Earnest West arrived late one evening and everyone in the room could see at a glance he wasn�t in a happy state of mind.

    �Seems to me you have a problem,� Clarence remarked after Mr. West had seated himself, for although he had wood and knife in hand, he was silent and unmoving.

   "Aayah,� Mr. West said as he looked down at the floor, �it�s that idiot my sister Elaine got hitched to. I got a nine page letter from her today and I can�t believe some of the things he�s done.�

   �You mean Jack Barr?� Doctor Williams asked in surprise. �I thought you said the man was a genius.�

�Genius, idiot, who can tell the difference?One day he seems so smart you couldn�t touch his smarts with a ten foot pole and the next day he seems to be almost  as smart as his dog,� and with those words he went silent for a couple minutes before he continued.

   �He always does the dumbest things and somehow they turn out making him look smart.�

   �Is he dumb or is he just plain stupid?� Doc Williams asked trying to find the depth of Jack�s intelligence, or lack of it.

   Mr. West put on his �deep thinking cap� for a moment, and being sure to put the emphasis on his words exactly where he wanted it answered, �I think mostly he�s smart enough to be dumb, BUT, I�m not quite sure he�s dumb enough to be stupid. Did you ever know a Barr that wasn�t just a little on the shy side when it comes to brains?�

   �Can�t say that I do,� Doctor Williams answered remembering his last encounter with a member of the Barr clan. Sandy Barr, Rusty Barr, and their daughter Candy Barr, were definitely not three of his favorite patients.

   �What has he done now that gives you these funny ideas about him?� Clarence asked before the doctor could start a story about the other Barrs.

�Well,� Mr. West said trying to get all the events in their proper prospective �it all started way back in August and it ain�t even Thanksgiving yet. You already know Jack owns over a hundred acres of land, fifty good cows, and a  bull that his daddy left to him when he died. I�m sure you remember he lives way down in Union.� When he had seen every head nod in agreement he went on. �Jack got his light bill from the electric company and according to him the bill was a whole dollar more than it should have been. He took the bill in his hand, walked four miles to town, and went right up to Mr. Elkington, he�s the man that runs the electric company for Union, and complained about the bill. Mr. Elkington told Jack the reason his bill was higher than before was because he, or someone in his family, had used more electricity than they normally did. " Nope," Jack told him, "it could only be one thing and he didn�t think he should be held accountable for it."

The light bulb in the attic light burned out so he removed it. He didn�t have a spare bulb so he left the hole where the bulb should go empty. He thought any electricity that was lost must have run out of that empty hole.    Now, of course, Mr. Elkington thought Jack was joking and nearly laughed his head off. This, made Jack awful mad. Jack�s property sits right on the county line so instead of the electric company going straight north and then heading west with their electric poles, they ran them across the property Jack�s father owned, and that saved them a load of money. Jack told this Elkington fella he wanted the electric light poles removed from his land and he wanted it done right soon.

Mr. Elkington told Jack that the electric company had an agreement with his father and that they could run them there for as long as they liked. So Jack reminded the smart thinking Mr. Elkington that the agreement was between his father and the electric company and not between him and the company. Now that Jack�s father was dead and the property belongs to him, and his name was on the deed, either the electric company move the poles or Jack said he�d cut them down hisself and burn them in his fire place.

   Now the electricity manager knew it would cost too much to remove the poles and thought the best thing for him, and the company, was to lower Jack�s bill; so he told him so. But Mr. Elkington didn�t know Jack quite as well as he thought he did, and this is where Jack showed some of his smarts. Once he saw he had the upper hand he told Mr. Elkington he didn�t want the bill lowered, he wanted his bill tore up and didn�t ever want another bill sent to his house as long as the poles were on his land. Then he told the electric company boss to consider that he was paying the price of the electric bill because Jack was renting him the land his poles are on.

