Do You Really Want Him????

When I was younger I was so much like you...

I decorated cakes... beautifully

My birthday parties for the kids were awesome.  I had moms
tell me I should do it for a living... party plan.

My holidays were much like Martha Stewart's would be. 
Everything was beautiful and good.

My home was spotless and clutter free.
Children's beds were made, rooms vaccumed, dishes done, 
counters cleared, laundry put away before 8:00a.m.  Before
I took the kids to school... my home was company ready.

Dinners were wonderful... always something new. I LOVED to cook

I was a good home maker and mom

I volunteered at the school and the boys & girls club after school. 
And I was a room mom every year for at least one teacher... planned the
parties, helped organize field trips, organized classroom bullitan boards... etc.

I was a team mom every year for at least one team, sometimes two, and at least one year I was the team mom for three teams.  As team mom I planned the pizza party, collected funds for trophies, ordered them and picked them up. Bought gifts for the coaches and assistants.  Organized the fundraiser... our teams often earnedthe most $$$ in the fundraisers!  Our team kids earned the big prizes *S* 

I had parties for the kids on the 1st day of school, 1st day of fall, all the holidays, birthdays, last day of school... any special event in the kids life was a 'party' day.

During this time I also sewed... everything from baby bumpers and comforters, clothes, curtains, embellished towels, blankets, etc...

I also decorated with what little $$ I had.  I faux finished our walls and painted some accessories with flowers and stuff.

I had beautiful gardens... everyone commented on them when the came over.
I mowed the lawn... Kevin wouldn't buy  me a mower so I had to use one of those old old old push mower... no power.  I was the power behind the mower. 

I did crafts too...  many types of crafts and needle work.  Church bazaar all of my things sold *S* I was happy!

While I was doing all that we traveled on weekends.  If we hadn't gone somewhere we had company in our home.  Every bed in the house... clean sheets... more company... change the sheets... more company... change the sheets... etc.  I remember a couple months when we had company every single night. Not the same, but many many different families.  While we had company we also had the home brethren over...  I cooked, cleaned... cooked some more and cleaned some more. 

My life was a bit hectic... my day planners were always completely full.  My life seemed to be nearly perfect.  At any rate, I was happy.  I was doing what I wanted to do... being a mom, sister in the church, and a home maker.

Some time 10 years into my marriage, Kevin started resenting his family. He all of a sudden didn't approve of the way I did anything.... the way I said anything... he didn't appreciate the way I breathed.

He really started putting me down by the time Taylor was born. According to him, I didn't do anything right. 

    I was a bad cook

    I couldn't clean anything right. The home could be 100% spotless 
    but it was not clean enough for Kevin.
 
    I was a bad wife
 
    I didn't know anything

    I was lazy

    I was fat

    I was a slob

    My children were brats

    I wasn't a good sister

    I was mean and vengful

    He didn't like me

Had I changed??? No.  I had not changed.  I did not change until a few months after Taylor was born when Kevin had his first affair. 

No... I'm not the same 'sweet' person I was.  Did you know that is what everyone said about me... they called me 'sweet'.   Before his affair with Brenda... 'sweet'

hmmmmmmmmmmm....

He put me down daily... absolutely nothing was good enough.  He would treat me like a precious jewel in front of people and then sneak  into where I was alone (like in the kitchen while company was in the livingroom)
and he would get into my face and whisper something so nasty about me that it made me want to cry. This was daily....  he was extremely hurtful.  Then he would hold my hand and we'd walk back into the livingroom as if
nothing had happened... we were the perfect couple.

*GAG*

Daily....  see how many times I can make my precious wife cry today.  See how many mean things I can say to her in the five minute phone call at noon. 

Then in the past couple years he started making me look bad in other people's eyes...  he saw no need to keep it to himself that I was a bad person. 

I should have left after the Brenda affair. But as you can see, I didn't.  I can't leave now... he knows that so he's not  even going to consider changing his ways.  He'll go on with his life...

If you want him... take him.

~Cyndi