September 22nd, 2000

First, I must say, I have a horrendous headache. My eyes are puffy, and I'm starving. Okay, My friend Brandy from high school was in my dreams last night. It was terrible. Apparently, she wanted to die, so she called me, and we arranged that I would kill her. Awful! Anyway, she comes over, and sticks some huge knife in-between her ribs, and I'm suppossed to finish pushing it in. Ouch! I started crying, saw blood, saying, "I can't do it". It was kind of hard to push it, even just a little. I had to stop. I felt so horrible. Here, she kept up her end, and I not mine. I ran upstairs to another room to cry, and avoid it.
She lay downstairs on a couch, and slowly bled and bled. It was taking a while for her to die. So long in fact, that after a bit more of other odd things happening, I recalled Brandy. I had a dreadful feeling she was dead. So I went to look, and she was still alive, but so tired. I was happy and sad for she was still alive, but suffering. I put a blanket on her as she lay on the couch. That's it. My head is hurting, gotta go.

September 18th, 2000

I had a couple seperate dreams. One was where I was so hungry, and I was walking around a grocery store. I grabbed some salted, not unsalted, butter. A stick of it. I walked a bit, and saw myself in one of those big round security mirrors. I put the stick of butter behind my hands, and licked a bit of it. It was sweet and buttery. So delicious! Then another part was where it was night, and me and this girl are waiting in a broken down car for my boyfriend to help us. She's sitting in the front seat, and I in the back, when we see a man approaching with a gun. I had my son who's four months, and I ducked down into the backseat floor, with my son under me in hopes that he'd only shoot me, not see my son, and he'd live. It was too late for my friend to attempt to hide, she was already seen. Yet since I was behind her, he had not seen me yet. I still had a chance, and saved us. I woke up to the phone ringing at 6am, a scare for me, yet it was a relative from the East. She's sweet, so I can forgive her. She probably thinks we all rise at the crack of dawn. Alas, no.
Now the last dream I had was quite funny. I dreamt that I was kidnapped, and taken to the White House. I had my son, and Hillary Clinton was really mean. It was a bright sunny day, and Tipper Gore was out on the front lawn giving a speech, when Hillary Clinton takes out one of those high pressured water sprayers, like some clown gear, and near the end of Tipper's speech, she starts blasting Tipper with this hard water. At first Tipper didn't know how to react, she just smiled through it, just some gag of Hillary's who was smiling cruelly. Then it went on too long, and Tipper started to not like it, and was being completely drenched and forced to the grass by the pressure of the water spray. Hillary was laughing. All the reporters were just standing there, so was I, doing nothing because we weren't sure if this was part of the speech or not. Something they concocted together. Near the end, it apparently was not. I didn't like Hillary. I then roamed the White House, and looked in many rooms, it's furniture so plush and luxurious. White satin couches with bright gold embroidery. Old ancient chairs, I wondered who sat in them. I thought of Jackie Kennedy, and how she re-vamped the place, and how marvelous it looked. So perfect. So rich. But then, it turned into a scary place once Hillary arrived back into it. She didn't like me, and especially my son! She was taking a shower, and I tried to gather all my son's things to escape, like diapers, and clothes, and bedding. She got out of the shower, and caught me trying to escape. She said that my son gave her an infection, and she had to take a shower to get rid of it, and that's why she didn't like him, nor me for bringing him there. I definitely didn't want to be there anyway! That's pretty much where my dream ended. Somewhere on the astral plane, I am stuck in the White House with a bitchy Hillary.