   Mr. Elkington got red in his face, choked, coughed, and almost had a heart attack.�

   Here Mr. West went silent again. Clarence couldn�t stand the suspense so he asked, �How did it come out?�

   �Don�t rightly know for sure yet but I understand Jack ain�t paid no electric bill since August. But that ain�t all he done. While he was in town he walked by the farm equipment store and they had the prettiest tractor sitting there Jack had ever seen. In fact, it was only the second tractor Jack had ever seen in his whole life and he fell head over heels in love with it, but he knew he couldn�t afford it. Even though Jack had property and sold his milk, he spent everything he earned on his wife and kids and didn't have two coins to jingle together. He stood there for a couple minutes trying to think of a way to take that tractor home with him. While he was standing there trying to think of how he could do it, he noticed another machine the likes of which he ain�t never seen before and had no idea what it was used for. He called the salesman, Paul Jones, over and asked what the machine did. Jack was told that this was the newest thing on the market and it was a hay baler; the only one in the whole state. Instead of raking up all the hay, using a pitchfork to load the hay into a wagon, tote it to the barn, lift it up fork load after fork load to someone high up in the barn so they could throw the hay into the loft, this machine was drawn behind a tractor and made the hay turn into rectangular bales. Then it tied them with twine, and made them easy to handle and put in the barn. When Jack asked how much this machine cost he was told it went for six hundred dollars. Jack gulped. That was almost the price of a new automobile and he couldn�t afford to buy anything that expensive.

Everyone in Union knows Jack, or they have heared of him, and that includes Mr. Paul Jones. He knew Jack could never afford to buy anything that cost that much. When Paul started to walk off Jack asked him what was the lowest price he would take for the hay baler. Paul reached into his coat pocket, took out a pencil and a piece of paper, and started to do some figuring. After a minute the super salesman told Jack he could have the hay baler for five hundred and fifty dollars.

   Like I said before, everyone in town knows Jack, but Jack also knows everyone in town. He had heard some stories about Paul Jones and Paul�s boss Mr. Bob Story. Jack looked Paul straight in the eye and told him that six hundred dollars was what a rich man would have to pay for the machine and wanted to know how much a poor man would have to pay for it.

  Paul went back to his figuring again and after some more bickering with Jack he told him his lowest possible figure would be five hundred. Jack nodded his head in agreement and told Paul he�d take it and that made Paul laugh so hard he almost lost a sale. Paul told Jack he had to have ten-per-cent as a down payment and he doubted that Jack had that kind of money Then Jack began to laugh so hard it hurt his sides and he told Paul he had to be one of the dumbest men alive. Jack reminded Paul he had just give him a hundred dollars and he didn�t think it was legal for Paul to want another fifty dollars more. Paul got a stupid look on his face and asked Jack why he thought he had given him a hundred dollars; he didn�t have a penny in his hand and he didn�t see no check there neither. Jack told Paul he had to see it through the eyes of the buyer. He reminded Paul that at first he wanted six hundred dollars for the hay baler and Jack was going to give him five hundred dollars for it. If you took away five hundred dollars from six hundred dollars that would leave a hundred dollars. That hundred dollars was his down payment and his farm was his collateral. Jack told Paul to go in and fill out the paperwork so he could take it home. This gave Paul another new problem; how was Jack going to get it home. Jack didn�t even own a car, but Paul was a salesman and didn�t want to lose the sale. After the paperwork was filled out and signed it was time for Paul to go to lunch and he walked off watching Jack standing there looking at his new toy. As soon as Paul was out of sight Jack looked around until he found Bob Story and asked him how much he wanted for the tractor. When Jack heard the price of seven hundred dollars mentioned he almost swallowed his teeth, and they ain�t even false. The trick Jack had played on Paul had worked well so Jack thought it would probably work on Bob. He asked Bob what was the lowest price he would take for the tractor. Bob reached for his pencil and paper and came up with a figure of six hundred dollars. Poor Jack shook his head and almost cried, but instead of making a fool of hisself in front of another man Jack took the pencil and paper from Bob and did some figuring of his own. He told Bob he�d give him five hundred and fifty dollars for the tractor and not a penny more. Bob wanted to argue price but knew it wouldn�t do any good. Either he took the offered money or he lost the sale. He told Jack he needed at least fifty five dollars as a down payment and Jack laughed in his face. Using his own arithmetic Jack showed Bob he had already given him a hundred and fifty dollars as down payment, and just before the final signing Jack told Bill the tractor had to have a full tank of gas or the deal was off. Gas was ten cents a gallon and as the tractor already had some gas in it so Bob agreed.

   Once the tractor was filled with gas and hitched up to the hay baler Jack headed for home. He was anxious to try out his new tractor and baler and as about twenty five acres of his hay had already been cut and dried he started to bale his hay. What the two salesmen didn�t know was that Jack was going to bale all his hay and return the tractor and haybaler because they didn�t work like he thought they should. That way he could bale all his hay for the price of the gas.

