"Phoenix"

by Lianne Olive Hennig

Aching in agonies of endless searching,
Phantom tendrils spinning out from sunken heart;
Sexual fantasies, alone, cease thrilling and
Loneliness will ever tear my soul apart.

Outwardly, a face and form composed.
Inwardly, tears line my membranes with distress.
Unhappiness makes life breathing ill disposed.
I reeked with inner fear until my social life compressed.

Terror still tortures my mind to waylay independence.
Its awesome snakes wind springs around my writhing soul.
My body cells, for life case, are now defendants –
This new life is an aimless wonder without goal...

Born again without ever really being given the
Chance to gradually learn how to succeed,
Confusion reigns over the Fate to which I’m driven, because
I'm so scared of what my struggling Destiny might breed.

Apathy and pragmatism gladly burgeon in this
Androidic life, so limited in its extensions.
My heart and soul, deprived by an unseen inner surgeon,
Allow the need for solidarity to expunge new dimensions.

I wallow helpless in the Lot through which I’m riven,
Lost in this ceaseless limbo of my lifetime;
I've forsaken all ambition that had once seen me striven, 
Instead stressing the jangling energy of its strife time.

I fear so much platitudinous creativity, for it masks
My progressively eremite existence,
And promotes a suborbital proclivity that pretends
But fails attainment of a higher level of subsistence.

Growth inside this dormant soul must surely foster
As long as I minimise the stepping backward,
And keep the rigid rules of daily roster
Until I can find the strength to raise the standard.

The loss of a relationship is always sorrow,
Knowing just oneself as friend and partner, too.
Strength from others my dying will must borrow so that,
Eventually, my own strength may accrue.

In time, perhaps I'll face the future with a new will for expression;
Alone, yet with waving aural rays a-weaving -
Outward bound through the grey mists of depression
Till life’s new adventures lessen the loss of leaving.