I inhaled slowly, hoping that nervousness wouldn�t get the better of me. But as I tread the ground that led me further into this abode, my nervousness dissipated. I realised there was nothing to be nervous about.
He was sitting beside a fire. Something I�d never seen him do before. But he sat, watching. Perhaps thinking. I didn�t know.
I don�t know if he could hear me; my shoes failed to make a sound upon the ground.
�It seems the same, doesn�t it?� he began, his voice slightly echoey throughout the place. I stopped in my tracks and tried to think of what to say.
Thank God my brain was still in order.
�Weirdly�it does.�
He glanced at me over his shoulder. �You seem good.�
I continued to approach him and sat beside him on the concrete coffee table in front of the fire. I looked at him a while, as if examining his form. I wasn�t just saying this, it was true. �You look good.�
He nodded. �That�s what I�m saying. I�m alright. The world�s�pretty much alright�Willow�s fighting for her life and we�re inwardly celebrating the success of destroying that tool. But�nothing�s really changed.�
�We fought hard, Angel.� I placed a hand upon his upper arm, turning to face him a little.
�Life IS fighting. But it seems as if we�re constantly having to fight for something that will always keep returning.�
�No matter what or who it is? No matter how strong, how powerful...it�s our job, right?�
He took in a deep breath and stood and reached for the mantelpiece, where he began running his hand along the concrete. �Yet no matter how beaten up we get, we persist.�
�Even if there is no incentive.�
He shook his head a little, his head dropped, before looking to me. �I don�t think that�s true.�
�Oh no?�
�Well I had an incentive to get me through this.�
I smiled a little, wondering what it could be that would keep him in this reality at his own free will. �Yeah? What�s that?�
�You.� I hadn�t realised how his eyes were searching mine up until then; that comment.
I raised my eyebrows a moment and looked down into the palms of my hands. He still had the ability to make me blush. I looked into his eyes and gave him a coy smile. �Angel��
�I know you�re in love, and I�m not trying to�make you feel�� By this point I had risen from the table and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace. �Buffy, I��
�I will always love you, Angel. Even if it�s not in that sense.� I moved away from him, aware of his hesitation to hold me. �I thank the Powers That Be they let you get through this unscathed. I don�t know what I�d do if you died�for the third time��
He let out a chuckle and I watched as his head fell and his smile widened. He finally gazed back up into my eyes.
Look at this man. He�d been through so much, it made me wonder just how much was left for him to experience. He�d done just about everything.
�Thanks, Buffy.�
I gave him a smile and moved my fingers to his chin, just touching him a moment. �What we had was good, wasn�t it?� I noticed his unwavering smile and he nodded simply.
�The best thing that ever happened to me.� And I could see it in his eyes. What he meant. For the first time in my life I felt as if looking into his eyes I was safer than I had ever been when I was with him. This Adonis of a man. Perhaps half demon, but�also half human. Very, very human. Beautiful.
�You know that I wish I could return the compliment�� I began, but he had already known what I had planned to say and finished it off for me, taking one of my hands and entangling his fingers within mine as he spoke.
��But you�re so in love with your other half that it just wouldn�t be true anymore.�
I smiled gently at him, contented that he understood the nature of my words, that they weren�t directed as an insult, but that I�d found someone who I could finally be at peace with, that I knew was perfect for me. We had our differences, we had our similarities, but more than anything we had each other. And above all of the doubt and fear in our hearts, that one bit of knowledge overcame it all.
�You know how much you mean to me, Angel,� I told him, my expression as gentle as my face.
He nodded gently, and I reached in slowly to plant a kiss upon his head. Thank God he was alive.
�Do you think it will ever end?� I asked him, gazing up into his wonderful eyes.
He shook his head. �As long as there is life, there is loss. There is war, and there is conflict. We�ll fight for the rest of our lives.�
�For something unsolvable,� I continued.
�Absolutely.�
- - -
The day had been long, I�d tried not to spend it thinking about how our lives would be filled with times like these.
Faith had been resting and I told her I�d be back by sundown, that I was going to make sure Angel was okay.
For some reason I couldn�t stop thinking of that night, when we had talked about who might be next, and if we were strong enough to make it through. I know we were the lucky ones. Others�not so fortunate. But Thank God there was no need to think about another Slayer. Not just yet.
I let out a sigh as I closed my bedroom door and pulled my jacket from my shoulders. The darkness meant I couldn�t quite rightly see what was what in the room. I hadn�t realised Faith was sitting on the bed�meditating. And it seemed she had been doing for quite some time.
I tried as quietly as I could to take off my shoes and join her on the bed, in front of her, in the same position, and when I placed my hands on her knees, to connect with her, I was thrown into what I assumed was her world�her mind. Her subconscious.
I don�t know if I hit climax or if I was close to release or what�but it seemed what her idea of relaxing was actually quite the opposite. She and I. Against the bathroom wall, myself pinned between her and the wall, her fingers�my body�the hilt of me. I shrieked as I thought was my own climax hit me and I opened my eyes, finding my conscious self panting heavily, and Faith smiling, eyes open, watching me. She was imagining me. And her�in the shower.
�Oh my god, Faith�do you always meditate like that?� I asked, my breathing still shallow, gasps almost erotic. I collapsed onto the bed, letting my limbs go completely, the utter inebriation of that �subconscious session� honestly too real for me. I was actually experiencing ecstasy at this point.
She chuckled a little and lay beside me, facing me. �Mostly. Just when I need it and can�t get it. It�s a good way to, uh��
I grinned, my centre slick, smooth, I could feel it all oozing�
�Look. Feel.� She took my hand and as I imagined, stretched the waistband of her joggers and panties and moved my hand down, to where I was supposed to feel.
