How little faith I often seem to have.  In spite of all my beliefs and testimonies, I really do question my own faith at times.  I mean, I believe in God and my spiritual path, and even in myself and others... but is that faith? 

To believe, I think, is to acknowledge the potentials that there are for fulfilment... and to accept the gifts and talents, and markings, of the possible manifestation of these.  It's really on par with knowledge, for a belief is a formed opinion, based on knowledge. 
It doesn't matter if that knowledge is fact or theory. 

But faith, that is another story.  Faith demands that you persist without knowledge or even the theory of it.  It demands that you defy belief. 

I think faith is on par with courage.  But not the courage that necessarily deals with tangible things.  It is the courage to hang in there and do battle even when you don't know what it is you're waiting for, or doing battle with. 
That's faith.

When it comes to faith, I'm often shaken.  I try, but I feel like I fall down time and time again.  I tend to like my world to be neat and tidy and within the realm of my control.  I always seem to be looking for a way to control things, to keep things under control, 
to keep myself under control, and to have a 'handle' on what is going on in my life.  I like to have an end sight, even if that end sight is just in my imagination for, if I have imagined it, I know it is possible.  But if I can't imagine it, my vision is limited, and I tend to lose faith in an end sight I can't really see.  So, for that reason, I am always asking questions, over and over again--about the same sorts of things, in many different ways. 

I'm always poring over my astrology or doing my Tarot.  I'm constantly analysing, researching, exploring, just so that I can have the ''edge" on whatever may happen, 
whether that's in a logical or supernatural arena.  That has certainly helped me to
explain my philosophies, beliefs, and paranormal experiences to others but it doesn't help when there simply are no answers to be found.

There are so many times in life when we muddle along without a clear view in sight, 
when nothing seems to make real sense and we don't understand where we're going 
or where we're being led.  It seems, in those times, that all we can do is live and survive 
until the way becomes clear again and we can feel like we've got back some control over what's going on.   Yet they are also the times when the questions arise in force and when we seek answers with a vengeance - looking for lifelines... 

Often, there is nothing really wrong in general - I mean, we're coping okay with whatever is happening, it's just not of our choosing.   We want choices and they're not always given to us.  And we want control and it's not always for us to have. 

I am always talking to God or my angels, asking for guidance.  I am so lucky that they never cease to answer me, and give credence to my fears and anxieties, and love me enough to put up with my doubts and lack of faith.  But, perhaps questions should only be posed when we need real help--like when we are not coping well or when our battles are defeating us and our life force is ebbing. 

Is it right to pose questions when, even though our life may be a battleground, we are still coping and holding our own? 

We all must undergo experience in life, for that is it's very basis. Therefore, if we are experiencing but staying integral, perhaps it is more a matter for faith, in these instances.  Perhaps, even when we are falling apart, it is a matter for faith, also.  For, if life is preordained, then all that happens is meant to be, for some reason, and that reason can only become clear, many times, after we have undergone the experience. 

I do try to trust in God and the workings of Destiny to bring me through confusing times 
and to show me the way when I can't see it for myself...  so, perhaps there, I do have some part of faith--in that, at least I have the courage to give it a go, to let things happen at times even though I feel so lost and to just exist from day to day until the 'signposts' make the way clear again.  But, like other sensitive people who have been hurt often, I usually don't tend to trust others much these days.  So, it can be difficult for me to have faith in others, let alone in life or the divine.   And if we can't drum up some faith in others,
we place far too much responsibility on ourselves or on destiny to make things better.

Faith can be a way of accepting help when we need it.  To accept help is to trust that
those helping will do the job properly, or at least the best possible job, to fix things...
When we can't accept help, when we have no faith in the things we can't see - whether that's a divine force or the inner workings of another person - we expect far too much of ourselves.  And then things can feel very tough indeed - far tougher than if we can learn to trust and believe that all will be okay, no matter what.

In those circumstances, the world seems to close in on us, rather than open up to us.  And we can feel alone amid a vast crowd.  Life isn't meant to be so hard.  We are communal beings for a reason.  We're supposed to work together, not struggle on alone... So, for me, there's the faith of waiting for things to work out and the faith of trust that they will, and even the faith that can be placed in others or in things when we can't be certain of the results. 

Life can be a long series of changes, of instability, where whenever we think we have
reached a point of durability something comes along to sweep it out from under us 
so that we have to start again...  Yet, I often feel that when I cut all avenues from myself
because of my fears, and then just sit and wait for someone or something to come to me to save me instead of having the courage to face my fears and to do something about them myself, that I also then have no faith at all and have simply become miserable. 

How does faith work in that instance?  It doesn't seem to be a great faith when you just sit  waiting for a miraculous intervention to save you when there is plenty you can actually still do for yourself, to save yourself. 

Is it right, then, to ask for help or guidance or is it wrong? 

I suppose, if it is an instance of losing your way, it's okay to ask for help.  Isn't that what guidance is all about?  But does asking for guidance imply lack of faith?  Or does it imply faith in the being whose guidance you have decided to trust?  When are we supposed to find our own way and when can we allow ourself to be guided?  Should we simply rely, faithfully, that we will just know when it is right and when it is wrong or that all happens as it should, no matter what, so whatever action or reaction we take is right for us at the time?  If that is so, then faith would be pure and simplistic trust, without question.  I'm not sure I could live without questioning...

Can faith exist amid self-assertion and independence or is it a process of melding and losing self-will?  Or perhaps it is both, depending on the situation.  Because surely we should have as much faith in ourselves as we do in anything or anyone else. 

If divine force lives in us it would be wrong to lack faith in ourselves, too.  That might also be said of the need to trust others or at least to give them half a chance to earn our trust...

Often, in the midst of dark times, we might meet someone who could become a dear friend and whose presence in our lives demands faith from us.  And it can be a struggle to achieve that.  Yet this person could really deserve our faith and may have done nothing to shake it - nothing whatsoever.  In that case, we are confronted by our lack of faith and that can be not just on a personal level but on a cosmic one... 

It's just as well that God hasn't given up on me yet because I've noticed others do keep being sent to me to help me re-establish my links with life and get me moving again.

If we are blessed, the special friends we meet will keep faith in us.  And God and our angels will, too.  Perhaps faith is something that we must learn to develop.  Perhaps it is another lesson upon the path of our travails.  And that could be why I keep being told by others, over and over:  "We all have to learn to trust some time." 

Perhaps it's the message I must learn.