outcomes

my heart ocasianally pounds and my breathing comes in gasps. they call it anxiety attacks. it happens after i start to think of an overwhelming circumstance or an overwhelming why. it is an outcome i can not control. i accept it and wait for my heart to slow down to it's normal 89 beats per minutes and my respirations to quell back to 16. i just wait. some outcomes are just uncontrolable. like when you have sex. no matter what precautions you use, you could still end up pregnant or with HIV. It's also like that with talking to people. You can form a relationship. You never know when a slight of a smile or the tone of a word will slap on a bond of friendship. You never know when the touch of a knee or the brushing away of a strand of hair will bring the relationship to the next level, or at least for you. These are the uncortrollable outcomes of our lives.
With that said, why do people tell me not to fall for them? Why do they say never feel for me like that? do they not understand that i have no control over those feelings? do they not see that i do not want to harness those feelings anyway? Obviously not.
Even If makes u feel better if you say these things, please don't. If you then don't want deal with me, don't.
I am not a little girl. I have been hurt before and I know the love that preceedes heart break is worth what follows. I know myself and I know my love. I give it as I choose and no one can tell me differently. You can only accept or deny, but never tell me to take it back.