Before I begin, there are a few things that need to be explained so all will comprehend:

1. When Robann yells "POLO!", it is in reference to the game Marco Polo played by kids in local swimming pools.

2. When Ttocs and Aciré are debating the theory of ketchup, a small story is necessary to be told first. Erica (Aciré) eats her french fries with ketchup and mayonaise. Scott (Ttocs) came to the "dark side" of french fries and now eats them also in that revolting mixture.

3. This story is roughly 90 pages long. Go get some popcorn and a blankie..we'll wait.

4. Beanie whacks Darth Maul with a biscuit because her lightsaber was confiscated by Robann. Why we chose a biscuit...I'm not sure.

5. Lommes Pommes are french fries. Sitre is Sprite. Turnpines...I have absolutely no idea what those are. Use your imagination. Seotatops are potatoes. Most other items or people with weird names, you can figure out what they or it really are/is by spelling the word backwards.

6. I don't spell meters metres because I'm British--I just felt like it.

Ok, I think that's everything...email me if you have questions.

[email protected]

Prelude
Obi-Wan panicked. Looking at the flickering LCD display, he held in his breath. The computer must have been wrong. Obi-Wan was sure that the ambassadorial ship had been fully stocked before their departure from Coruscant. Suddenly, Obi-Wan stood and started running. He scampered down the ship, searching for his master.
"Qui-Gon!!! Where are you?" Obi-Wan hollered.
Qui-Gon Jinn stuck his head out of the door of his room. Qui-Gon was a tall, powerfully built man with prominent leonine features. His beard and mustache were close-cropped and his hair was worn long and tied back. Tunic, pants, and hooded robe were typically loose-fitting and comfortable, a sash binding them at his waist where his lightsaber hung just out of view, but within easy reach. He glanced down the hall and saw his young Padawan at the other end, looking for him.
"Here, my young Padawan," said Qui-Gon. He glanced at his protégé, taking his measure. Obi-Wan, in his mid-twenties, was more than thirty years younger and still learning his craft. He was not yet a full Jedi, but he was close to being ready. Obi-Wan was shorter than Qui-Gon, but compact and very quick. His smooth, boyish face suggested an immaturity that had been long since shed. He wore the same type of clothes as Qui-Gon, but his hair was cut in the style of a Padawan learner, short and even, save for the tightly braided pigtail that hung over his right shoulder.
Obi-Wan spun around and ran down towards his master.
"Master," Obi-Wan gasped, "there must be something wrong with the computer. It keeps saying that our supplies are dangerously low. I can't figure it out."
Qui-Gon's brow furrowed. "That is most odd." He motioned for Obi-Wan to follow him and went back to the computer. "What do we really need the most? Shells? Mochas? Sambanas?"
"No! It's far worse than that. We're missing Sitre and chili tacos!" Obi-Wan cried out dramatically.
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "I'll be on the ramp. Please get your cloak and be ready in five minutes."
"What? What did I do?" Obi-Wan asked. "Oh fine." He watched his master walk out of the room. "At least he didn't tell me which cloak I had to wear. Now, I think I'll wear my neon green cloak with the smiley faces!"
"Don't even think about it!" Qui-Gon called out from the hallway.
"Ah man. How does he know?" Obi-Wan muttered.
"I know all!!" yelled Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan frowned and scowled. He stomped down the halls and grabbed his standard, brown Jedi cloak. Longingly, he fingered his neon green cloak and sighed.
"This would have looked so great with my red boots," thought Obi-Wan. He put on his brown cloak and met Qui-Gon at the ramp.
"So, where are we going?" he asked.
"Since we need supplies and other things, we're stopping here for a few minutes," Qui-Gon explained. He pointed to a map on the wall. "We're near the Pota system, about 2000 yards away. There, we'll land and get the items that we need for this trip. Then, we shall continue onward."
Obi-Wan shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Why are we always put on these boring missions? Geez, the least they could do is provide slurpys and candy bars for us."
"Sometimes I wonder how you ever qualified to be a Jedi," Qui-Gon remarked.
"They just couldn't resist cute little me," Obi-Wan cooed.
"Oh, brother."
The ship made its way into the Pota system and began its descent down towards Mandalay, an average sized town that was used to having strangers from all parts of the galaxy. Within minutes, the ship landed in the town's huge hangar. The ramp engaged and the two Jedis made their way down to the surface. Almost immediately, Obi-Wan took off at light speed and ran towards the nearest general store.
"Obi-Wan" Qui-Gon warned.
Obi-Wan made a flying leap inside the 8/12 store and ran right into to giant display of candy bars.
"Oh, my precious candy bars," he said. Quickly, he selected 17 different bars and paid for them. Qui-Gon was still walking outside. Obi-Wan came back out with a huge bag and immediately found a place to sit. He grabbed a candy bar from the bag and tried to open it. The wrapper wouldn't budge. He tried the other end, yet failed again. Finally, frustrated and just dying to taste the chocolate, he hauled out his lightsaber and whacked the bar into two pieces. Happily, Obi-Wan peeled back the wrapper and devoured the whole bar.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Obi-Wan, you are going to gain 300 pounds if you don't stop eating so much chocolate."
Obi-Wan just grinned with chocolate crumbs surrounding his mouth.
"And, my naïve Padawan, see the little red strip that says 'pull'?"
Obi-Wan smiled sheepishly now, annoyed at himself for his impudence.
"Now, we must go buy our items. We have only 300 credits and need to spend it wisely." The two of them headed into another store. Within 10 minutes, they were back outside, each carrying two bags. As they headed back to the ship, they suddenly found themselves in a mess of children.
"EWWWWWW!! Get them away from me!" Obi-Wan cried out. In reality, they weren't touching him, just playing a game.
"Obi-Wan! For crying out loud, stop it. Let's go!" Qui-Gon demanded.
