Hey kids, its time to send your letters of appreciation to ObstaB, and any problems you may have. It's the usual address of [email protected]

Dear ObstaB,

Love the site, its so better than mine. I have a problem. Well two actually. When living in a small country named Qatar, I became rectally obsessed. This obsession was enhanced when a small piece of metal ripped through me. I thought that I had this under control, but since then I have extended my obsession to rubbing my sweaty penis on things, such as the household television, and my mates' cash. Anyway, Can you suggest anything to cure my problem?

Love Xander.

Dear Xander,

You need to cure the ass obsession. Urgently. Maybe if someone fucked you up the ass so hard that it bled, then you'd stop with the arse stories. As for the penis problem, if you ever touch my money with your knob again, I'll rip your eyes out, shit in the sockets so that you lose conciousness through the smell, and then smear your cock with meat paste and invite a fucking Rottweiler round. Alright?

Dear ObstaB,

I am a confused mincer. I believe that I am black, and American, and as a result I hate all those who are, because I am jealous. I particularly hate Mr. Cooper. I am also a mincer, because I let my girlfriend, who I feel rotten for lying to because I am a mincer, and she doesn't know, scratch my face off. I also have such a fear of the dark, that I invented a creature known as the 'Batmouse' just so that I didn't have to sleep alone. What should I do?

Love Neeraj.

Dear Neeraj,

Many people invent things to get them out of awkward situations. OJ Simpson invented lies and false alibis, Bill Clinton invented new definitions of sexual activity, and God invented Vanessa Feltz to save McDonalds from bankruptcy. You have invented a Batmouse. That's because you're a fucking mincer. And quite frankly, if you ever touch me again, or smear 'egg white' on my face while I'm sleeping again, then I'll kill you.

Inspired by Neeraj's fine exhibition on Mincism, ObstaB's World is conducting a social experiment. We need a boy and a girl in the Manchester area who are prepared to swap lives for a weekend, and the consequences of having done so, to be serialised in a fine piece on the website. Marvellous.

A woman as a man A man as a woman.

Dear ObstaB,

I have a shameful secret. Every night when no-one is around, I like to make sure that I can watch certain programmes on Sky. I wait until the time that they start, and then sit back and pleasure myself. My housemates know that I do it, and they're disgusted with me, but I just don't understand why? Help!

Love B.F.

Dear B.F.,

Your shame is understandable. You are a sick sick man, and these programmes need to be stopped. Tell your housemates to cancel the subscription to Discovery Wings and VH1 SoftRock NOW!!! Its for your own good.

Dear ObstaB,

I have a big nose. Please help.

Love Jay-C.

Dear Jay-C,

I can't work miracles.

What is ObstaB's World missing??? If you have any ideas then PLEASE let me know via the usual channels. Ta.

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