Daniel: *walks on stage* Even though by now it is painfully obvious that this sort of thing is no longer original, and that the best is the original, I thought I would have a go. However, I do have to thank Hika, and my future wife Doodles (whose name is most certainly not Dora), for inspiring countless…*counts*…dozens to try their hand at this kind of pointless humor. Here’s another one. Let’s see how it goes…*walks off stage*

*lights dim, drumroll*

Voice: Live! From an unnamed and unimportant part of the Middle of Nowhere (also known as Utah), it’s…

Daniel and Danielle: THE…

*commercial*

Daniel: -not again! NEVER AGAIN!

Danielle: I dunno, it could be fun!

Daniel: NO IT WOULDN’T!

Danielle: What’s so bad about-

Daniel: DO NOT SPEAK ITS NAME!

Danielle: Who, Kody?

Daniel: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

Danielle: But you got Emily now, remember?

Daniel: …oh YEAH!

Danielle: Great. Let’s get down to business.

Daniel: …business?

Danielle: *points at camera*

Daniel: LOOK! A PRETTY BLINKY LIGHT! *runs up to camera*

Cameraman: Go away! GO AWAY!

*screen goes black*

*THUD*

*CRASH*

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP-*

Annoying Phone Lady: If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help-

Ed: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

Annoying Phone Lady: AIEE! *gurk*

*screen shows stage again*

Ed: ED SAYS HI!

Audience (Agnes): *cheers*

Danielle and Daniel: HI ED! WELCOME TO THE-

*commercial*

All: YOU DO THE HOKEY-POKEY AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND!

Daniel: Whee! Now, Ed, for the question-a-rama!

Ed: …question-a-rama?

Daniel: …yes.

Ed: NEW WORD! MUST INTEGRATE INTO MY DAILY VOCABULARY! *whips out Tomato and types it down*

Daniel: ^_^ We have two questions from Elven-Light! "Will you sing Sponge Bob Square Pants w/ me?"

Ed: Sure-a-rama!

Elven-Light: WHOOHOO!!!

Both: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sponge Bob Square Pants! Absorbent and yellow and pourous is he! Sponge Bob Square Pants! If nautical nonsense be something you wish! Sponge Bob Square Pants! Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish! Sponge Bob Square pants! Ready? Sponge Bob Square pants, Sponge Bob Square pants, Sponge Bob Square pants! Sponge Bob Square Pants!!!!!!! Ha ha!

Elven-Light: Bye now!

Danielle: *stops dancing* "If a train was going at 100 miles per hour and Faye was showing off...some...flesh what time will the world end?"

Ed: *rattles off complicated answer*-a-rama!

Daniel: In Japanese/English?

Ed: The world won’t end-a-rama! Man shall have a heart attack and Woman shall inherit the world-a-rama!

Ed and Danielle: *high-five*

Daniel: ;.;…next questions. Ethy has FOUR questions! "Remember that "black-oily" stuff that once haunted the Bebop crew (even little Ein) that you ate, did that touch good????"

Ed: Oh yes-a-rama! It touched very good indeed-a-rama! Squishy and slimy…it felt like…like…

Daniel and Danielle: SOMETHING SQUISHY AND SLIMEY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ed: ^_^-a-rama

Daniel: Stop doing that.

Ed: No.

Daniel: Danielle?

Danielle: *inserts a special-like program to edit it out* "Could you tell me something about your childhood??"

Ed: Cats. And pepper! And Barbara. And yeast. AND GROOVE

All: …

Ed: BEWARE THE GROOVE!

All:

Ed: Groove…

Daniel: "Could you be little Ethy's friend???????? Ethy is lonesome and needs a friend... *sniff sniff*"

Ed: Sure, Ethy can be Ed’s friend! But on one condition:

Daniel: …what?

Ed: ED MUST TEACH HER TO TYPE WITH TOES!!!

Danielle: …ok. "Could you promise me not to lose your childish nature (don't never ever grow to be an evil adult!)?????"

Ed: Ed cannot guarantee that Ed will not loose Ed’s childish nature. There are forces out there stronger than Ed.

Danielle: Like what?

Ed: *eyes glow* THE POWER OF HORMONES!

All: YIPE!

Ed: *eyes stop glowing* ^_^

All: …

Danielle: *rocks in chair* Can’t sleep…Bull will eat me…Can’t sleep…Bull will eat me…

Daniel: Next, we have five questions from Kouryou Akikaze! "Ed, are you my cousin?"

Ed: No.

