Chapter 2 (Pt 1)
JAG HQ
"Harm, can I talk to you for a minute?" Mac asked cautiously, as she tapped lightly on his office door. He looked up from his desk, his expression unreadable. Glancing past her at the bullpen that seemed so unnaturally empty now since Bud was in the hospital and Harriet took a leave of absence to be at her husband's bedside, Harm shook his head.
"I don't think now is a good time, Mac. I'm swamped with cases here."
"As good a time as any. I'm sure your cases can wait a few minutes," she retorted, unceremoniously stepping into his office and closing the door behind her. She was determined to get him out of the shell that he locked himself into since their visit to Bethesda, and a sigh of sheer exasperation from her partner did nothing to shake her resolve. "You know it's silly to be blaming yourself for this, Harm," she pushed on, watching his face closely. "You weren't even there. There's nothing you could have done to ..."
"I could've been there instead of him," he snapped, his voice tight with barely controlled emotions. A sharp gasp escaped her lips, and Harm instantly regretted his retort, as he saw the look of sheer horror on his friend's face. "Mac, I'm ... I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to ..."
"To what, Harm?" she breathed out when she was finally able to speak. "To sound like a jerk? You think you're the only one who's hurting because of what happened to Bud? You think that I don't go through hundreds of 'what ifs' in my mind or try to understand why this happened?" Harm stood abruptly, as she raised her voice, and walked over to the window, his unseeing gaze fixed on the parking lot outside, his back toward her. She clenched her fists, her emotions getting the better of her. "I won't let you ignore me, Squid! I am NOT finished!" She was by his side in an instant, grabbing him forcefully by the arm. "Damn it, Harm, LOOK at me!" she nearly screamed, and when he turned around slowly avoiding her eyes, she remained there, her hands still clutching him as if afraid to let go. Finally she reached up, taking his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her, her heart breaking at the burning pain she saw in the blue depths of his eyes. "We don't control what happens to us," she said quietly now that she had his full attention, "we simply can't. One person can survive a head-on collision, while another gets killed falling off a bike. You ... you were thrown into the middle of a minefield, and you survived. But you could've been ... I ... I could've lost you," her voice broke at the thought, and his arms went around her the same instant, holding her tightly against his chest.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, closing his eyes, "I'm sorry I scared you that day, Sarah."
She looked up at his words, her eyes brimming with tears. "That's all right, Sailor. Just don't be sorry that you're uninjured or that you're alive. Don't ever be sorry for that ... for my sake, if not for your own."
He smiled ruefully, tightening his arms around her in a sudden need to take comfort in her closeness. "I won't, Sarah," his voice was barely audible over their breaths. "I promise."
The intercom buzzed annoyingly, breaking up the spell of the moment, and Harm pulled away reluctantly, his left hand still lingering in Mac's.
"Rabb."
"Commander Rabb, the Admiral wants to see you in his office, ASAP."
"Thanks, Tiner. I'll be right there." He released the intercom button and smiled apologetically. "Duty calls."