This is directly from a yahoo group I started back when I first found out about this affair my husband was having.
I have deleted the group... but these are some of the posts from that group:
Affairs of the heart... This group is about the secrets involved in extra marital affairs. This is where we can talk about our feelings and reveal secrets that we've learned. Secrets of survival... Secrets he's been keeping... Many secrets...
Do you think your companion is cheating? Join the discussion to find out how to discover the secrets he/she is keeping from you.
I just learned of my husband's affair with one of our family friends... a member of our church. I have a lot of secrets to share!!!
I'm hoping to find comfort with this new group... and along the way provide comfort to anyone else that needs comfort.
Hi, I found out about my hubby's affair just a month
ago. I would still be in the dark if I hadn't been
trying to call him at midnight and couldn't get him on
the cell phone.
He had gone to our friend's home to help her... she is
a widow and she called crying about having lost her
wedding ring. He went over to help her locate it.
I called and called and no answer. I kept getting his
voice mail. Finally I logged into his voice mail to
see what messages I left. Welll..... what I discovered
was a message Lisa had left him at 6:30a.m. that very
morning!
She was saying something about how they had been
disconnected. Disconnected!??!! At 6:30am?!!! Then
she went on to say "I just want you to know I love
you. You have a piece of my heart as I have a piece
of yours"
I just about died on the spot...
So that's how I found out his little secret...
You see, about a week earlier I had asked for his
password for his cell phone account. I meant the
password for the online account. I wanted it so I
could check what services we have now. He looked at me
and said "I'm not giving you my password!" This was in
front of Lisa. So I guess they both thought I didn't
have access to his cell phone voice mail any longer.
He's had this cell phone for almost 5 years. I guess
they thought I have a short memory or something.
Anyway... that's how I first learned of his affair.
That it really was an affair. I've suspected for
months. Just no proof.
I have so much to share... it feels good to talk to
someone... I'll be sharing more as time goes by.
~me
This past week Lisa has been gone on vacation with her children so my
life with hubby has been good. Or as good as it can be with us.
Well, she's back and today we all were together. He told me in front
of her I'm pushing... when all I was doing was holding his hand.
I went for a walk...
cried...
cried some more...
*feeling lost*
I know it has to hurt but I'm sure that it means nothing to him. As
you said she's a widow, she's lonely and it probably happened when
she was pouring her heart out to him about being lonely and he gave
her a kiss and a hug to comfort her and it led to something that your
husband didn't really want to happen but did. But obviously I don't
know how it all got started, that's just a guess.
However, not knowing anything about you, your husband or her,
personally, like your ages, how long you have been married,
etc....it's really difficult to give an opinion and offer advice.
If you want a man's point of view on this,please feel free to either
post any info here or email me for more confidentiality.
I'll give you as much advice as I can and will be here to listen to
you and help you through this difficult time in your life.
Take care
Angelo
Angelo, thanks for your answer to me. I think his relationship means
more to him than I ever thought possible. I came to that realization
just since Sunday. I told him she is a slut... I was so angry it just
came out. She didn't hear me say that but it made him so
unbelievably mad. He's not talking to me at all now. He hasn't
touched me since Sunday when he told me I was pushing. I think he
fell out of bed Sunday night as he was clinging to the other side.
*giggling* He's probably said three sentences to me since Sunday...
maybe it was only two. Yes, we are still living in the same house.
We've been married for 21 years. I don't ever remember feeling like
my husband didn't care about me. I can't tell you how alone this
feels.
It's been a tough week... but I'm feeling better. I still haven't
made any decisions about what I'm doing. I have thought of hiring a
PI. Thought about it is as far as I've gone with it though. I
appreciate it that you've taken time to answer me. Thank you!
I'll write more later...
Well... I've been off for awhile. I left hubby awhile back. I'm back
now. Things were going great till yesterday. I mean, really well. You
know, they say that after an affair there's the 'honeymoon' period
you go through if you decide to stay together. I guess that's sort
of where we were. Anyway, yesterday, she went to my hubby's office!!!
Now I was soooo upset. Hubby says he didn't know she was going to be
there. He says his assistant was there and so was the accountant.
They all have their own offices. I doubt she was in with the
accountant!!! They don't even know each other! Anyway. I am having a
hard time with this. It makes no sense to me... I'm extremely hurt
and hubby doesn't see my point. He says if I forgive him then we
should be able to accept that she was part of our life before this
and she will be part of our life now. I say... that is unrealistic!!!
Any one else have a take on this??? I need something here... someone
outside my situation to give me their view. Thanks!
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