Daniel: *walks on stage* Even though by now it is painfully obvious that this sort of thing is no longer original, and that the best is the original, I thought I would have a go. However, I do have to thank Hika, and my future wife Doodles (whose name is most certainly not Dora), for inspiring countless…*counts*…dozens to try their hand at this kind of pointless humor. Here’s another one. Let’s see how it goes…*walks off stage*
*lights dim, drumroll*
Voice: Live! From an unnamed and unimportant part of the Middle of Nowhere (also known as Utah), it’s…
Daniel and Danielle: THE…
*commercial*
Daniel: -and that’s why the sun’s atmosphere is hotter than its surface! The same applies to why when you put hot water in the refrigerator, it starts to boil in an apparent breaking of the laws of science!
Scientists watching at home: GAH! *have fatal heart attacks…and die* Guh.
Daniel: ^_^
Danielle: Yes, well, anyway, we have got a LOT of reviews!
Daniel: REALLY?!
Danielle: YES!
Daniel: WOW!
Daniel’s ego: *jumps about growing at an alarming rate*
Danielle: -.- *pokes ego with pin*
Daniel’s ego: *POP*
Daniel: O.O GaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAA!
*silence*
Daniel: Jesus? Where are you Jesus? *looks under chair*
Danielle: o.O;; Anyway, here’s our guest! ASIMOV!
*random people, who all look rather…decapitated, drag in Asimov*
Daniel: *looks at Asimov* Is that you Jesus?
Asimov: o.O
Danielle: Don’t mind him. WELCOME TO THE-
*commercial*
Asimov: -and that concluded our night of passionate love.
Danielle: *drool*
Daniel: Jesus? Where are you? *begins tearing up floorboards* Jesus?
Danielle: Wow. Just…wow.
Asimov: ^_^
Danielle: Ok, QUESTIONS! First two are from KawaiiAyu! First: "Got any red eye junk left? Cuz ya know I'm willing to make a deal. ^_-"
Asimov: Um…I left it behind me when I got jumped by some random people. *glare*
Daniel: Is that you, Jesus?
Asimov: -.-
Danielle: ^_^ Second, "If you could do one thing to Spike right now, what would it be???"
Asimov: Spike? Spike, Spike…just a sec. *whips out book entitled ‘What I Want To Do To People Who Talk To My Woman, Steal My Sample Red-Eye, And Beat Me Up’ and flips through it*
Danielle: o.O;;; Does that happen to you a lot?
Asimov: You have no idea. Ah! Here are the S’s!
*twenty minutes later*
Asimov: Hmm…I’ve got fifty-three Spikes listed here. Last name?
Danielle: Um…Spiegel.
Asimov: That narrows it down to twelve. Any middle name?
Daniel: I can’t find him! I’ve lost my Jesus! *sob*
Danielle: Um…no middle name.
Asimov: Ah! There’s only one without a middle name!
Danielle: o.O;
Asimov: Let’s see…"Spike Spiegel – Insert into cement mixer, add two hives if wasps, three rabid raccoons, boiling water, and Dame Edna and turn on the mixer." ^_^
Danielle: …do you do these to all your enemies?
Asimov: Oh no. I try to be original any way I can.
Daniel: Jesus?
Danielle: Next we have two questions from Inky! "I see you always ask for this one particular drink... um bloody mary i believe.... what IS your favorite drink?"
Asimov: Banana sundae!
Danielle: …
Asimov: It counts!
Danielle: Ok then. "What would you do if Katerina ever left you?"
Asimov: I would ask if we could be friends and then be really sweet to her in hopes that she would come back to me.
Danielle: That’s…uncharacteristically sweet of you.
Asimov: I’m just a romantic at heart. *glare*
Danielle: Whatever you say.
Daniel: Jesus always says we should love one another and be friends!
Danielle: Next questions come from…Hikaness!
Daniel: Jesus says the people we like are Jesus’ angels.
Danielle: …close enough. She has three questions. "Can you sing The Pencil Show themesong?"
Asimov: I’d be honored! *sprays some Red-Eye on* I HAVE A DOG! DOG! DOG! HIS NAME IS SPOT! SPOT! SPOT! HE LIKES TO RUN! RUN! RUN! AROUND A LOT! LOT! LOT!
Audience (Agnes): YAAAAAAAY!
Danielle: *applauds*
Daniel: Jesus likes your singing!
All: o.O;;
Danielle: Next, "Do you think it's sad that I can't remember anyone's name?"
Asimov: No. Not really.
Danielle: *glances at ‘What I Want To Do To People Who Talk To My Woman, Steal My Sample Red-Eye, And Beat Me Up’ and shudders* Last, "Do you like SWIFFER SWEEPERS? (If Yes) YAY! GO YOU! YOU GET A MUFFIN! (If No) YOU ARE EVIL! YOU DIE NOW!"
Asimov: Um…yes, I like swiffer sweepers.
Danielle: *gives him a muffin*
Asimov: ^_^ *eats it*
Daniel: Jesus likes muffins.
Danielle: Next we have three questions from Kate AKA vampirezombiegirl! First: "Could you tell Daniel that I'm getting my registration stuff form the guy in that alley in New York City...please? *gets on her knees* PLEASE TELL HIM!"
Asimov: Er…Daniel?
Daniel: Yes?
Asimov: She says she’s getting her registration stuff form the guy in that alley in New York City.
Daniel: Was he Jesus?
Asimov: Er…yes.