Obi-Wan turned around at the kids and stuck his tongue out at them. While he was doing it so, he noticed that a huge cloaked figure was playing with the kids.
"Hey, go play with people your own size!" he yelled at the person. The person just stared at him, then ran off. Satisfied with his big boy attitude, Obi-Wan turned back and strutted his way back to the ship.
The two of them quickly returned and took off immediately. Their next destination was the Nemodian Battleship. They were the ones causing the Trade Federation problem. While waiting for the ship to arrive there, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon took the time to talk.
"Qui-Gon, do you think everything will work out?" Obi-Wan asked through a mouthful of candy bars.
"Stop chewing with your mouth open. It's revolting. No, don't know. I cannot tell the future," Qui-Gon snapped. Obi-Wan shrugged and reached into his bag of candy bars, then screamed. He turned the entire back upside down, allowing all the wrappers to fall to the ground.
"What now?" Qui-Gon asked crossly.
"My candy bar!!! My favorite one, the BarsMars! It's gone! Ohhhh, I bet I know who took it! It was those bratty children!" Obi-Wan cried out.
"Oh, grow up. GeezJedi knight, yeah right." Qui-Gon sighed and pulled up the hood of his cloak and motioned Obi-Wan to follow him. Obi-Wan grabbed his bag of candy and began to walk after his master.
"Drop them," Qui-Gon said, not even turning around.
Obi-Wan dropped the candy and followed his master down to the cockpit. Qui-Gon immediately went up to the captain and began talking to him quietly.
Actual Story
"How much longer until we reach the ship?" he asked.
"We have just gotten permission to come aboard," he answered, "but I should warn you, they can't be trusted. Do this negotiation as fast as you can, so we may all leave"
Qui-Gon nodded. "Come, my Padawan. We have some business to take care of."
The two of them made their way back to the ramp. As it began to open, the two men proceeded off the ship. They suddenly found themselves in the middle of robots and weapons. A droid suddenly came running up to them.
"Hello, I am TC-14. I presume you are the ambassadors. Please follow me." The droid hurried them to a conference room. Both men removed their cloaks and began to waitor at least Qui-Gon did.
"Make your honored sirs comfortable," said the droid. "My master will be with you shortly." The droid then left.
"I have a bad feeling about this, Master," said Obi-Wan.
"I don't sense anything," replied Qui-Gon.
"It's not about the mission Master," said Obi-Wan. "It's something elsewhere, something...elusive."
"Don't center on your anxieties Obi-Wan. Stay focused here and now."
"But Master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future."
"But not at the expense of the present. Be mindful of the living Force my young Padawan. Your sensitivity to it is not your strength. "
"Yes Master. But..."
"Quiet!" Qui-Gon ordered. Suddenly, the doors flew open and the droid came back into the room with drinks. It quickly hurried out again. Both of them each took a beverage, then were surprised by a loud boom. The walls began to shake, then stopped. Qui-Gon sprang to his feet with his vibrant green lightsaber drawn. Obi-Wan tried to jump up, but fell to the ground. He scrambled up and drew out his electrifying blue lightsaber.
"They have destroyed our ship," Qui-Gon immediately guessed.
Obi-Wan's eyes widened. Before he could say anything, they both heard a hissing noise and found yellow gas pouring into the room.
"Nitrous oxide!" Obi-Wan said, before taking a huge breath and flicking off this lightsaber.
Outside, the battle droids opened the door.
"We'll cover you corporal," said one.
"Roger, roger," said another.
Suddenly, two lights flashed on through the cloudy gas.
"AAHHHHHHHHIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" screamed Obi-Wan, flying at the droids.
Qui-Gon took a second to rub this temples, then charged silently at the droids.
The two men worked together in unison, easily dispatching the droids. They charge up the hall, heading for the bridge. Without warning, several droids appeared in front of them, only they had protective shields. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon blocked their shots, but it seemed like it would take a tremendous amount of good luck to beat these eight droids. Suddenly, three of them exploded without warning. As they ducked for cover, Qui-Gon saw a small ball bounce underneath a droid, then explode. Within seconds, all droids were destroyed. As the smoke cleared away, the two men saw another short, cloaked figure down the hall.
"Follow me!" The person ordered. They did so, and ended up in the docking area.
"Who are you?" Obi-Wan hissed. The person removed its hood, only to reveal the young face of a young girl.
"Jas-Min. I'm a spy sent by the Jedi council. And you're lucky that I made it in time to save your lives," Jas-Min said. Obi-Wan's eyebrows raised up high in suspicion.
"Okay, I've got a plan," Qui-Gon said. "We'll each get on one of those ships. It looks like they're planning to attack Naboo. We must get back down to the planet and see how we can help. Now go!" The three of them ran off and got onto a separate ships. Within moments, all the ships took off and headed down to the evergreen world of Naboo, ruled by the infamous Queen Amidala.
Qui-Gon was the first to land on the planet. Quickly, he sprinted away from the battle droids and hid in the forest. He hoped that the others made it, but for now, he had to worry about himself.
"I hope Obi-Wan managed to get off without getting caught. GeezI shouldn't have left him alone. Who knows what he might have done now," Qui-Gon thought.
Several hundred yards away, Obi-Wan's brown head surfaced from the swamp muck. He glanced around, and seeing no one, submerged again and swam on.
Qui-Gon stayed in his spot for several minutes, then heard the frantic cries of birds and creatures. The Nemodians had gigantic machines!!! At this moment, one was heading towards Qui-Gon's spot.
"Oh great. I finally leave Mr. Trouble, now I'm in trouble!" Qui-Gon ran off, but then collided with a big, gangly creature. The two of them fell to the ground, just in time, for the big machine went right over their heads.
"AHHHHH!!! Yousa save ma life! Meesa thanks you!" the creature cried out.
Qui-Gon turned on his back to see what he had just saved. In front of him stood a tallthing. He just couldn't figure out what it was. But it was wearing brown reddish clothing and had buggy eyes.