   Joe Stanley owns the farm next to Jack�s farm and when he saw the tractor and hay baler and what a good job they were doing he asked Jack if to bale his hay for him and said he�d give him twenty five cents a bale. Jack figured for a minute and said because of the high price of the gasoline and the enormous price he had paid for the tractor and baler he couldn�t do it for less than fifty cents a bale, but he would help Joe put the hay in the barn. Joe reluctantly agreed and Jack started baling his neighbor�s hay all the time wondering if some of his other neighbors could use his service. He was also thinking about something else. About three thirty Jack told Joe he had to take the baler home and do a little work on it and that he�d be back in less than an hour. Jack returned like he said he would and baled hay until it got so dark and he couldn�t see any more. Jack told Joe he�d be back in the morning after the hay dried and went home with tractor and baler. Again Jack kept his promise, and when the sun had dried the dew from the hay, he finished his job. It was still well before lunch time so Jack took the tractor and baler home and was getting ready to finish his own hay when a neighbor from a couple farms away asked Jack to bale his hay for fifty cents a bale. Jack agreed and off they went to the neighbor�s farm. Jack worked until lunch time and told his friend he had to go home for lunch. He was offered lunch there but told his neighbor he had to go home. His wife was expecting him and he had a little work to do on the baler. He dragged the baler home with him and after lunch Jack returned to his friend�s farm and finished baling his hay. He was getting ready to go home when a couple more people asked Jack to do their hay as well. Jack agreed but said he had to take the baler home first and take care of a slight problem he was having with the twine holder. He went home and after tinkering with his baler for a little bit headed off for his next job. Every time Jack left a farm where he was working he always dragged the baler home behind him. People couldn�t understand why he�d drag the baler all the way home when he could have left it in the field and just taken the tractor home, but they all knew Jack. They were positive the baler wasn�t the only thing with a few loose parts. What they didn�t know was the baler always held two bales of hay when Jack took it home. The first two months Jack made enough money to pay for his tractor and carried home enough hay to provide food for his fifty cows and two bulls all winter long. Next year he plans on making enough to pay for his hay baler and feed his animals for another winter.�

   �I think that�s kind of smart thinking on Jack�s part,� Mr. Dreath said after Mr. West had been silent for a couple seconds.

   �Oh! that weren�t nothing compared to some of the other things he done,� Mr. West said.

   �What else did he do?� several inquisitive voices asked. Everyone had stopped whittling pegs a long time ago and were interested in Jack�s escapades.

   �Well,� Mr. West continued, �I don�t know how long Jack had been thinking about what he was going to do next, or how long it took him to carry out his plans, but he sure thinks a long way ahead. He planted some winter cabbage so they�d be big just before deer season opened. I knowed he was thinking about something weird cause he don�t like cabbage and neither does his wife and kids. As soon as his cabbage started to grow and he knowed he�d have a good crop he went to Union and got hisself one of those new fangled freezers. Naturally he got the freezer far below the regular price and finagled his down payment the same way he had done it for the tractor and hay baler. He put it in the barn and never bothered to plug it in. In mid October he wrote to the Maine Fishing and Gaming Commission and told them that the deer and other animals was getting into his cabbage and was spoiling his garden. In a little over a week a representative from the gaming commission in Augusta drove into Jack�s yard and asked to see the garden the animals were spoiling. Jack took the representative and showed him the tracks the deer had made in the soft garden soil. The man studied the tracks for a couple minutes, saw how much damage had been done to the thirty by fifty foot cabbage patch, and told Jack the only thing he could do to help was have the county build a fence around the garden so the animals couldn�t get in. Jack thought that was a good idea and was as happy as a coon dog that had just treed a coon. In less than a week a team of county workers came and put up an eight foot high fence all around Jack�s garden. Naturally the fence had to have a gate so Jack could get in and out and for some reason or other he had them put the fence right in the pathway the deer had made to his garden. Two days later Jack wrote the Gaming Commission again and said the fence didn�t work; the deer was still getting into his garden and spoiling it. Somehow he failed to tell them he had left the gate open at night so the deer could get in. The commission said the only thing left to do was kill the deer. Jack tore down the fence and put it around the hen house he had been building since the first day he planted his cabbage. He also plugged in his freezer and started getting it cool. He bundled hisself up to keep warm and just before sunset he drove his tractor over close to his garden. He walked back to his house and got his rifle and a handful of shells and went back and seated hisself on the tractor. He loaded his gun and waited. It was nearly eleven o�clock before Jack heared sounds in the garden. By the pale moon light he could see a couple deer but he knew from the tracks in the garden that others would be there soon. His eyes had become adjusted to the moonlight and as he sat still and watched three more deer joined the others. Jack waited until they started eating and turned on the tractor lights.

