Chapter 5
�Welcome back, Captain,� the EMH greeted her, running the scanner above her head. �How�s the headache?�
�I �um � it�s gone � what happened?� she said hesitantly, rubbing her temples.
�Well, the drug is completely gone from your system,� the EMH declared, glancing at his tricorder, acting as if he hadn�t heard what she was saying, �you should be all right.�
�Drug?� Janeway stared at the hologram as if the latter had just grown a set of horns. �What drug?�
The EMH opened his mouth to speak, when the doors to sickbay swooshed open.
�How�s the Captain?� Tuvok inquired from the doorstep.
�She is absolutely fine, Commander,� the EMH grumbled, annoyed by this interruption. �As I was just about to explain that��
�What is going on here?� Janeway asked, jumping off the biobed.
The doctor, doubly interrupted, merely threw his hands in the air in a gesture of complete resignation.
�What is this about drugs? �And where�s Commander Chakotay?� she added, vaguely remembering seeing him outside the ship.
�The Commander is gone,� the Vulcan responded with his usual unperturbed calmness, though something elusive flashed in his eyes at these words. �In his absence, I took upon myself the duties of the First Officer.�
�Gone? What�?� She shifted her gaze from one crewman to another, her blue eyes begging for a response.
The EMH coughed, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation, and glanced at the Vulcan as if awaiting his approval. The latter kept the same impenetrable mask of calmness on his face, and so the doctor coughed again and went ahead with the explanations. However, almost as soon as he began, he wished that he had never opened his mouth. Captain Janeway grew more and more pale with his every word, and, when he finished explaining how was it that Voyager was able to leave Athrin, her eyes widened in shock, and she turned around abruptly, grabbing the side of the biobed with both her hands. The doctor stared at her stiff back, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another.
�Captain?�
�You just left him there?� she asked in a trembling voice, her back still turned to them.
�The Commander gave me a direct order,� Tuvok began slowly. �In the absence of the Captain, he was the commanding officer, and I had no choice but to obey. Besides, even though it may be hard to admit, the Commander used the only logical option available. If we were to use Voyager�s cannons to destroy the power plant, we would have eliminated half the city. I don�t believe you would have approved of endangering so many civilians.�
�The only logical option.� The Vulcan�s words resounded in her ears like peals of thunder. �Logic. How could logic justify anyone�s death � especially � his death. Chakotay��
�Oh, God!� She saw his face clearly in her mind, his dark eyes filled with hurt at what she said to him. Her words. She remembered. She remembered every little detail of their last talk in her ready room, her last words to him � caustic, baleful words, and then the slap. �What have I done?� Her hand flew up abruptly, covering her mouth, as a wave of nausea came up to her throat, and she rushed out of the sickbay, followed by the bewildered stares of her crewmen. Moments later, she was standing on her knees on the bathroom floor of her quarters, retching violently into the lavatory pan. As her nausea subsided, she fell to the floor, curled up in a ball like a little girl, and wept silently, burying her face in her knees.
* * *
The tension on the bridge was so thick, it could have been cut with a knife. The thoughts of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were on everyone�s minds.
They all knew now that the Captain�s odd behavior for the past few weeks was influenced by some alien drug, and they knew what sacrifice their Commander has made to save her and to return Voyager back to space. But what was to happen now? Why has the Captain requested that all the senior officers be assembled here? What was she going to say? They were already several days� journey away from Athrin, and with each passing minute, the chances of recovering Commander Chakotay grew slimmer and slimmer, if he was even alive at all. Will they just keep on their current course and leave him behind? Tuvok made no orders to the contrary, awaiting the Captain�s decision. And the Captain was silent, locked in her quarters with only her thoughts to keep her company. What now?
�Captain on the bridge!� Tuvok�s voice cut through the overwhelming silence, and all heads turned in an instant toward the door, the look of uncertainty on everyone�s faces transformed into that of breathless anticipation.
She has been crying, they could tell � her eyes were still moist from tears, but her posture was firm, as she steadily made her way to her chair. Slowly, she glanced around, reading the same silent question in everyone�s eyes, the same question she�s been asking herself for the past hour. And now it was time to make the final decision.
She sighed, mentally preparing herself for a confrontation, and began.
�What I am about to ask all of you demands a great sacrifice, so I want you to consider this very carefully. I have already endangered this crew tremendously during our stay on Athrin, and now I am about to do the same for the sake of rescuing one man who may already be � dead.� She paused, trying to push the terrifying thought to the back of her mind. �The odds are not in our favor, so I will understand if any of you decide not to go back with me.�
�Odds are irrelevant,� Seven of Nine stated with her usual impeccable simplicity. �We must bring back Commander Chakotay.�
Kathryn was flabbergasted. Of all her senior officers, she expected the most objections to come from Seven, whose Borg efficiency � she was almost certain of it � would rebel against sacrificing many to save one. She gaped at the ex-Borg in disbelief, meeting the calm, imperturbable stare of her big blue eyes, and then asked quietly, �Does everyone else agree with Seven?�
�We were only waiting for you to give the order, Captain,� Tom Paris replied for the rest.
Kathryn almost broke into tears again at his response. She felt like smothering everyone on the bridge with kisses. Instead, she smiled to the young pilot and said in a voice that seemed just a bit crispier than usual, �Very well, then, Mr. Paris. Set a course for Athrin.�
�Yes, Ma�am!