"Meesa a Gungan! Yousa save ma life! I owe you favora!" the Gungan cried. It began waving its arms in the air.
"That won't be necessary," said Qui-Gon.
"Oh! Bot it is!" said the creature.
Qui-Gon began to lope off and the creature followed him. Suddenly, the sound of blaster fire filled the air as Obi-Wan came running toward them.
"Get down!" he yelled at the creature.
Qui-Gon whipped out his lightsaber and made quick work of the droid STAPs. Obi-Wan stood, hunched over, breathing raggedly.
Obi-Wan wiped his muddied brow, gasping for breath. "Sorry, Master. The swamp fried my lightsaber."
He pulled out the weapon. The lighting end was blackened and burned. Qui-Gon took it from him and gave it a cursory inspection. Behind him, the creature pulled himself out of the muddy swamp and blinked curiously at the newly arrived Jedi.
"You forgot to turn off your power again, didn't you, Obi-Wan?" asked Qui-Gon pointedly.
Obi-Wan nodded sheepishly. "It appears so, Master."
"It won't take long to recharge, but it will take some time to clean it up. I trust you have finally learned your lesson, my young Padawan?"
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan accepted the proffered lightsaber with a chagrined look. "What's this?" he asked, pointing at the creature.
"A local," replied Qui-Gon.
"Mesa Jar Jar Binks! Mesa be your loyal servant."
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
"Let's go," said Qui-Gon, "Before more of those STAPs show up."
"More?" Jar Jar gasped worriedly. "Yous say more?"
Qui-Gon was already moving, shifting into a steady trot through the mire. Obi-Wan was only a step behind, and it took a moment for Jar Jar to catch up to them, his long legs working frantically, his eyes rolling.
"Exsqueeze me, but da most grand safest place is Otoh Gunga," he gasped. "Tis where I grew up. Tis a safe city!"
"Can you take us there?" asked Qui-Gon, halting briefly.
"Um, ah, oh, mebbe me not rilly take yous, not rilly no."
Qui-Gon leaned close, his eyes dark. "No?"
Jar Jar looked as if he wished he could disappear into the swamp completely. His throat worked and his billed mouth opened and closed like a fish's. "Tis embarrassment, but...me afraid me be banished. Sent oot. Me forget Boss Nass do terrible hurt to me if go back dere. Terrible bad hurt."
A low deep, pulsating sound penetrated the whine of the STAPs, rising up through the mist and gloom, growing steadily louder. Jar Jar glanced around uneasily. "Oh, oh."
"You hear that?" Qui-Gon asked softly, placing a finger on the Gungan's skinny chest. Jar Jar nodded reluctantly. "There's a thousand terrible things heading this way, my Gungan friend..."
"And when they find you, they will crush you into dust, grind you into little pieces, and then blast you into oblivion," Obi-Wan added with more that a little glee. Jar Jar began jump up and down. Suddenly, the three of them heard blaster shots come out of nowhere.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Obi-Wan and Jar Jar screamed. They began running around in circles. Finally, they came racing to Qui-Gon. Jar Jar grabbed one of his legs, while Obi-Wan grabbed the other.
"Qui-Gon!!! Get us outta here! Please!!!" Obi-Wan sobbed. Qui-Gon stared helplessly at the sky.
"What are you guys doing? Come on, we gotta get outta here!" It was Jas-Min's voice. The three of them turned around to find the spy. Jas-Min was wearing camouflage clothing and was holding two blasters, with another one attached to her belt loop.
"Help me get these scaredy cats off my legs first," Qui-Gon said. Jas-Min sighed and fired two blaster shots in the air. The two wimps scrambled to their feet.
"Are you crazy!!? Obi-Wan screeched. "They're going to find us now!"
Jas-Min smiled. "Exactlynot unless we get going!"
"She's right. Jar Jar, take us to your city nowor else," Qui-Gon demanded. The Gungan shrugged, then pointed to a swamp in the distance.
"There ma places. We go now!" He immediately dived down into the water. Qui-Gon followed him, diving with ease. Jas-Min immediately followed. Obi-Wan stopped to test the water.
"Ohhhhhbut it's too cold," he whined. Without warning, a blaster shot flew right between his legs.
"COWABUNGA!" Obi-Wan cannonballed in the swamp and hurried to catch up with the rest of his group.
Hours later, the foursome found themselves traveling through the core to get back to the surface.
Monsters attacked and the bongo lost power once, but overall, the foursome were safe. They surfaced near a dock at Theed, but still were several hundred metres from the dock.
"All right," said Qui-Gon, "we'll have to swim to the dock." Qui-Gon pulled out his little mouth gill and fitted it to his mouth. He jumped from the ship and made a little splash as he broke the water's surface. Jas-Min followed suit, then Jar Jar, making a wild dive into the water. Obi-Wan stood warily.
"Master!" he called. Qui-Gon's grey head surfaced.
"What, my young Padawan?"
"My hair is gonna get all mussed," whined Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan! Get in the water now!" yelled Qui-Gon with a tone that brooked no question.
Obi-Wan frowned. He pulled out his mouthpiece and fitted it. Daintily, he touched the water.
"Master, it's too cold!" he cried.
"In, Obi-Wan!" said a swimming Qui-Gon.
Obi-Wan grimaced and jumped. The splash he created rocked the tiny bongo and promptly sank it. "Oops. Good thing no one needs it," he said to himself.
By the time Obi-Wan got to the dock, Qui-Gon was almost dry. Jas-Min reached down and hauled Obi-Wan out of the water deftly, practically making him levitate.
"Hey! Put me down! Put me down!" he cried.
"Ok," said Jas-Min. She promptly dropped Obi-Wan and he fell smack on the dock. He stood up and ran after the other three as they left him lying on the dock.
Obi-Wan soon caught up to the group, trying desperately to fix his lovely, precious hair. The group ran down several streets until they came to the palace. Quickly, they all hid behind a large bush.
"Oh no, they already came!" Qui-Gon whispered. He pointed to the large units of battle droids in front of the palace. Qui-Gon stared at them, trying to think of their next brilliant plan. In the mean time, Obi-Wan turned to Jas-Min.
"Okay, so you're a spy, eh?" Then how come you were spying on us!? Obi-Wan asked.
