this "Scooby-snack"....  no more room.   

I guess you'll have to, "tune in again, for the thrilling conclusion."    
Same B'loonpopper time......   
Same B'loonpopper channel.   
I'LL BE RiGhT Baaaaaack......... .  .  .   .     .      .       .     

Wholly - In Two Parts,   
~~ Oliver Twist ~~ 

  
* Balloonism:  A term used to describe a burgeoning religion whereby members called balloonists, or "Loonees", beg for donations by giving out small trinkets made of twisted latex.  

Most distinctive characteristic:  Large pockets.  

It's a joke! .....I kid you, again!   
 
 

Please turn the tape over now.........    HUH!?   
 

When last we left our tale....  
Your first goal is --    
.....to just get a "starting bubble" in the uninflated balloon somewhere between your two hands. Keep stretching the balloon slightly back and forth with the lower hand as you increase the air pressure from your mouth. The amount of stretch will probably be from a half inch to a couple inches, and every balloon is different. It really is much like playing a trombone to start one of these, and you are trying to find just the right note. There's no other way, you will have to practice in order to find the right combination of balloon stretch and lung power to get the darned things started. Too much stretch, or too little, will not get it done. You could think of it as, "The Goldielocks Method to Better Balloon Inflation." Suddenly, the stars will align (the ones circling above your head from dizziness) and, -BOINK-, you'll find a bubble just pops right up.  (BTW: Some people find that it helps to use the muscles in the mouth to help squeeze an initial burst of air into the balloon in order to get the "starting bubble", like squirting water through your lips using your tongue, but just for the bubble.)  
 
Hold it! Don't lose this bubble once you've gotten it started. When you have the "starting bubble", pinch the balloon at the neck to keep the air in. From here.., you have it made in the shade! Would I kid you? So anyway...  

Your second goal is to get the rest of the balloon to inflate with a smooth, even diameter. To do this, take in a moderate breath. Remember, don't lose the "starting bubble", equalize the pressure with your mouth to maintain it. Now, blow more air into the balloon  pushing primarily with your diaphragm (no.. your belly, silly). As the inflated part of the balloon moves toward the tail, keep ahead of it with a steady, continuous pull using your lower hand so that you maintain the same amount of stretch on the uninflated part of the balloon. It's this steady, continuous pull of the balloon AS you inflate that produces the smooth, even diameter. Later, for special shapes, it is possible to learn how to adjust the diameter of the balloon by using varying amounts of stretch while you inflate.  (Hint: More stretch produces a thinner diameter, less stretch produces a thicker diameter. But also, more stretch requires more pressure to inflate.)   Eventually, starting the balloon and continuing on with the inflation will become one uninterrupted step. 

As to the question of "how much" to stretch the balloon while you inflate, well, it's really much of a "by feel" sort of thing, best learned through experience. With most of the balloons, you will be trying to seek the path of least resistance. The ideal amount of stretch is that which makes the balloon the easiest to inflate (i.e., The balloon is difficult to inflate with no stretch, and as you stretch it, the balloon gets easier to inflate until you stretch it tight enough that it becomes difficult to inflate again.)  An additional benefit of this "stretch as you inflate" process is that the balloon is kept from expanding to its maximum diameter (or thickness), but only by a small amount. This is as it should be when the balloon is properly inflated with lung power. And, since the balloon does not have that maxed-out stress (as happens when inflated with most pumps, hand and electric) it is much more resilient to severe twisting maneuvers.  (BTW: This is one of the reasons why many of the old-pros who inflate by mouth can get get away with tricky twists novice pump users just can't seem to accomplish. Actually, this and the fact that inflating a balloon by mouth uses the warmed air of the body which keeps the latex of the balloon a bit more pliable.) 

Something to keep in mind, don't let your cheeks puff out as you blow. (...hey, eyes up here, my friend ... these rosy cheeks...) Keep them tight, as if making a wide, closed-mouth grin. It's considered good technique, and really will save your cheeks over time just as with professional horn players, except Louis Armstrong. (...cause, nobody wants saggy cheeks, right?) 
 
It's virtually impossible to inflate any significant number of balloons using just your mouth muscles to "pump" the air. You really need to develop the ability to inflate these types of balloon using "lung power", with your diaphragm producing most of the pressure. If you do not initially have the ability and stamina, you will have to develop the muscles involved, just as any athlete has to train for an event. You can help build up your lung power with any of several methods. Here are a few suggestions: 

• One method is to first inflate a figure twisting balloon with a pump, release the air, then try inflating it with lung power. The balloon should be a lot easier to inflate the second time. Practice in this manner until you become strong enough to inflate the balloons without using the pump first.
• Another method is to inflate round balloons with lung power. Round balloons generally require less effort to inflate compared to figure twisting types. Develop a routine like: inflate, release the air, inflate, release the air, inflate, release the air. Do this once a day, then when it gets easy - twice a day, etc., until you work up to being able to inflate a figure twisting balloon.  
• Another method is without a balloon at all. Take in a medium breath and then force the air out only through your lips. Keep your cheeks in tight, and your lips pressed together enough to create a resistence your lungs have to work against to overcome. Develop an exercise routine as with the round balloons.  (BTW: Don't let your lips vibrate, it tickles too much and makes them feel a little numb for a while.  .....and numb lips make you talk kinda' funny. Just try not saying, "My yibs are nyumm." Of course, it's always fun to watch other people try to figure out what your "yibs" are.)
  --- Please be aware, and proceed with caution ---       With any of these, or other, methods of practice, the first rule is- to NOT hurt yourself.  Physical activity that pushes you beyond your comfort zone can make you stronger, BUT if you find that you are having a difficult time inflating these types of balloons by mouth, do not overexert yourself until it hurts. It is not worth the pain, or any medical consequences. Backoff, and carefully work your way up.  

Inflating balloons with lung power is a strenuous physical activity, and as with any physically demanding sport or exercise, you must be in good health to perform it. If there may be any doubt, talk with a doctor before proceeding. 

--- 

Although all figure twisting balloons behave basically the same, each brand of balloons has it's own unique characteristic subtleties. This is because each manufacturer of balloons uses their own unique formula of ingredients for the latex which becomes the balloons. Learning to be flexible and, developing confidence in your ability to compensate for the variances between the brands, are valuable assets, especially since variances in the same brand can be expected, too. Often is the case that, the brand of balloon a person first learns this skill with is the balloon they tend to stick with. Don't let yourself get STUCK in this RUT! There is so much more to be gained when you can use all the many types of balloons, from all the different brands. 
  
Oh yea, when you finally get air in the balloon, you might want to tie that baby off. That's just my preference.  

And speaking of babies... (were we?) it just may feel a little something like having one (...or constipation...eww) the first couple of times you try inflating one of these types of balloons. (...push..., push!!!  .....okay, breeeeeathe....whoo - whoo - whoo - whoo.....  Whoa!.........lookit dall de pwitty colors.......what a rush!) 

Well, that's my nickel,  
used to be two cents, but with all this inflation......  you know.   

Whimsically Serious,   
~~ Oliver Twist ~~  
 
 

--psst!.......or, just use a pump.             Huh?  What!?  Who said PUMP!!?