<schon> captains log...stardate 2000....first officer obsi has executed the budgie for mutiny

* schon dismembers moridin with chainsaw

<Obsidian> hmm.. I sent an e-mail to myself about an hour ago, and haven't gotten it yet..
<schon> obsi:maybe you've upset yourself and are not taking calls from you?

* Vassegno hides behind the bushes
* schon pretends not so see vass
* schon whistles,innocently
* schon whittles,malignantly
* schon has whittled a stake.......cool

<schon> my idea of vigorous exerise is reading

<loki> baked beans on toasted schon?
<loki> hmm
<schon> loki :)
<schon> hence the expression "eat me"

<Riff> TARDIS - Tess and Relative Dimensions In Space?
<schon> :)
<Tessie> what is that, the fifth dimension?
<schon> tesseract=hypercube
<Tessie> :)
<Tessie> I bear no relation to that..hehe
<schon> tess has relations who are bears?

<schon> "there was a young man from Belgrave,who kept a dead whore in a cave,it took quite some pluck to have a cold fuck,but think of the money you save "

<Jaspar> 23 more minutes til i can go to bed
<schon> jaspar:your watch is slow,the 23 mins are up
<Jaspar> oh
<Jaspar> trying to get rid of me eh?
*** Jaspar has quit IRC (Finished. Off now.)
<schon> cool! it worked!

* Obsidian giggles at the Schon pic
<Obsidian> reminds me of that hunter in Jumanji
 <Obsidian> :)
<schon> obsi:laughing at my pic? I jnew that would happen :(
<Obsidian> Schon: not at it...... with it
<schon> :(
<Obsidian> Schon: is that the only pic you're willing to send?
<schon> yup :)
<schon> if cait and xav can post cartoons....
 * schon is depressed that everyone laughs at his pic :(
 * gosh stomps up and down
<gosh> I WANNA SEE SCHON'S FUNNY PIC & LARF TOO!
<Obsidian> :)
<schon> I used to be proud of that pic
<schon> just got back from the sudan,egypt or one of those african places :(
<schon> bringing civilization to ungratefull savages
<Obsidian> but I assume it isn't overly recent......
<Obsidian> don't you have another?
<schon> late 19th cent
<schon> obsi:be nice,cameras had only just been invented in those days

<schon> gosh:are you offline (icq) at the moment?
<gosh> no
<schon> didn't get my message?
<gosh> schon - cant see any msg from you
<schon> I probably sent it to charles manson then,boy...will he be suprised

<schon> I've found there are two major causes of headache  1.ears on too tight   2.brain full

<Obsi_Lurking> http://www.urban75.com/Mag/pants.html
<Obsi_Lurking> for something fun...
 * schon is still highly suspicious of url's recommended by obsi (still recovering from "www.percedfemmes.com")

*** loki has quit IRC (huzzop)
* Demosthenes sulks at oki
* schon gives demos a cardboard "pop" for consolation
<Demosthenes> humph

<schon> gratuitous violence is ALWAYS satisfying

* schon headbutts mad max and gives him a good stomping

<Obsidian> anyone got REM's "Stand" on mp3?
<schon> sorry obsi,only rem I've got is "losing my religion" (live)
<schon> his latest hit is called "I haven't got aids,I'm just slim"

<Mare> arrgggggggggggh...a moth just flew into my choccy milk!!
<schon> mare:wring the moth out,that way you get most of your choccy milk back

* schon removes wotchas offensive attachments

<Me> how is weight lifting a sport?
<schon> me:they are comparing different countries abilities to produce undetectable steroids

<schon> haven't done it yet,I'll be trying tomorrow during the day.I never tackle anything technical while I'm half asleep
<Misty> schon : sounds like a good idea
<schon> ref:The Great Lawn-Mower Disaster of 1998
<Misty> do tell
<schon> long story,but I'm suprised there were no deaths
<Misty> oh come on just tell us
<schon> too long
<Misty> any blood ?
<xav> shorten it :)
<schon> surface injuries only :)
<Misty> Schon: stitches ?
<schon> none
<Misty> schon: So were you banned from mowing for the rest of your life ?
<schon> funny you should say that :)
<Misty> yes........
<schon> here's a tip:when replacing lawn mower blades,take the spark plug out because rotating the disc can cause the mower to fire up
<schon> that info was hard-bought

* schon knows what rat tastes like (dont ask)

<schon> good grief!what was that?
* schon awakes from drug-induced slumber
<icecreamxulon> schon: a ping?
<schon> xulon:could be,but I don't know any chinese

<schon> mrB:I should have known you were a cheap whore when I found your name on the steam-room walls

<schon> obsi:wanna try my "lick cure"? :)
<Itchy_Obsi> no
<MrBlonde> Schon: I will
<Moridin> lol
<schon> mrB:you're just a slut!

<schon> !poke demos large pelican
* Wotcha pokes demos with a large pelican for schon

{talking about Caitlin's diary}
<schon> If your writing has the same effect on women that it does on me,you must be making out like a bandit

* schon throws lice over the newlyweds (never understood that custom)

<schon> last night I tried to sign on for an e-mail thing and it wouldn't
accept my birthdate (14th aug 1835) I had to use neelix's

* schon remembers thinking:"these breechloading rifles will never catch on"

<schon> are all your stlking victims dead already?
<endor> its easier that way - if they are dead i cant get in trouble for accidentally killing then in my enthusiasm
<schon> there ya go,endorlogic in action :)

<schon> the stats page has updated,and spoofy STILL has a whine for a quote :)

<Demosthenes> tori: I have black hair now ... i've found that i seem to scarily resemble a certain dead guy
<VerySickMare> D: which one?
<schon> demos:gandhi?

* Temptress walks over to schon, her slinky red dress, curving over her body, her hips swaying gently with the motion of her feet
<schon> whoah!
 * schon notes his monocle is steaming up

<schon> mad max:there are very few human problems that cannot be solved by the correct use of explosives

<schon> there is something final about explosives,a kind of chemical punctuation mark :)

<schon> an elephant is a mouse built by commitee

<schon> how lame is this,I've got some loser (no name/handle) has just icq'd me saying "?"(that will get a good response)

* schon takes pulse of those on channel...all dead...schon blames loki

<schon> :-3) (thats me with a handlebar moustache)

* schon practises juggling with goldfish...still hasn't got it right :(

<schon> my theory was right,its a chick thing
<Anna> schon- what is a chick thing??
<schon> anna:guy code for women stuff we don't understand
<Anna> schon- sooooo pretty much everyting

* schon does not indulge in group-sex,not after that unfortunate misunderstanding in Cairo

<Obsidian> Heya Schon
<Obsidian> didn't notice you there
<schon> gee,thanks,just call me mr invisible :(

<schon> like,I used to spell it "cocksucker",now I spell it correctly:"spoofy"

* schon never felt the same about valentines day after the restraining order thing from sigourney weaver
<Demosthenes> and the one from tori amos?
<schon> it was a death threat from tori amos (and bjork)

* schon checked his thermometer but it has melted....bad sign

<schon> I can't remember saying half the things that are quoted,must remember to shut up when I'm drunk

* schon re-thwaps fleeced with rancid halibut for quibbling
<Fleeced> Mmmmmm... rancid halibut

<schon> slipped in the shower and landed on this 12' dildo that someone had carelessly left there

* schon tips truckload of decaying refuse from chinese take-away on SkipDaRoo

<schon> oh,confusion mounts and rides away