"Gee, I wonder? Could it be that the council doesn't trust you?" Jas-Min said.
"Me!! Why me? I'm too cute!" Obi-Wan cried out.
"Ha! Yeah right. Someone had to make sure this mission went well. I mean, did you think that they would trust you ever since that one accident?" Jas-Min said. "I mean, I wouldn't trust a hair gel freak who ended squirting that stuff all over floor in the Jedi Mens' bathroom! You nearly killed Yoda!"
"Well, he's too old anyways," Obi-Wan began to say, but Qui-Gon shushed him.
Qui-Gon leaned in close to his apprentice. "We..whisp, whisp, whisp. Okay?"
Obi-Wan nodded. The foursome crept down the sides of the city's raised walkways. Qui-Gon spotted a bridge and beckoned the group to follow. He and Obi-Wan prepped and then jumped down.
"Are you Queen Amidala?" Obi-Wan asked the central figure in elaborate dress.
"No, I'm a eopie wearing the queen's clothing," she snapped.
Obi-Wan grinned.
The droids soon flew at them, but with the help of Jas-Min, the three made quick work of the battle droids as their lightsabers whooshed and slid through the air.
"Quickly," said Qui-Gon, "Out of the street."
"Get their weapons," demanded Captain Panaka of the Naboo, the queen's head of security. His small detail of security scurried about the molten droids to pick up the blasters.
Qui-Gon stopped the group in a small square off the central street.
"We are the ambassadors to the supreme chancellor, Your Highness," he said.
"Well, freakin' what happened to the negotiations?" she admonished. "My people are suffering, dying, all because of you."
"Now hold on just one cotton-picking minute," said Obi-Wan. "There were no negotiations."
"And why weren't there? Because the two of you were too incompetent, huh?"
Qui-Gon stopped her right there. "Shut up!" he yelled. "It wasn't our fault, ok? Geez, have a bit of understanding. We got chased around by droids and then found ourselves on the planet, trying to warn you. And Obi-Wan," he said, turning to his Padawan.
"Yes, sir?"
"What's with this cotton-picking stuff? The only planets that grow cotton are Earth and Cotonia."
Obi-Wan grinned. "It's an expression I picked up on an away mission to Earth several years ago," he said. "See, out on Earth, back in the times when cotton picking was big..."
"Ahem," said Captain Panaka, "I hate to interrupt this little love fest, but might I suggest we move it somewhere, say, inside?"
Qui-Gon nodded and motioned for the group to follow. They stole quietly to the entrance to the main hangar.
"Do you have transports?" Qui-Gon asked Captain Panaka.
"Oui," said Panaka. "Là volià. Il y a un grand voyeur des étoiles ce qu'il est le transport privée de la femme roi."
Obi-Wan turned to Panaka. "What the freak did you just say?"
"Well," he began, "literally, I said 'Yes, there. There is a big ship of the stars that is the transport private of the woman king.' But I was really saying, 'Yes, the queen's private transport is right there'."
"Oh, ok," said Obi-Wan uncertainly. He glanced out the crack in the door into the main hangar. "Qui-Gon," he whined, "the ship's way over there. And look at all those droids!"
Qui-Gon sighed and shook his head. "Your Majesty, considering the circumstances, I suggest you come to Coruscant with us."
"What, with you incompetent negotiators?" she quipped.
Qui-Gon bit his lip. He passed his hand in front of her face subtly. "You are coming to Coruscant with us."
"I am going to Coruscant with you."
"HEY!" cried Captain Panaka. "How'd you do that? There were so many times when I wanted to do the same thing! Just shut her up and make her agree."
Qui-Gon shrugged. "Now, Obi-Wan, you go free those pilots in the corner and Jas-Min and I will take care of the guards surrounding the ship.
"There's too many of them," whined Obi-Wan, "I can't deal with them all."
Qui-Gon leaned over and pushed Obi-Wan out into the hangar. "Go get 'em, slugger!" he yelled and Obi-Wan stumbled out into the middle of the hangar. He stood up straight, looked at the cluster of droids amassing around the pilots, turned around and ran back to Qui-Gon.
"Don't make me do it, puh-leeeze, Qui-Gon. I'm too scared," he whimpered, clinging to the bottom of Qui-Gon's cloak.
Qui-Gon reached behind himself and pulled a hypospray from his belt.
Obi-Wan started backing away. "No, no, not that!" Obi-Wan spun around and pulled out his lightsaber, igniting it swiftly and charging out into the middle of the droids. "AAHHHHHHHHIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" he cried.
Qui-Gon rubbed his temples for the second time that day and proceeded with his group in tow. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jas-Min made quick work of the droids. The newly-freed pilots scampered up the ramp of the Queen's Nubian ship after the Queen, her handmaidens, and Jar Jar were safely stowed aboard. Obi-Wan ran up the ramp, and was followed closely by Qui-Gon. The ramp automatically closed up and the ship began to levitate as Ric Olié, the pilot, began to steer the ship from the hangar. Qui-Gon instructed Obi-Wan to put Jar Jar somewhere where he wouldn't get in trouble. Obi-Wan dragged Jar Jar down to the astromech droid hold and tossed him in, instructing him to stay put and out of trouble. Obi-Wan returned to the bridge as the Nubian was approaching the blockade. He peered over his master's shoulder daintily.
"Ack!" he shouted.
"What?" said Qui-Gon quickly, spinning around to face his Padawan.
"Those battleships remind me of my Great-Aunt Matilda," Obi-Wan said quietly.
Qui-Gon made no response and turned back to the front of the ship.
The queen's transport began to rock violently.
"We should abort, sir!" yelled Ric Olié at Qui-Gon, who was braced at his side, eyes fixed on the battleships. "Our deflectors can't withstand much more of this!"
"Stay on course," Qui-Gon ordered calmly.
A series of explosions jarred the Nubian and the lights on the control panel flickered weakly. An alarm sounded, shrill and angry. The transport shuddered, its power drive stalling momentarily in a high-pitched whine.
"Something's wrong," the pilot announced quietly, fighting the steering, feeling the ship shudder beneath. "Shields are down!"
"I'll send out the repair crew!" cried Obi-Wan, hastily tripping over a co-pilot on his way to the lever.