It took a lot to startle Jack and what he saw did just that. One of the bucks was themost magnificent animal he had ever seen. It was an albino buck that would easily dress out at a hundred and fifty pounds. Jack raised his rifle and quickly killed hisself four deer, but he didn�t shoot the buck. He got a small utility wagon that he used around the farm and one at a time carried the deer into his barn where he gutted and skinned them. Early the next morning he butchered them and put them in the freezer and had nearly enough meat for the coming year. He planned on killing and butchering one of his heifers before the year was out and the pig he would get from his neighbor for helping with the slaughter of ten or more pigs would satisfy his pork needs.

    That night Jack took his tractor back and waited until he heared a noise in the garden. He turned on the lights and the albino stood there, frozen in the lights, his eyes as big as saucers, and once more Jack stared at the deer.�

   �You mean to tell us Jack didn�t kill the buck?� Clarence asked beginning to wonder if Jack might be a few pellets short of a full shotgun shell load.

    �Of course he didn�t,� Mr. West went on. �Deer season was due to open in a couple weeks and Jack had something special planned for that albino, buck. There�s always a bunch of foreigners in Union for the deer season and Jack was going to save that buck for someone willing to pay a good price for it. It ain�t every day you see an albino deer with a spread of antlers like that one had so Jack put out the news that if someone was looking for a special deer, when the season opened, he knew where they could find it.

    On the first of November, the first day of deer season, Jack had a dozen people come to his door wanting to know what was so special about that buck and how much it would cost them to get it. Here�s where Jack really used his thinker and made people make an offer for a big albino buck and guaranteed if they didn�t see it they didn�t have to pay him. Jack was in seventh heaven when a group of hunters from Boston came up to his door late in the afternoon and offered him a hundred dollars for the buck. He was just about to accept the offer when a brand new Ford drove up into his yard and a short, stubby, gent in a twenty nine dollar and seventy five cent Sears and Roebuck suit slid out from in back of the steering wheel.He was so heavy he waddled when he walked and Jack could almost hear the dollar bills rubbing together in the gent�s back pocket. Jack felt sorry for any pair of scales this gent stood on. He told Jack he was Frank J. Hamilton from Portland and he heared Jack had an albino deer that he would be willing to sell for a price. Jack told the man from Portland that his information weren�t a hundred-per-cent correct. Nobody can sell something that don�t belong to them and that the deer was wild. He also told the man that he had a good idea where the buck would be tomorrow night and he would point him out for a price. The little fat man asked Jack how much would it cost for him to see the albino buck, and before Jack could answer, he asked Jack if he thought three hundred dollars would do. Poor Jack pretty near swallowed his tongue, but he regained hisself in time to say it sounded about right to him. The Boston hunters weren�t interested in going that high, even for an albino, so they left. Jack and his new partner made arrangements to meet at Jack�s house the next night at sunset. This confused the short, fat, man for a few moments and he wondered why would they wait until dark to go hunting, but he never questioned Jack. The following night about sunset the man in the Ford drove into Jack�s yard and parked. When the two of them met again the man from Portland asked Jack what he was supposed to do. Jack thought for a minute and told his new boss that the first thing that had to happen was he give Jack the three hundred dollars he had promised him. The man had trouble getting his little fat hand into his back pocket, but he did and counted out three hundred dollars that he gave to Jack. Jack put the money in his pocket and told the would be deer slayer to wait until he got his tractor out of the barn. Jack returned a few minutes later and after telling the man to follow him down to the garden he drove down and parked the tractor in the same spot he had the last two times. Jack walked back to the barn and brought out half a bushel of crab apples he had picked from one of his apple trees and spread them around in the garden. Then he walked back and told the man from Portland to sit on the tractor seat and Jack stood on the tractor tire. They were both as quiet as church mice for nearly an hour and pretty soon they heared a noise in the garden. Jack reached down and turned on the tractor lights and there stood the big albino buck staring back at the headlights. As the buck stood there spellbound Jack waited for the Portland man to fire; but nothing happened. The city hunter looked like he had buck fever and was afraid to shoot the albino. As the buck turned to run away Jack reached down and took the Portland man�s rifle in his hands and killed, the buck.�

    Mr. West went silent right here and everyone waited for him to get his second wind and continue the story, but the story teller remained as quiet as a thought. I was anxious to hear what happened and was going to ask when someone beat me to it.

