Title: Cancer
Date: Completed September 27, 2006
~~~~~~~


He looked even thinner than before. His eyes were closed, but eyelashes no longer graced those fair cheekbones. My breath caught in my throat, as it had every time I entered that room. But we finally had some time entirely to ourselves, and I would make the most of it.

I would.

I sat quietly beside him in the hard plastic chair that had been completely stationary for months. Apparently, he hadn’t been sleeping, as his eyes slid slowly open the second my hand reached out for his.

He parted his lips, drew in a shaky breath. And the sound of it. . .I wanted to cry. But I couldn’t. Not now. Instead, I reached for the glass of water on the table and handed it to him, letting him drink on his own. The tubes and wires swayed as he moved, and I bit my lip.

He was fighting. And for once. . .for once I couldn’t protect him. My baby brother was finally up against something I couldn’t fend off.

And it was killing me.

When he turned to look at me then, I was torn anew. But he gave me a shaky smile and raised his arms to me. And I all but fell into them. I could feel us both trembling, and I shifted to lie next to him, afraid to hurt him, afraid to hold him too tightly. . .afraid. . .

His voice was stronger when he next breathed to speak, and my hand slipped again into his.

“Gee. . .if I don’t. . .if. . .I don’t want. . .just. . .don’t let me die alone.” The longer he spoke, the softer his voice became, and I struggled to catch every word. Struggled to imprint on my heart forever anything and everything that was this glorious boy in my arms.

I squeezed his hand gently, my own lungs struggling to work properly. “You won’t. You’ll never be alone. I’ll be here with you. Always.” I shifted again and leaned over him, pressing the softest of kisses on his forehead, trying to show him, somehow, how much he meant to me. How much I loved him. . .

I promised him that he wouldn’t be alone. That I would be there with him every step of the way.

And there in that room that day. . .

We broke. Together.


‘Cause the hardest part of this. . .