The cockpit watched anxiously as the droids motored out to the broken panel. There were four of them to begin with. Within minutes, only the blue R2 unit was left. Something changed on the cockpit display, and Ric Olié gave a shout of approval. "The shields are up! That little droid did it!" The ship zoomed away from the battleships and left them far behind.
Qui-Gon sat studying a console, Obi-Wan standing behind him.
"We can't go far," Qui-Gon announced. "The hyperdrive is leaking. We'll have to stop and refuel somewhere."
Obi-Wan walked across the bridge and sat at an opposite console. "Here, Master. Tatooine. The Trade Federation has no presence."
"Good work, my young Padawan."
Obi-Wan beamed.
Qui-Gon quickly strode down to the Queen's quarters and informed her of the plans.
"I will not go to a planet where the government is ruled by the Hutts!" yelled the Queen for the umpteenth time.
Qui-Gon sighed and raised his hand surreptitiously. "We are going to Tatooine," he said.
"We are going to Tatooine," she repeated.
"You have got to teach me how to do that, Qui-Gon," said Panaka.
Qui-Gon smiled and went to rejoin Obi-Wan.
"We're on our way, Master," informed Obi-Wan.
"Good. The sooner the better."
"Master, what happened to Jas-Min? I haven't seen her since we ran into the hangar."
Just then, the ship bumped and rocked violently. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon hurried over to a view port and looked out the window. A giant ship, modeled in the shape of Jas-Min's profile flew by the queen's small Nubian. Obi-Wan thought he could barely make out Jas-Min's small head in the cockpit.
"I imagine that answers your question, Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon.
The two men became quiet and pondered for a while about their mission when one of the crew members interrupted them.
"Sir, we're intercepting a message from a ship that's about 4000 yards from us. They want to drop off someone named...Beanie."
"What? That weirdo spy wants to come back? I'll make her beg me to let her aboard this ship again! I'll show her who's the boss!" Obi-Wan boasted.
"Noooo. You got it all wrong. The captain of this ship just came out of hyperdrive. He says they want to drop off someone named...Beanie," the crew member corrected.
Obi-Wan frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Beanie? What kind of stupid name is that?"
Qui-Gon moaned and banged his head against the nearest wall.
"Not now...she can't possibly come at this moment."
"Who's...Beanie, Master?"
"She's a Jedi, like you. She's very good I have to admit...but being cousins sort of ruins it all."
"Cousins? My gosh Qui-Gon, aren't we the mystery man? How could people know you two were related? I mean, at birth, people like us are shipped to military camp!" Obi-Wan cried out. Then he sniffed and smiled. "Man, I was so cute back then. I had curly blond hair..."
"ANYWAYS, back to my story. It was a long time ago...maybe 10 years. I had gotten badly injured and required blood," Qui-Gon began.
"Wait! Hold on!" Obi-Wan raced out of the room. Moments later, he returned with a bag of popcorn and a blanket. "Okay, continue."
"As I was saying, they tested all the Jedis-"
"Including Yoda?! I mean, dude, can you really accept blood from him?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Obi-Wan, shut up. As I was saying again, no one could help me. They became so desperate that they even began to find random people who had the same type of blood as me. Finally, they came upon a young girl who lived surprisingly on Pota. Well, they called her in and did some tests. They found that her blood matched mine exactly and that she was related to me. We just decided that we would be cousins. But, after we got to know each other....we became more like siblings. Fighting, bickering, biting..."
"Wow, biting. Why?" Obi-Wan asked.
"I didn't bite you idiot! She bites!" Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide with fear.
"So, to end my story, I have not seen her for 5 long years, which is good," Qui-Gon concluded.
The crew member, who had been patiently listening through Qui-Gon's tale, cleared his throat to regain his attention.
"So, should I let this Beanie come aboard?" he asked. With pain and grief written all over his face, Qui-Gon nodded. Obi-Wan covered his face with the blanket.
"Oh, you wimp! Come on. Lets go greet her." Qui-Gon lifted him out of his chair and placed him on the ground. Obi-Wan quickly scampered after him towards the ramp. They both anxiously waited as the other ship came to theirs and docked with them. Finally, the door connecting to the ship opened and a cloaked figure appeared. The person took a few more steps and the door shut behind.
"Dang. That person is short! Is it a dwarf?" Obi-Wan asked. The person came closer, and closer. Obi-Wan let out a quiet shriek and hid behind Qui-Gon. Then, the cloaked figure removed its hood. Standing right in front of the two men was a sullen, young girl with a long black braid that circled her head. Her brown eyes held an impish, and oddly, a greenish tint to them. Before Qui-Gon could speak, the girl gave him a devilish smile.
"Hiya Qui-Gon! Miss me?"
Obi-Wan took one look at this "biting" person and ran off screaming, his brown cloak flying behind him.
"SAAAAVE ME!" he cried out.
Qui-Gon regarded Beanie apprehensively. He did not want to appear too brash. But then again...he rather disliked this girl. So, he turned around and followed Obi-Wan through the ship, running as fast as his 6'4" frame could manage. Very soon, he heard the pitter-patter of small Jedi boots running after him. He accelerated, but the Beanie boots kept after him. Beads of perspiration ran down his cheek and his breath came in short, rasping gasps.
"OBI-WAN!!! HELP ME!!!" he cried in vain. He whirled around a corner and instantaneously, Obi-Wan grabbed Qui-Gon's black cloak sleeve, yanking him into an anteroom seconds before Beanie turned the corner.
Qui-Gon fell on the floor, gasping for breath. Obi-Wan regarded the
door pensively Qui-Gon began rapping his head on his hand. "WHY? WHY? WHY?" he asked himself, rather rhetorically.
"I don't know, Qui-Gon," said Beanie who had magically manifested herself into the room using the FORCE.
"You blumbering idiot. That was a rhetorical question. It was not
meant to be answered."
"Well I'm sorry! And geez, I'm not an idiot!" Beanie cried out. She began to pout and give Qui-Gon mean looks. Obi-Wan burst out laughing.
