THE BUS RIDE
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The show began when I blasted out a big diarrhea in
my pants. The
other people on the bus looked up, shocked by the
startling farty
noise. The diarrhea was leaking out of the
bottom of my jeans and it
smelled terrible...putridly awful. I liked it
just fine though. The
people on the bus were all staring and pointing.
I already felt like
a superstar. I had everyone's attention and I
loved the feeling. I
felt the bite of the celebrity bug, and relished it.
When celebrities are spotted in
public, common people feel a bit
intimidated, kinda nervous, and shocked. Just
like when they look at me
carrying a load of drippy, stinky, chunky diarrhea in
my jeans. I sat
there humming the theme to Star Wars and let
everything sink in. At
one point, a fellow rider got the nerve to walk up and
speak to me.
He said, "Excuse me sir... are you ok?" I
looked at him, smiled and
released the urine that I have been storing up.
He could hear the
spray in my pants and my open mouthed grin was an
added special
feature. He slowly backed away as I finished my
pee.
My front was now all wet
and my backside stained all the way down
to my shoes. I played a slap slap game on my wet
lap and made a
clappy clap noise and grunted softly. I was
putting on quite the show
and the all bus riders stared and gawked. I
stood up and decided to
work the bus a little. I walked down the aisle,
dripping waste, and
the audience gazed wide eyed as if they were looking
at royalty. I
thought it might be fun to conduct an interview with
an stunned old
lady. I sat down <splut> right next to her
and took out a pen. Using
the pen as a microphone I asked, "Have you ever
spoken to a man with
doody and pee-pee in his pants?" I smiled and
looked pensive. She
refused to answer and just sat there shaking. I
asked, "If I was to
take out a gun and start shooting everyone on this
bus, would you be
upset?" I stuck the pen infront of her face
waiting for a reaction.
Her response was to pass out. Luckily for
effect, her face landed
right in my pee-pee covered lap. There's one for
the "Best of..."
clips.
Anyway, it was getting close to my
stop so I knew I had to finish
up with 'the coup-de-grace' if you will. I stood
in the middle of the
bus and performed a burlesque striptease. I hummed a
tromboney song
and peeled my soiled socks off, flinging them into the
audience. My
jeans were a struggle to get off, but when they were
finally free I
twirled them over my head spraying droplets of pee-pee
and doody all
over my admiring audience, they responded with ohhs
and ahhs...
Finally I was naked. I bent over and released
some more diarrhea in
full view of everyone on the bus. Spinning as it
squirted out. I
caught some in my hands and rubbed it all over my face
and body. I
was gloriously doodified. I stood before my new
fans and bowed. They
were beyond applause, beyond laughter, beyond any
typical audience
response. They sat before me awestruck.
Their silent praise washed
over me like gold. I took a deep breath, poised
for greatness, and
looked up at the ceiling. Peak time. As the
vomit projected out of me like a
fountain and splashed back down onto my own face, I
knew I had climbed
to a height few would ever reach and I thanked the
good lord for my
genius and newly attained fame.
THE ENDS