NEW POEMS - 10/14/01
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Deep Sorrow
I've done a most difficult thing
And hurt one I cared dearly for
My guilt-wrenched mind haunts me
There is no way to save anything
That once was precious to me
Still is most important, even now
Not able to see the pain, but I hear it
Plain as daylight in her voice
As clear as it can possibly be
How could I be so uncaring
So cold, so mean, terribly hurtful?
My heart aches, not for me for once
This time it is for another, though
Somebody that I feel I've wronged
No! Without doubt, I know I have
I knew from the start it would not work
But, I continued on that fateful path
With total disregard for her feelings
As it would most likely appear to most
I was blinded by her whole being
The challenge, the want to try
Try something different, out of character
Something difficult, hopeful, wrong
Deep sorrow now clouds my mind
A part of me has died today

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A Poem of Sorrow
From within the depths of my soul
Where it is still, dark, and cold
A clear, sorrowful cry issues forth
Muffled, as if hidden behind a door
Trying to be heard by all, it strains
Telling of hurt, misery, torture, pain

Feeble as it may seem to passers-by
To the owner of the sound, the mournful cry
Echoes wildly inside my head, my mind
Who is this poor man? It is just I!
My heart aches, as my brain hurts
As I yell aloud those hailing words

Attempting to gain help from anyone
Asking for happiness, excitement, even fun
Yet fearing any commitment to be made
Until after I begin anew, all debts repaid
Whereas I may finally become happy
Content with life, a whole new Me

To a new place where I will be welcome
To a wife and a child, and my home
But, complications in life are quite many
Living with the knowledge of the possibility
That these things I wish for most
Are as unlikely as owning land on the coast

So, here I write as I often do
Asking my friends to see me through
This rather difficult time in my life
Hoping one day of having that wife
A couple of kids and maybe a dog
Does it seem to you that I ask alot?

There is so much I know, more that I don't
Sitting in the dark now, my mind is blown
By the realizations that I have every day
And it matters not what others do or say
I continue along on this fateful path
But, i try to smile, and I try to laugh

To no avail, as is quite usual
As I attempt to be normal, comfortable
In the environment that always surrounds me
I feel helpless and hopless, so very not happy
There is nothing other can do to help
This is my destiny, my fate, and my HELL!

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Yet More Questions
Why do I do the things that I do?
Even when I know that it's wrong
I am not in control, not at all
I give false hopes, wrong impressions
But, I really just mean well
People say I'm flirting, just being nice
And that's not what it is
Yet nobody believes the truth
So, why do I continue to tell them?
When it is to no avail, useless
People believe what they want
Not only when it is truth
But, also when it furthest from
I ask so many questions on this
And I get very few, or no, answers
I will say that I give up, but I don't
It's a lie, like everything else is
The whole freaking world is a huge lie

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Idiocy
I've met one who is quite spectacular
It's been so long, I've forgotten what to do
I haven't been this interested for some time
It is hard when you can't remember
What do do and what to say, speechless
Feel like I am making a fool of myself
When I speak to her softly, with emotion
Yet, I can get no sure reaction from her
The same words affect others, not her
She is just different, and I really like that
Is she avoiding something, or actually naive?
Is she scared, or not interested, young?
Would it be wrong to ask these questions?
I don't want her to think I am rushing
Pushing, but I want to be with her
Spiritually, emotionally, and physically
Publicly, and privately, and romanticly
I feel guilty because I want thse things
To show her off, to be seen with her
She is a catch: Smart, funny, pretty
What more could any guy ask for?
Look at me rambling, like an idiot
But, I am an idiot in love, perhaps

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Ode To A Beautiful Day
Oh, how the sun shines warm
And everything seems just fine
There's a sweet melody in the air
Of good things yet to come
Birds singing, music a-playin'

People all around are smiling, laughing
And all seem to be in good spirits
As if nothing could go wrong today
And my troubles are floating away
With the mild breezed blowing by

Almost the most perfect day
But, I without my bike now
Have a mild case of spring fever
To have the wind strong in my face
As I cruise carefree to nowhere

What would I give to have forever?
Days such as today, but everyday
With warm nights, scattered clouds
To have a cool breeze and warm sun
And not a single care in the world

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Farewell to Denny's
This is dedicated to all of the people I came to know and love and met at Denny's. Before it was shut down, wrongfully. I want you all to know I think about you almost every day.
A place for friends to gather
New and old, those yet to be
This place may cease to exist
But the friendships remain forever

A cup of coffee and a warm smile
Or a family get-together for lunch
Late, late night conversations
About theories and hypotheses
Or nothing at all, just because
This is Denny's, this is the place

College papers written, books studied
Some finding love, others losing it
Memories that will live forever
Noisy third-shift crouds, servers
And me, a struggling poet in the corner

Never had I thought this day would come
It's hard to believe it's really over
I fear I will miss all of you:
The regulars and the almost regulars
Farewell to this old familiar place
We'll meet again... Someday!!!

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Pack Up & Go
The one thing I wish to do
Beyond all that there is
Is to pack my things and go
Wherever the road leads
But, I cannot do it
Too much holds me back
Though there is nothing here
Except responsibilities
Otherwise, I would just leave
Damn my conscience
and damn those bills
No friends to keep me
No love to make me stay
Can they tell my mood?
When they read this?
Well, Fuck 'em all
They are no help
For they do not care

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