The Rules of Anime
Watching anime is good, but there are some important rules to follow to make sure that you survive through it all.
Breaking any of these rules is potentially fatal;
Adhere to them and you may live to see another episode.
The Consciousness Rule
As a general rule, never watch anime whilst falling in and out of consciousness. This causes you to sleep through characters going insane, dying, or finding out about a cloning conspiracy.
This greatly hinders your enjoyment of anime.
The Physical Well Being Rule
Never watch anime whilst sick. There are two forms of this rule. The first rule applies to illnesses that mess with the head. The second applies to physical ailments.
Any anime observed while you are sick makes you feel bitter, and makes you want to renounce that anime forever.
If you have a sickness that causes you to run out of the room every five minutes, you are liable to miss large portions of anime.
The Memory Rule
If you have a bad memory, never watch anime. Ever.
People who actually care enough to know character's names, and not just their hair colours (which sometimes those with bad memories actually forget) get extremely angry due to the ignorance of these buffoons.
Just because one character that you do remember interacts with another character that you don't, don't make the connection that the other character must be some one that you saw so long ago (ie. ten minutes), and that your conclusion jumping must make you the smartest thing ever.
If you can't remember what the name of the anime that you're watching is when you're less than five minutes into it, stay the Hell away.
The I Can't Stop Freaking Talking Rule
First rule of anime; you do not talk during anime.
Second rule of anime; you do NOT talk during anime.
If you feel the need to talk during anime, knock yourself unconscious.
Yes, this is contradictory to the consciousness rule, but those around you would much rather that you broke that rule than this rule.
Some tips to keep your mouth in check.
Do not give running commentary during anime! Nobody cares what you think, especially not while anime is on!*
Do not ask questions in the first episode! The first episode is generally not supposed to tell you more than the basic set up!
Do not ask questions during any episode! Questions will either be answered in a future episode, or were already answered and you were just too stupid to notice!
Every time that a female character comes onto the scene and talks to another female character, do not suggest that they are lesbians!
When a male character and a female character appear in the same scene, do not ask "when are they going to get it on?" when the female character says goodbye!
If you stopped freaking talking during anime, then you wouldn't have to ask so many stupid questions!
The Other Anime Bashing Rule
At the end of an episode of a series, do not say "I'm liking this more than (other anime). (other anime) was stupid."
Chances are that the person that you were saying this to took their own time out to show you (other anime) when they could have been doing something more productive.
If you thought that something was "stupid", then that's your own freaking problem.
People do not like having their choice of spenditure questioned.
The Character Bashing Rule
This rule is far too widely broken. Many can't stand people saying "I like (anime), but I can't stand (that anime's protagonist). They're such a stupid wimp!"
If you don't like the protagonist, why watch the show?
People quickly grow weary of those who complain endlessly about characters from series. Sigh.
This rule is very commonly broken on the internet.
The Race Resemblance Rule
Frequently, people complain because they don't think that anime characters look as if they come from the country they are said to come from.
Shut up.
I don't think that the character designers care that their designs don't conform to your racial stereotyping.
The Dynamic Shift Rule
If someone who does not normally participate in a certain anime group temporarily joins that group, do not use the watching time to interrogate them as to what they like.
The new person and the other people there are actually trying to watch the anime.
The Food Rule
If you feel the need to eat when watching anime, that is fine.
However, it is not acceptable to eat out the entire of contents of someone's house.
The Thievery Rule
It is increasingly common in this day and age for people to download anime off of the internet with no intention of ever actually paying for it.
This should never be done.
To make matters worse, these people tend to burn the anime to CD, and then distribute it to people at their school in a vain attempt at making friends.
Those who break the thievery rule are pure evil. They are destined to spend their days roasting in the glare of those who actually legitimately watch anime.
The Older Anime Rule
In this day and age, as anime starts to appeal to a much larger audience, many people shun older anime.
Quite frankly, this is stupid. Something can not be judged on its age alone, and much good anime was made before 1995.
Denying yourself something because it was made more than five years ago is one of the most idiotic things that you can do.
Ironically, many of the people who refuse older anime are those who are Dragonball Z fanatics. DBZ is circa 1989. Pretty damned old, eh?
The Subtitle Rule
When it comes to anime, subtitles are almost essential.
Subtitles are for some a guideline in the understanding of Japanese. Some just like to hear the anime in its original language.
Either way, people like to listen to the dialogue. Especially when the dialogue involves "baka".
Just because something is subtitled doesn't mean that you can talk during it.
And, of course...
The Golden Hayashibara Rule
This rule is so important that it got its own page.
Become Enlightened!
Anime is good for you, but if taken in the wrong manner, it can be deadly.
Back to the front.
This has been an Alexander Doenau Anime Death Prevention Initiative.
*Note: This rule was breached extremely severely very recently. The rule breaker was hit repeatedly in the leg and the particular scene had to be rewound. Let this be a warning to all of you punks out there who think about breaking this rule.
Ohayo, Leon-chan! � 2001, Alexander Doenau and the Doenau Anime Corporation.
Please do not take content from this site without permission.
Thank you.
"When are they going to get it on? ...but they'll probably turn out to be brother and sister, and that wouldn't be so good."