Danielle: "If you are, why don't you come to the family gatherings? If not, come and Daniel and Danielle can come to.They're full o' crazies."

Ed: Ok…Ed will go! Does Daniel-person and Danielle-person want to come?

Daniel and Danielle: TO A FAMILY GATHERING?!

Daniel: *looks at Danielle* XD

Danielle: *looks at Daniel* XD

Both: *stare at Kouryou’s family members* LoOk InTo OuR eYeS! jOiN uS!!! MwAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhAhA!!!

Daniel: "Could you teach me how I can have a hairdo like yours?"

Ed: Why yes! First, be forgotten by your father at a day-care center! Wander around the ruined Earth, build up hacking skillz, and develop a personality completely outside the human race’s range until about age 13, and you will have Ed’s hairdo!

Danielle: "Didn't you notice that your hairdo is kinda like Spike's? Do you two go to the same place or something?"

Ed: Spike-person’s hairdresser is Ed’s father’s brother’s nephew’s former roommate! So of course Ed and Spike-person’s hair-dos are practically the same. ^_^

Daniel: *head falls off*

All: …

Daniel’s head: "Have you ever made a virus?"

Ed: YES! Ed will make one now! *makes a virus and sends it into the Internet*

Aide: Mr. President, the nominees for the Supreme Court are here.

President: Excellent. Let them in.

Verizon Wireless Guy: Can you hear me now? …good!

Kenny: (mumphmumph!) *catches on fire* (MUUUUUUUMPH!)

Daniel’s Little Brother: NO! MY WAY! MINE MINE MINE!!!

Hika: *into cell phone* Yes…yes…no, AFTER I take over the world! What? Yes, you can have Japan!

President: *blinkblink*

Hika: ^_^;;

~Back in the studio~

Daniel: *into cell phone* Hello? Hika? Hika? Hmm. The line went dead.

Danielle: Deal with it later. Show?

Daniel: OH YEAH!

Danielle: We have…one question from Katie. "How many years of gymnastics did you have to take before becoming as nimble as you are now?(hence the walking around on hands, balancing heavy objects on head, etc...)"

Ed: Ed didn’t take any gymnastics lessons.

All: …

Ed: It’s true!

All: …

Ed: Really!

All: …

Ed: -.- One and a half.

Daniel: Next we have Eddy, with three questions! "Do you remember me, i dropped you on your head?"

Ed: O.O IT WAS YOU?!

Danielle: "Do you have any shrooms left?"

Ed: Not for you! Humph!

Daniel: "Can you drink water while upside down getting your feet tickedled by rabbits?"

Ed: ^_^ Yes indeed!

Danielle: "tickedled"?

Ed: Like this! *tickedleds Danielle*

*forty-five minutes later*

Daniel: Now Danielle, let go of the rafters and we’ll catch you in the sheet!

Danielle: NO!

Daniel: Please, Danielle?

Danielle: NO!

Daniel: Why not?

Danielle: You’re not even holding the sheet!

Daniel: Well, fine Ms. Perfectionist. Ed, Agnes, could you help me?

Ed and Agnes: ^_^ Sure!

*all pick up sheet and hold sheet underneth Danielle*

Daniel: Now will you come down?

Danielle: NO!

Daniel: *sigh* Danielle…

Danielle: Not until SHE leaves!

Daniel: Oh fine. Jadyn has five questions. "Why do you rock out loud?"

Ed: Cuz Ed is da bomb! WHOO!

Daniel: That works. "Did you know that Coca-Cola removes oil stains?"

Ed: Ed knows everything.

Daniel: You don’t really, do you?

Ed: Yes. Ed does.

Laughing Bull: NO YOU DO NOT!

Danielle: *gasp* NOT HIM! ANYONE BUT HIM! *lets go of rafters* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-*splat*

Daniel: ARGH!

Agnes: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

Ed: Wasup, my homie?

All: Zuh?

Laughing Bull: Crazy Gringo! Long time no see!

Ed: Far too long, my man!

Laughing Bull: Sup, homie?

Ed: Hanging around, A’s some Q’s.

Laughing Bull: Freaky wit’ da D&D?

Ed: You know it.

Laughing Bull: Duty calls, CG! Catch you later!

Ed: Don’ be a strang wit’ the mange, brotha’.

*Laughing Bull leaves*

*silence*

Danielle: *blink blink* Uh…huh. Anyway. " I have severe mental problems. Do you?"

Ed: Ed believes you mental problems lie with your vegan burger. Ed recommends you confront him about the problems with your relationship.