"Ha! You're nothing but a little child!" Obi-Wan fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. Within in a bleak second, he found himself hanging upside down in midair.
"AHHHHHHHH!! AHHHHHHHH!! MOMMY!" Obi-Wan cried out, trying to grab something. Beanie's eyes were lit of with delight as she tortured Obi-Wan with her Jedi powers.
"Beanie..."Qui-Gon warned.
"Fine, fine." Before he knew it, Obi-Wan fell to the ground, and surprisingly landed on his feet.
"How can you be a Jedi? I don't get it. That is highly impossible!" Obi-Wan complained. "You're not even my age! And for gosh sakes, don't they tie up people who bite?!"
"I do not bite! Qui-Gon, will you stop telling people that I bite?! It was a swinger that bit you!! Geez! I don't bite! It is an inhumane thing to do!" Beanie cried out. "And you," she said, pointing to Obi-Wan, "better watch your back. I don't take insults very lightly."
She opened one side of her cloak to reveal a blaster, lightsaber, and 4 odd tools. "I'm highly trained in fighting, firing, and fooling around. Pretty good for a 16 year old, don't you think?" Obi-Wan's mouth dropped opened and raised his hand as if he begged to differ.
"Oh be quiet. Forget about this whole biting thing. We have other business to take care of, like why you are here Beanie," Qui-Gon began to say.
Obi-Wan suddenly jumped a mile in the air, whacking his head on the roof of the anteroom. "I gotta remember to set my commlink to audible. Every time it vibrates I freak out," he said to himself. He talked quickly with the cockpit. "Master, " said Obi-Wan to Qui-Gon.
"What, my young Padawan?"
"The captain says we've arrived at Tatooine. (cue music) That's where we found this boy. And we was singing' My my this here Anakin guy, may be Vader someday later--now he's just a small fry. He left his home and kissed his mommy good bye, saying "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi, Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi."
Beanie started jumping up and down and began singing that annoying song from beginning to end all three hundred verses of it. Obi-Wan glowered at her, and smacked himself for singing that song. He frowned and turned back to Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon tore himself away from wanting to whack Beanie on the head and resumed his conversation with Obi-Wan.
"Have they requested permission to land?" he asked.
"I thought you wanted to come in unnoticed," replied his protégé.
"Ooops. Duh! I knew that. Honest."
With that, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon walked up to the landing ramp, waiting for the light to go green, signaling that it was ok to descend. Qui-Gon heard Beanie behind him and turned around to see her fiddling with some wires.
"Oh, it's green," said Obi-Wan. He reached out and punched the "Lower Ramp" button and stepped out when it was down...And fell 300 metres to the ground. "BEANIE!!!!!!!!!!!" Qui-Gon heard him cry as he fell down, down, down. Qui-Gon hoped he was agile enough to land safely. The ship eventually landed and Qui-Gon stepped off the ship, followed closely by Beanie, who was being marvelously quiet. It made Qui-Gon nervous.
Obi-Wan joined them now, looking only slightly worse for the wear after his 300 metre descent. "Are you quite sure that she's not your sister, Master?" he asked formidably.
"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon said with a warning tone in his voice.
The two men stepped outside to take a look at the planet. All they saw was sand...miles of sand that seemed to go on forever. Yet, in the distance, there was a small town that was sightly visible.
"Master," Obi-Wan began, "the hyperdrive generator is shot. We'll need a new one."
Qui-Gon nodded. "Be wary, Obi-Wan, I sense a disturbance in the Force."
"I feel it also, Master."
"All right," Qui-Gon said. "I've decided...I'll take R2-D2 with me to go find the parts...and I might as well take Jar Jar along too. I don't trust him on this ship...he might break something."
Obi-Wan frowned and folded his arms. "You're leaving me here to keep
an eye on things...and some people aren't you? That's not fair!"
"Look, make sure no one sends out a message or gives out our coordinates, okay? As for...her...make her take a nap or something."
A few minutes later, Qui-Gon came back out of the ship wearing a light tan wrap with his lightsaber hidden beneath it. R2-D2 came slowly down the ramp with Jar Jar strutting behind him. The three of them began to take off when they heard a voice calling them.
"Qui-Gon! Wait!" It was Captain Panaka. "Qui-Gon, Queen Amidala would like you to take her handmaiden with you. She would like to know more about this planet."
Qui-Gon peered over the Captain's shoulder. He saw a young girl with a ton of winding brown braids on top of her head dressed in plain clothing. She looked innocent, yet he felt that there was something strange about her.
"Tell the Queen no," he began to say, but Captain Panaka cut him off.
"She INSISTED."
"All right," he sighed. The four of them began to walk away when they heard loud yells coming from the ship. They all turned around and found Beanie running down the ramp with Obi-Wan trying to catch her.
"Qui-Gon!! I wanna come too!" she yelled.
"Beanie!!" Qui-Gon said, with a serious tone in his face, a frown creasing his leonine features. But the young handmaiden stopped him from continuing.
"Oh, let her come. I could use some company. Hello, I'm Padmé."
"And I'm Beanie! Did you know that I'm related to that big moron?" Beanie said.
Obi-Wan finally caught up with them, panting heavily and
clutching his side. "I'm sorry, Master, I tried to lock her up, but she escaped."
"Eh, you're outta shape. I suggest 100 pushups and 5 miles a day will
get you up to half of my speed. I won't hold it to you THIS time...but oh
yeah, here's something for ya." Beanie tossed him a hologram tape. "I was told specifically to give it to you."
Obi-Wan gave her a look. "Who's it from?"
Beanie yawned. "Oh, from my master...I suppose you know her. Have you ever heard of Robann? She's known for her absolutely sharp skills and wide collection of neato lightsabers. She's the Jedi Master of Pota to be exact...and she also has a shrine of pictures of you, Obi-Wan. Love the pic with you wearing the bib and overalls."
Obi-Wan turned five different shades of red in front of them.
Qui-Gon, very annoyed with their delay, ordered the group to move on, leaving the tomato faced Obi-Wan out in the sun.