�Faith�� I said, sounding surprised with her. I was. I never knew she could do that. She could just�
�Come with me,� she started, as she removed our hands and pulled me up and off the bed.
I raised my eyebrows and followed her, hand in hand. �I thought I just had.�
She smirked and looked at me. �Again.� She poked her tongue out at me and led me along the hall. �This way.�
We ended up in the bathroom and she locked the door behind me. �You do know my mum�s literally in the next room?�
�So? We�ll �whisper.�� She said, pulling me towards the centre of the room.
I scoffed as she took me. �Faith, you don�t know the meaning of the word.�
�Yeah I do�I bet you I won�t moan once.�
�And if you do I�ll never have sex with you again.�
She scoffed. �We�ll see how long you hold out for.�
I chuckled and she looked down at me. I remember when I used to let my eyes scan over her body, when she wasn�t looking. Before she knew. But then I�d inwardly curse at myself for letting myself think about her this way.
She moved in close to me, eyes now focussed on mine. �You know, even if I�m making love to you in my mind, it�s still not as good as the real thing.�
I opened my mouth to speak, and she moved a finger to it. �Shh. Let�s do the silent thing.� She moved her fingers away, and I looked into her eyes, seeing that all of the humour had gone. Now it was all serious.
She moved in to kiss me, and as she did, I felt my heart going. Fast. Really fast.
And as she removed every piece of clothing, neatly, tidily removed my shirt and placed it on a pile with the rest of my clothes, and as we both lifted her shirt above her head, and as she pulled my hair out of it�s tie-back, and as I did the same, I waited. Waited for that moment we�d promised each other.
She ran the soap along every inch of my body, and cleansed me, gently�compassionately moved her hands over my arms, my stomach, my chest, my legs, my back.
I did the same, making sure my eyes experienced the same feeling. I watched as my hand traced the journey of her body with the soap, and how the shower would remove any trace of bubbles.
I wrapped my legs around her as she pushed into me, gentle but hard, stridently, flawlessly. Her movements made me think that indeed I was in heaven, her concentration drove me even further, and her perfect form even further, as one hand pressed to the tiles of the shower, the other�s fingers moved within me, and her muscles, they rippled continuously. Her frown told me she was concentrating a lot, and her breaths scared me because I thought she might moan loud enough to alert my mother.
I bit into her neck, trying as hard as I could not to moan, not to let out a tiny whimper. She had so much ability to put it right where I needed it that I couldn�t do anything else but yell in pleasure. Normally my mother was away on a business trip, or working late, and so making noise was not an issue.
Her fingers moved at a vibrant pace, in and out, in and out, continuously at first, until she knew I was getting closer, and she withdrew, and played at my lips, knowing equally just how much that would drive me to my highest height.
When her fingers returned to the place I wished for the most, I inwardly cursed because I very nearly cried out, having experienced the most intoxicating thrust she�d ever given. Her fingers pushed in to the hilt of me, and arched, hitting the perfect spot, and once there, forced upon me one of the best releases yet.
I wound down in the arms of her, the cool tiles and herself pinning me. I could feel the rate of her heartbeat, and suspected she was close too. When I pushed into her, I imagined for her, it was probably the same. Difficult to keep quiet, feeling this overwhelming urge to cry out.
Her eyebrows creased intensely as my fingers did their work, and I leant in close to her, our lips very nearly together, and spoke, �How good does this feel?�
My heart beat faster as she let out a whimper, and then another one; I imagine she found it difficult to speak.
�I thought�we were�� she uttered, between panted breaths. �Doing the�silent thing��
�We�ll have so many more chances to do the silent thing, I wanna hear you scream,� I whispered, our lips inches from each other. And yet I persisted, as did she, with this overpowering motion, knowing that with every stroke, I was one step closer to pushing her over the edge.
Her own very personal edge, that very few people managed to reach. God knows how powerful that was for her; it was different for everyone, but something about the way we were with each other made it a thousand times more powerful�for me anyway.
�Do it�� I urged her, leaning in close to her ear, and then biting it softly. �Scream.�
I heard her whimper as I slid in a third finger, curious as to how many more times I�d have to repeat this rocking motion before she�d come, and hopefully scream my name simultaneously.
�Come on, Faithy. How good does this�� I thrust my fingers to the hilt of her, and arched them, just as she had done to me, and her head tilted back against the tiling, her mouth fell open, her eyes creased shut, and her lower lip trembled. ��Feel?�
�That feels good�� she whispered, again, through jagged breaths.
�How good?� I said, as I began to speed up my pace. I could feel her walls beginning to clench around my fingers and I smiled a little. She was close.
�Really good,� she said through a sigh, and let her whimpers out, loud as they needed to be.
�Better than a slay?� I asked her, still pumping between her legs.
�Much better than a fucking slay.�
I sped up just that little bit more, and she cried out loud, telling me that she really was on the edge now.
�Say my name,� I told her as I continued. I could start the countdown. Ten�nine�eight�
�Buffy, don�t stop,� she said before letting out a high-pitched moan. Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth made a shape I wanted to mimic.
Five�four�three�
�Shit, B, I�m nearly there�� she mumbled, her words a continuous inebriated slur.
�I can tell,� I told her.
That feeling of her most inner core needing me to push her was like a sombre bliss waiting to blossom. But nothing could compare to the feral moan she released when she finally came. She tilted her head up, towards the ceiling, her moan echoing through the walls of the room, and I pulled out my fingers, slowly. My name.
