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| April 8, 2001 As i was walking to the marathon, I saw a boy and a girl making out. Neither of them was incredibly beutiful and they werent doing xxx.com worthy stuff. Just kissing. This blatent display of PDA would have disgusted me anyother time, but tonight it made me jealous though. You see there is this boi I've had a crush on since the beginning of time (or at least EKU). Now we're friends and stuff but i want more gosh darnit! I want to be those two kids! But alas I don't think it will happen. Either because he likes another girl or because i'm just to chicken poop to say any thing. the choice is yours. So boi, if you're out there in cyber space listening, do me a favor: Next time you take my hand or give me a hug, give me a kiss too. make a girl's dream come true. |
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| April 9, 2001 Today was an extremely HOT and good. Dody complimented my choice of black flip lops with fuzy lepord straps coupled with my midnight blue toenail polish. Thanx Dody. It truly is the simple things in life that makes me happy! so let's see, what's new.. l today my burn was feelin a little hurty so i have gone back to wrapping it. i talked to ann today. she maybe coming down this weekend. She is so cool. i love her attitude! and I CLEANED MY ROOM! Oh buddy you heard me right. And it is offical. the tile is brown. (i hadn't seen it in a few weeks. ) One more thing... i'll be seeing my hot boi crush tonite.... wish me luck.... |
| April 10, 2001 (ok it's 3:28 am so technically 4-11-01) Today has been an extremly easy day. Howework, cram, tan. Yes, kids i went to the tanning bed and boy am i pale. It was my first time so now i am no longer a UV virgin. Tonight proved to be a lil less easy. Besides taking a test (please God give me a C!), writing a paper, and devolping my social problems project, i had a lot of weird feelings. I talked to scott today. Ex- boy friend Scott that is. We said a lot of things that needed to be said. I still feel wierd about him though. It' kinda bizarre to go from being completley infatuated with some one to be dating and falling for them to broken up to plotting to kill 'em to being over 'em. I have so many mixed feelings about him: love, disgust, confusion. How bizarre. One thing that i see know is that i am different from then. A lot different. Also, I think i owe an apology to a certain person. That person would be Matt. (he probably doesn't know who i am but oh well) I'm sorry for hating you. It wasn't because of anything you said or did. It was because you were so much like scott. But it is more than that. You are every thing i wanted him to be. He never lived up to it though. well good night tanning bed. Good night Scott. Good night Matt and i'm sorry. |
| April 11, 2001 I got out of English class early so I'm in my room frying. My social problems presentation went a lot better than i thought it would. I was extremely happy :) Well, so far my skin is ok from the tan except for two circular spots. The were sensitive before but now it's like "Oh My Gawd!" Today I had my ussual biweekly dose of gay with my trio of GWM. We always sit in the "deaf section" of the Grill. Maybe it's because our loudness won't affect them or maybe it's so they won't eavesdrop. Who knows? But any-a-hoo... i happened to mention my little dilemna and my friends decided to test just how senisitive is sensitive. From there an odd wresling match came about. So kids, whenever life is bad or just nausiatingly boring, surround yourself with friends who have no problem feeling you up in the middle of public places. It just seems to make life better. |
| April 12, 2001 I started participating in Masses in third grade, I've been in like 5 plays, given speeches in front of over a 1,000 people, given HIV/SEX talks to highschool students, been a keynote speaker, ect. You'd think I'd be over my stage fright by now. Well kiddies, no. Today i read in Mass. I was informed at the very last minute and i didn't have time to meditate before hand ("please don't let me make an a** outta myself. Ommmmmm...) So i get up there and trip. Str8 trippin', that was me. I start to break in a cold sweat. My chest tightens up. Vision goees blurry. Y'know what i'm sayin'. I messed up so many times. Man, I felt like an idiot... But after that shtuff got betta. The boiz acted like nuthin' happened (THANX!!!!) Then i go home and see mi amigas and we roll to Hastings and there we see the boiz (smile). Next i go see the kappawaita kidz (big smile). And I see my hot boi crush (bigger smile). After that i go to the boiz house and chill (aahhhhhhh i'm spent). Well, as ice cube says: "Today was a good day" |
| April 25, 2001 recently had a conversation that went like this: him: you ever think out about killing yourself? me: all the time him: what keeps you from it? There i drew a blank. I really have no idea why I haven't killed my self yet. Maybe i'm afraid that i'll fail and then have to deal with the crap. or maybe it's the amount of energy that i have to put into it. I dunno. But i think it has to do more that it would interfere with my scedule. it sounds weird but it's true. check it out: i am pretty much garunteed to see Christian every 18 hours, Katie at about 6 meals a week, Jeremy twice a week at lunch, and the Boiz + justin once a week on wednesdays, tim, stephanie, roy, and the rest of the dps crew every monday/tuesday, ect. i be kinda pissed off if i never saw them again. I mean, i don't know how they veiw me but i thouroughly enjoy there prescence in my life. Also there's the aspect that i get to see my bro and kelly this summer (!). i'm also looking forward to having family planning with Derek my 3rd year. Well, it may not seem like much but it helps to get me outta bed in the morning. |
| April 17, 2001 Today i got outta bed and ate lunch with some DPS kids. Afterwards Christian and I went out. It was one of my few mellow mood days, so i let Christian navigate. I got to see where he went to skool and meet his mom and 2 of his brothers. His family is durn sweet. Later on we ended up at Common Grounds and then there was Nancy. The story of Nancy goes like this: We sat down at a table and waited for a server. When none came Christian went to the counter and placed the order. A chi tea for him and an iced green zen with milk and sugar for me. He gave the order to a lady and when he said mine another worker turned and stated that she was impressed by my order. Christian said it was for his friend (me). She then said something to the effect of, "I'll have to check her out." Christian then comes back to our table and told me what had just happened. I get red and social anxiety hits me. Well ol' girl comes in with a cup of coffee and a pack of camels to take her break. She was hot! Thin, blonde hair, blue shirt, jeans, and such a cutie. She starts to give me the eye and I recipocate. We talk a little bit and flirt a lot more. She invites me to her show (she's in a band). Too bad i'll be in hendo when it happens. Well, I walk out with praise Jesus in my head and my self esteem a bit higher. The rest of the day Christian and I shopped and then we came back to eku. I read a bit and was asleep by 10:00. As Christian says, "Good things happen when your with good people." Well thanx and AMEN BROTHER!!!!!!! |