Obi-Wan stood uncertainly in the glaring heat, the holotape clasped in his hand. He wavered for a moment and then decided he had better get back inside the ship and the air conditioning before he melted in this sun. He turned around, his face still a bright pink, and entered up the ramp. Pondering, he went back in his room and slid the holotape into the slot of the holoprojector. A tall figure came into view, although it was considerably distorted by the heat damage it had suffered in Beanie's pocket.
"Jedi Kenobi, months ago you said you would call back. Now it has been almost a year. Seeing that you feel it is unnecessary to keep up communication, I feel it is necessary to terminate it," the holofigure said, voice quivering with anger. The holoprojector flickered off.
Obi-Wan felt faint. He steadied himself and prepared to send a reply. Just then, Captain Panaka paged him again, alerting him there was an incoming message for the Queen.

The others finally reached the small town of Mos Espa. Creatures of all kinds were roaming the streets. Qui-Gon kept a sharp lookout for anything suspicious. So far, everything was good. The group finally came to a small shop that seemed to have a ton of parts.
"All right. I'll go talk with the owner. R2, you come with me. The rest of you...and especially you," Qui-Gon pointed between Beanie and Jar Jar, making it seem he meant either one, "Stay out of trouble!"
Jar Jar and Beanie smiled devilishly at one another. They stood there plotting what evil scheme to do next, when suddenly, they both felt a strong grip on the back of their cloaks. They whirled around, only to be faced by...the deadly Robann. Robann was tall and lithe. Her wavy, VERY long blond hair cascaded down her back to past her waist. She stood easily a half a head taller than Beanie as her blue eyes glistened and sparkled with anger and excitement. She was muscular and easily lifted the writhe Beanie off the ground.
Beanie gasped. "NO!!"
"Bad Beanie," Robann said. "You ran away again, pretending to be a full Jedi. This is most intolerable. And what is this?" she asked, pointing at Jar Jar.
"Mesa Jar Jar Binks. Mesa be your loyal servant."
Robann raised her right eyebrow and brushed by both of them into the junk store. Inside, Padmé was talking to a little tow-haired boy, and you could see Qui-Gon and R2-D2 outside with Watto. Robann marched through the store, and right behind Qui-Gon.
"POLO!" she yelled, two inches from his head. She figured he jumped about 10 feet (eleven if he had an afro). He turned around and whipped out his lightsaber, glowing green and lethal. But of course, Robann had her own pink sparkled lightsaber ready. They fought playfully for a minute, and then put their lightsabers away. Watto decided he had had enough of this and left them, saying "Hahahaha, Republican credits...Buwahahahahahha."
Qui-Gon and Robann went back in the store, collected Jar Jar and Padmé and Beanie, and left to contact Obi-Wan.
"Ow...stop pulling on my ear, Robann!" Beanie screeched. Robann sighed and yanked her ear harder. "I get it I get it! I'm practically a Jedi, no matter what you say!"
Qui-Gon covered his ears and tried to ignore the screaming and kicking going on. But just then, he heard a louder noise...a Gungan yell.
He turned around just in time to see Jar Jar knock over a Tetes stand.
All the Tetes went rolling around in the dirt. The owner began yelling and threatening the big, clumsy Gungan. Then, out of a nowhere came the boy from the shop. He calmly talked the owner to let this "Clumsy, idiotic" creature go off.
"Mesa thanks you!" Jar Jar exclaimed after they walked away. The boy shrugged and shyly smiled.
"Where ya guys going?" he asked, eying each and every one of them.
"We've got to repair a ship...and we need to go now," Qui-Gon said quickly, noticing Beanie's mouth beginning to open.
"But a huge storm's coming up! You guys will get lost. Come to my place, okay and wait until the storm is over!" the young boy said eagerly.
Beanie looked at him. "Will there be food?" The boy nodded.
"All right! Let's go!"
Qui-Gon sighed and nodded his head. "What is your name, my young friend?"
"Anakin. Anakin Skywalker, at your service!"
They walked through the crowded streets of Mos Espa and soon arrived at Anakin's home. He walked in and was followed by Qui-Gon, Robann
holding Beanie's ear, Beanie, Jar Jar and R2-D2. As Beanie stepped into the
hovel, she tripped over the door frame and fell smack onto the cold, hard,
cruel ground. Robann stooped over to pick her up, revealing her lightsaber
beneath her cloak and a giant wallet stuffed with pictures of Obi-Wan. Anakin saw it and his eyes opened up really wide. But in a second, he acted as if he didn't see anything.
"Mom!! I'm home!" Anakin yelled. An older woman with tired brown eyes dressed in a long blue dress came out of the kitchen. "Annie, I was getting worried...umm, you might you be?" she asked, noticing the large group.
"Your son offered us shelter. We have a ship outside of town and he warned us of the storm. I hope you do not mind," Qui-Gon said. The woman nodded and smiled.
"No, the storms are pretty bad. I'm Shmi Skywalker. And you are..?"
"I'm Qui-Gon Jinn. This is R2-D2, Jar Jar Binks, Padmé Naberrie, Robann Ylad, and Beanie Ébanat."
"I'm his cousin, ya know!" Beanie said. Robann gave her another yank on the ear.
"Quiet, you pest!" said Qui-Gon.
Robann and her pink lightsaber and wallet of pictures dragged Beanie to the back of the hovel where Robann and Beanie engaged in a whispering shouting match.
R2-D2 bleeped and turned himself off and Jar Jar looked around as Anakin led Padmé into his room.
"Shmi," said Qui-Gon, "We know that our presence is, to say the least, unexpected. Please take these." He handed her four food pellets. She took them docily and went back to the kitchen. Qui-Gon went into the opposite corner from Robann and Beanie and surreptitiously contacted Obi-Wan.
Back on the ship, Obi-Wan again jumped a mile when his commlink
started vibrating. He grabbed it and opened the channel. "Yes, Master?" he said.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon began.
"Master, what's all that shouting going on?" Obi-Wan asked suddenly.
Qui-Gon turned around just in time to see a rock flying towards him. He held up his hand and stopped it from smashing into his nose. In the other corner, Beanie and Robann were throwing things at each other. "Uggg...its Beanie and Robann...fighting," Qui-Gon said wearily. He heard a huge gasp and choke from the commlink.
"Ro..Robann's there?! Robann Ylad?!?" Obi-Wan squeaked. "Uhh, um....uhhh, er...uhhh...don't come back to the ship yet...I need to clean up....this place," Obi-Wan stuttered.
"Whatever. We're stuck in this storm, so it'll be awhile," Qui-Gon said. He felt a manga hit his ear. Holding up his hand, he used the Force to shove Beanie all the way into another room and push Robann down on the floor.
"Hey! What's the big idea?!" Beanie yelled from the other room.
"Qui-Gon! This isn't your fight!" Robann included.
"Yeah! And give me back my lightsaber you big meanie head!" Beanie cried.
"Stop it!" Qui-Gon bellowed. "Now listen. Yes, I'm going to get involved because you are not allowed to hurt your apprentice..."
"Ah man," Robann said.
"Next thing, Beanie, you are not to have your lightsaber. And your blaster..." Beanie frowned, "and give me those tools. I don't trust you around anything that requires pliers. Now, once and for all, behave!!!"