September 16th, 2000

I dreamt that I was opening a box. Madonna, and Oprah Winfrey were sitting nearby. I wore a long navy-blue sweater that came in at that waist and flared down to my ankles. I loved it. I opened this box, and there was a bunch of spaced out chocolate shaped roses and hearts, some red candied frosted white hearts on sticks. Just layers upon layers, and they looked like they tasted so good. The layers were seperated by cardboard. I just tasted a bit of the candy here and there, and set out each 'tray' of candy to the left as I looked upon each one in surprise of it's delicate beauty. It was an awesome dream. I sure do dream a lot about celeberities for one who doesn't watch tv. I've admired Madonna in the past, and I'm currently reading a book from Oprah's cheesy book club, but this book is fabulous. It's "White Oleander" by Janet Fitch. Oh, I am breathless, I love it. I love it....I'm sure the dream relates to this book in some way. I love it so much that I searched the web for the author, and found an e-mail address to her, hopefully. I sent her high praise, and I was half done as of yesterday. It's kept me from getting to several interpretations that were requested (sorry dreamers). I'm so off topic, but this book! Gotta' go read some more! A few more pages...bittersweet.

September 12th, 2000

I haven't been holding out on you, but I've remembered a couple snippets of dreams from the past two days. First, let me say, I asked my 'self' for some answers to spiritual questions before I dozed. You know I doubt sometimes, a lot, and I need a ton of reassurance. So, some point of my dreaming, I was in a white room. Just completely white, I couldn't see walls, doors, or ceiling or floor. Not even windows. Yet, I 'sensed' it was a small room. Inside, there was this guy, a supposse my 'guide'. and my soul guide is always some male, a monk or druid. Anyway. He lets me asks questions, and he answers. Then he asks the questions for me, and then answers them. He says I will remember none of this when I wake up, but I thought to myself, "No, there's no way I could forget this". Well, I didn't forget all I explained to you, but I did forget most every question, except one. Unfortunately, I recall he gave no answer. It was during the time he was asking the questions, and answering them. He said/asked, "You're wondering if nikkiv is conscious after". Now, I know you're like, "What?". But it made total sense to me. Basically, I wanted to know if I'd be conscious after I died. Being a soul guide, I guess you can get away with incomplete sentences.

This previous nites dream, I dreamt I walked up to a gun counter with my boyfriend because we needed a gun for fun. Note: we don't own guns, and are defintely not the type to buy a gun for fun. My interpretation on this is that my boyfriend and I need to protect our sense of fun. We've been too serious, and work-oriented. Pretty cool, huh? It just came to me. And it's like late night now. That is why sometimes your dreams aren't interpreted until the next day, I need to 'be in it'. Whatever 'IT' is...spooky.

September 9th, 2000

My dream recall has sucked! Too much on the brain, overload.

August 29th, 2000

I had such an odd dream last night... I watched this girl who reminded me of some old friend's girlfriend. She had short bleached hair in a cropped 1920's style hairdo. She wore some sexy gothic/sequined attire. And she had heavy eye-makeup on.

Apparently, she had a boyfriend who worked in some grocery store. I saw her and another friend of hers go run into the store he worked at. They were laughing and smiling like two schoolgirls who had a crush on the same guy.

I tagged along after they persuaded me. We looked into the backroom through one of those thick vinyl doors, and plastic window to where he usually worked, and way off in the distance with a slightly open door to an office with a window in it were two people having sex. It was hard to figure out what their position was for a minute, but then I realized at the same time the other two girls realized, that it was her boyfriend, and his 40-year-old boss. He was sitting on a swivel chair, and she had her legs wrapped up around his waist while sitting facing him on his lap.

He was Ethan Hawke-ish looking. Needless to say, his girlfriend was able to see by standing, practically floating on the gold tips of her stilletto high-heeled shoes. She bolted out of there. I didn't know what to say.

Later on, I'm watching their interaction take place about the encounter she encountered. It was a dark room, and cupboards to the right. There was a baby that was theirs. I woke this morning to write down the scene:

stood on her toes
stillettto
looked in backroom
fucking
what is that?

is that?
it's him and her.
she leaves.

later...

They already had a baby
He's been working hard to leave
Cupboards full of papercups
and plates
He says that isn't me
That's why he's been fucking
working so hard for her
so they can leave together
not now it's just too late
and can't she see this
is why
communicate
she didn't know
she knows it's over
what about the baby?
She draws an ink nude

***

And that was it, pretty poetic, huh? I wasn't even trying. I don't know what happened with the baby. I think it would make an interesting book. I'll let you know if I do something with it. love, .nikki.