And we thought we had Bad days at the office
NEXT time
you think you have had a
bad day at work, think about
this guy....
Brian is a commercial saturation diver
for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an email he sent to his sister.
She sent it to
Laughline and won the contest
(he wasn't thrilled with
her for that one).
Anyway...anytime you think you
have had a bad day at the office,
remember this guy.
April 1998
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know
you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought
I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As
you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I
wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time
of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to
keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater. This $20,000 piece of crap sucks the
water out of the sea. It heats the water to a
delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver,
through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used
it several times with no complaints. What I do, when
I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the
hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This
floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like
working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my
ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my
ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized
what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up
a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even
worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast.
Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any
hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck
to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When
I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was
actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I
informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the
communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the
fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing
hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed
to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface
for my chamber dry decompression. I got to the
surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit
and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the
medic,with tears of laughter running down his
face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove
it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The cream
put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days
because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found
out that this could easily have been prevented if the
suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the
ship.
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the
office, think of me. Think about how much worse your
day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your
ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But
if you do, I hope this will make them more tolerable.
Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.
