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Can you think on your own or do you need the media to think for you?

I'm going to be very, very consistent.  I'm going to treat everyone of you different.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking

A synonym is a word that you use if you can't spell the other one

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist

According to my best recollection, i don't remember

Always remember you're unique.  Just like everybody else.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home!

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps

Did you check to see if your horn works?

Don't wash this vehicle - undergoing scientific dirt test

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive

Go on, i'll see you at the next traffic light

Honk all you want, i'm deaf!

Honk if anything falls off

Honk if you want to see my finger

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow sign?

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

I'm not a complete idiot.  Some parts are missing

I brake for no apparent reason

I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

If everything is coming your way you're in the wrong lane!

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you can read this, I can hit on my brakes and sue you!

Missing your cat? Look under my tyres
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