    �What happened next?� one of the elderly men in the group asked, �Did the city hunter take back his money because Jack shot the deer?�

    �If I�ve said it once I�ve said it at least twice, Jack is like a four leaf clover with two of the leafs missing. Sometimes he�s as dumb as a frog and at other times he�s as smart as a college professor and this is one time Jack almost out smarted hisself,� Mr. West said. �Jack couldn�t believe what took place next. The little fat man smiled at Jack and then faster than a lobster grabbing at a piece of dead food, reached in his pocket, pulled out a pair of handcuffs, and put them on Jack.�

    �The man from Portland arrested Jack?� Clarence asked thinking he must have misunderstood what Mr. West had said.

    �Aayah, that he did. The truth of the matter was the little fat man weren�t no hunter from Portland but a game warden from the Fish and Game Commission out of Augusta.�

    �Gracious be,� someone said thinking what the penalty was for using lights to stop deer in their tracks. �If I read the law right Jack can lose everything he owns and probably some things he don�t even own yet.�

   �It�s funny, but Jack didn�t lose nothing and even got to keep the three hundred dollars the game warden gave him.�

   �How could he do that?� Clarence asked as confused as the rest of us were. �As far as I can see the game warden had him dead to rights.�

   �Taint so. Jack had the game warden take him into the house and Jack showed him the letter he had from the Gaming Commission telling him to kill the deer that was destroying his garden.�

   �I have a stupid question,� Clarence said looking directly at Mr. West. �If the man was from the Gaming Commission how come he didn�t know about Jack�s letter?�

   �Shucks, Clarence,�Mr. West answered, �you know how those government departments work. Two people can be sitting side by side and never know what their neighbor is doing. Frank found out about the deer and didn�t bother to check on any letters from Jack." and then he returned to the story he was telling. �Frank reminded Jack that he couldn�t kill a deer at night with the use of lights and the warden smiled like he was Mr. Sherlock Holmes solving another murder mystery.

   It was now Jack�s turn to get his brain working and he told the game warden he couldn�t kill them during the day because they only come to his garden at night and Frank�s own commission had told him to kill them. Frank weren�t nobody�s fool and he could see where Jack was going with his argument and knew Jack was going to tell him he couldn�t see the deer without lights. Frank told Jack that according to the law he was supposed to take Jack�s rifle, and automobile or truck, if he used them to kill deer at night.

   Jack lowered his head a little bit, and after thinking over what had just happened he told Frank that might be kind of hard to do. He didn�t own a car or truck and the law didn�t say nothing about tractors. Besides that Jack didn�t use his rifle to kill the deer he used Frank�s rifle and if the game warden wanted to take a gun back with him it would have to be his own, the one that shot the buck. By this time the warden realized he weren�t fooling around with a dumb old country hick and he was getting madder by the minute. He told Jack he wanted his three hundred dollars back cause he had been tricked. Jack told Frank he didn�t know how he thought that happened and put his hand in his pocket to make sure the money was still there. Frank was getting so mad his face was turning red and he reminded Jack that he had been told it would cost three hundred dollars to shoot the albino and he hadn�t shot the buck, Jack had. The warden was sure he had Jack trapped. Jack put on his serious face and reminded the warden he hadn�t told him no such thing about shooting the buck. Jack told the warden that all he had said was he knew where the buck would be and Frank had offered him three hundred dollars to see him, and unless he had his eyes closed, he saw him. The little fat man reddened in the face so much Jack thought all the blood in his head would make it explode. The warden took the handcuffs off Jack�s wrist and put them back in his pocket. I guess he figured Jack might try to talk him out of them.�

    �What happened to the albino?� Clarence asked.

    Jack dressed him out and put the meat in his new freezer, and then he done something funny, at least people said it was funny, even for Jack. He cleaned the skin, tanned it, and sent it to the game warden as a present. I guess Jack had a guilty conscience and felt it was the least he could do for three hundred dollars in cash and a hundred and fifty pounds of deer meat"

    All the things you told us so far makes Jack look pretty smart," my grandfather said. "What did he do that makes you think he's dumb?"

    Mr. West smiled and said, "I'll tell you the first thing and the last thing he done and you can judge for yourself. The first time he went ice fishing it took him two days to make a hole in the ice big enough to get his boat into, and the last thing he did was when there was a Maine clambake down in Rockport a couple weeks ago and they tried something new. There was a big sign that said ALL YOU CAN EAT ALL DAY LONG FOR A DOLLAR. The first thing Jack done is order his self two dollars worth."