ILLUSIONS

Everybody is growing
And I'm stuck in the same jail
Everybody is walking
But I'm still planning
For today
Trying to hold for the next minute


I've already given up so many times
That the eventually breeze of hope I get
Makes me turn my head and I look around
Trying to understand the reason I'm still breathing


I search for something that
I don't even know what is it
And I search and work
But it never find anything new
And I'm tired of not liking anything
if I could go back I would take your hand
and wake you up
But with all this time
I became angry and
With clarity I'm becoming selfish
But I still know what was right for you
But I'm just
I don't know what to do


My fears are getting near
They are getting near too
I don't remember
what did I do
to take such an advantage
was I different cuss I feel the same


Everyone I took from that time
is dying in this slow route
I stopped walking some time ago
Since that day I'm waiting for death
to finish his work and stop the continued stops
I'm sure I'm his last choice


So I know I will never know what happiness means and
I don't even want it never did
I like this negative real illusions


My heart beats harder and harder
And I'm healthier and healthier
Some new clouds and blue sky�s arrive
But in the night with lights around
I can't help to cry for the
truth that is it in my reality


So I understand that it's my life
And I'm the one who has to live it
I can't get to deal with the fact that the past
was hell full with the most beautiful angels in it


Now I'm still waiting cuss I can't walk
I don't want to get away from them
But I can't see them
I can't talk to them


And I'm lost I have 4 roads
And I'm waiting
In the center of the cross
Please help me god deal with this pain
with all this guilt of my last steps


Over time the pain and terror
becomes so overgrown with darkness
they eventually become unrecognizable
And I can't hear myself
I hear their steps
In my mind
Giving up wins over time


It's to much work to try
to cover under the rocks
I can't stand my name
being posted on the walls
The pain of thinking of them
all happy coming to talk to me
Makes me hate them
Makes me want to be Jesus.