HORNS

   Mr. Kelly wasn�t about to be out-storied by one of his neighbors so he told us a story about a rich Bostonian woman that came to his farmhouse one day. According to him she drove up in a car that was so big it took two chauffeurs to drive it.

  She was a pleasant faced lady, her hair was slightly gray, she wore a hat with a huge peacock feather stuck in it, and when one of the drivers opened the door for her to get out she was surrounded by the smell of money. As she walked over to my Kelly she said,    "I think I know farm animals pretty well, but would you be so kind as to tell me why that cow over there doesn't have any horns.

   �Aayah, I�d be tickled pink to tell a nice city lady like yourself why that cow doesn�t have horns. You know, of course, there are only four good reasons why cows don�t have horns any more. One reason is when some cows get old their horns just fall off from old age. I�m sure you can see how that could happen.� The city lady shook her head in the affirmative so Mr. Kelly continued.

   �The second reason is sometimes when mean cows have horns that are too big or too sharp we cut them off so they won�t hurt themselves or any one else. The third reason is a little harder to understand, but some of the richer farmers watch their herds and as soon as horns start to show on their cows they put a drop of strong acid on the new horn and that stops the growth. This caused the city lady to stop and think for a minute, but once her mind was satisfied she said she could understand how that could happen. So Mr. Kelly went on with his explanation,    �But the reason that cow over there doesn�t have horns is because the poor dumb thing is a horse.