Daniel: … "I once ate a quarter. I just thought you should know that."

Ed: That doesn’t compare with what Ed has eaten! Just look! *hacks up several marbles* See?

All: 0.0

*stunned silence*

Danielle: "Is Ein a comfortable pillow?"

Ed: Ein is a very comfortable pillow! He has the exact right shape to keep your neck vertebrae in place for a comfortable and refreshing sleep with no neck pain in the morning!

Daniel: BLATANT ADVERTISING!!!

Ed: Was not!

Daniel: Was too!

Ed: Was not!

Daniel: Was too!

Danielle: For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!

Ed and Daniel: *blinkblink*

Danielle: Next question:

Daniel: Oh. Yeah. "Where did you learn to hack and can you teach me? 'Cause I need to hack a couple sites..."

Ed: Ed cannot teach the art of hacking to one such as you. You are too headstrong, too old, and possess much anger.

Daniel: Wow. For a moment there, you made absolutely no sense.

Ed: What?

Daniel: I was talking to Danielle.

Danielle: Kate AKA vampirezombiegirl has five questions! "Why did Ed name Ed's self Ed, and such a very long hard to remember name?

Ed: Well, it all had to do with this crazy lady I met on the bus when I was somewhere around three. See, one day…

*two hours later*

Ed: -and garbageman said "It has to be something hard to remember," so Ed chose Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV!

Daniel: *wakes up* Wah? Something about the elephant in Santa Ana?

Ed: >.< That was one and a half hours ago!

Daniel: Oh. "How old is Ed, anyway?"

Ed: *gasp* *slap*

Daniel: OW!

Danielle: "What did Ed do after leaving the Bebop? Did Ed ever see Jet or Faye again?"

Ed: Why do people refer to Ed as if Ed is not here? It makes Ed sad…;.;

Daniel: "Does Ed know if Jet and Spike were together? *wiggles eyebrows*"

Ed: Um…

Daniel: *wiggles eyebrows*

Ed: That…

Daniel: *leans closer*

Ed: …is a secret.

Daniel: GAH!

Danielle: "Will Ed be Kate's friend?"

Ed: NOT UNTIL KATE ACKNOWLEDGES ED’S PRESENCE! *sob*

Daniel: Hawk5 has four questions. "Ed... What is it that those goggles you wear do? it's very confusing for us "not genius like Ed people""

Ed: Ed will explain. These goggles-*displays goggles*-make it easier to see the web pages of the Solar System Web. The Solar System Web is set up so people can move about as if they were in a virtual reality game. Goggles fill up almost the entire range of vision, thus maximizing the illusion of being inside cyberspace.

All: …

Ed: What?

Daniel: *points gun at Ed* Who are you and what have you done with Ed?

Ed: O.O Danielle? Help Ed?

Danielle: Actually, I agree with him. Who are you?

Ed: Um…for every sprinkle I find, I shall…kill…you?

Daniel and Danielle: *blinkblink*

Ed: Er…next question?

Danielle: Oh. Yeah. "Ed is there any paticular reason why you speak in third person all the time?"

Ed: Because Ed…be…cause…Ed…actually, Ed doesn’t know why.

Daniel: Oh. Ok. "Ed just cause it's funny to hear you say it... What's your full name?"

Ed: Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV!

All: *cheer* "Ed what exactly is your IQ?"

Ed: Studies show that IQ is not a reliable way to show intelligence.

Danielle: But what is it?

Ed: It will drop out of the mainstream soon enough.

Daniel: But what is it?

Ed: People will laugh at the whole idea of it some-

Both: WHAT IS IT?!

Ed: -.- 395.

*stunned silence*

Agnes: FREAK! FREAK! SUCH SMARTNESS IS UNNATURAL! ANY HUMAN WITH THAT BRAINSPAN WOULD EXPLODE! FREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAK!!!

Daniel: Actually, that brings up a good question. What would happen to the average Joe who had an IQ of 395?

Danielle: Let’s find out!

Average Joe: What am I doing here?

Daniel: Quiet. We’re going to see if you explode.

Average Joe: What?

Daniel: *injects Smartness into his head*

Average Joe: Wow! I’ve got an IQ of 395! I can save the wor-*explodes*

Danielle: Hmm. Interesting. Anyway. Inky has three questions. "How come you never wear shoes?"

Ed: Ed doesn’t like shoes. Ed’s toes make a straight line, and shoes end in a point! What’s up with that?