Obi-Wan recruited everyone on the ship, including Queen Amidala, to clean up the entire four thousand square foot space ship. They washed the floors, cleaned the control panels, redid the paint in places, and Obi-Wan desperately cleaned up his room. He stuffed the junk under his bed as beads of perspiration streaked down his forehead.

Back in Mos Espa, the group sat down for lunch, with Beanie at one end of the extra large table and Robann at the other end. Qui-Gon had had to give them both a tranquilizer to get them sufficiently calm to sit down. The meal progressed without fault, except when Jar Jar started eating with his tongue. Beanie bounced in her chair and reached for Jar Jar's tongue, but Qui-Gon managed to grab both Beanie's arm and Jar Jar's tongue at the same time.

Obi-Wan was panicking. He had no more room under his bed and he still had to hide his collection of Robann pictures. Desperately, he threw them in the next room, hoping no one would see them there. "There...now all I have to do is clean myself!" Obi-Wan said proudly.
He walked over to his drawers and opened them up to find some clean clothes. Yet, to his horror, the drawers were empty. His brand, spanking new pair of cloth, brown pants were gone...so was his clean white tunic. Shocked, Obi-Wan searched through everything and ran to Qui-Gon's room. Nothing. Obi-Wan began to panic. He didn't know how to wash clothes and there was nothing else to wear! All of a sudden, he heard some evil laughter coming out of nowhere.
"BEANIE!!!!!"

After dinner, Qui-Gon sat down to talk with Shmi and Anakin. From what he saw, he knew that Anakin possessed a special power within him. He was certainly different...and seemed almost like he could be a Jedi. The women had gone to the next room to clean up themselves. Qui-Gon could still hear the whining voices of Robann and Beanie. At least Padmé was quiet.
"So, are you going to free us?!" Anakin suddenly blurted out.
Qui-Gon stared at him, sensing that the boy really was hoping to be free.
"I'm sorry, but that was not our mission here..." Qui-Gon began to say. He saw Anakin's face drop down, his smile disappearing. Then, like magic, a huge smile reappeared on his face.
"Hey, did you know that I'm the only human podracer in the universe?!"
"Annie...don't brag..." his mother began to say.
"Can you guys stay for the podrace? Please......" he begged.