| Jokes |
| This bloke walks into a pub and the bartender asks the man "What can I get you?". The man replies "I'll have a pint of fosters, please". So, the bartender serves the man his drink and then charges him. However the man refuses to pay and says "I distinctly remember you asking me if i wanted a drink therefore i should not have to pay!" The bartender is miffed and asks his good friend the lawyer who also happens to be at the bar. The lawyer tells the bartender that the man should not have to pay. Furious at this the bartender tells the man to drink up and leave the pub and never return. The man finishes his fosters, gets up and walks out, to return only ten minutes later. The bartender sees the man and exclaims "I thought I told you never to come in here again". The man says with a look of surprise "Who me? I've never been here before in my life!". The bartender is puzzled "Then you must have a double.". "Thank you very much" says the man "And i'm sure your solicitor friend will have one too!" Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Why did he want to get to the other side? TO GO TO THE PUB Why did he want to go to the pub? BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE ALL THE COCKS HANG OUT!!!! There are three blondes trapped on an island. They do however stumble upon a magic amp which homes a genie who grants them each one wish. They all decide to use there wishes to escape from the island. Here are their wishes and the outcomes: The first blonde asks to be ten times as smart and within a flash she has turned into a red head, jumped into the water and with much tiring effort she finally reaches the other shore and escapes the island! The second blonde asks to be a hundred times smarter and again in a puff of smoke the blonde has transformed into a brunette and within minutes she has built herself a raft and sailed ashore escaping the island! The third blonde asks to be a thousand times smarter than them two put together and within a flash she is turned into a man and she quickly walks over the bridge! This Englishman is walking through the Welsh border and he comes across a man with a sheep. He asks "Are you shearing?" to which the Welshman replies "No, bugger off and get your own man!!!" Two cows are in a field and one says to the other "You heard about this mad cows disease?" and the other cow replies "Doesn't bother me, im a fucking duck!!!" |
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