Pigeon Man Vents
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I was in a bad mood so I went outside with a hatchet. Keeping it hidden in
my shirt and I headed to the park. There was some guy who was like an oldster
sitting on a bench feeding bread to the pigeons. I watched the pigeons peck
around for a while and then I got down on my all fours and started pecking at
the ground with my nose doing a little pigeon thing too. Having a beak is a
major advantage for this type of activity because I was really just smashing my
face into the ground- no beak protection you see. Smash Sahmash into the ground
pecking. My nose was broken, teeth were flying- I would snap my head all the
way back up and then Fwam! into the ground. Smacking my face into the concrete
all the way down to my gums. Then I looked up at the old man. He was like
stunned clutching his little bag of bread crumbs close to his chest. I'm all
"Coo-Coo" with a roll in my voice. Smash Smash into the ground with
my face! then "Coo!" I crawled up to him and spat a big wad of fresh
jello blood clot onto his shirt. "Coo!" He was like just staring. I
smashed my face twice more into the ground and am like "Coo! COO! COO!!!
COO!" And then I open my mouth wide with all stringy blood hanging out of
it and bloody spit spider webbing between my teeth. I open my mouth as wide as
I can and try to say "Coo!" again... but it sounded more like deep
throated "Kaaa.." I stayed there with my mouth open and the blood
flowing out of it and let out an extended version "kaaaaaa...." like
a minute long. A breathy gurgily blood blood "kaaa.." I guess the old
man finally got the point and slowly rustled around in his bag. He pulled out a
big piece of bread and held it out. I jutted my neck forward so my jaw was like
hanging over his leg. A big gobber of bloody chunk plunked down on his thigh.
Mouth wide open I went "Kaaa..." The old man saw that I wanted the
bread placed in my mouth and started reaching with the bread toward my face. I
grabbed his hand- he let out a hell of a yelp- reached into my shirt for the
hatchet , pulled his arm close and "Swik!" Clean cut right thru the
wrist. Blood was super spurt spurt as old man grabbed his brand new stump and
pulled it in. He was really surprised. He did an inhale that lasted a good ten
seconds. I got to my feet and started running thru the park with my new prize
hand. I was flapping my arms like the birdies do. People were all staring as I
coo cooed my way down the path waving to all the park people with my newly
acquired old man hand everything all blood bloody blooded. He's got a stump now
and I got three hands. Blood squirted out. My jaw and nose were aching
something fierce. I ran flap-flap ran flying along the ground. I passed by a
mother pushing a baby carriage and I tossed the hand- plunk right down on the
baby’s chest. Baby like all "Waaa! Waaa!" I’m all
"Coo! Coo!" And the mother like, "...oh my god... OH MY
GOD!!!" Screaming and stuff. I spit a big goober of blood in the
mom’s open screaming mouth and then I picked up the baby carriage over my
head, ran down to the pond and threw it in <sploosh > the mother went
screaming running after it "My Baby! OH MY GAWWDD!" I watched her
splash splash around in the water saving the kiddie - then I ran back to the
old man who was like lying down on the ground like shaking or something- so I
started kicking him in his bloody stump -I was all "Coo! Coo!" he was
all ow ow.
THE END