Daniel: Ok! ^_^
Danielle: *shakes head* Here Kate, have some REAL registration. *throws papers into Trans-Computer Phase Space portal*
Asimov: Oooo. That’s nice.
Danielle: ^_^ Second, "How could you be so stupid as to call your baby's mother all those things! ...Even if your baby was just a bunch of illegal red eye stuff!"
Asimov: Well…it’s just that…that stuff’s worth a lot and…if she had been more careful…
All: *glare*
Daniel: Jesus is angry at you. *wiggles finger at him*
Danielle: Forget Jesus-
Daniel: *gasp*
Danielle: -all of womankind is made at him! *glare*
Audience (Agnes): *glare*
All of Womankind: *glare*
Asimov: Eep! *hides under chair*
Danielle: ANYway, third, "Are you crazy? You RAN from Spike? HOW COULD YOU?! He's got all that pretty green hair and... oh no I've said too much! ...BUT HOW CAN YOU? *glares* Even if he was trying to kill you. You should've KNOWN you were gonna die anyway. Why? ...Um... BECAUSE I SAID SO! *angry pout*"
Asimov: WHAT?
Danielle: Random question, random question!
Asimov: I’m going to die because she said so?
Daniel: She must be God!
Danielle: It’s the power of womankind. *glare*
Asimov: ;.;
Danielle: Next batch of questions are from Jadyn. She has seven questions!
Daniel’s fingers: Awwww…
Daniel: Jesus will help you!
Danielle: First: "Why did you start doing drugs? Were you abused as a child? Are you depressed? Do you just like to get high?"
Asimov: It was from that course in self-defense. *shrug*
Danielle: Oh. Second: "Why'd you try to strangle Spike? After all, he was only flirting with your skanky ho, who was obviously *not* pregnant! I mean, I knew before her dress got torn!"
Daniel: She must be God!
Danielle: I thought Kate was God.
Daniel: She must be Jesus!
Danielle: -.-
Asimov: I tried to strangle Spike because he was flirting with *my* skanky ho! *sob* And as for knowing about it…um…shame on you!
Danielle: *rolls eyes* Third: "Does Red Eye stain clothing?"
Asimov: Yes.
Danielle: Fourth: "Do you like my pants? I got them at Target $11.95."
Asimov: Yes, they’re very lovely, and at that price, who can resist?
Danielle: For great prices for great merchandise, there’s only one place to go!
Danielle and Asimov: Target!
Daniel: Jesus shops there too!
All: o.o;;
Danielle: Fifth: "Do you watch animes, like Dragonball Z? I think Goku would be really hot if he weren't animated..."
Asimov: He would be, wouldn’t he? *drool*
All: *drool*
Asimov: Yeah, I do watch animes. My favorite is Escaflowne! When Van thought Hitomi was in love with Allen…*tears well up*
All: o.O;;
Danielle: O…k. Sixth: "Would you come to my house and party with me? We can get drunk and high and smoke and watch cheap porno and have sex. Gren can come and Vicious and Spike and Jet and I guess your skanky ho too. I'm only one girl."
Daniel: Jesus is watching you!
Asimov: Um…
Danielle: Send her an e-mail, we don’t wanna know. Seventh: "Wait, aren't you dead? I guess you can't have sex with me. I'm not a necro..."
Daniel: *sits in corner muttering about damnation*
Asimov: I’m not dead yet!
Danielle: Yes you are!
Asimov: I want to go for a walk!
Danielle: …
Asimov: What? I like Monty Python.
Danielle: *rolls eyes* Next, we have Elven-Light. She has four questions. "Do u like Britney Spears? AAAAHHHHH BRITNEY! EVIL *runs into a wall* Owww."
Daniel: JESUS DOESN’T LIKE BRITNEY!
Asimov: Eh. She’s ok.
Daniel and Danielle: *gasp, slap Asimov*
Asimov: Oww…
Danielle: Second: "Do you worship Hikaness? I do! ^_^"
Daniel: She’s one of Jesus’ angels!
Asimov: Yes. Yes I do.
Danielle: Third: "I eat Jellyfish, do you know why? Coz they're JELLY! MWUAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!"
Daniel: Jelly fish burn when you eat them.
Asimov: Well, I know why because you just told me.
Danielle: This is true. Fourth: "Will you spank me? (On my butt)"
Asimov: No.
Danielle: Next, we have Vicious_and_Gren_YAOI!!!. Nice name. She asks "Do you know Gren-chan since he sold Red Eye to Vicious-chan?"
Asimov: Ohhhhhh yeah. *giggles* You could say that I "know" him. *giggles again*
Danielle: *giggles*
Daniel: That’s the end!
*lights fade*
Danielle: What kind of ending is that?
Daniel: We have to get out of here before the Vicous/Gren fan girls get here!
Danielle: O.O RUN!
END.
A/N: *lightning bolt strikes Daniel and burns him to crisp* OW! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!
Why is it on Saturday Night Live and Mad TV whenever somebody says "Jesus" it’s funny? *wonders* Anyway, next up we have…Ed! ED! THE CRAZINESS THAT IS ED! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
…
Ahem. Yes.
Daniel: And now we have a couple of questions from our viewers! First, Elven-Light, you CAN come to our wedding! And Jadyn, I wish I had evil dragon wings, but since I don’t, I’d be glad to have you for our flowergirl!
That’s it everyone, get your questions in, and please remember I’ll only answer questions for the person scheduled for the next episode! Byebye!