Whoever wrote this deserves some sort of Internet
Humanitarian Award.
Now, lets clear a few things up.
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000,
and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing
cla$$-action checks. MTV will not give you backstage pa$$es if you forward something to
the most people. You can relax; there is no need to pa$$ it on "just in case it's
true." Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back,
that "we checked it out and it's legit," does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of
ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hell-bent
on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please visit: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm.
And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for
actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have."
That's "none" as in "zero." Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all
have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at
http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html. Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies
are that awesome, feel free to pa$$ the recipe on.
4. If the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate
over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via
an AOL chain-letter?
5. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward
any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it exists at an actual
site of an actual company that actually deals with viruses. Try: http://www.norton.com And
even then, don't forward it. We don't care. And you cannot get a virus from a flashing IM
or email, you have to download....ya know, like, a FILE!
6. If your cc: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're
probably going to Hell.
7. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the "HTML
encoding," Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save
the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a
copy of
the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
8. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at
least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's
received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the
">>>" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many
times we've probably already seen it.
9. Craig Shergold (or Sherwood, or Sherman, etc.) in England is not dying of cancer or
anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business
cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either.
10. The "Make a Wish" foundation is a real organization doing fine work, but
they have had to establish a special toll free hot line in response to the large number of
Internet hoaxes using their good name and reputation. It is distracting them from the
important work they do.
11. If you are one of those people who forwards anything that promises "something bad
will happen if you don't," then something bad will happen to you if I ever meet you
in a dark alley. This includes prayers for "good luck," as the Bible is not a
luck book.
12. Women really are suffering in Afghanistan, and PBS and NEA funding are still
vulnerable to attack (although not at the present time) but forwarding an e-mail won't
help either cause in the least. If you want to help, contact your local legislative
representative, or get in touch with Amnesty International or the Red Cross. As a general
rule, e-mail "signatures" are easily faked and mean nothing to anyone with any
power to do anything about whatever the competition is complaining about.
P. S. - There is no bill pending before Congress that will allow long distance companies
to charge you for long distance when using the Internet.
Bottom Line.....composing e-mail or posting something on the Net is as easy as writing on
the walls of a public restroom. Don't automatically believe it until it's proven
false.....a$$UME it's false, unless there is proof that it's true.
Got it? Good.
SO LET'S STOP FORWARDING ALL THAT CRAP TO EACH
OTHER!!!
(The jokes are so much better, anyway)!
Now, forward this message to ten friends and you will
win the Publishers Clearing House
sweepstakes..................NOT!
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