- Good night - I answered. He looked strange. I have never seen something like that before.
- Came to bury something? What feeling exactly?
- Love first and all the other feelings after it. Who are you? - I could not get what he wanted and I had no wish to talk to him.
- Do you really care who I am? - He smiled.
- No, I do really not. Enough to know that you are not the human being.
- I see. So, love first, you said. Hmm... Let me see it please. - The strange guy came too close to me and was waiting till I will put down my hard burden.
- Don't you feel sorry? - he was serious and his eyes were sad.
- I dont, I cant, I have no more feelings, even no sorrow. They all left me yesterday.
- Just yesterday? -, By that time I opened my heavy bag he looked in, - But it is alive! - He replied.
- O, my God! It is! But that is not possible! It died yesterday! - I stopped talking and was just staying and trying to understand what happened. Love was looking at me out of the bag, her eyes were fool of tears, and other feelings were hiding behind her. ��
- Listen to me. Look around. Do you see what feelings are buried here? - He asked.
- Yes I do.
- No you don't! It is the hatred, the envy, the fear, the sadness, the feeling of pain, the horror, the doubts, and the despair... The negative feelings!!! You would not find here the happiness, the joy, and sure no love! None is burying the love!!! It is the feeling given by God, this feeling is saint! It is like the child - once you got it, but then you will suffer, as the child needs to be born, if you do not go through the pain you will have no child. And later you will need to care about your child every minute while he is small, and less when he will grow up, he will be strong and ready to live, you will start sleeping at the nights and be very happy observing how he is developing. Love is the same.
- Ok, ok, ok do not tell me that!!! This love is only making me sad and unhappy. Where is your truth? But I am not going to argue with you, I have no wish to do it. The only thing I care is what to do with this love now!
He became silent. �He was looking directly at me. I think he was trying to provocate me to some action. I felt too tired. These last events took all my strength, all my desires and all my hopes and now they are far away at the land from where nothing is coming back.
-Well what you want? - He broke the silence. - Are you going to bury your love alive??? Or may be you will kill her right here, right now?
- Shut up! - I started to cry and sit down. - What? What? What do I want? Listen I want nothing! No, there is one thing I want - to climb up to the highest mountain where none and never will find me and to have no contacts with the human beings. And believe me; if I would have the opportunity to do it right now I will never feel sorry about it.
- You know why do you want it right now? Because you are not sure what tomorrow will bring. Because you still hope that the sun will rise and the sky will be not cloudy. And more then you love, you do! Your love is not just alive it is very strong and pure! You should be proud of it!
- I am suffering from it. I do not know what to do with it. I want it to leave me and never to get close to me again. It is the part of me that gives the greatest pain. I thought that later it will be paralysed, and will stop functioning and then it will die. I would bring it to the cemetery, bury it and may be once in a while I will be bringing the flowers to her grave. But no! She is alive!!! And what's now? There is no sense to stay this pain. There is no sense in all I believed in.�Would you for example, take the knife and start cutting yourself, just because, with no reason? Would you do it? "No" is the correct answer. I lost the meaning of love. I do not need it for more. - I did not want to look in to the Love eyes; I knew that she was crying.
- You would not be able to live without it. - He said and sighed. - You were born for love.
- I do not know for what I was born, but I can tell you for sure that there is none with whom I can share this love. I do not believe in a happy love for more.
- Well, as I see I have no chance to change your mind. I have a suggestion then. You can leave your love here with me. I will care about her till the moment you come back.
That suggestion was what I really needed. I could not take her back that was for sure and for sure I could not kill her.
- Will you care about her? You see, even with all this suffers this love is still mine and I want to be sure that she be in a good hands.
- I will, I promise, do not worry about it. You better go and think about all and return back soon. We will be waiting for you. - He armed Love who was crying like crazy.
- I do not think I will come back. - I felt sad, but I was broken so much that I knew I would never want all it again and I would never trust the theory of happy love after all. �
- What are you going to do now?
- I do not know yet. I started to write the book and the idea was beautiful, it was supposed to be about the love. Now I do not see any reason to write more as it will be nothing but just the big lie. I will start the new book it will be called "The cemetery of feelings". That is what I am going to do. I have to go...
- Ok. What I know is that you will change your mind and "The cemetery of feelings" will never be written. And you will come back for to take your love and you would never leave her again.
- Bye. - I said, with no looking at them.
I was walking back to the world of people. �Doing it just because I had no more choice. I heard my love crying somewhere and the strange guy's voice trying to make her calm by saying "Do not worry she will come back soon". I felt the pain and more pain when hearing his words and the tears started to run over my face again. I had a feeling like I am leaving my child. But I did not turn back. I stopped only after I went out of the gates. I looked around and saw the picture that I will always remember:
It is the night. This night is very dark, the darkest night of my life. The big gates - entrance of the "Cemetery of feelings", lots of the graves around and two small silhouettes of some beings, one of them is crying...
�I hope I did right, as that moment I understood -I would never forgive myself if I did the mistake.
Olga Gordienko