Daniel: Nobody knows. "How come you type with your feet, don't you like using your hands?"

Ed: Ed has bad experience typing with hands. *looks at hands and shudders*

Ed’s hands: Hee hee! We remember that! *evil laughter*

Danielle: …ok. "You're always happy and cheerful. Are you sugar high or somethin’?"

Ed: No. Once, Ed got in a horrible accident, and a bit of scar tissue in Ed’s brain causes Ed’s brain to produce huge amounts of a hormone that causes a sense of happiness and well-being.

Daniel: I saw that on "Ally McBeal" once.

Daniel and Danielle: *cries briefly for Ally*

Daniel: Writeress has eight questions. "First of all, I love you."

Ed: O.O Whoa there, friend.

Danielle: "I think you are the cutest little thing in the whole entire world, and if you weren't a girl I would so totally wanna date you...are you a girl?"

Ed: *sigh* Yes. Ed is, in fact, a girl.

Daniel: *eyes her* Are you sure*

*slap*

Daniel: OW!

Danielle: "If, for some surreal reason, you turned out to not be a girl, would you date me?"

Ed: >.<

Daniel: "Do you have a crush on Spike?"

Ed: Who doesn’t?

Daniel: Who indeed? *dreamy sigh*

Danielle: "Are you even aware that there are dirty old men out there fantacizing about you? In a bad way?"

Ed: Are they? O.O

Daniel: "Come on! I know from personal experience that it's so impossible to not once think about what would happen if Julia died and Faye died, and Vicious died, and Jet died, and whatever other romantic interest Spike had died. Then, you and Spike were the only ones left in this world and had to mate in order to insure the survival of the human race. Doesn't the thought of screwing Spike kind of turn you on?"

All: . . .

Ed: Ed thinks this person puts too much emphasis on physical relationships. But yes, it does turn me on. Slightly.

Danielle: That was just weird. "In the beginning of the episode where you find your father (Hard Luck Women, I think), Faye does something...it looks like she kisses you...did she? And if she did, did you like it?"

Ed: I…don’t…think…she…did…did she?

Daniel: No.

Danielle: Well it-

Daniel: No.

Danielle: It looked-

Daniel: No.

Danielle: You gotta admit-

Daniel: No. "Do you think I'm weird and perverted? Because I'm not... I don't think so, at least."

All: . . .

Ed: Ed’ll just let that question speak for itself.

Danielle: She Who Gives Migranes asks "ED! YOU'RE THE BEST! You're uber-spiffiliciously-cool! I love how you're so
RANDOM! Will you come and sleep over at my house and be random with me? We
could act like monkeys and sing stupid songs and you could use your amazing
hacker powers to hack into ff.net's mainframe and DESTROY THEM ONCE AND FOR
ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! *coughs**smiles sweetly* So, will ya?"

Ed: MOOT GRANOLA TITAN HOOLA JACKIE!

Daniel: We’ll take that as a yes.

Ed: ^_^

Daniel: KawaiiAyu has the final four questions for tonight!

Daniel’s finger: Yay!

Danielle: "Hi Edward! I was wondering... Do you have bones? Cuz you're awfully flexible. Or is that just a side effect of being born on Earth in your time?"

Agnes: FREAK! FREAK!

Ed: Ed has a rare condition where she has "semi-joints" in her arms and legs that bend a little. Ed thinks it’s very convenient.

Danielle: I bet it is. Just imagine the prospects in show biz alone…

Daniel: "Hey could you gimme hacking lessons?"

Ed: Sorry, no.

Danielle: "What brand of dog food do you feed Ein? Or does Jet feed him?"

Ed: You should see Jet feed Ein. Jet spends more time fixing Ein’s food than the rest of us combined. I think he’s obsessed.

Daniel: Well, think about it. Does anyone besides Ein really listen to what Jet has to say?

Ed: Hmm…

Daniel: "Do you love Spike??? Comon, admit it! I know you do! ^_-"

Ed: -.- No, Ed does not love Spike. Ed has only the major crush that all teenage girls do."

Daniel: *raises eyebrow* Just girls?

Danielle: That’s it. We’re done.

Daniel: That took almost three months to do.

Ed: Can Ed go now? Ed is in need of…something that starts with ‘f’…

Danielle: …food?

Ed: That’s it.

Daniel: Ok. Run free, little one.

Ed: *runs free*

Daniel: Well, that’s it. Good night everybody.

END

Sorry it took so long everyone! Next guest is...Jet! Send questons to [email protected]! Byebye!