Denise: Yeah, that's okay. I told Diane that you were a dendrophiliac.
Kenny: What's that?
Denise: [laughing] Someone who has sex with trees.
--Lauren Ambrose and Seth Green, Can't Hardly Wait
Wouldn't life be wonderful if... sweatpants were sexy, Monday mornings were fun, junk food had no calories, all kisses were magical, life was always worth living... and love didn't hurt?--anonymous
The trick is to have your son first because girls are so much smarter than boys. if you have your daughter first you'll think your son is retarded. You end up sneaking up behind him and making loud noises to make sure he's not deaf.--John Leguizamo, on having kids
You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?--Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean
Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.--Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean
I thought that at least by the age of fifteen I would have a love life. I don't even have a like life.--Angela Chase, My So-Called Life
I can't believe that my grandmother actually felt me up.--Samantha, Sixteen Candles
Sallah, I said NO camels! That's FIVE camels; can't you count?--Indiana, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
I HATE snakes, Jacques! I HATE 'em!--Indiana, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now? Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.--John Lennon
I killed a mirror. And my shower door.--Mort Rainey, Secret Window
Donnie: My parents didn't get me what I wanted for christmas.
Dr. Thurman: What did you want?
Donnie: Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Dr. Thurman: And how did you feel, being denied these Hungry, Hungry Hippos?
Donnie: Regret.
--from Donnie Darko
2. You must never double-cuff the Pants. It's tacky. There will never be a time when this will not be tacky.--from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
There is a great big world out there and it won't matter if you were the most popular girl, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it.--Josie, Never Been Kissed
House burned down. Car stolen. Cat exploded. Did 1500 easy words, so all in all it was a pretty good day.--Neil Gaiman, about writers
It's easy to wear your heart on your sleeve when you aren't looking in his eyes.--Sara, CSI ("You've Got Male")
Try living in Texas. It's like a Democrat's version of Hell.--kimonthejourney at LiveJournal
I'm Bart Simpson; who the hell are you?--Bart Simpson
Pity the poor insomniac dyslexic agnostic; he stays up all night, wondering if there really is a dog...--anonymous
If you mess with me, will I not hit you in the face with a claw hammer? The answer, bitch, is yes I will.--some guy at the generationterrorists.com forums
Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.--Homer Simpson
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.--Bart Simpson