STUPID QUOTATIONS
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears
"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions -
but I don't always agree with them." ~ George Bush
"Please provide the date of your death." ~ from an IRS letter
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." ~ Brooke Shields
"We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell,
owing to his recent death,
and is taking a short holiday to recover." ~ Parish Magazine
"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
~ Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
and that one word is `to be prepared'." ~ Dan Quayle
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." ~ Steve Martin
"Sometimes, too long is too long." ~ Joe Crowe
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992
because we received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
~ Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it."
~ Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." ~ Jason Kidd
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
~ Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..." ~ Dan Quayle
"We don't necessarily discriminate.
We simply exclude certain types of people."
~ Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." ~ Samual Goldwyn
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ~ Dan Quayle
"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell." ~ Spencer Ante
"We apologize for the error in last week's paper
in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force.
We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
~ Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper
"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." ~ Batman Costume warning label
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." ~ Dan Quayle
"Not for use as an aquarium." - Warning label on a blender
"To be, or what?" ~ Sylvester Stallone
